Epic Rap Battles of Richard

Requests are always welcomed!

1: Assassins (Connor vs. John Wilkes Boothe)
2: YouTubers (PewDiePie vs. Tobuscus)
3: Authors (R. L. Stine vs. K. A. Applegate)
4: Apples (Happy Appy vs. Midget Apple)
5: Masks (Guy Fawkes vs. The Mask vs. Phantom of the Opera vs. Zorro vs. The Masked Figure)
6: Obesities (Fat Albert vs. Gabriel Iglesias)
7: Cable Guys (Larry the Cable Guy vs. The Cable Guy)
8: General vs. President (General Cornwallis vs. Dwight D. Eisenhower)
9: Metal Heroes (Eon Kid vs. Astro Boy)
10: Science youngsters (Johnny Test vs. Dexter)

11: Sequel to 2 (PewDiePie vs. Tobuscus 2)
12: Country vs. Rap (Jason Aldean vs. Eminem)
13: Freemans (Morgan Freeman vs. Gordon Freeman)
14: Annoying Neighbors (Ned Flanders vs. Dinkleberg)
15: Rematch of an ERBOH (Doc Brown vs. Doctor Who 2)
16: Robots (WALL-E vs. Terminator)
17: Cocoons (Metapod vs. Kakuna)
18: Holograms (Al Calavicci vs. Tupac)
19: Singers (Hatsune Miku vs. Whitney Houston)
20: Minecraft YouTubers (SkyDoesMinecraft vs. Captain Sparklez)

21: Speed (Rainbow Dash vs. Lightning McQueen)
22: Slender enders. (Slenderman vs. Enderman)
23: Robot powered heroes (Iron Man vs. Generator Rex)
24: Pacifists (Nelson Mandela vs. Rosa parks)
25: Pioneers (Daniel Boone vs. Davy Crockett)
26: Country & City vs. Cowgirl & Yuppie (Oliver & Lisa Douglas vs. Applejack & Rarity)
27: James Garner characters (Maverick vs. Rockford)
28: Apple vs. orange (Johnny Appleseed vs. Annoying Orange)
29: Masked martial artists (Deadpool vs. Deathstroke vs. Batman)
30: Sequel to 21 (Rainbow Dash vs. Lightning McQueen)

31: Legendary Argument (Jack Sparrow vs. Si vs. Sheldon Cooper vs. Robert Downey, Jr. vs. Madea vs. House)
32: Crackheads (Cheech & Chong vs. Charlie Sheen)
33: Heroes that are full of themselves (Ben 10 vs. Ash Ketchum)
34: Book lovers (Twilight Sparkle vs. Lex Bookworm)
35: Animal Lovers (Fluttershy vs. Steve Irwin)
36: Beings within suits (Dalek vs. P'andor)
37: Rematch (Doc Brown vs. Doctor Who 3)
38: Famous Trios (Cutie Mark Crusaders vs. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything)
39: Rematch again.
40: Lay's vs. Pringles

41: Evil Clowns
42: Rematch
43: Justin of Pop vs. Justin of Country
44: Gorilla lovers.
45: Controversial female singers.
46: Parody makers
47: Pepsi vs. Coke

???: MARVEL enemies
???: NASCAR drivers

Statue of Liberty vs. U.S. Declaration of Independence (Frédéric Bartholdi vs. Thomas Jefferson)
Labor Day Creator (Peter McGuire vs. Matthew Maguire)
New World Explorers
Monsters
Veterans
Sun vs. Moon
Thanks vs. Greed
Dad vs. Son
Japan vs. America
Non-believers
New Years vs. End of an Eon
Pacifist vs. Assassin
1st President vs. Current President
St. Patrick's Day Special
Mythical creatures battle

CONNOR VS. JOHN WILKES BOOTHE! BEGIN!
John Wilkes Boothe
Hey. Yeah, you.
"Representing" the red, white, and blue.
Please. You were born to one white guy, the rest were Indians.
I doubt any of the other assassins are your kin-dian!
Tell me, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Who do you kill?
Those who don't even make a difference in the historical?
Everyone just acts the truth, you think it's all a game.
You're only called Connor cause we can't say your real name.
Connor
Ratonhnhaké:ton here to battle a wannabe.
You killed one guy, that's nothing compared to me.
People take my kills seriously every day they play.
As for you, everyone thought your little kill was part of a play.
John Wilkes Boothe
If I recall, I'm a historical figure in the AC.
So, fictionary, you gonna be the real MC?
List a real person you killed. None.
As for me, I killed Abraham Lincoln.
See ya, Kenny. There's business to be done.
Connor
Hardly someone in the game at all.
You see my relatives in all games, from now, until next fall.
What's your motive? No southern slavery?
I will say, that took some blind bravery.
Bitch, I'm from the colonies.
You can't tame me!

PEWDIEPIE VS. TOBUSCUS! BEGIN!
PewDiePie
How's it goin, Toby? My name's PEWDIEPIE!
Your face makes me scream louder than when I see Teleporting Naked Guy!
Genius Pewds gonna strike again.
You started Minecraft with a little mountain den!
FOR LADY GAGA! FOR OPRAH!
The way you yell in your videos makes you sound like Chewbacca!
Do you speak Chopnese?
Didn't think so! I'm a spit raps so fat, it will just be you, me, and the loading screen!
Tobuscus
Bless your face, PewDie.
Like everything I've killed, you'll be goin down, buddy.
One time you got a battle, but you were just dancin.
The only way you could win is if you were enhancin.
You say you love your "bros", leaves me debatin.
You may be the one rollin, but you're also the one hatin.
You think you can win? Such a deadmau5 thing to do!
Go dig yourself a hole, that's where I'll put you!
PewDiePie
What do you mean hole?
Like I said you couldn't even make your house bigger than an oval.
Strip you of your diamond sword.
Stuff you in those barrels without a safety torch.
I get ALL the ladies. You flirt with sugar cane.
I'd consider you a challenge but you can't frickin game!
Tobuscus
You think you can take my diamond sword?
I'll slice you harder than I did my floor boards!
To Narnia? Hah. Ride your mom into the sunset until her legs burst.
I'd say I'm gonna win, but I don't wanna give a spoiler alert.

