View Full Version : Epic Pirate Rap Battles of History

09-19-2012, 07:42 PM
With today being International Talk Like a Pirate Day, I figured I'd piratefy the ERBs, starting with John Lennon vs. Bill O'Reilly.

[spoiler:2lodfk4t]Help, ye're makin' me ears bleed ye needs a muzzle
Why are ye pissed off all th' time? Didn' yer mom give ye a cuddle?
Ye're th' type o' scallywag who could die o' a heart attack jus' in th' shower
Ye needs t' chill out fer a minute 'n smoke weed fer an hour
Every time I watch yer show, all ye do be scream at me 'n yer face looks like a shit I loot high on LSD
I be John Lennon, I be a legend I can see through all yer tricks
I wonder how much George Bush paid ye t' suck his pegleg.

Ye farrgin' long hair, livin' in yer yellow submarine. Well, ye're about t' get sunk, by starb'rd win', political machine!
Stop yer presses Lennon, ye call me MR. Bill O'Reilly
When it comes t' squashin' Limeys I come recommended highly!
Ye're weak, between ye 'n me thar's no comparison
I'll beat ye so bad ye'll weep gently like George Harrison
Ye're Paul McCartney's b***h, wit' less talent than Ringo
'n I'd rather suck George Bush's pegleg, then Yoko Ono's.

Well ye can nah buy me love, but I'll kick yer arse fer free
I'll loot Maxwell's silver hammer, 'n give ye a lobotomy
I be tired o' how ye scheme t' stir th' scallywags up,
Why don't ye jus' loot a vacation 'n SHUT THE f**k UP?

'cause I be evil, heart blacker than Don Cheadle,
Ten thousand doubloon boots I use t' stomp out a Beatle.
Don't tell me t' shut th' f**k up, that's how I survive,
Now here's Stin', wha'? f**k it, we'll do it live![/spoiler:2lodfk4t]

09-19-2012, 07:44 PM
...This belongs in Literal Reviews or off-topic.

09-19-2012, 07:45 PM
Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader

[spoiler:33joqmbt]I be Adolf Hitler
Commander o' th' Third Reich
Little known fact: Also dope on th' mic!
Ye be Vader,
wit' yer wee boots 'n cape,
'n helmet t' cover up that burnt arse face!
Ye 'ave th' force t' move objects,
I be a force truly evil!
even went back in time
'n turned ye whack in th' prequel!
Cause look at ye!
Ye‚??re nah even a real scallywag!
I preferred ye in Spaceballs
th' Rick Moranis version!

Ye can‚??t rhyme against th' dark side o' th' force Why even bother?
So many dudes been wit' yer mom who even knows if I‚??m yer cap'n?
Ye‚??re a pissed off wee prick
wit' a Napoleon pegleg.
Ye call that a mustache?
I call that Dirty Sanchez on yer lip.
Ye b***h!
Let me remind ye who ye‚??re messin' wit'.
Everythin' that ye did I‚??m th' motherfucker who invented it.
I‚??m th' original Dark Lord Ye‚??re like th' sorcerer‚??s apprentice,
Me stormtroopers make yers look like someone loot a piece o' shit 'n cloned it.

Ye stink Vader yer style smells somethin' sour.
Ye needs t' wash up dawg Here, step in me shower.
I‚??ll turn all yer hearties against ye ust me speeches breed haters!
Wha'‚??s yer lightsaber VS a clan o' all yer white neighbors?

Suck me robot balls.
Now loot a step back 'n let me freeze yers off.
A wee Carbonite bath fer yer goose steppin' arse
We‚??ll call me homeboy in Israel
See who got th' last laugh.[/spoiler:33joqmbt]

09-19-2012, 07:46 PM
Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

[spoiler:23ry16ny]Four score 'n 65 years in th' past
I won th' Civil War wit' me beard
Now I‚??m here t' whup yer arse
I‚??ve read up on yer facts
Ye cure cancer wit' yer tears?
Well, tell me Chuck how come ye ne'er sat down 'n cried on yer career?
Ye‚??re a washed up has been on TV sellin' Total Gyms
'n ye‚??re gonna lose this battle
Like ye lost Return o' th' Dragon
I‚??ll rip yer chest hairs out
Put em‚?? in me mouth
I‚??ll squash ye like I squashed th' South
I ne'er told a lie
'n I won‚??t start now
Ye‚??re a horse wit' a limp
I‚??ll put ye down.

This isn‚??t Gettysburg, punk
I‚??d suggest retreatin'
Fer I invented rap shanties
When me heart started beatin'
Chuck Norris doesn‚??t battle
He jus' allow ye t' lose
Me raps will blow yer mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth

I‚??ve got me face on th' side o' a mountain
Ye voted fer John McCain
I‚??ve got a bucket full o' me head 'n I‚??m about t' make it rain
Ye block bullets wit' yer beard?
I catch em‚?? wit' me skull
I‚??d make fun o' Walker, Texas Ranger but I‚??ve ne'er ever seen that show

I be Chuck Farrgin' Norris!
I‚??ve spread more blood 'n gore
Than forty score o' yer puny Civil Wars, b***h
I split th' Union wit' a roundhouse kick
I wear a black belt on th' beard that I grow on me pegleg
I attack sharks when I smell them bleed
I don't go swimmin'
Water jus' wants t' be around me
Me fists make th' speed o' light
Make th' speed o' light wish that 'twas faster
Ye may 'ave freed th' slaves
But Chuck be everyone‚??s master[/spoiler:23ry16ny]

09-20-2012, 03:15 AM
Demoman : Finally !