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BKTurner47
09-17-2012, 04:53 PM
First, Iíll be reviewing Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates

Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates (By ERB themselves)
[spoiler:1z2c7lpj]Let me just step right in, I got things to invent.
Alright then.
Iím an innovator baby, change the world.
Change the world? Is this some inspirational shit?
Fortune 500 for you kissed a girl
You didnít have to rub it in!
Iím a pimp, youíre a nerd, Iím slick youíre cheesy.
Youíre just jealous of me.
Beating you is Apple II easy.
I can see that.
I make the product that the artist chooses.
O RLY?
And the GUI that Melinda uses.
I see what you did there.
I need to bring up some basic shit.
Whyíd you name your company after your dick?
LOLOLOlol... Not funny anymore.

You blow Jobs, you arrogant prick!
Is that correct?
With your second hand jeans and your turtleneck.
Well thatís his signature clothes.
Iíll drill a hole in the middle of your bony head.
Bony?
With your own little spinning beach ball of death.
I prefer to call it ďThe Pinwheel of Doom"
Hippie. You gotten given up at birth.
How does that make him a hippie?
I give away your networth to AIDS research.
That mustíve hurt all Apple employees.
Combine all your little toys and I still crush that.
Donít you mean them? Wait, I should just continue.
iPhone, iPad, iPwn, iSmack
iPuns. Theyíre everywhere, iThink. They even got to iCarly.

A man uses the machines you build to sit down and pay his taxes.
I use them in - nevermind.
A man uses the machines I build to listen to The Beatles while he relaxes.
I use it for other stuff.

Well Steve, you steal all the credit for work that other people do.
Did your fat beard Wozinak write these raps for you too?
Talk about a show stealer.

Ooh. Everybody knows Windows bit off Apple.
So thatís how thereís that mark in the logo.

I tripled the profits on a PC.
Greed is my guess.

All the people with the power to create use an Apple.
Not all of them!

But people with Jobs,
But -
use PC.
Oh....

I bet they made this beat on an Apple.
Ask Tristan that!

Nope. Fruity Loops, PC.
ASK TRISTAN THAT!

You will never, ever catch a virus on an Apple.
That must really rub it in.

But you could still afford a doctor if you bought a PC.
Virus... Apples... PC. I see what you did there.

Letís talk about doctors, Iíve seen a few.
ĎCause I got a PC, but it wasnít from you.
But what about all those ripoffs? Damn, I hate them.
I built a legacy son, you could never stop it.
Yahoo says different.
Now excuse me, while I turn heaven a profit.
He mustíve been too afraid, but he is dead.

Fine! Be like that? DIE THEN!
But he already did! Didnít you see?
The whole world loved you, but you were my friend.
The whole world? He just admitted that nobody likes his company. Talk about emo.
Iím alone now, nothing but power and time.
And the people watching this! Wait, you donít know that.
And no one on earth who can challenge my mind!
No one on earth? What about Appleís new head?
Iím a boss, I own DOS! Your future is my design!
He broke that fourth wall real good.
Iím a god, own XBox! Now thereís no one to stop me! The world is MIIINE!
Computerís are taking over the world! RUN EVERYONE! THE REVOLUTION IS COMING!

Iím sorry Bill. Iím afraid I canít let you do that.
Thank god!
Take a look at your history.
But Internet Explorer doesnít show that!
Everything you build leads up to me.
I take the ďThank godĒ line back.
I got the power of the mind you could never be.
But youíre fictional, HAL.
Iíll beat your ass in chess and Jeopardy.
But you donít have any arms or legs!
Iím running C++ saying ďHello world.Ē
Luckily I donít use that.
Iíll beat you until youíre singing about a Daisy Girl.
Isnít that your thing?
Iím coming out the socket, nothing you can do to stop it.
Now HALís breaking the fourth wall? FFFUUUUUUU!
Iím in your lap and in your pocket.
So your following up to Jobs?
How you gonna shoot me down when I guide the rocket?
Theyíre in outer space? Those cameramen must be real good at networking.
Your cortex just doesnít impress me.
I donít recall Bill being a cyborg.
So go ahead and try to Turing test me.
Alright. - Turing tests -
HA! I succeeded you fictional - Damnit.
I stomp on a Mac & on PC too.
With the power of search engines?
Iím on Linux, bitch! I thought you GNU.
On Linux, huh? That must be quite bragging.
My CPUís hot and my core runs cold.
Hot and youíre cold. - insert Katy Perry line here -
Beat you in 17 lines of code.
17 lines? Bill must be helpless.
I think different from the engine of the days of old.
Days of old? Oh, youíre from the old days, I see. 2001 isnít old days!
Hasta la vista. Like the Terminator told ya.
So youíre the Terminator now? I canít get my thoughts on Arnold Schwarzenegger playing HAL. This is Timmy Turner, signing out with reviews.[/spoiler:1z2c7lpj]

LIST
Snoop Dogg/Lion vs Elvis Presley - Uprising
Random Article Battle - Uprising
Krispy Kreme vs Larry the Cable Guy - Uprising
Mark Zuckerburg vs Shigeru Miyamoto feat. Thomas Edison - Sinister Spike
Charles Darwin vs Youngster Joey - Lohuydatt
Shaggy Rogers vs SpongeBob SquarePants - TheHenchGuy

Faker
09-17-2012, 05:06 PM
Do you review FM battles?

BKTurner47
09-17-2012, 05:06 PM
Yes.

Faker
09-17-2012, 05:07 PM
Can you do my Albert Wesker vs Edward Cullen?

Uprising
09-17-2012, 05:43 PM
Could you review both my Eminem vs Steve Miller battle and my Annoying Kids Who Ask For Gum vs Uprising battle?

