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Facilier
08-18-2013, 12:38 PM
Taking a break from the saw series to write this parody of the Reservoir Dogs movie
.........

"no let me tell you what My little Pony is about
its not about some suggestive fandom for older guys
its a little girls show, about ponies"

"no it ain't
its about a show that started out small
but expanded to fit any age group
its funny"

"woah timeout, save that shit for your FiM forums"

We cut over to see eight men all in suits with tie in a small diner eating breakfast

They are discussion about what My little pony really is

6 of the men are hired mercenary/professionals

The other 2 are a forum boss and his son

They hired the 6 forumer mercenaries to start and complete a job - break into ERB wiki bank and rob them of everything. Each of them gets a sum

They have all been given secret identities incase someone squeals so they won't know anyone's real name

Mr. Polar

Mr. Spike

Mr. Gun

Mr. Pool

Mr. Cogs

Mr. Hero

and the two mob bosses go by their actual names, "Nice Guy" Wumbo and his father Dion "Joey" Cabot

Dion is rattling off names from an old porn dvd cover he found
"Toby
Toby Turner?
Toby"

Mr. Spike takes the book from him as the others continue to talk about MLP

"What the hell are you doing" Dion tells him

"You've been rattling off names for 20 minutes
*mimicing* Turner. Toby? Toby Turner?"

Dion takes the book back

"Alright I got the bill everyone else tips"

everyone coughs up a dollar except for Mr. Gun

"Put in a dollar jackass"

"Na I don't tip"

"Don't tip? Why the fuck not?"

"Because I like money for myself"

"oh thats okay then"

Dion went to the bathroom and came back

"who didn't tip??"

"Mr. Gun" Mr. Pool says first

"Weeeel FUCK YOU TOO"
Mr gun yells as he flips over the table

The waitress comes over and looks at them

everyone runs out the restaurant in slow motion

Polarbore as Mr. Polar

Yackerz as Mr. Spike

Gunnut as Mr. Gun

Pool as Mr. Pool

Steampunk Cogs as Mr. Cogs

Hero Samuel as Mr. Hero

in

RESERVOIR UGGS

they are all outside the restaurant now, and Dion gives a recap of the plan

"You 6 will break into the ERB wiki bank, and take all the money. Be fast, we all meet up at the abandoned strip club and keep the casualties low"

"Not likely"

"Shutup Mr. Cogs, I'm talkin'. And why are you wearing those Ugg boots"

"Whaat, a man can't wear Ugg boots"

"no"

"whatever"

The six head out to the bank while Dion and his son Wumbo give each other blowj-err helpful pieces of advice

25 mins later

Mr. Spike is driving to the meet up point, holding Mr. Pool's hand who's in the backseat, covered in ketchup

"CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT MR. SPIKE I'M DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO KETCHUP HOW DID THAT BITCH COP KNOW TO SPRAY IT ON ME AT THE BANK"

"YOUR GUNNA BE OK MR. POOL ONCE WE GET TO THE RENDEZVOUS POINT DION WILL GET YOU A DOCTOR"

"THE COPS WERE THERE SO FAST SPIKE"

"I know Mr. Pool, one of our guys was a traitor."

They pull up outside the rendevous point and Mr. Spike carrys in Mr. Pool

Only Mr. Gun is there

"WE WERE SET UP. THIS SHITS GOT REAL"

"I know. Lucky I think everyone got away in time. Except Mr. Polar. Wiki cops shot him up real good"

"For the cops to be there so fucking quick you know one of our guys must have told him in advance"

"I know, but on the brightside they still have a free buffet in this old strip club"

Mr. Spike and Mr. Gun wait for the rest of the guys to show up while Mr. Pool lays injured

"Did we even get any of the money from the Wiki bank?"