Attachment 12781
(Credits to J1coupe for the iTunes cover)
R. L. STINE VS. K. A. APPLEGATE! BEGIN!
Stine
Alice, beware!
You're in for a scare!
Welcome to my Dead House, Kathy.
Even with your blue centaur, you can't scare me!
All my books scare people into bad hare days!
I spit raps so scary, they bring families back to the HorrorLand games!
Applegate
Let me Ax you a question. How many of your books are actually scary?
Actually give give Goosebumps? Those chances are wary!
I got the best book series Everworld saw.
Your stories make me as sick as Fever Swamp!
Stop living and stay out of my basement, you monster blood eating freak!
I'll send you to get eaten by your beast of the east!
Stine
If my stories are as bad as you say,
Why'd you use them in your verse, anyways?
Beat you in the piano lessons of murder!
Scare you with the phantom of my auditor!
Applegate
Get off the mic, Robert.
Even Marco would be scarier than your "horrors".
You got people scared of a doll, one turned to a dog.
There's where you copied me, I swear that was wrong.

Attachment 12782
(Credits to J1coupe for cover)
HAPPY APPY VS. MIDGET APPLE! BEGIN!
Midget Apple
HEY! It's Little Apple.
Gonna beat this blue eyed fruit cause his raps are pieces of crapple!
You got famous in 1999 on Noggin.
Now you're forgotten, but you're still kid stalkin!
You need a vacation, get out before you get hurt!
Need to stop helping little kids in your van, you're just an apple Herbert!
Happy Appy
Happy Appy here to save kids from their injuries.
I could even help them from being annoyed by that Orange-ry!
You got one time to shine, then you let the rest of the cast get crushed by a sign!
You did the crime, but no one made you do the time!
Your rhymes need a bandage, just step into my van.
You are stupid to think you can win, but that's just natural, my friend.
Midget Apple
Got banned off TV, got someone else killed.
Just from your face, I can tell you got a lisence to ill.
You call me stupid, but you have no room to talk.
You have to be pulled by a man's hand whenever you walk.
Happy Apple
At least I can walk, you piece of shit.
Children love me more than Mr. Rogers, battle that, clit.
Get away from my van, I don't have time to help you, sick.
Just go off and get sliced by Forenzik!

Attachment 12812
GUY FAWKES VS. THE MASK!
Guy Fawkes
En Gaurde! Going to whip this green faced fool into his doom.
Make your face blow up just like your tommy gun balloon!
I brought a Gunpowder Plot I'm going to use to whoop your ass.
If you're going to wear a mask, at least show some class.
Bring it on, you fool.
I'll stick my sword through you like it's The Mask Two!
The Mask
Hey there, Pussy In Boots!
I'll hip, then hop, then kick your ass like you were a Mafia baffoon!
Brought the Gunpowder Plot to beat me?
Please. That thing failed, don't you remember history?
It's Party Time. P-A-R-T. Y?
Cause I gotta whip this Spanish punk's ass with rhyme!
You best be runnin.
You think you can beat me? Pfft. What you been ssssssssssssssmokin?
I'm the best of masked figures, yes, them all.
Even better than that Phantom that looked like the masked Dorian Tyrell.
Phantom of the Opera
I look like Dorian, huh? Make your wolf mouth swallow those words.
You all are just a bunch of masked ass basterds.
You, Guy Fawkes, gay, right, folks?
You were inlisted as a man in a failed plot.
Now people just celebrate your death, so go rot!
And Ipkiss, you have the powers of the gods!
But you abuse them to get Cameron Diaz.
I am the master of I am the master of arts, you two got your hearts rip-rolled.
I bet even Zorro could have done better for each of those rolls.
Zorro
Did ya miss me?
I'll slice through all of your ambasses like you were chasin Mrs. Daae.
GF, initials of what you want to be.
Learn to use a sword, slice the bras off of femal-ies.
Stanley, you can't wear a mask.
Your actor was once making his face look like a bird's ass.
And you. Devil's child.
Got beat for your half deformed face for a while.
Got a province of victory.
The Masked Figure could have a worse story.
Masked Figure
Don't. Even. Start.
Bringin me up just made you look like a retard.
Get Miner 49er, the Zombie, and Captain Cutler to kick your asses.
You all rap so slow, you get beat by molasses.
You all are from history, but I am the current masked man.
It's in my name punk, just try to beat me now, man!

Attachment 12811
FAT ALBERT VS. GABRIEL IGLESIAS! BEGIN!
Fat Albert
HEY HEY HEY! IT'S FAAAAAAAT ALBERT! And I'm gonna rap out this Mexican fat ass!
Cause we all know which obese one has class!
We'll have some fun now, with me kickin your Iglesi-ass!
Learnin I am better, but that should be obvious!
Gabriel Iglesias
Thank you call for coming out!
I can't wait to make you all laugh once I crush this nigga out!
I ain't fat, I'm fluffy!
You look like a turkey after the Thanksgiving stuffy!
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN! Lay off those chocolate cakes, dude!
I got the best way to change my voices, even my girlfriend thinks it's cute!
Fat Albert
The chocolate cakes are your problem!
Stop smokin your tacos and eat em!
I speak to all the kids at home, through song and all!
You got a VolksWagen Beetle, one size too small!
Traded it out for a van that did nothin but stall!
Gabriel Iglesias
OH, HELL NO! Bring up Bill, Weird Harold, and Dumb Donald to brawl!
I'll stomp all your asses and your dumbass dolls!
Bring up a racist gift basket for you and your gang!
Stop eatin, you'll explode, but never bang!

