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Katz
02-02-2016, 05:56 PM
http://rs290.pbsrc.com/albums/ll269/hellojackgoodbyeson/gif/butthurt.gif~c200

Trigger Warning: A song you might like could pop up. Too bad, I'm ruthless.

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This series is somewhat satirical, but I do genuinely dislike every song I feature.

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Episode 1: Here - Alessia Cara

Fuck. I made the thread just to express my hatred for this song. I've had like 20 pain killers just to prepare myself for the mental torsion I'm about to endure.

This is my least favorite song of 2015.

/watch?v=UKp2CrfmVfw


I'm sorry if I seem uninterested
Or I'm not listenin' or I'm indifferent

This is the true plot twist of the song's story arc. From the monotony in her voice I would've guessed that she loved it.


Truly, I ain't got no business here
But since my friends are here
I just came to kick it but really
I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room

Then fucking leave. There's no revolver to your temple forcing you to stay in this party, which in the music video somehow manages to be more boring than your voice.


With people who don't even care about my well-being
I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend
So you can go back, please enjoy your party
I'll be here, somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana
With this boy who's hollering I can hardly hear
Over this music I don't listen to and I don't wanna get with you
So tell my friends that I'll be over here

Why can't I imagine someone asking to be her boyfriend here? Everyone in the video is doing their own thing. It's not that she's unattractive, she just seems like the type to feel like she's getting hit on when some guy asks her if she knows where the fucking French Onion dip is.

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I hope you like that speech pattern, because it's like that for the ENTIRE song. Which drags on too long mentally.

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Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here oh oh oh
I ask myself what am I doing here?
Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here
And I can't wait till we can break up outta here

Again -- LEAVE. Instead of singing about how you don't like this party, tell your friends you're bored and leave. You have literally no obligation to stay, if not to make this 10 bpm whiny bullshit.

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Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this
An anti-social pessimist but usually I don't mess with this

Not an excuse for being a fucking asshole to everyone in this party.


And I know you mean only the best and
Your intentions aren't to bother me
But honestly I'd rather be
Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen

THEN GO THERE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WALKING ON EARTH WITH GANDHI AND BIN LADEN.


To some music with the message (like we usually do)

Why do I feel like she's implying this means HER song has a big message? The only thing it's telling me is to stay the fuck away from you.


And we'll discuss our big dreams
How we plan to take over the planet
So pardon my manners, I hope you'll understand it
That I'll be here

Fun Tip: You can help everyone evacuate the planet by playing this song.


Not there in the kitchen with the girl
Who's always gossiping about her friends
So tell them I'll be here
Right next to the boy who's throwing up cause
He can't take what's in his cup no more
Oh God why am I here?

ANSWER THAT QUESTION YOURSELF. FUCK. STOP SINGING -- and I use that term loosely -- ABOUT IT AND SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS.

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[chorus again]

--


Hours later congregating next to the refrigerator
Some girl's talking bout her haters
She ain't got none

But I know someone who has a hater.


How did it ever come to this
I shoulda never come to this

SOLVE. YOUR. FUCKING. PROBLEMS.


So holla at me I'll be in the car when you're done
I'm standoffish, don't want what you're offering

What's this? Ms. Cara has solved her problem?


And I'm done talking
Awfully sad it had to be that way
So tell my people when they're ready that I'm ready
And I'm standing by the TV with my beanie low
Yo I'll be over here

Dammit, just go in the car. BUT WAIT. JUST WHEN IT COULDN'T GET WORSE.


And I'm standing by the TV with my beanie low


And I'm standing by the TV with my beanie low


my beanie


my beanie

FUCK. Just when I thought this fucking singer couldn't get worse, she's unironically wearing a beanie. You know who else wears a beanie? H3H3. So what's the difference? H3H3 knows it's a joke, he wears it because he knows it makes him look like an unbelievable asshole. He knows he looks fucking ridiculous wearing it. If I saw Alessia Cara wearing a beanie she'd look fucking ridiculous.

THIS SONG IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

THIS IS THE BEANIE OF FUCKING SONGS.

FUCK

Poles
02-02-2016, 05:57 PM
Reminds me of Buckley :P