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Turtlesauce
07-06-2015, 02:19 AM
So when I write raps, either the lyrics are shit and it sounds good, flow wise

or the lyrics and references are fine, but actually rapping the verses sounds bad.

How do I write raps to make them better sounding when actually spoken?

Lancer
07-06-2015, 02:21 AM
Have a rap instrumental playing as you write lines. They have to hug a beat, you know?

Give me an example of bad flow lyrics, and let me see if I can tidy them up for you and give pointers that way.

Turtlesauce
07-06-2015, 02:31 AM
Have a rap instrumental playing as you write lines. They have to hug a beat, you know?

Give me an example of bad flow lyrics, and let me see if I can tidy them up for you and give pointers that way.



Geralt:
This isn't personal, just a contract from a man with a problem
Said there's a self-righteous monster terrorizing Gotham
Let me slap some sense into you, you've probably forgotten
Does your "one rule" not apply on the Joker and Robin?
You went bat-shit crazy because your parents died. Chill
You can't lie to me, It's not for justice, but for the thrill
I don't need Witcher's sense to figure out what you are, I'm not fooled by your charade
I gain pieces of your "superpower" after each contract, ha, I can toss away my silver blade

Batman:
It's over, Witcher. I'm doing you a favour, your place is in Arkham
Like your Hexer movie, you're best left forgotten
Your spells are a Joke, I've seen better magic tricks
There's nothing to plough in the Asylum, you'll be in quite the fix
When I kick up my feet, put on the Wayne mask, grab a scotch
And when I get Triss into bed, you'll have my permission to watch.



These two verses just sound so bad to me, I tried putting them over a standard beat, that works with anything, and they completely sucked.

But I should try writing them over a beat next time

Lancer
07-06-2015, 03:02 AM
Alright, here goes. For beat, I'm using one of my personal favorites, http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12618512

I'd record your version on it, but it's 2:30 am and my good mic is a couple states away.

Now, most beats are 4/4 time, meaning you can count a steady 1-2-3-4 and then repeat, each 1-2-3-4 being one line of a verse. You need equal coverage of the line on all parts, with exceptions for emphasis, flow, or fast rapping. Rarely you'll employ it in that way, but a situation where it works is the lines from Terminator vs Robocop:



I got the mic control like alt delete
Your move creep

Timing that out, we get the beat segments at

----------1------2-------3----4
I got the mic control like alt delete
12-------3------4
---Your move creep

Thus, the words mic, control, alt and delete are all on the four major beats. In the next line, there's a two-beat rest, and then Pete starts back up with Your Move, Creep! When the lines deviate from using all four beats, he still makes sure to use the ones he needs to.

---
Now, I'm going to annotate the Geralt verse to how I'd rap it on this beat. Bold indicates word that is on the beat.

This isn't personal, ||| just a contract from a man with a problem
Said there's a self-righteous monster ||| terrorizing Gotham
Let me slap some sense into you, ||| you've probably forgotten
Does your "one rule" not apply ||| on the Joker and Robin?
You went bat-shit crazy ||| because your parents died. Chill
You can't lie to me, ||| It's not for justice, but for the thrill
I don't need Witcher's sense to figure out what you are, ||| I'm not fooled by your charade
I gain pieces of your "superpower" after each contract, ||| ha, I can toss away my silver blade

Anything black can flow correctly.
Everything else is either too rushed, or too strung-out.
The red lines are too rushed, the blue strung out.

The fix here is simple, you need to add or remove syllables to flow correctly in a verse. Add in a blue, remove in a red, so there's a balanced set on each half of the line, since lines often split into two parts except for fast raps, which this is not. In this, you can split every line in half, which I did.

It's a bit erratic.

I rewrote it a bit to flow better, apologies if I lost a reference in there, haven't played Witcher.



Nothing personal, Batsy, my contract is a single problem
Vain Wayne came from the skies and now he's terrorizing Gotham
Reeks of guano, ego's rotten, it seems this batshit boy's forgotten
that, shoot, his golden rule was lost on both the Joker and your Robin
It's a-parent that you're batty, man, the alley holds your dreadful fate
See through your lies! You're "justice" blind as the bats you love to emulate
Leave you beWitched, which sensibly, shows your charade's not fooling me!
I toss away my silver blade to fight this vigilante!


It may not seem like it flows, so I'll do the same as I did above.

Nothing personal, Batsy, my contract is a single problem
Vain Wayne came from the skies and now he's terrorizing Gotham
Reeks of guano, ego's rotten, seems this batshit boy's forgotten
that, shoot, his golden rule was lost on the Joker and your Robin
It's a-parent that you're batty, man, the alley holds your dreadful fate
See through your lies! You're "justice" blind as the bats you love to emulate
Leave you beWitched, which sensibly, shows your charade's not fooling me!
I toss away my silver blade to fight this vigilante!

(Vigilante is drawn-out and such.)

See, the difference here is that there's a lot more continuity on where the beats exist within each line. Here, they're all very close, since they all flow similarly. You can't have too many words, either shorten a line or make it into two to get your point across-and only the latter when you've got a GREAT joke.

Hope this helps, I'm going to bed now, so I'll reply sometime tomorrow.

Edit: If you want, I can MaNCHisel Batman tomorrow, but I recommend you NEVER do 6-line verses, keep it a multiple of 4 unless you're doing a back-and-forth sort of 1/2 line verse.

Turtlesauce
07-06-2015, 03:09 AM
WOW, MANCH

Thanks a lot, I'm saving this post in my computer, I need it for further reference. Thanks for everything. I won't change this battle now (even though you verse is better than mine, but hey, you're a pro!) but I will use all your advice for my next one.

Thanks, dude, you rock!

Lancer
07-06-2015, 03:12 AM
No problem, memerino. I just opened a new request thread, so if you'd like me to chisel something in the future, send it down.

Turtlesauce
07-06-2015, 03:15 AM
Mat4yo now has some serious chiseling competition