LARRY THE CABLE GUY VS. THE CABLE GUY! BEGIN!
Larry the Cable Guy
Git-R-Don, boys!
I got as much money as it takes to pay for ONE of your electro-toys!
You stalked Matthrew Brodrick, what, you gay?
I'm surprised with all your doins you see the light of day!
I'm a redneck, and can rap better than you!
Let's just see how good you do against my Git-R-Don tattoo!
The Cable Guy
Hey there, buddy! Want some extra channels?
I can let you play Big Game Hunter with a friend from Seattle!
Just like Steven, you just suck!
For Danny Lawrence Whitney, the cable price just went up!
Look, before this gets any badder.
You can be my best friend, or my worst enemy, you prefer the latter!
Larry the Cable Guy
Who needs cable? Someone called the cable guy!
No not you. They don't like you, instead, the choose I!
You got fired cause you got too personal with customers!
All your desperate acts prove that you're a loser!
The Cable Guy
Once you're hooked, you're his.
Can't battle gainst my biz!
I'm a real cable guy! You used that name for publicity!
So kiss my ass, Larry! And then go back to your criticitry!

Attachment 12810
GENERAL CORNWALLIS VS. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER! BEGIN!
General Cornwallis
Serving Henry Clinton, starting in 1776.
I've been kicking American asses. Eisenhower, you're next.
Shoot you with rap just like I did that stupid boy.
I prefer Obama to this little president toy!
I was a Member of the Parliament! JFK got chosen over you.
Need to stop your politics, your term is way overdue!
Dwight D. Eisenhower
You brought yourself up through Clinton? That should be an insult!
Go back to the Eye in Suffolk.
Your raps are as corny as your name, they go straight up the Wallis.
You need to work on your raps, here's a Dutch Pennsyl.
You failed to seige Charleston!
I got a successful France and German invasion from the Front of the Western!
General Cornwallis
Calm down, go back to the sons of 6.
I don't need to kick your ass to get my kicks!
Have Nixon help you rap, cause you're no good without help!
Try and redepose that Iranian coup!
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Quiet, Chucky. Your face looks just like his.
You got killed in the War of Independence!
I'm the Republican of senator Robert A. Taft.
The way you lost in your battles just makes me laugh!

Attachment 12809
EON KID VS. ASTRO BOY! BEGIN!
Eon Kid
Hey there, Atom. Just a question, is your penis as big as your name?
Come on, little buddy. Bring on your little Chin-Ti-Tan game!
You co-exist with humans. I'm one, just more "armed".
Full robots keep humans on alarm.
Bring on all your friends, from McLaw to Mustachio!
My own fist is smarter than Professor Ochanomizu!
Astro Boy
Shut up, wannabe! I'm a real robot!
Why don't you an Ally go home and get something started?
I'm the future of Earth, you're the creation of ruins!
Go on home, and cry to Buttons!
Eon Kid
Uran out of rhymes that quickly?
That's so sad, I'm considering giving you pity!
Go fuck with your little brother, Jetto!
We all know that you're just the robot ghetto!
Astro Boy
I got more Violet raps than your arm could handle.
My rhymes are more evil than General!
Scar you with my raps.
You try to win, but not even Zhang gives a crap!

Attachment 12808
JOHNNY TEST VS DEXTER! BEGIN!
Dexter
I am Dexter! Boy Genius!
You got flaming hair on your penis!
Get out of my laboratory!
You couldn't even look better in the Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi!
I'm from the time where Cartoon Network had real comedy!
You look like you're from a failed test in astronomy!
Johnny Test
Whoa!
Calm down, bro!
I'm beating you right now, what, you didn't know?
Okay, Dorkster. You got a big brain, I'll admit.
But all your things fail, why don't you just quit?
Mandark's a better scientist than you!
You can't even choose if you like orange or blue!
Dexter
Stop, flaming head boy!
I'd prefer battling with that Bling-Bling Boy!
I chose Einstein as my inspiration, you got a coffee drinking dog!
Fuck off man, and be tortured by your sisters that look like frogs!
Johnny Test
Good thing you went. That was convenient!
I'll beat you so bad, you'll think it's Dee Dee's Mandark Secret!
Oooh! Didn't see that coming?
Go back to failing, I'll be guitar strumming!

PEWDIEPIE VS. TOBUSCUS! BEGIN!
PewDiePie
I gotta battle this guy again?
For what? Just so I can put him in his murder bird pen?
Tobuscus
That's enough PewDie. I'm gonna win again.
You are slightly better now, but I'm still better times ten!
UberHaxorNova
Both of you shut up!
I am the real YouTube sensation, I'm at the top!
Daneboe
Hey, Apples! I got the best raps of all you!
Cause you are all the equalities of YouTube Poop!
SkyDoesMinecraft
In Soviet Russia, rap battle you!
I show all the mods, and each of them could rap better than you!
Honeydew
Diggy diggy hole!
I got better British raps then all of you American hoes!
iJustine
I wanna beef against these penis-less rappers!
But I didn't get my burger, but I got the most week viewers!
Shane Dawson
I'm the world's best impersonator, you better know it!
You guys better give up, and take a Vacate!
NicePeter
Fuck all of you. I'm the reason ERB is around.
No matter what Justine, Simon, or Toby say, I can rap each of you YouTube wannabes into the ground!

JASON ALDEAN VS. EMINEM! BEGIN!
Eminem
Yo, yo. Your palms are sweaty.
Cowboy hat makes you look like Betty.
I'm gonna beat you, wanna know Why?
I'm the real rapper, just ask Royce da 5'9!
Hold your horses, Aldine, this is the Eminem Show!
You're just battling me cause you're a fan, like Stan, so Thank You!
Jason Aldean
You're whatever I say you are.
In that case, I say you're just that homeless drunk from the bar!
I'm the best musical artist in the world!
You're a white man who thinks he's black, you got your brains twirled!
I'm a country singer that can spit raps better than a rapper.
You're original name was from a candy wrapper!
Eminem
I love the way you're lying, Jason.
I'll be spittin out my Encores while you're drinkin from your jar of Mason!
I'm a lyrical magician.
I made one song in the west, but that was against my tradition.
You can't fuckin judge me.
You'd have to walk 8 Miles in my shoes to understand me!
Jason Aldean
I've been told that before by some other city kids.
I couldn't give less of a damn, so just shut your lips!
Marshall, Relapse and Refill you're empty rhymes.
I'd beat you on my Dirt Road Anthem, but that would just be Wastin Time!

