Mike Hat

The battle that really put ERB in the spotlight... and then did it again... Truly a classic battle. But how does it stack up nowadays? Let's find out.

Who won?

Spoiler: 

Hitler: Round 1

I am Adolf Hitler, Commander of the Third Reich
Little known fact: Also dope on the mic
Kind of just set-up for the battle. Not really any points to be made. 0
You are Vader, with your little boots and cape
And helmet to cover up that burnt ass face
I find it sort of funny that he's insulting Vader based on his outfit, which is probably the most impressive thing about Vader. Also he kinda makes a point about him covering his face. So... I'll go ahead and say +1
You have the force to move objects I am a force truly evil
Not the best thing to brag about :P But yeah I like the point this line is making actually. Decent enough for a comparison in their second battle. +1
Even went back in time and turned you whack in the prequel
Is that Star Wars Extended Universe canon eh. It's kind of funny to think about but not really enough for me to reward any points to it. unless this line is a covert reference to all those "Nazi time machine" conspiracy theories in which case it's hilarious but it's probably not so 0
Cause look at you, you’re not even a real person
I've never really cared for "lol you're fictional" lines. I don't really remember if I've ever seen it done very well either. 0
I preferred you in Spaceballs—the Rick Moranis version!
Ah, I really like this line. Mostly because Spaceballs is one of my favorite movies. But also because it's a funny comparison line, and it gets even funnier when you realize... Rick Moranis is Jewish! Hitler hates Vader more than the Jews! I don't know if that was intentional but I'm gonna pretend like it is. +2

Darth Vader: Round 1

You can’t rhyme against the dark side of the force, why even bother?
So many dudes been with your mom who even knows if I’m your father?
So I don't really think Vader has very many good lines in this battle, but what good lines he does have are... really good. I truly think this line is probably the line that propelled ERB to popularity. It's just... so perfect, and references something so intergal to both characters that it just works so well. And it's hilarious even if you don't know about Hitler's mommy issues. +3
You’re a pissed off little prick with a Napoleon dick
Funnier than it would be if Hitler weren't a big world leader, but still not really a reference or anything. 0
You call that a mustache? I call that Dirty Sanchez on your lip
Ahhh now that I know what Dirty Sanchez is that's not a mental image I needed. +2
You bitch! Let me remind you who you’re messing with
Everything that you did? I’m the motherfucker who invented it
Eh. Maybe he'd have more of a point if there was actually something Hitler and Vader both tried to do, but all I can think of is Stormtroopers. This line kind of comes off as just "yeah I was evil before you" and I don't really care for that. 0
I’m the original Dark Lord, you’re like the sorcerer’s apprentice
My stormtroopers make yours look like someone took a piece of shit and cloned it

Both of these lines have decent references that would have added up to two points, but the line DOESN'T RHYME so that cancels out one of those points. +1

Hitler: Round 2

You stink Vader, your style smells something sour
You need to wash up, dawg, here, step in my shower
Oof. Another of those quentessential jokes that probably helped to put ERB on the radar. Just such a shocking line. Lloyd mentioned in a Facebook stream recently that they came very close to cutting this line, and I don't really know if that would've been the best choice. Interesting to think about how things could have been different depending on one little decision like that. +2
I’ll turn all your friends against you, just my speeches breed haters
What’s your lightsaber VS a clan of all your white neighbors?
I find it humorous that Hitler manages to be racist even though Vader is TECHNICALLY white. This line kinda works on multiple levels too since James Earl Jones voices Vader. +1

Vader: Round 2

Suck my robot balls
Now take a step back and let me freeze yours off
Both kind of weird lines. I do like Vader freezing Hitler in carbonite though. 0
A little Carbonite bath for your goose stepping ass
We’ll call my homeboy in Israel, see who got the last laugh
I don't really get how Vader has a homeboy in Israel. I mean I get the point of this line, and I like it; he didn't actually get to finish off the Jewish race and in some ways made them stronger; but I don't think Vader really has a "homeboy in Israel." I think I would've liked this line more with some different wording. +1


Overall: Hitler gets 7 to Vader's 7. Another tied battle. This one I give to Hitler, purely because his good lines are better dispersed (and I only barely gave Vader's last line a point soo).

Overall

Spoiler: 

Overall rapping score: Not the absolute best they've ever done, but considering this was the second battle they ever did, I don't think we could ask for much more. B
Visuals: I mean, again, it's kind of impressive they did all this in just their second video (and you can definitely see a ton of improvement between Lennon vs. O'Reilly and this) but the visuals don't really do much to advance the lines or anything, other than maybe Vader Force Choking Hitler. Also the carbonite bath looks really fake to me. C-
Music: I'm a little conflicted. The voices are definitely decent, especially Hitler, and the flow isn't awful although there are parts I'd consider a little shaky. And the beat certainly doesn't stay with me either, I don't think it's something I'd ever enjoy listening to separately from the video. So C-.

The ultimate score of this battle is... C+, although pretty close to a B-. IIRC this battle was made on a $50 budget, which is actually incredibly impressive. Most of the stuff I'm taking off for here is actually probably due to this low budget. On one hand, I felt a little bad for taking off points for something they didn't really have control over, but on the other hand, if I were ranking this battle up against some of their others, I probably wouldn't give it a really super high score, and that's mainly what this section is for.

What's really important, though, is that this battle was funny and well-made enough to gain ERB a lot of attention, and kind of spring them up to the point where making these looked like a viable career path. Then Peter and Lloyd and the rest of the crew started pouring all their energy into these videos, and the rest is history. For that, I don't think anyone can ignore this battle.

So yeah. I probably gave this battle a lower score than most people would, but I do respect it and everything it did for ERB; it's just that I don't really think you can compare it to what they can do nowadays, and I don't want to give it a really high score when there are obviously things that hold it back. Still one of the best season 1 battles as far as rapping content goes.

Next up is Vader vs. Hitler 2, the season 2 premiere and the start of, in my opinion, one of the two strongest waves in ERB history (alongside season 4.5).