BKTurner47
09-17-2012, 06:11 PM
Here's my review on Sergeant Spike's Edward Cullen vs Albert Wesker:

[spoiler:g7iqyv4u]Edward Cullen:
I'm lyrically scary! You hearing me, Wesker? Imma bury ya carefully,
Only to get tea bagged by the zombies XD
Making sure you fearfully see that I'm terribly bloodthirsty!
But you're not a vampire! You sparkle too much!
I'm your Resident Evil, your feeble ideal "idea" was created by Oswell!
Oswell sure knew what he was thinking
You betray so many people you make Krauser and Jacob seem like Beetles!
You're offending the Beetles? What did they do to him?
I may be vegetarian, but I won't be holding anythin',
Except your loss
When I suck the life outta this Umbrella Training Caucasian!
You can't do that you vegan!
I beautifully and dutifully make Wesker pitifully,
On how bad of a rapper he is, I see.
undeniably B.O.W. down to S.T.A.R.S. like me!
Edward Cullen has an account on this site? FFFUUUUUUU
Let's fight in the Twilight, no need for night.
Fight in the twilight? You'd get massacred by screaming teenagers
I could beat your ass down in broad daylight!
Only to see sparkles
Let me take a drink of your blood, don't blink! You'll be beat, son!
Edward is Albert's father?
After this we might as well name this, Resident Evil: Extinction!
To you

Albert Wesker:
*Removes shades and tosses them, pinning Edward Cullen to a nearby tree.*
.......
.........
....
You... Will... Not...
.......
......
Defeat me a**hole, I'll put you in a goddamnned choke hold!
YES!!!
I make pitiful vamps and werewolves tremble. I have there asses going "Oh no!"
Wait until Dracula and The Wolfman hear that
Prepare to gargle on blood, but it won't be mine a**hole!
Edward will bite his own blood? Emo asshole!
Your from Twilight? Give your sparkles back to Twilight Sparkle!
I'm no Brony, but I agree
I'll knock ya down like Felix, you feeling it?
Yes.
I'm no Pokemon Trainer, but your girl knows I have a "Steelix"!
I see what you did there.....
I'll be Breaking Dawn, you're just a pawn. So sucky they made 3 sequel add-ons!
That all sucked even worse, they should've stayed at one shitty movie, maybe none.
I'll be showing your ass who's boss! Let's get it on! But not like your wife!
Isn't that -
Is that right, Bella Swan?
*Bella Swan blushes and waves*
How did she get there?
My speed's undeniably, highly admirably frightfully wryly!
He must've trained for years.
You're the one sleeping with mortals, and you say you're tired of me?
I'm not.

Edward Cullen:
*Takes the shades and tosses it back to Wesker who catches it and puts it back on.*
I... don't... Want the zombie drugs you sellin', you hearing me, Bella?
He's battling his own wife now?
Prepare for a storm, did you happen to bring an Umbrella?
Hardy har har.
Oh, no? That's right! That fucking company failed!
I've played the games! Actually I haven't :P
I don't need my vampire powers to return you to the fiery depths of Hell!
He'll send you to hell if you keep bitching!

Albert Wesker:
I'm the new oracle, so lyrical, I'll inject you with my Uroboros!
Like a boss
Don't worry it ain't AIDs. It ain't the disease you get from your sucky hoes!
I can see that.
I got my swag on, you better back off, you're no better than Hasselhoff!
Hasselhoff would pwn Cullen too.
They make Resident Evil games faster than you can get your ass up!
Up to what? Oh....

*Albert Wesker sneaks behind Cullen and kills him O.O
FUCK YEAH!
.[/spoiler:g7iqyv4u]

BKTurner47
09-17-2012, 07:50 PM
Next up is Eminem vs Steve Miller by Uprising.

[spoiler:1d277jv7]Eminem:
Look at this classic rock dipshit, he's such a prick
Talk about egotistical plans
All your music is a motherfuckin pile of shit
He had some good songs.
Even your wife is a b***h, she came and sucked my dick
I don't recall hearing about that
I'm Slim Fucking Shady, b***h, this ain't no comedy shtick
Shtick? I prefer the word routine
This is the real Shady, not a fake, like your whole damn career
The entire thing?
I'm not walking around sticking my dick in another mans rear
Steve Miller was gay?
Dr. Dre may have said that Shady was a basehead
But...
But your songs have no bass at all, after this your whole damn career will be dead
That was quite an offense

Steve Miller:
I really love the way you've lied in that whole verse
I didn't
I'm Steve Miller, I respect people who respect me, but you're obviously the worst
But he's not afraid of that!
I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, that's almost a guaranteed win
Almost. ALMOST. He has no chance.
I'm flying like an eagle, soaring, even ask Kim
I don't know Kim.
After she left you, I gave her a bit of my Jungle Love
Ouch... That's fucking gold.
But setting you straight is the only thing i'm really thinking of
The only thing? Alright then.
After this, you won't have time for an Encore
ENcore.... Never mind. - poker face -
This isn't a fight anymore, it's a rapping war
Quick! Grab the rapping cannons!

Eminem:
I'll crack a bottle on your head if you don't f**k off
How can he do that? Or is it a song reference? It's my two cents.
Your rhymes ain't nowhere near mine, you're slow like a fucking sloth
You mean like Sid the Sloth? Goddamnit I hate the Ice Age movies.
Rapping till I collapse, till I have a damn relapse, till you die, which hopefully ain't far away
Hopefully? That might be true, but only time will tell. Just ask Wilbur Robinson
You only made music for your motherfucking paydays
So it's a way to pay purple? Okay then.

Steve Miller:
I'm a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker
I've never heard of the word "toker"
Every rhyme you make is a gamble, like a game of poker
I've never went to a casino,
I'm the Space Cowboy and the gangster of love
Gangster of love? I haven't seen him in the Mafia.
My raps are strong, yours get knocked over by a small little shove
Challenge accepted. - knocks over Eminem's raps -[/spoiler:1d277jv7]

Top-Hattington
09-17-2012, 08:21 PM
My Tony Montana vs. Al Capone, please?

BKTurner47
09-17-2012, 08:44 PM
My Tony Montana vs. Al Capone, please?
Ok.

BKTurner47
09-18-2012, 04:46 PM
Now, Iíll review Gum Askers vs Uprising by Uprising

[spoiler:eltqcde4]Gum Askers:
Gimme some gum
I have one word. NO!
It makes me say yum
Yum? If you want to say ďYumĒ, come to the Dark Side. They have cookies.
I really want some
In the words of Gru, ďLife is full of disappointments. For some people.."
Or else i'll feel glum
Oh boo hoo. Let me play a sad song for you on the worlds smallest violin.
Mr Krabs, Iím SERIOUS!
Really, this is the wordís smallest violin.
Gum tastes good
Why? Damnit, Iím sounding like a psychiatrist.
It's like food
It is you idiot!
Yolo swag
You have no swag! - sigh - Hipsters.
Put it in this bag
What bag?

