Mike Hat

Sanic Reviews: Goku vs. Superman

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All right let's see if I enjoy this battle as much in hindsight as I did when I first watched it.

Who won?

Spoiler: 
Superman: Round 1

Who can stop this constipated jock
Interesting way to start the battle. DBZ characters do sound constipated now that I think about it. +1
With the awful animation and the complicated plot?
Meh, just stating things without really putting a twist on them. 0
Who's got the rap bombs to drop on Japan?
This makes me think of those propaganda comics they did during WWII where superheroes like Captain America would fight Axis Powers soldiers and such so yeah this line is pretty cool. +2
This looks like a job for the OG (Superman!)
Wouldn't like it as much if it weren't for the "looks like a job for" thing. +1
I'm killing it, you're Krillin it, I'm villainous to vegetables
Had no idea their names were vegatable puns until a while after I saw this battle. +2
Who dance around in hammer pants that hide their tiny genitals
Kind of funny if you think about how Superman has X-ray vision, but I don't really see much of a point otherwise. +1
My level is incredible, I'm out of your league
You want justice? I'll bust this nut up in your Chi Chi
I understand it was probably hard to get a Justice League joke in here, but I don't like how the solution was basically "take the two words and put them in two separate lines." It connects okay but it doesn't really do much aside from just having the reference there. I love the Chi Chi line though so for that +2
Greasy slick emcee from DC
Pretty good flow but no point. 0
With one breath I'll freeze your whole measly species
You're primitive and limited, you live in a village of idiots
Step in Metropolis, I'll snap a carrot period
Was gonna give this last line a point for being a good pun but it doesn't rhyme and that gets under my skin so I just canceled out the point. 0

Goku: Round 1

How many times are they gonna rewrite your story?
Your powers have been boring since the nineteen fucking forties
I mean it's a bit hypocritical but I guess I get the point. +1
Defeat me with heat beams? You're crazy
Cause I'm a Super Saiyan, you're a flying Miss Daisy
I always wondered why Superman never really makes much good use of his super speed while flying. +1
You're pretty pasty to be powered by the sun
Yeah probably +1
You can't flow to Son Goku, I Kaoiken get it done
I'll throw in half a point for the Son Goku thing fitting in with the last line and a half pint for the Kaoiken pun which makes this a +1
When I see your movies all I do is watch the clock
Cause there's nothing fun about a superhero scared of green rocks
There could've been something more creative here. Like this is basically just fact stating. It's still a point made so I guess +1
Look at those panties (ho!)
You got that camel toe
I'll report to Lois Lane, then Superman that ho
I was gonna get pedantic about how in the original song, "Superman that ho" actually had nothing to do with sex, and the line meant that he was performing a dance called the Superman in "this house," which in some slang, is shortened to "ho." But I don't wanna be the guy who defends a Soulja Boy song so never mind. Uh actually I think this line is sublime. It's really really funny with some very good references, unexpected yet so perfect. +3

Superman: Round 2

Haha, your rapping is weaker than your fight scenes
Just one punch and over 9000 screams!
totally a One Punch Man reference even though I'm pretty sure that didn't exist when this battle happened actually maybe OPM was out by then but I heavily doubt it's a reference to that. Probably the best possible way to work in the inevitable over 9000 joke, used much better than it could have been. +2
I'll make your nose bleed like Roshi sniffing panties
Really really funny. I haven't mentioned it yet but Lloyd's voice in this battle is really well done and part of the reason I like this battle so much. It easily conveys both intensity and humor, and fits Superman to boot. +2
From Z to GT, you can Dragonball deez
I've always loved pointing out how many Deez Nuts jokes were in ERB before it became a really big meme. +2

Goku: Round 2

Don't lecture me about fights, you caped coward
You got your ass beat by a bat with no powers
Another line with no real joke. I think that's my main problem with Goku, he references good, dissworthy stuff but then doesn't really make any jokes, just kind of states all the stuff people usually make fun of Superman for anyway. I kinda let it slide earlier but there could've been a way better Batman line, and it's technically not even 100% accurate since I'm pretty sure they're referencing their fight in The Dark Knight Returns and Superman technically won that. -1
There's only one way that this battle's gonna end
One more Superman who's never gonna walk again
I think the bluntness of this line works a lot better than some of the other blunt lines Goku has - mostly because the Christopher Reeve thing isn't something that people bring up every time they talk about how lame Superman is. All Goku's other blunt lines are just things people often criticize Superman for but this line at least makes a cool reference and sounds really threatening. +2

Overall: Superman gets 13 to Goku's 9. Pretty good stuff given the verses are pretty short. All of my RL friends thought I was crazy for thinking Superman won this one so it's good to know a lot more people back up that opinion here. Like I stated in the review, Goku was just way too upfront about all this stuff and didn't really bother making jokes or really doing anything beyond the surface. Superman had more nuance and humor to his delivery, plus I feel like his vocals were delivered better.


Overall

Spoiler: 
Overall rapping score: I don't really like Goku's voice too much which brings this score down a little, in contrast I really like Superman's so it kinda evens out. B-.
Visuals: Pretty good for Season 3 stuff. I like the little fight sequence tease at the end too. A lot of the visuals help the lines out a bit. B+.
Beat: One of my favorite beats they've done. It fits both characters really well and is epic. A-.

The ultimate score of the battle is... B. A pretty cool battle, although definitely one where the things that are good are really good and the things that annoy me really bother me. Still, I do like it a lot.


Randomizer says next battle is... Mario Bros vs. Wright Bros. Ayyy the first 2v2 in ERB, cool.

So what did you think? Like the battle, hate the battle, like the review, hate the review? Let me know.
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Comments

  1. Klonoa's Avatar
    I like the review! I'm always a little annoyed how people are like "superman would never win blah blah blah in a real fight" In my opinion, superman definitely won!
  2. Juiz's Avatar
    "totally a One Punch Man reference even though I'm pretty sure that didn't exist when this battle happened actually maybe OPM was out by then but I heavily doubt it's a reference to that. "

    The original webcomic and manga had been out by this point, yes.
    It's not a reference, though, it's just a reference to the fact that all DBZ fight-scenes are mostly filled with talking.
  3. Turtlesauce's Avatar
    Fun fact: I gave "I'll make your nose bleed like Roshi sniffing panties" a -1, because "I'll make your nose bleed" is not actually that great of a threat
  4. Mike Hat's Avatar
    I thought you gave it a 0 Turtle? Anyway it might not be that great of a threat but it's pretty humorous and it coneys the point, to me anyway.

    And yeah I figured it wasn't an actual reference, I just noticed it while rewatching the battle and got a giggle out of it.

    Thanks everyone!
  5. Jaskolski's Avatar
    GOKU and Superman are the two well known characters of the comic and the other entertainment platforms that are consider best. The mike hat is presenting the best usual platform in which the assignment writing services have won the show for spoiler and other best related shows.