GORDON FREEMAN VS. MORGAN FREEMAN! BEGIN!
Morgan Freeman
Hello there, Half-Life.
You ain't got a voice. And no real character design.
I've got the Street Smart to rap you out.
I'm already done here, and you have no voice. So just GTF out.
[Gordon Freeman opens a door and Gabe Newell steps out]
Gaben
It's the penguin marcher!
Rappin so bad, you're worse than the name "Dyson Poincaré"!
You're just like Clint Eastwood with your million dollar babies.
No good battling me, go drive Miss Daisy!
Morgan Freeman
That's probably the worst excuse for not being able to rap I've seen.
I'm gonna beat you so bad that you're Shawshank Redempting.
I've got Unforgiven Glory and there's no doubt.
I've got you both going Through the Wormhole.
Gaben
I thought your raps in the first verse were bad.
I don't give a Fuchs about you or Red.
You've got so much voice, it's just what leads you to hate.
You're as bad of a Robin Hood as the Windows 8.

NED FLANDERS VS. DINKELBERG! BEGIN!
Ned Flanders
Hey-Diddly-ho!
I'd rather not fight you, but I guess I have to do so.
I'm the reason that Bart was happy in the movie!
You're the reason Mr. Turner wants to get rid of Timmy's money!
You stupid, nose-face man!
I've got so much skill, I could beat the Klan.
Dinkleberg
Hey, Flanders! I'm operation number one! You're the son of a diddly.
Bout to smack you up, but knowing you, it will just make you giggly.
I at least try to please everyone.
You make yourself seem racist to everybody except Christians.
Ned Flanders
At least my show can have different religions.
Your show just has flying pigeon-looking midgets!
I got a big bushy mustache and I ain't afraid to show it.
And unlike you, my haters let it be noticed.
Dinkleberg
Ooooooh! I'm so scared!
Are those glasses or your eyes? I just really can't be said.
I'm an entrepreneur.
You're just the Simpson that's poor.

I'm kinda confused, some of your lines doesn't rhymes at all... Like "religion" and "midget". Where are you from ?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Clemi

I'm kinda confused, some of your lines doesn't rhymes at all... Like "religion" and "midget". Where are you from ?

---

It's a specialized type of rhyme called slant rhyme, where there is a bit of a rhyme-- this time in the "idj-eh" sound.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaNCHA

It's a specialized type of rhyme called slant rhyme, where there is a bit of a rhyme-- this time in the "idj-eh" sound.

---

Yes. Yes it is.

DOC BROWN VS. DOCTOR WHO! BEGIN!
Doc Brown
I don't wanna know who you are or anything about you. Not that anyone does.
I'm reading history books, nothing said about you or your TARDIS.
You're just the Doctor Who nobody cares about!
You've got way too many looks, I can't tell which one looks more dated out!
Doctor Who
Hm. Hello there, Brown, still not ginger.
Stop wasting your time on dropout's cars just with two-seaters.
I'm the Doctor, remember that.
Asking the question is not for you brats.
I'm getting younger and younger, everyone wants to be me, even Russell Brand!
This verse is a forever Sonic Screwdriver to you.
You would be trapped in the bathroom and still smell like poop.
I've seen you somewhere.. Where was that?
Oh, in Universal Studios, serving chicken with a side of rats!
You got all butthurt about my time machine.
You tried to build one yourself, oh, you earthlings.
I wouldn't offer you a Jelly Baby in my life.
I have two more, stab you as them, with knives
Whoop, Allon-sy. Geronimo!
I've reversed the polarity of the neutron flow!
Doc Brown
Things are about to get heavy for you, Theta!
Listen here, Fifth, you're about to meet your creator!
Bring it on, self proclaimed "Supremo".
I'm beating you through time, just let your little friends go!
I'm going back to the future, once, twice, and a third time!
You're just sitting in a little phone booth, Hello, McFly!
You leave people trying to figure out your name for hours!
My rhymes are going faster than 88 miles per hour!
[DeLorean runs over Fifth Doctor]
Doctor Who
ACK MY SPINE! ..Is this death?...
[Regenerating into Eleventh Doctor]
Ah! Legs, still got legs. Unlike you, old hag, with white hair, yeah? Because I know I'm gonna have to run.
Just checking if my body still works, but it's still fun!
An apple a day keeps The Doctor away, but I'm gonna kick you in the fruit, you desert-mopping primitive.
At least college boys is what I'm not limiting!
Now, come along, Pond.
Just watch as I bring your car down, it needs a new paint job.
Maybe.. blonde?
Nah, how about ginger.
I'm the raggedy Doctor, not your raggy Doctor.
What the hell even, is your first name, Fucktard?
I will exterminate, no room for any upgrades, time to Sonic you out of the way.
You battled me without any choice, but not in the name of the Doctor.
You turned science fiction into drama!
[A blue flash occurs between the two, which fades into Dr. Sam Beckett]
Dr. Sam Beckett
I theorized you can travel through the time of your lifetime.
You two little "Doctors" are nothing compared to my machine of time!
Emmett, you can use that little car of yours to go straight up the ass of the rapper with the same name.
Who, are you? You travel to different times but that's not the same game!
Jesse, Bobo, and all the others, come join the crowd.
Let's see where Ziggy is gonna send me off to next, cause I just put my mission down!
[Dr. Sam Beckett disappears in the blue flash]





Note: I co-wrote this. Doc Brown and Sam Beckett lines were done by me. The Doctor lines were done by the wiki user Cornmuffin.