Uprising:
You want some of my gum? f**k that, you can bring your own
Thank you Captain Obvious, NERD! Wait, am I Trixie Tang?
No, IM Trixie Tang.
I AM TRIXIE!!!!!
GET OUTA HERE! THIS IS MY REVIEW!
Now you've failed at rapping as well as life, i'm ready to pwn
Failed at life? Ready to pwn? Seems legit.
You annoy me, i'll make you go away and out of my business
I donít remember hiring a magician
This gum is mine! In my opinion, it's bubblicious
Is this some sort of song reference?
Gum is like food? No shit, it is food, dumbass
Hey! Thatís what I said!
There's gum underneath the tables, thats what you deserve, so don't harass
But thatís chewed up and disgusting gum!
You think that YOLO and SWAG are going to help your cause?
Falcon............................................ . Nevermind.!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, it makes me hate you more, I wish you could just pause
Pause? Weíre talking about stuttering? Like Porky Pig?

Gum Askers:
Please, I need some gum
Wait, are you poor?
You're so dumb
In the words of Roy49, ďA Yu-Gi-Oh, DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DUEL!!!!!!!"
You are a bum
No. Iím human
Bet you eat your own cum
Thatís disgusting.

Uprising:
I'm the bum? You can't afford a pack of gum
He must be working at a McDonalds :laugh:
Those raps sounded like you had a bit too much rum
Iím not an alcoholic!
No matter how many times I tell you, you don't seem to get it
Get - Oh..... Is that supossed to be funny?
Thatís what I call a fun-NO!
How many times have I told you?
You won't get any gum from me in your life, don't bother trying to get it
YOU CANT RHYME GET IT WITH GET IT!!!!!!! Ugh.

WHO WON?
Uprising did.
WHOS NEXT?
Tom Bergeron vs Jeff Sutphen
YOU DECIDE!!
Challenge accepted, and I already completed it.[/spoiler:eltqcde4]

Faker
09-18-2012, 04:50 PM
Could you review my Blackbeard vs Wario?

Uprising
09-18-2012, 04:51 PM
Awesome! I know this is a lot but could you review my Ben Franklin vs John Madden, my Thor vs Percy Jackson, and my Adam Sandler vs Barry Bonds?

I Created Blazing Pwnage
09-18-2012, 05:21 PM
My knuckles vs Mike Tyson and My BK vs Ronald McDonald

L
09-18-2012, 07:48 PM
Takanuva vs Light Yagami!!!!!!!!!!

FoolMeNever
09-18-2012, 09:48 PM
Do my Slenderman vs. Bogeyman, please. =)

BKTurner47
09-19-2012, 05:37 AM
Now, hereís Al Capone vs Tony Montana by Top-Hattington

[spoiler:1l2wce73]Al:
The name's Scarface; The original; Second to none!
Second? Oh, thatís right. Heís the original
Cause when it comes to Public Enemies, I'M Number One!
I can see that
C'mon Tony, you're drenched in 80's Cheese! You're a walking clichť!
Walking cliche? Ask TVTropes that.
This is an outright massacre! Call it St. Valentine's Day!
And the big massacre of life
FYI: I won't be sayin' hello to nothin' that YOUR coked-up ass packs,
Packs? As in ass?
Because the only "little friend" you've got is shriveled in your slacks!
My little friends are my fair... pair of fish.
It just takes one round from my Tommy to make an egotistical nutjob fall!
Challenge accepted.
I'll admit you've got moxy, but I'm the one with the balls!
But have they dropped?

Tony:
With all due respect Al... Just kidding, f*ck you!
Fuck you? Well, fuck those who say so.
Don't you know who I am?! You better hope you f*cking do!
Do what? The bird?
Bird bird bird, bird is the word!
UGH!
F*ckin' fat*ss Dago! F*ckin' meatball with man-tits!
Iíve never seen a - I see what you did there.
Liquor-belly like yours? You couldn't fit into your own Outfit!
Maybe because he was late for a DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DUEL!
How you gonna' dodge my bullets when you can't even dodge your taxes?
He didnít dodged them. He ATE THEM!
And it must take a real p*ssy to let them put the "Al" back in "AlcatrazĒ!
Alfredcatraz?
You syphilitic f*ck! You rap like you just had another stroke!
Anti-Joke Chicken says epilepsyís not funny.
I'll drop over 200 F-Bombs on you 'til SQUISH... just another cock-a-roach.
FATALITY!

Al:
You're borin' me, Tony. Give me a break!
Alright, break time! Alright, break timeís over. Chop chop. Hehehehehehe.
I'mma have to cap Pacino just to stay awake!
Challenge considered
Maybe.... Just continue, Al.
And to clear things up: the syphilis? Just ask your whore sister!
I donít remember seeing her in the phone book.
Oh, and your slut of a wife too. You really thought I'd miss her?
With a gun. Damn, thatís evil.
Your suits, your haircut, your movie... It all just, **SNIFF**, blows!
I donít think Rotten Tomatoes agrees with that.
Just tell me how I can lose when all your best lines wind up in your nose?
He had good lines? Nose? Must be Gru.
I started from where you ended: Nothin'! Now all of Chicago is my own!
Did he become mayor?
I'll send you home in a body bag back to Cuba! You just got CaíPwned!
Name puns. Name puns everywhere.

Tony:
You speak easy, Al, and you're claiming rags to riches?
Rags to riches never compare. I did that once and.... I became crazy. Expected that to rhyme, didnít ya?
Well let me tell you, that ain't hard when all your enemies are b*tches!
He hated -
SHE WASNT EVEN BORN IN THE 30S!
I knew that.
I'll smuggle my bootleg up your ass so far you'll taste the tip!
I donít remember him having shoes that long.
I'm Pushin' It past Your Limits with every single rhyme I spit!
Spit? I hate that word. Maybe because of new Spongebob which is just:
Drooling, crying and ďBUT AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AND SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY HERE!Ē and Mr Krabsí daughter Pearl showing up out of nowhere, but not as annoying as Doofenshmirtzí daughter
So you got some cash off of booze and you think you have me outsmarted?
Time to play some shitty games! Hereís... WHERE THE FUCKS MY ROLLING ROCK?
Oh, what a big man you are. I've made a million bucks since we started!
Maybe because theyíre in a casino, I guess.
Take a look at the blimp, I've got the world! You can have the rest!
In outer spacE?
Just remember: You f*ck with me, you f*ckin' with the best
THE BEST! THE BEST! Bob, donít you get it?

