Mike Hat

Sanic Reviews: Cleopatra vs. Marilyn Monroe

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Oh boy it's time to review maybe the most underrated ERB in existence.

Let's do thissss

Who won?

Marilyn Monroe: Round 1

Whose rap flow's the dopest? Marilyn Monroe's is
Pretty funny if it's a reference to her death as Genius states. Thought Socrates was the first to brag about how he died. +1
Overthrow pharaohs who oppose me like Moses
Kind of obvious but a good comparison line. +1
You could never kick my ass, so kiss my clitoris
This ugly hag and KassemG got matching noses
The visuals help this line a bit but not enough for a point. It's kind of weird to see them break the fourth wall like this though. 0

Cleopatra: Round 1

You better hold more than your skirt, miss please
Pretty cool way to reference maybe the thing most people think of now when they think of Monroe's acting. +1
I'm the Queen of the Nile, so just bow down to me
Plus you've got so much experience down on your knees
One of the great instances where a set-up line is used to drastically improve the following line, I love it. +2
Married a writer, but I don't even think you can read
I like lines like these, where they get a little more specific with otherwise generic insults. +1
You'll sleep with any ugly dude who says he likes it hot
Even Joe DiMaggio took a swing in your batter's box
I'd make a baseball joke here if I knew more about it... uh... she knocked that line out of the park? +2
I'm a descendant of the Gods, don't anger me trick
You'll lose this battle like your bout with barbituates
Not my favorite ending, probably should've gotten a bit more specific than this. 0

Marilyn Monroe: Round 2

I had some ugly boys but you're forgettin' the others
Marlon Brando and the Kennedy's, while you fuck your own brothers
Prooobably could've gotten a bit better of an incest line, not that this one doesn't work. +1
You think you're so chic up in your fancy palace
Gettin' Lo on Mark Antony, tossing Caesar's salad
Always wondered why it was spelled Lo, apparently J. Lo was married to someone named Marc Anthony. That's an even more brilliant line than I initially thought, almost perfect. +2
You wear too much eyeliner for anyone to adore you
You might as well be working the door at Sephora
Pretty funny. +1
I got an ass that won't quit, you had an asp and got bit, in the tit
I think this is one of the best, funniest flows they've ever done. +2
Somebody wrap this bitch back up in a carpet
good +1

Cleopatra: Round 2

You still got no children after your third marriage
You lost so many babies we should call you Miss Carriage
OOOOOH brutal +2
You've got an hourglass figure, but that's about it
A candle in the wind that can't act for shit
Aaaand kind of a weak ending. I didn't know about the Elton John song about Monroe but that doesn't really improve the line much for me. 0

Marilyn Monroe: Round 3

Translate this into hieroglyphs
Your sandy vagina has a 7-year itch
Pretty great subtle reference to STDs. +1
My best friends are diamonds! You can't beat me, quit trippin'
Step off and walk your ass home like an Egyptian
Obvious but needed to be done. +1

Overall: Monroe gets 11/16 to Cleopatra's 8/12. Really close but I give the edge to Monroe now that I get all the references. Dang season 2 wave 1 was good, when your weakest video is Mario Bros vs. Wright Bros you're doing something right. I don't know why this battle is always used as evidence that female vs. female battles aren't as good, I think it's the best one of those they've done (not that their competition is incredibly stiff...). Yeah, I'm very comfortable calling this the single most underrated ERB in existence.


Overall rapping score: Really really good, I like the lines and all that. I think I'll say B though, some of the lines did just barely get a point.
Visuals: My least favorite part of the video, mostly due to Cleopatra. Too much bouncing around and whatnot. The backgrounds are also boring, especially for Monroe. Gatewood does a pretty good job with Monroe's stuff though so C-.
Music: Ehh, the beat gets a little bit taken off since it's pretty specific to Cleopatra. It's not the best beat ever, but it's suitably catchy. The flow also works really well, so um... B+.

The ultimate score of the battle is... B. Sounds about right. I think this battle is really good. Maybe one weakness that people take issue with is that the battle is a little TOO focused on lines about sex, but let's be fair, it's Marilyn Monroe vs. Cleopatra. That was probably always going to happen. So yeah, fight me, I think this battle's above average.

So what did you think? Like this battle, hate this battle? Like this review, hate this review? Lemme know.

Randomizer says next battle is... Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye! Coolio. Fun fact: that's the battle that got me to start watching ERB, so I might have to rethink my opinion on it once I review it from a slightly more objective viewpoint (I'm pretty biased to liking it obviously).


  1. Lohuydahutt's Avatar
    Oh wow, I never realized that Lo thing either, even though I knew that the J Lo/Marc Antony thing was a thing that happened... It's a good battle, no doubt about it. I'm not entirely sure if I'd call it the most underrated battle ever personally, but it is underrated to some extent.

    Also dude, you're complaining about CLEOPATRA'S visuals? Brooooooooooooooooooooooo just... Brooooooooooooooooooooooo
  2. Dion's Avatar
    I always thought this battle was pretty decent, especially for their history of women's battles.
  3. Mike Hat's Avatar
    I see it called the worst battle all the time so maybe I'm just inclined to call it underrated :P
  4. Poles's Avatar
    I've always liked the lyrics. Not much fun to listen to tho (that beat)
  5. OttoGant's Avatar
    Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye! Coolio. Fun fact: that's the battle that got me to start watching ERB, so I might have to rethink my opinion on it
    Updated 05-21-2019 at 04:53 AM by OttoGant