WALL-E VS. TERMINATOR! BEGIN!
Terminator
This battle takes place after the events of Judgement Day.
I wipe out remains of the human race, you better go back to your truck and play.
You look like series T1. I'm a humanoid hunter.
You best cube yourself, you're just Wal-Mart's blunder.
Took you 700 years to realize your purpose.
I'd like to see you battle against the Skynet systems.
WALL-E
Dang. You got worse dirt than me
Even M-O couldn't keep you're metal ass clean.
I prefer helpin out humanity.
Getting rid of the evidence just gives you the Auto insanity.
You think your Skynet friends are gonna scare me?
Wait till they see what happens when I get the gun-arm of EVE.
Terminator
I don't care about your Recolonize plot.
I'll destroy you all with just this metal pot!
Stop your Forever Alone life.
You're just stealin the sun from the rest of us.
You can't battle, you're just a little bot with the brain of bush.
WALL-E
You're as black as a ******.
Voiced by Schwarzanegger.
I got years alive, all the others shut down.
So stop rhymin, Arnie. WALL-E's bringin the humans back down.

METAPOD VS. KAKUNA! BEGIN!
Metapod
Metapod. Better than the rest.
Metapod. Just admit it, I'm the best.
I was the first one of use to be used by Ash.
Now we've been let go. So I can use raps to my advantage to bash.
You're a little spikey worm.
I'm from the real animal that can change it's form.
You've got little spikes that can't be sharpened.
I was battling your mom last night, using harden.
Kakuna
I'm about to Beedrilling you out with my rhymes as hard as my shell.
You can't defeat me, don't even try, Trancell.
I evolve into a feared form. I believe we've met before, where was that?
I don't think it really matters. So why don't you just stop your rapping, and get that nose off your back.
[Metapod and Kakuna begin glowing white]
Announcer
What's this? Metapod and Kakuna are evolving into.....
[The glowing stops]
BUTTERFREE VS. BEEDRILL!
Butterfree
I've got toxic dust.
You're just the Pokemon blush.
I'm beating you with my water-repellent powdered wings.
You're not even good enough to be like real bees.
Beedrill
Watch your words, Butterfag.
I'll beat you anywhere, from the Pokeball, to the carrier bag.
I'm the reason the owners of your cocoon form stopped their battle. You can't beat me.
You may have toxic dust, but I got the venom sting.

AL CALAVICCI VS. TUPAC! BEGIN!
Tupac
No one else can see you, but you can put All Eyez On Me.
I could squash you, even without my Black Panther Party.
I'm the greatest MC of all time.
You're just a little hologram that can see Sam's failed experiment of time.
No one knows your real purpose in the Quantum Leap experiment.
My rhymes are so good that they got switched to Amaru Entertainment.
Al Calavicci
Oh, boy. Ziggy, tell me why the hell I'm here to battle this black man who's only got a two pack.
Or was it a sex pack?
Even my filthy mind can't tell what it is.
Gooshie, tell me where the damn door is so that I can kick this guy out like he's the evil quantum scientist.
I'm the entire reason Sam's still alive.
You got shot in the street by a bunch of ghetto guys.
I will admit that you're the only rapper good at being conversational.
But my rhymes are so sick, they make you need a hospital.
Tupac
I need a hospital? You're the one shot in the head....head....head....
[Mirroring the real events, Tupac falls, dead]
Announcer
Someone please come finish this battle. Someone....
Nas
I got this. Come on, Albert. I'm gonna dis you with my inconsistent output.
Almost bust out your eardrums like it was a shoot up.
I Am the way It Was Written.
You Owe Me big time, leave you smitten.
Jay-Z, Eminem, Dr. Dre.
All my allies, you just got 5 failed marriages, you gay?
Al Calavicci
If I were gay, I wouldn't have as much of a filthy mind as I do, just ask Sam.
You'll get smashed like Kamikaze Kid's car did in the bridge cram.
You're just here to replace the original opponent.
You're only hope is if you would have gotten the name of your old Nas Album.

PSY VS. SI! BEGIN!
PSY
Oppa Gangnam Style!
I'm beating this veteran redneck through my Korean rapping styles!
I'm a Gentleman, you're just a camo man obsessed with saying Jack.
Put off on the end of it, and it reveals what can make you break your back.
I'm enjoying battling you only because I am winning.
Give up now, Si. Go back to duck head swimming.
Si
Hey, Jack!
I'm bringing redneck rap back.
Just admit I'm better. This is now Gangnam Si-le!
There is no better way to say that I am winning, go back to your Asain Isle!
I beat you guys in a war. This is just the same.
I'm ringing in your ears, Jack, your raps are lame.
PSY
Si, you got your countries mixed up.
I'm Korean, not Vietnamese. I think you're Jack-ed up.
I'm calling all your ducks, they're leaving. Your calls aren't correctly made.
Perhaps if you weren't so busy messin around with campers and donuts you might get some fame.
Si
Look here, Jack. That camper gave me fame.
You couldn't beat me in a shooting range.
I'm thirsty, gonna drink down my ice tea.
I can't understand your song lyrics, you're wasting your time, trust me!
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Jack! This battle's done!
You're just as bitchy as all them heffers, son.

HATSUNE MIKU VS. WHITNEY HOUSTON! BEGIN!
Whitney Houston
I influenced black girls to follow my footsteps.
You're just a Japanese app that's worse than Dubstep.
I'm a real singer, unlike you.
Everyone knows your anime ass is fake, just look at your hair of light blue.
Hatsune Miku
I'm powered by Vocaloid 2. I'm beating you now, cause I'm the star of a Toyota commercial.
Your hair looks like it's too twirled.
Moving on to Vocaloid 3.
I'm the best, you can't beat me.
Whitney Houston
How Will I Know I'm winning? Cause it's obvious.
You're a fake singer, I'm the real singing actress.
Chibi, why are you still battling? You'll never live to tell the tale.
I'm not even Waiting to Exhale.
Hatsune Miku
Synthesizing songs since 2007.
Me never live? You died 2/11!
You're being beat by a 16-year-old.
I'm sampled from Saki, and that's just me beginning to unfold.