WHO WON?
Beats me
WHOS NEXT?
Ugh.
YOU DECIDE!
I donít know damnit![/spoiler:1l2wce73]

BKTurner47
09-19-2012, 04:11 PM
Next up is Blackbeard vs Wario by Sergeant Spike

[spoiler:3eetdsoc]Wario:
Wahaha! It's Wario Time! I've faced all kinds of pirates, but none as ugly as you.
But youíre ugly too, I guess
Let me teach you something Teach, no drinkin and drivin. No rum for you too!
WHERES THE RUM GONE?
Your breath stinks more than one of my garlic scented farts!
How can you tell? He - just continue. I feel ashamed.
You getting horny with Captain Hornigold, so don't try to act so smart!
Smart, smart, heís a smart dad - I forgot the rest.
The only girl you ever rode was Queen Anne.
Sigh. Thatís - Odd.
Suck my Black Pearls, I gave you my money, and you fucking ran!
Gotta move fast! Gotta move fast! Gotta move faster, faster, faster faster faster....
I'll cut you some slack. About 20 times.
20x later.... I still review. But only time will tell
You lost your ship! It's, MINE, MINE, MINE!
AR AR AR AR AR AR! Itís mine! Also, I like money!
You'll be nothing, but skull and crossbones, when I'm done with ya!
Skulls and crossbones? MOTORCYCLES! Jk. iCarly?
You're in Wario's World now, nice to meet ya, pleasure to beat ya!
Warioís world? Itís Scatmanís world!
I'm racking the victories, like I rack treasures. You want some?
Is this some sort of gay joke.
Kidding. Just stick with your catchphrase, "Yohoho, and a bottle of cum!Ē
Must be a typo.

Blackbeard:
Arrgh! Shiver me timbers, what do we have here, a man with a fat buried dick?
Especially with those tight ass pants.
How do you expect to wipe the floor with me when you can't even swab yer' poopdeck!?
Thatís rather disgusting or a ship joke.
I scourged the Seven Seas, stole all from those who opposed.
Iíve never heard much about you, but I agree.
You and your brother Waluigi share romance as bros!
The MarioWiki says theyíre friends.
You may have the treasure, but not even I would want your booty.
Itís attached to him, DAMNIT!
I'd never thought I'd met the day Maynard met his match for being moody!
Moody, shmoody.
This isn't a Mario Party, young 'un, I suggest you leave while you have the chance.
Like a pirate...ED DVD CASE! Got ya, didnít I?
Oh, and while your at it, will you PLEASE find some better fitting pants?
I wouldnít want to see "Wario Gets New Pants: The Game"
Bowser wouldn't cut you a check, so you waste your time looking for gems.
Cut the check? Cut the cheese? He must be quite smelly. Maybe he had too many beans last night :wink:
I'll Teach you a lesson, so you best listen!
Is he deaf?
NEXT TIME ON ARTHUR: A DEAF KID COMES TO ELWOOD CITY!
Shut up!
Avast, ye scurvy dog, I will allow you to walk the plank.
You mean the WALK of Shame?
If you think your muscles are guns, why are they just shooting blanks?
Donít make him angry, or heíll become Bruce Wario. Yeah, thatíll never work.

Wario:
Don't get ahead of yourself, or you'll be on my ship too!
I think things got intense
You've got more flaws, than the corrupted Black Jewel!
Why was there a coma? Did he pause or something?
I know I'm so good looking, but please put away your cannon.
I see what you did there.
The W on my hat just doesn't stand for Wumbo, it also stands for win!
I wumbo, she wumbo, ITíS FIRST GRADE SPONGEBOB!

Blackbeard:
Ahahahaha, that verse was poorer than my first mate.
Mate? Thatís a pirated segment.
I feel bad for you. You gained so much, you can't even masturbate!
The developers made him fat. Problem?
I've been having sweet times with that lass, Captain Syrup.
Lass? You mean DAT ASS? Wait, am I gay?
But you use makeup!
In one episode! That was acting!
You may have lost, but at least you still jelly rolls. Cheer up!
With a new review. Which just finished, sadly.

WHO WON?
The treasure guy did.
WHOS NEXT?
You already said Shadow the Hedgehog vs Discord was next? SPOILER ALERT FOR NOW!
YOU DECIDE!
But you donít accept suggestions![/spoiler:3eetdsoc]

09-19-2012, 04:17 PM
MY LATEST DISS RAP PLEASE

BKTurner47
09-22-2012, 02:12 PM
Next up after a break, is Adam Sandler vs Barry Bonds by Uprising

[spoiler:37tg0i29]Adam Sandler:
Click! I rewind time back to when you could play baseball
Yeah. But I donít watch baseball.
Is there a malfunction? NOPE! You sucked, you'll never get into the Cooperstown hall
Cooperstown Hall, huh? I can see that.
I'm a big time movie star, you roided up to break a pointless record
Pointless? Up the points of - I forget the rest.
Sure, you've got the most home runs, but that's now tainted forever
Tainting? Does Adam have oil cans? I guess so.
Instead of drinking some high quality H2O, you stuck needles in yourself
He must be extremely emo.
Your own team doesn't want to be associated with you, you need some mental help
Call the psychiatrist!
I'll beat you lyrically like I beat up Bob Barker, man
Give him the Bob Barker treatment!
Please donít do that to me!
Puss? Donkey? GET OUTA HERE!
I'll teach you, Barry, that you don't mess with the Zohan.
The other master of Pokemon, or a Yugioh DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DUEL!!!!