"I got a few thousand but thats it. Did you see Mr. Cogs? What a crazy asshole"

"Ya right when we walked in. BAM. he started shooting up the place. I got class ya know? That was something that I know didn't need to happen"

Mr. Cogs arrives and walks in

Mr. Gun looks at him "Man what the fuck is wrong with you"

Mr. Cogs remains silent

TO BE CONTINUED

Faker
08-19-2013, 03:12 PM
This is awesome! Now I know how to get Pool to talk. XD

Milotic
08-19-2013, 05:01 PM
Bullshit, I'm allergic to mustard.

Facilier
08-19-2013, 08:27 PM
Mr. Cogs stands silent while Mr. Spike and Mr. Gun stand by the allergy puffed Mr. Pool

"HEY COGS ya hear? Why'd you go shootin up the joint?"

"Why not. You know the bank teller? I told her to withdraw money and not try to call the cops. She tried, I shot her up"

"Whatever man"

"At least I got a hostage"

Mr. Spike and Mr. Gun perked up

Mr. Cogs went out to his escape car and came back with a cop tied up and gagged

Mr. Cogs ties him to an old chair

"Want a lap-dance?" He says lightly slapping his face, insanely.

Mr. Cogs rips off the gag

"Who's the traitor"

"W-WHAT MAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT I'M JUST SOME COP"

"bullshit"

Cogs slaps him

"Cogs your motherfuckin' insane. How is some grunt cop supposed to help us?"

"Trust me. He knows"

"Whatever. Me and Gun are goin to run and grab some food for everyone, try to get some medical supplies for Mr. Pool, and see if anyone else is alive. Be careful and keep an eye on Pool while we are gone"

The 2 leave in one of the getaway cars

"Now lets get down to brass tax"

Blonde starts torturing the cop with no results

"well I guess thats that"

Blonde gets some gasoline from the back and starts dowsing the cop in it"

"PLEASE NO PLE-A-SSEE I HAVE 2 KIDS AND A WIFE"

"Save it"

Blonde is lighting a match
boom
boom

Mr. Pool shoots him twice in the heart-area
"Your not burning us all down today. Class"
shaking, he lays back down.

Mr. Gun and Mr. Spike return, at the same time as forum boss Dion "Joey" and son "Nice Guy" Wumbo
"WELL WHAT A FRITO-IN COINCIDENCE"

Mr. Gun and Mr. Spike rush to pool
"Are you okay Mr. Pool?"
"Ya...for now...."

"What happened here!" Dion J. exclaims

"We were set up. One of our guys is a traitor"

"Damn, I only hire the best and this is a big suprise. At least we know its not Mr. Polar or Mr. Hero"

"Why not Mr. Hero" Mr. Gun inquires

"Because he got shot up just like Polar by wiki cops. And he almost made it out too damn." Wumbo fills in

"AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MR. BLONDE AND WHY IS THERE A DYING COP IN MY SEAT"

Mr. Pool starts *lying* "H-hes crazy. He was gonna kill me and the cop"

"Your a damn liar" Dion says. He shoots the cop in the head

"JOEY THAT WASN'T NECESSARY CMON"

"I don't care anymore. This job went South. We only got what- A thousand bucks? And Mr. Blonde was a family friend to me and Wumbs here for a long time. He would never betray a team-mate."

"I'm telling you he was the traitor" Pool exclaims exasperatly. "GAH I need dammnnn doctor Spike"

"Dion this is a good kid, and hes dying. I know he's not lying" Spike says

Mr. Gun just watches, slightly bemused and bewildered

"My dad isn't a liar either Spike. This kid is a damn liar, and he bet he's the traitor he needs to be punished"

Wumbo points the gun at the fetal Mr. Pool

"DON'T YOU POINT A GUN AT THIS KID"
Mr. Spike says, drawing his gun and pointing it at Wumbo

"THATS IT I'M STILL IN CHARGE HERE"
Dion points the gun at Mr. Spike

Mr. Gun steps back

BOOMSHACKALACKASADNESS

THE FINAL CHAPTER NEXT TIME

Faker
08-19-2013, 08:32 PM
What just happened? Did I die?

Facilier
08-19-2013, 08:33 PM
I guess you'll have to find out playa