SKYDOESMINECRAFT VS. CAPTAINSPARKLEZ! BEGIN!
SkyDoesMinecraft
Screw TNT. I got budder for all.
I'm here with a copyright claim of Minecraft Style.
I'm the best. Your whole kingdom fell.
You want revenge? You couldn't even beat a squid in a well.
Captain Sparklez
Adam, why are you so against squids?
Did they do something horrible to you as a kid?
It's called gold, not budder.
All your mod showcases turned your brains to rubber.
No one knows what you look like. You hide behind a screen.
You make Tobuscus look smart, oh, and also Pewdie.
SkyDoesMinecraft
Go back to your legal consulation, Jordan.
Maybe you'll get lucky and Minecraft Style will no longer be aborted.
You never ruled the land. You're lying.
You'll get beat in this so bad I'll make you CaptainCrying.
Captain Sparklez
I shoot my arrows into the Sky, don't you know?
That would leave you the one crying, I'm surprised you want to go.
I've got the best raps from the redstone traps to the fallen kingdom.
You want to battle me? Well, all I have to say is sofa kingdom.

RAINBOW DASH VS. LIGHTNING MCQUEEN! BEGIN!
Lightning McQueen
Ca-chow! I AM speed. You can't compare.
I'm Lightning McQueen! Come race me at rap if you dare.
You're skills are rusty, Rainbow. Here's some Rust-eze.
I'm racing in rap round corner three.
I don't need wings to be the fastest rapper.
You got the slowest animal ever, should have gotten a trapper.
Rainbow Dash
You know, McQueen. You could use something to get yourself 20% cooler.
How about the Rainblow Dry? Even that couldn't fix you to be faster than Bueller.
I can't believe this. You look like an even more messed up version of Discord.
Get out while you can, McQueen. You're rapping on my record.
Lightning McQueen
I'm racing round the curb, round the butte.
Racing right into kicking your rainbow shoot.
I got pulled into the World Grand Prix and won.
As for you, you're just a little blue pony, hon.
Rainbow Dash
Your lightning is fake. Mine's a real one.
It got given to me through a Sonic Rainboom. I'm the only one.
No one can go faster than me. Not even the Doc.
I could run right through all of your WGP races and spin out the clock.

SLENDERMAN VS. ENDERMAN! BEGIN!
Slenderman
I'm a real monster. Depicted as evil.
You're nothing, Enderman. Just as silly as a weasel.
I'd suggest you go back to the End and weep yourself to death.
I'll beat you so bad, that your one-block mouth will run out of breath.
I bring fear to the woods. You're just a nuetral mob.
I'll kill you, craft a stick, and eat the Ender Pearl kabob!
Enderman
Look here, bitch.
I wanna say stuff to your face, but it doesn't exist.
I go up one block without having to jump.
You give static screens if you're not starin at kids' rumps.
I crush you, Slendy. You only give positive YouTube feedback.
Beware, Slenderman. I'm in my hostile Enderman attack.
Slenderman
I got eight pages for you to find. But you can't do it if it's raining.
You better leave while you can. I could beat you without sword training.
People fear me. They kill you with H2O.
You can't beat me. I'm a Minecraft Slenderpro.
Enderman
I don't know what your problem is, Slender.
You got worse problems than Bender.
I'll drop a diamond block on your ass, ******.
Then go back home and protect the Ender Dragon.

IRON MAN VS. GENERATOR REX! BEGIN!
Iron Man
Bitch, please. I shouldn't have to battle. I'm Robert Downey, Jr.
You couldn't beat me, not with that jetpack or those robot boots that bust losers.
I'm the best hero out of Marvel. You're what's left of Tennyson.
You got pounded in the middle of a city I saved, Manhattan.
You couldn't fight if an accident didn't happen.
I got my powers from a Cold War tech to fight Communism.
Generator Rex
You're hardly a superhero. You can't even put on your own suit.
You have robots in the building do it for you. You couldn't even take off one of your iron boots.
You look like Van Kleiss with his Nanites gone even more crazy.
You can't beat anyone on your own. You rely on the Avengers and Illuminati.
Iron Man
You're the doll of a multi-armed gothic girl. I'm the best hero.
Bitch, I'm Iron Man. The number under your name in the poll down there will be zero.
The Avengers and Illumanti are just partners, not the main event.
Face it, Rex. We aren't even close to even.
Generator Rex
Got that right, Tony. I'm much greater than you.
I took the whole world's Nanites and made them into a weak robot, just like you.
In another world, you got killed by Mister Fantastic.
Aquania to Abyssus. Bug Jar to Pocket Dimension. I can beat you even if we were in your own attic.

NELSON MANDELA VS. ROSA PARKS! BEGIN!
Nelson Mandela
I bet you law studies I will win this battle.
I don't need to fight a woman who had a bus seat battle.
I'll leave your boycott in Montgomery in the Pollsmoor Prison.
March down your street like the Ku Klux Klansmen.
Your bus is just at a museum now, no more glory days.
You may not give your seat up, but the police can make you raise.
Rosa Parks
I wasn't tired that day. Except tired of giving in.
I'm more trusted with seats than your Thembu regent.
I can stomp you out while sitting down.
Then drive you out of your Mvezo town.
I admit, you are a good president.
But in 1999, you were out of that resident.
Nelson Mandela
You only had hardships after your protest.
Even during World War II, I was still able to rest.
You got released, but then became a hostess for Hampton Institute.
I've seen better crap from a prostitute.
Rosa Parks
There's no room for you on the Underground Railroad.
You'll have to stand like my color did on the bus road.
I'd leave you in your non-violent path.
Then say Ghandi can kiss my ass.