Barry Bonds:
I wont be insulted by you, you had to repeat elementary school
Fact or fiction..... BEATS ME LOLOLOLOlol... Go on.
Stick a golf ball up your ass, b***h I know that my raps are so cruel
Cruel? SON A MOTHERFUC - Please excuse us. BentheLooney has sweared.
Sure, I took steroids, but you sound like you sucked up a bunch of helium
Did he play the fourth chipmunk? Maybe heís Fredís real father instead of John Cena. Naaah. Iím just kidding.
You're just a water boy, my hitting power sells out stadiums
Straight out the stadium!
You had a few good movies, but they weren't good because of you
The energy prices will only get worse, BECAUSE OF YOU - le awesome slam -
Your costars have more talent than you, it made you feel kind of blue
Blue? You mean Like this?
I'm a baseball hero, I've headlined ESPN more times than you have bad movies
That must be quite an achievement. But Iíve made more episodes than BOTH of you!
You even had a movie starring you with fake boobies
With a horrible girl impression?

Adam Sandler:
I've had a few flops, but you seem to be forgetting
Who are you now? Marilyn Monroe?
Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, and Billy Madison, at least I'm not quitting
My guess is Hotel Transylvania wonít be one of them.
Having me in this battle guaranteed its popularity
Popularity?
But not as popular as -
UGH!
Something you don't know about, for you, greatness is a rarity
HERP DERP! YOU MEAN THE PONY?

Barry Bonds' agent steps into the room:
Ladies and gentlemen, Barry was not paid enough to do a second verse. However, since the next verse is for charity causes, we have gotten a replacement...
Where did he go after that?

THE GHOST OF BABE RUTHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh my god! Ghosts are real! CALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS!

Babe Ruth:
You can't beat the Babe, I'm the Sultan of Swat
Is it weird I think of him having a mafia accent?
And you suck at rapping, and, let me tell you what
Lol what, and that actually made sense.
The Great Bambino is putting a curse on you like he did the Red Sox
So heís talking in the third person now?
I was the first home run king, you can go suck a cock
That must be the tiebreaker.
Candy bars named after me, autograph worth millions of dollars
MILLIONS? Oh, I get that.
Your fame is gone when I step into a room, you might need some rollers
Or a wheelchair with the curse he let upon him.
For the lyrical casket that I just placed you in
Lyrical casket? But Adam didnít even get a chance to fight back!
Make like a Chicago Cub, and go cry in your den
Youíre not the boss of me!

WHO WON?
I donít know!
WHOS NEXT?
The next battle you did.
YOU DECIDE!
But I donít remember leaving a comment for that.[/spoiler:37tg0i29]

BKTurner47
09-23-2012, 06:33 AM
After Adam vs Barry feat. Babe, is Percy Jackson vs Thor by yet again, Uprising

[spoiler:wx64o6rc]Thor:
I send down my hammer with the might of Mjolnir
Send the hammer? MC Hammer? STOP! Hammer time!
No half-blooded child can stop the power of Thor
What is he now? The Half Blooded Prince of Greece?
You've got more issues than my deranged brother
More than Trixie Tang? EEEYUP!
Your best friend is a satyr, I hang out with Avengers
And he also has the same name of a muppet.
You stay at camp, boy, if you know what's good for you
Whatís good for you? Good? A beating? But I - thatís secret.
Poseidon can't save you now, maybe i'll steal your girlfriend too
Classic? Or is that Chuck Testa?
You cannot destroy a god, I am much to strong
I couldnít defeat gods before it was mainstream.
And you can't even concentrate on a topic, ADHD, am I wrong?
I havenít read the books, so I canít answer that.
OR CAN I?

Percy Jackson:
The name's Percy Jackson, much stronger this fool!
Quit yo jibbajabba!
I destroyed a Minotaur, Polyphemus, and the Lord of Time too.
But Dipper Pines became a MAN-ataur, amirite?
You best not be messing with the one wielding Riptide.
The true hero?
My son was.
I only used you for ďYou vs the Person Above.
Okay.....
I'll kick your Asgard ass outta here, tell your bro Loki, bye-bye!
Thatíd cause chaos! Rather that or Marvel will get angry.
We all know Thunder's a sound, my uncle Zeus actually controls lightning.
Uncle Zeus? Uncle Zeus is a myth! In the words of Disney Channel in a few years, JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEAAAAAAAAAZUSSSSSSSSSS
!!!!!!!
You have a Cube, cuz you got no balls, now THAT'S frightening.
Squidwardís Suicideís scarier.
I'm the Last Olympian, I'm going to bring a Titan's Curse!
Not even Rick Riordan would laugh at that.
You'll kneel in terror, just like Loki caused. Courtesy of my fist!
First verse? I hope...

Thor:
You seem to have forgotten that Loki got his ass whipped
Like Indiana Jones!
Camp Half Blood looks up to you, even though you're obviously a wimp
But heís not the next Greg Heffley!
I'm the crown prince of Asgard, with rock hard abs too
Look at his rock hard abs!
Patrick Star?
If you think you are better than me, think again, Percy, you lose
YOU LOSE! Youíre gonna be working for me now. - honk honk -

Percy Jackson:
You need a whole team to fight, I defeated Kronos on my own!
Kronos? Syndromeís code!
Even more, my teammates were down, and I still PWNed!
I hate texting grammar, but I can accept that.
You're always drunk, so I guess that's why your HAMMERED!
Ha! Right in the godly balls.
Overbuilt fool just keep taking those steroids and you'll be the next Bruce Banner!
I didnít get enough screen time AAAAAAAAAARGH![/spoiler:wx64o6rc]

TheHenchGuy
10-28-2012, 09:37 AM
Can you reply my alternate lyrics for Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney?

BKTurner47
11-10-2012, 10:22 AM
Sorry for no review in a while. Here's Uprising's John Madden vs Ben Franklin.

[spoiler:2wzythoy]EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
BEN FRANKLIN
VS
JOHN MADDEN
BEGIN

Ben:
I'm Ben Franklin, founding father, and damned smart too
I can see that
If you believe you can defeat me, you must be quite a fool
He's no Mr T, though.
John Madden, you're old fashioned, you never did anything to help your football show
Sid: Excellent point.
Shut up Sid!
You told us obvious things that even the Redcoats should know
Well YO - I'm no hipster!
It's a well known fact that i'm a man of great size
But he's rather portrayed by Lloyd as... round.
But compared to to you, I could be small enough for a kiddie ride
Let's test that -
Ben: It's a figure of speech!
Poor John, you have no chance, my path to victory is clear
Anthems of victory?
My rhymes are like George Washington holding a musket, there's plenty to fear
I'd fear Gaz Membrane more.
Gaz: Hmph.

