ZoroarkPKMN

Some people in this world really want to help us out by making useful products. A reusable lint roller? Sign me up, ShamWow Guy!
Some people just want to ruin us with products. I'm sorry, Dream Lights? What is this? A Pillow Pet with a light for your ceiling? Da fuck is this shit?
Why do we need a pillow with a light in it and waste $30?
You can buy a pillow for $10 and a night-light for a nickel

And those hoodies that you can zipper up all the way? Why? JUST FUCKING WHY?
I'm not fucking Spiderman.
Why can't you just wear A NORMAL HOODIE?!
I don't need my fucking Xbox Avatar wearing one of these piles of shit that looks like a Creeper

Some products are good. Like Ped-Egg. That's fucking amazing.
And some products are misleading. Like those "Make-Your-Own-Ice Cream-Makers".
It doesn't make ice cream. It makes literal dog shit.
You can find most of this stuff at Rite-Aid

I also hate puzzles.
Anyways...

Most hats are normal. I don't mind hats.
But some douchebags don't even bother to rip the tags off the hats. Or the sticker that says "SALE! 50% OFF!"
We get it. You paid money for the hat. You didn't steal it.
I feel like that's such a racist stereotype.

And we all know the controversy surrounding the ShamWow Guy. How he beat a hooker that bit his tongue and tried to steal his money. But that bitch deser--I MEAN UHH....
Anyways, despite Vince Offer's controversy, the products he sells are pretty cool.
The ShamWow is very useful, as is the Slap Chop. If I could find all the parts to it...
And I've never owned a Schticky, but I'd love too.
Same goes for Billy Mays. Besides Oxi-Clean, the "As Seen on TV" products he sold were pretty cool.
There was that mini-hamburger cooking thing where you put in four patties into a tray thing and it cooks them perfectly.
Any product that involves making food precise is usually good.
But then there was that one product, the Mega Cupcake or something.
If you're unfamiliar with it, it was a GIANT CUPCAKE.
And I'm not saying muffin-sized, I'm saying FUCKING CAKE SIZED!
It was a huge muffin! I'm just thinking, "Are you expecting us to eat this whole thing?"
No. I won't.

And I won't buy your shitty products.