DANIEL BOONE VS. DAVY CROCKETT! BEGIN!
Daniel Boone
Gonna blaze you like I did my Wilderness road.
Is there any act of Congress that you do not oppose?
You're a resident of a Limestone community.
You've got the most boring autobiography.
You're just a little Freemason.
People trust me more than your masonic apron.
Davy Crockett
You're a male whore! Ten children!
Most of your adventures were legends!
I died fighting the Alamo.
How you died, the world may never know.
Every time someone moved near you, you left.
What's your problem, Dan? You under people skills stress?
Daniel Boone
I moved every time to keep my resources clean.
Your poster is false, you can't ride on a croc-a-dilly!
You've got too many namesakes, David.
Most of them are in Texas, probably Austin.
Davy Crockett
Every thing is bigger in Texas, my friend.
But I believe that your dick isn't. Not now, not in the end.
I'm legendary for my coonskin hat. You took credit.
You got wrong remains dug up. No evidence? Here's my forensics.

I like your battles Richard! They don't get as much cred as they deserve :)

OLIVER & LISA VS. RARITY & APPLEJACK! BEGIN!
Oliver & Lisa
We got a unicorn and an earth pony to battle.
One is has a rock on her butt, much like a tat.
The other named after a cereal.
Are you serious?
During our show, you could talk out of lip sync.
Even with all her animals and kindness, even Fluttershy thinks you stink.
Rarity & Applejack
Look here, ya'll.
We have fancier and countrier raps than a fashion mall.
I don't wanna cause trouble, truthfully.
But I must say, you two thinking you can win is quite silly.
Oliver & Lisa
Silly is our thing. Our show's a comedy.
Your show is just something about little ponies.
Without your butt symbols, you're rendered useless.
Arnold could do better, just with pig noises.
Rarity & Applejack
No one says that the Applefarmers are useless.
Even I must admit, that was quite foolish.
Next time, think before you want to battle us.
We'll leave you in the moon like what happened to Luna the Princess.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Breaking Brad

I like your battles Richard! They don't get as much cred as they deserve :)

---

Thanks!

MAVERICK VS. ROCKFORD! BEGIN!
Rockford
I'm gonna start this battle through private eyes.
I'm surprised in your show that you haven't been seen as the bad guy.
You're just the Devil on my doorstep. I got falsely imprisoned.
I'd let you rap, but I wouldn't listen.
Maverick
I admit, you may be good enough for a Silver Star.
But I'll still beat you anywhere, from your prison, to my western bar.
You're as ignorant as all those drunks in the saloon.
I'll shoot up your mobile home in the town of Malibu.
Like your second last name syllable, you must be fixed or repaired daily.
I'm gonna beat you now, cause you're a convicted person that's crazy.
Rockford
You're partner is the ex-owner of the bar. What's that about?
I bet that's why you have to go through different towns!
I'm the country veteran who is a perfect P.I.
You're just the one thing that made our actor fail and cry!
Maverick
You even call yourself a chicken, why are you even here?
I'm already beating you, that should be clear, Meeker.
You're the worst of the worst, the most unbelievable detective.
Once Deadlock in Parma came around, you were rejected!

JOHNNY APPLESEED VS. ANNOYING ORANGE! BEGIN!
Johnny Appleseed
I've got a knife here, a blender there.
Me and my apples in this battle make it unfair.
I'm a farming business man.
And I've got a business plan.
To rap out this orange and his fruit clan.
Annoying Orange
Hey, Apple. Yeah, I'm talkin to you.
It's even in your name, oh, boo hoo.
Numunmnumnumnumnum. You're whole life got wasted.
By planting apple trees for the North that never tasted.
You're an animal lover. Stayed single your whole life.
Just so that you could get two girlfriends after you died.
Johnny Appleseed
I got two, yes, that's true.
And you're still struggling to get Passion Fruit.
What is this motorboating you're doing?
You just do it in your videos cause you know you're losing.
Annoying Orange
Ok, Poe-Tay-Toe. You've got some good points.
But nothing compares to Knife and his toys.
No one could do the tongue noise without me.
And no one knows when you died, but I'm sure it wasn't March 18.

FREDERIC BARTHOLDI VS. THOMAS JEFFERSON! BEGIN!
Frédéric Bartholdi
Let me sculpt out some rhymes for this third president.
My statue's so popular there is a replica of it in my residence.
You couldn't show freedom if it weren't for me.
You're getting some French disses from Bartholdi.
There's no escaping being dependent from my rhymes.
James Madison took the spot at the end of your time.
Thomas Jefferson
Prepare yourself, Frédéric. You're going to be Aaron Burrned.
You are getting taxed on your raps. You don't get another turn.
I Declare that the Statue of Liberty was needed by me causing Independence.
I'll bet you and get paid with my lawyer experience.
Frédéric Bartholdi
Trust me, Jefferson. This is just a Général Rapp.
When compared, what you did was a piece of crap.
I prefer a Square Union to a Facsimile copy.
I've been doing statue work until I was dead at 70.
Thomas Jefferson
I rediscovered the law of nature.
Your female statue's chest has obviously never matured.
I'm a member of Congress, minister of your country.
I have scientific knowledge of ethnography.