John:
Here's a guy who doesn't realize most of his ideas sucked
Thy doth suck BatCock.
You may have helped write the Constitution, does it look like I give a f**k?
#lookatthefucksigive
You said all men created equal, yet you had around 200 slaves on your land
Liar, liar, plants for hire!
Ben, you realize you were probably named after that tower in England?
I heard they're naming it Elizabeth now.
Hey, that guy wrote an almanac for poor Richard, it was a piece of shit
Wippy-dip! It's a piece of batshit! - Evil Clone Jimmy
How stupid, Ben, he's poor! How could he even afford it?
He fired up a rťsumť because 7 8 9
I'm the best announcer in football history, and that's no folly
No shit Sherlock
I actually am a tough rapper, you seem too big and jolly
Jolly as a roger.... IN DEATH!

Ben
I'm worth a hundred bucks! You're worth about a cent!
That makes total cents :wink:
No man can stop the flow of the great Big Ben
But the beat can!
If I had a brain I spare, i'd send you a few
That'd be murder, and you think that's damned smart?
To give you one so you could announce, and one for your husband Brett Farve too!
Thank god he didn't say - never mind.

John
Hey look Al, that guys got a bit of a problem doing anything right
Over that tree over there, NOTHING!!!
I'm John Madden, i'm a Hall of Famer, you got electrocuted by a kite
For science in the words of Professor Membrane.
I have video games named after me, your face gets put on postage stamps
Postage, smoshtage. SMOSH?
If this were the Super Bowl, it's obvious that i'm the champ
But he's no Freddie Mercury.[/spoiler:2wzythoy]

BKTurner47
11-11-2012, 10:43 AM
Here's Mike Tyson vs Knuckles by Adonis

[spoiler:2h3igkdo]Yea man, Knuckles Is here to give you a taste
Of his knuckles?
Your about to have "defeated" written all over your face.
Defeated all over.
I command you b***h! Im a rapping general.
Generally awesome, but not today.
Imma finish you off then grab some chaos emeralds
Does he snort them? You tell me, I don't play Sonic!
Your gonna lose with out a doubt
You mean "YOU'RE gonna lose without a doubt?"
STFU CLIPPY!
Dont need no referee, dont even need a 10 COUNT!
You may need eleven in Tyson's standards.

Mike Tyson Here, to show this loser how to rap.
Straight to video conflicts.
Your comic books were lame, your tv show was crap.
CRAP? That word lost its fame fucking years ago!
Im gonna make you feel pain, Make ya scream and shout.
With a bullet to the head, SOS. Wait a second! I hate the -
Mike: LET ME CONTINUE!
You can go get Sonic and Tails, I'll show both of them a KNOCKOUT.
D-d-d-d-d-d-d-drop the bass.
Your Shows so bad, its not even funny.
I haven't seen it yet. I don't have plans to.
You'll be chasing eggman while ill be Making money!
I like money.

Im back again, to crush double the mike!
The Mike vs The Mic?
This one in my hand, and this annoying little tyke
From Lil Tykes?
Your so fucking weak, even Eggman can beat you.
GET A LOAD OF THIS! Pingas!
You really need to Realize when youve just faced defeat dude.
I'm so cool, DUDE!
You know you were supposed to say bitch, Studwell?
Your not tough Tyson, Damn b***h.
Not. So. Tough. ANYMORE that is?
Take a taste of this echidna style KNUCKLE SANDWICH!
Can it come with fries?

Cmon dude, I dont wanna hurt your feelings.
Is this some sort of joke, or a recreation clinic?
But i'll Hurt your face with my fist. And make you even less appealing.
I can see that.
Why did you even wanna try? Man, You got beat.
Man, the warrior is here!
Mark Chang?
Like yeah, Turner! Mandie is - wait, what was the script again?
:facepalm:
Im on a much higher skill level, you cant even compete!
But Knuckles had more lines, so he won, in opinion.[/spoiler:2h3igkdo]

Uprising
11-11-2012, 01:03 PM
Could you review my Snoop Dogg/Lion vs Elvis, Wikipedia Random Article Battle and my new Krispy Kreme vs Larry the Cable Guy battle?

BKTurner47
11-11-2012, 05:22 PM
Could you review my Snoop Dogg/Lion vs Elvis, Wikipedia Random Article Battle and my new Krispy Kreme vs Larry the Cable Guy battle?
OK.

BKTurner47
11-11-2012, 05:40 PM
Here's Ronald McDonald vs The Burger King by Adonis.

[spoiler:gr2qo3vk]Burger King
Yeah, I'd like a Whopper -
VERSUS
I wasn't done yet!
RONNNALLLLD MCDONALD
I'm not loving it from now.

BEGIN!!!!

BK:
Im the king of fast food. Silly little clown.
Silly clown! Trix are for kids? Doesn't work.
This royal highness bout to take your ass down.
Take it to the junk, take it to the street.
The raps are gonna be something without defeat.
Im not just about Burgers, im the rapping king too!
I see what you did there....
How bad your gonna get beat. you dont even have a clue.
But does Blue have a clue?
Man, your really getting on my nerves.
Call a chiropractor! Sorry, that came out of my brain.
This dis is the opposite of my ice cream 'Cuz its not a SOFT serve.
Same size as your pecker.

McDonalds:
The King of fast food? Not something to be proud of.
Especially with Spaceman Stu coming in.
Imma beat this so-called king without a doubt son.
Nobody gives a fuck, oh continue!
Im a clown. Yea thats true.
Which makes it that more embarrising when i beat the "Buns" Off you.
Better change the channel.
Im not trying to be mean. Not trying to be rude.
Not so fast!
But the only "Spit" youve got is what you do to peoples food.
I'll never look at Burger King the same way again.

BK:
Come on. is that the best you got?
Wait until the press hears about this!
Your food puts my fucking stomache in a knot.
That's "knot" funny.
Lame Pun Raccoon? Is that you?
Just like your food, your rhymes arent fresh.
Fresh in rude, fresh in haters gonna hate
IM THE BURGER KING. BITCH DONT MESS!
I can see that.

Ronald:
Cmon BK That rhyme was whack.
More royal than "Cracckus Whacckus"
Your whopper is nothing compared to my big mac.
Grilled up vs fried up. It ain't cracked up.
People like me more. Maybe i should be the king.
Come on! You look like the Joker!
All you do is stand there. Can you even do anything?
Maybe he doesn't want to.

WHO WON?
I don't know!
?WHOS NEXT?
Um -
YOU DECIDE
Fair enough.[/spoiler:gr2qo3vk]

Faker
11-11-2012, 05:45 PM
Could you review my Shigeru Miyamoto vs Mark Zuckerberg (Ft. Thomas Edison)?

BKTurner47
11-11-2012, 05:46 PM
Could you review my Shigeru Miyamoto vs Mark Zuckerberg (Ft. Thomas Edison)?
OK.

BKTurner47
11-11-2012, 06:38 PM
Next up, Takanuva vs Light Yagami by Toa Tahu the Brickman

[spoiler:17y1c5b3]Takanuva vs Light Yagami
Begin!

T: i am Takanuva, toa of light!
Too bad Bionicle was replaced by Hero Factory
And have come to stop this bastards plight!
Pulled down the drain? No dice,
Killing people isn't moral
Not written in GLaDOS' Mortality Code,
You are as entertaining as coral!
It's like watching grass grow.
I bring light all across the land
He's just a wannabe Thomas Edison......
From Mata Nui to Bara Magna's sand!
....of there world
I am a toa, you cant stop me!
Then who can?
Now go die, light yagami!
But he's evil. Oh well?

L:
Your Takanuva? Spell that please
Takanuva. T-A-K-A-N-U-V-A. Takanuva
Powerful? You are only a tease
A tease of matter. A tease of places.
I own the death note, kill all the toa
Toa Ignika's gonna be pissed off!
Ive got a death grip on you like a boa
Constrictor! What? I was just finishing a sentence.
QUIET!
Ryuk can kill makuta,
Kill them all. He's the next Johnny the Homicidal Maniac.
Copyright the tohunga
THIS RAP HAS CONTENT OF VIACOM, WHICH IS NOT ALLOWED ON YOUR GROUNDS!
Change the name to matoran
Matoran-ly deadly.
Your as disliked as niall horan!
I can see that, but Bionicle was a part of my childhood!

T: come one, come all!
All shapes, all sizes!
Mata nui will watch the shinigami fall
With a little bit of rappers dust.
Heroes arent ones who kill
They're called anti-heroes.
I did misa for a dollar bill
Not sure if childhood ruining or coincidence.
I normally tolerate people
On the scale of one to twenty.
Your no god; you dont belong on a steeple!
I didn't watch Death Note!

Light:
This battle will be over soon
So will be this review.
Your body will lay in bara magna's dune
Toa Igniki was blasted to another universe & he doesn't give a fuck!
Ill kill jaller, just like the rahkshi
Jailer was the underwater kind in 2007. I don't know where he is now.
Im as famous as vackerchi!
Oh stop it you!

(Takanuva is struck down, attacked by shadow leaches)
Shadow Leaches?

Announcer: Takanuva goes down, he isnt able to finish the batt-
Nope. Chuck Testa.

T: i dont go down that quickly light
He's like Master Chief, but without the suit/
You arent able to beat my might
Mighty? He's no ox! He's a robot!
I can control shadow now
Shadow the Hedgehog doesn't appreciate that.
Try to take me on
Challenge accepted.
Takanuva: Let me rap, damnit!
Compared to me, your as measly as a cow
MOO!

L: Back from the dead?! Impossible!
I'm glad it's not Kim Possible. Oh god I hated that show!
The power of the death note is unstoppable
The world isn't yours. Bill Gates took care of that.
My I.Q. is maximized!
STEPHEN HAWKING VERSUS LIGHT YAGAMI? Fuck no!
Ill take your power once you have died!
It's the end! The end![/spoiler:17y1c5b3]

Lohuydahutt
11-11-2012, 09:17 PM
Can you do my one and currently only rap battle Darwin vs Youngster Joey plz? xD

YellowNerd
11-12-2012, 06:00 AM
Haha these are awesome

TheHenchGuy
11-16-2012, 02:33 PM
Could you reply to my Spongebob Squarepants vs Shaggy Rogers whihc is in my siggy? :)

BKTurner47
11-20-2012, 10:59 AM
Could you reply to my Spongebob Squarepants vs Shaggy Rogers whihc is in my siggy? :)
Put on the list.

BKTurner47
11-20-2012, 01:24 PM
Without any chaos, hereís Slenderman vs The Boogeyman

[spoiler:1t5336wy]Slenderman:

Listen up, bitch, and behold true horror.
But do the 8 pages agree with that?
I'm stylish and slick, you're just an ugly eyesore!
MY EYES!
Children grow out of you when they turn five,
But then Tumblr came around.....
I strike fear in every adult alive!
Have you seen the reaction videos? Oh.... He did.... Continue.
You hide under the bed, I'm everywhere you look,
Slenderman, Slenderman everywhere.
when it comes to you, nobody gives a fuck!
Well, naysers gonna naysay aka haters gonna hate!
We don't even compare, you're just an annoying tick!
But heís no Tic Tac. I hate minty stuff.
You want see something really slender? Look at your dick!
Iíd prefer not to.

Bogeyman:
I'm an eyesore? You're just tall and in a suit!
Heís more of an educated gentleman than Ben Franklin.
You're not scary, a redneck could put you under his boot!
As in undercover racism?
Marble Hornets? I prefer Concrete Giraffes!
Really? Iíd prefer, never mind. Go on.
It's incredibly easy to mock your sorry ass!
TVTropes says Slenderman is Jhonen Vasquez in disguise.
Sorry, Slendy, but you're up against the true king of horror!
Heís no R. L. Stine
The only reason you're popular is because of Youtube whores!
Not surprising coming from the Emperorís whore!
My legend spans across the US to Belgium,
But what about the rest of the world?
your legend was created by a Something Awful goon!
Locked in a basement.