DEADPOOL VS. DEATHSTROKE VS. BATMAN! BEGIN!
Deadpool
Nice costumes, Slade and Bruce.
Gonna leave all your parents in a noose.
I break the fourth wall for everyone's humor.
You two beat up kids and clowns and give them tumors.
You're a billionaire, you're a man not of his age.
Break you to the ground and put you in a cage.
Deathstroke
I'm a Terminator.
No, not Schawrzanegger.
I'll ravage your Gotham-ic asses.
This battle's wasting my time, I should be spanking Terra's ass.
Titans hunt, Titans plague.
You have no powers, and you're just a partner of Mag.
Batman
I beat Sherlock Holemes already. You'll be just as easy.
My predecessors came from McCully and Orczy.
Your rhymes are horrible. They could cause a Death of a Stroke.
And then I'll leave you Dead in a Pool, and I'm not even laughing at my jokes.
Deadpool
You're Nightwing and Bats of Prey.
I didn't need more than 69 issues. Just ask Gail.
Deathstroke made peace with the Titan's because of Starfire.
Here's a riddle. How do you mask the face of someone whose parents have had a dire?
Deathstroke
By giving him a gay-ass outfit that was going to be brighter.
I have no friends, according to the Agents of Hydra.
And I'm glad I made peace, cause now I can get a little bit lucky.
You both are the worst characters ever, way past sucky.
Batman
They made me black and gray.
And instead of wings I got a cape.
But neither of you two have those, I say.
I may have black clothing, but I wouldn't even by hunted by the KK Klan.
Come on, bitches. I'm Batman.

RAINBOW DASH VS. LIGHTNING MCQUEEN! BEGIN!
Rainbow Dash
It's ladies first this time, McQueen.
Or maybe ladies forever. That's right, just leave, please.
I bet your raps aren't cooler by 20%.
Without Mater, you would be left in a heap with dents.
Lightning McQueen
You used that 20% line last time, Ms. Dash.
I'll make a cameo in Airplanes to make a Pixar clash.
Silver Spoon entertains me more than you.
I'll e-race your Cutie Mark like it's Mystery Magical Cure 2.
Rainbow Dash
Friendship is magic, that much is true.
But I don't think any friendship could be magical with you.
If it weren't for me, the others wouldn't have their Cutie Marks.
So just leave while you can. I'll be sure to tell the media you couldn't make a drag-strip mark.
Lightning McQueen
I'll leave you spinning in circles, Rainbow.
And I know this will be an insult, you're too slow.
You're a puny little Pegasus that doesn't know when enough is enough.
And obviously you are not the toughest of the tough.

JACK SPARROW VS. SI VS. SHELDON COOPER VS. ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. VS. MADEA VS. HOUSE!
Jack Sparrow
To start off, I'd like to diss out Greg.
You didn't start out in your career, you were inspired instead.
Madea, you're no woman, you're played by a man.
I'll take and read your Diary of a Mad Black Woman.
Silus, why do you keep saying my name?
You don't know me like that, but I'll beat you just the same.
And Sheldon, I'll keep you Cooped up like dirt.
I'd hate to break it to you, but you failed that time machine short.
Junior. What else can I say?
You're so unoriginal you took your own dad's name.
Si
Hey, Jack. Yes, you.
Need to stop with your raps cause they're no good!
House, you're named after what we live in.
You killed your own muscle and needed an amputation.
Madea, you're played by your creator.
Go to court and manage your anger.
Sheldon, you came from Texas? Ain't no way that's true.
Cause things are bigger there. But that didn't seem to happen to you.
Sheldon Cooper
Si, please, calm down. You're dealing with someone who was a child prodigy.
If I lost to you, it would be just like how you talk: illogically.
Gregory, you should have waited until to battle a lawyer.
But last I checked, you were shot in Lawyer vs. Doctor.
Madea, violence never solved anything.
If you use your words, you can beat people by singing.
And Downey. You're name isn't just from your dad.
You got named after a cleaner that makes a soft bed.
Robert Downey, Jr.
I beat Loki, I can sure crack you, Plankton.
You believe that we were created by an accidental explosion.
House, if you were a real doctor.
You would use real medicine instead of painkillers and a walker.
Madea only threatens cause she knows she can't do anything.
Bark and no bite, that's how I'm describing.
Jack's a little pirate going to get killed by Connor's grandpa.
And no one is threatened by your dirt jar.
Si, we don't care about any of your redneck crap.
Instead of "Hey, Jack", why don't you get hijacked?
Madea
Well when you gettin' got and somebody done got you and you go get them, when you get em', everybody's gon' get got.
Downey, you're beat already, so give yourself to my cops.
House, you got a coma then chronic pain.
How can a doctor be what you claim?
My gun is better than your sword, Sparrow.
Talking about my actor is a new low.
I may be overreactive, but at least I don't give ducks some blows.
Si, you're so stupid, that you went and ate coon poop.
Sheldon Cooper. Use your science to make a shield for your coop.
Then tell me how it goes when you fail at a time loop.
House
Madea may be female, but not according to her Body & Soul.
You're just a man dressed in girls clothes and jelly rolls.
Sparrow is a bird pirate, none of my medicines could fix.
Pepe le Pew got you made, but I don't think that's worse than Si's siblings, more than 6.
As for Sheldon and Robert, they're just other scientists.
I've got nothing against them, except a few of their disses.

CHEECH & CHONG VS. CHARLIE SHEEN! BEGIN!
Cheech & Chong
This Mexican-American is about to be beat.
By a comedy duo that has yet to taste defeat.
Your show was pedophilic, running around with a little kid.
Here's some Coke. Oops, it's the soda. My bad.
You're a cocaine smoking ranting vocal critic of Mr. Lorre.
I'd watch your movies, but I don't want to be bored.
Charlie Sheen
Dave's not here, nope. It's Charlie Sheen.
Believe me, you two, I'll wipe your smoking bitching faces clean.
Earache my eye of you two, cause you're so unattractive.
One of you voices a car, the other's a hippie. I'm surprised you still live.
Cheech & Chong
Still Smoking Up in Smoke.
What's the big deal with drinking Pepsi and not Coke?
You never came back after your show's hiatus.
Before today, we never did anything to make you hate us.
You came into a movie with the name of something you need.
You were the most paid actor, wanting more money. What's with all that greed?
Charlie Sheen
You two barely got together after all your movies.
Now you're just sitting at home and lonely.
I may have been out of Two And A Half Men,
But remember this, Everybody Loves Raymond.