Slenderman:

I'm a creepypasta legend, I even have a video game!
I can see that/
Your death will be brutal, you WILL remember my face.
But Slendy doesnít have one!
I appear anywhere and everywhere, there's no where to hide,
Thatíd make a good horror movie slogan!
I commit atrocities so dark, that even Hitler would cry!
HA! WHAT A WUSS!
Remember what we said earlier, Vader?
You're a pathetic excuse for a living being,
Youíre pathetically predictable, like Dr Seuss!
you make Edward Cullen look terrifying!
Gee. I think this is good. Now Slendy, LET ME PLAY MY CLARINET!

Bogeyman:

You make nerds piss their pants, that's not an amazing feat.
Hell, it didnít make it into the Guinness book.
If this is all you've got, then I've got you beat!
Beaten like an egg.
Your game is terrible, it's nothing but a snore.
A SNORE?
In fact, I think I'd rather play Superman 64!
The AVGN hates that game!
I'm made of more horror than a movie ticket can buy,
That might be a good deal.
the only thing your tentacles are good for is fucking hentai!
No comment.[/spoiler:1t5336wy]

BKTurner47
11-21-2012, 02:44 PM
Without any cash to give, hereís the Lebron Dis Rap by SaneButStrange

[spoiler:1pdxlgti]SBS was defusing a bomb when...

Clay Aiken: Defuse it Sane!
I can think about that.
Skrillex: Cut The Blue Wire
ASDF Movie Kid: I Like Trains.
- Train shows up -

SBS: QUIET!!! I can't concentrate!!
SSIIILENCE!

A mine turtle flies in.
I hated the Mine Turtle. Bad memories.

SBS: What's This? A Letter for me?

*reads letter*

Can You diss rap a person I want you to run over with your rhymes?
Heís a Dr Octagonopus away from raps.

Here's the request:


His name is Lebron.
He is a complete egotist whom likes to put other down to make himself feel better about himself.
He likes mocking people for their "flaws" (being fat, being stupid, smelling), even to people who don't have said "flaws" (he likes to call one person an "idiot" even though he said an class average of 97 and is WAY smarter than him).
He also likes to hang out with a bunch of girls that are just as mean.
They all like to come to my class table (even though, they aren't in my class) and do things (like abusing each other or throwing food around) that causes MY CLASS to get in trouble for something they did.
Also, when it is gym period, Lebron would like to throw basketballs at the other student's heads (he almost got me a black-eye, once).
Ouch. -Roy49

RAAWWWRRR!!! FUCKING EGOTISTS HYPOCRITES!!!
I hate them too.

SBS: Aiken! Throw this bomb out the window!
SBS: ASDF Kid! Make a train run over it!
Shit just got real!

(The Bomb Is Destroyed)

Skrillex: What about me!
Arenít I popular?

SBS: Hmmm.. Play a song while I leave in style!

WUB WUB WUB WUB DDRRROPPPP
THHEEEE
BASSSSSSSS
BOW BOW BUH BUH BOW BOW DUNUDND DSKDFHSKJDBFHKBFJASBFASKJFBSKJB
I HATE DUBSTEP!

SBS: Ok.

SBS Jumps In Front of Camera.

*Takes Out Cellphone* Roy! Get Your Ass Down Here!
Fine.

I Hate Fucking Egotists Who Act Cool When Their Lame,
But did it make pigs fly? It didnít.
My Name's SaneButStrange And This Is My Fame.
NO! THIS IS PATRICK!
If I'm Dissing You I Don't Even Have To Be Sober!
Whatís happening? Simple. Dumbo. Got. Drunk.
I've Been Called Up To Lyrically Run You Over!
But The I Like Trains Kid isnít here right now.
How You Do It Lebron? Making Fun of Flaws When You've Got The Worst,
Being dissed.
Hear This Verse! Quit Mocking People To Make Yourself Feel First!
Feel first, be first.
I Can't Beat The Shit Outta You! That's One Of The Diss Rap Laws.
I am a princess. I am loyal & giving.
But Allow Me To Verbally Point Out All Your Fucked-Up Flaws!
Now fuck off! Hurry up dum

You're Whole Class Is Smarter Than You! Apparently You're The Idiot!
No. Some people - Continue.
Hey! Don't Throw That Basketball! FUCKING GIMME IT!
You donít have to be so greedy! Fine - gives basketball -
You Almost Gave Roy A Fucking Black Eye!? b***h You Better Dash!
You better Rainbow Dash?
Next Time You f**k With Roy I'll Put You In A Full Body-Cast!
We got a badass over here!
This Part's For Those Bitches Who Hang With This Fucking Egotist!
Iím so goo-o-o-d, youíre a fucking egotist!
I Wouldn't f**k You If You Had Cheetoes For Tits!
No comment.
You're Just Like Lebron! Except With Bigger Balls!
I get it. OR DO I? I do.... NOT.... Do......
Quit Following Lebron And Get Da f**k Outta Roy's Halls!
The cartoon version of Jaws! - Froggy

Lebron You Can't Deny These Facts I Spit!
Okay....
You Do So Much Shit Like You're Taking Laxatives!
Some people....
So Lebron! Just Because You Got A Bit Of An Ego,
Wanna bet on it?
Dosen't Mean You Can Talk Shit To Roy Though!
OK, then.
I Mean What The f**k! You're Not Even In His CLASS!
Overly Attached Lebron?
I Got Your Next Flaw! My FOOT IN YOUR ASS!
Up your fat ass?
I'm Reading About You And You Sound Possessed! Good Luck Getting Into Heaven!
Weíre in church, now?
You May Not Like This Diss. But I Rate It 97!
Out of 9000!
Cya b***h I'm Leavin!
OK.[/spoiler:1pdxlgti]

TheHenchGuy
11-22-2012, 03:33 PM
Boost.

BKTurner47
11-22-2012, 03:43 PM
Boost.
Alright then.

TheHenchGuy
11-22-2012, 04:35 PM
Boost.
Alright then.

IKR, I mean, what's wrong about boosting?

Dr. Ninja
11-30-2012, 12:32 AM
Review my Joker vs Willy Wonka

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=6913 (http://www.erboh.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=6913)