Julius Ceasar vs Castro?
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Julius Ceasar vs Castro?
Vincent van Gogh vs Dorian Gray rematch?Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolMeNever
We see a first person view of someone...or something awaking in a forest.
It's either Slenderman vs Boogieman or John Dillinger vs. Robin Hood
We see a first person view of someone...or something awaking in a forest.
The thing blinks a few times and looks around.
"Oh," it says aloud, "so that's your game, is it?"
"Come on out! I know you're there!" it yells.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
The screen goes black, and when it re-appears, a tall, faceless man stands in front of you.
SLENDERMAN!
"Heh. Knew it."
VS!
The camera zooms out from the first person view, to reveal a creature with a
twisted face, and a smile...
"This'll be fun."
THE BOOGIEMAN!
BEGIN!
Boogieman:
Hiding in the woods? No surprise after that slaughter.
But if he wants round two, I'll gladly crush this f***er!
There's so many pictures and videos, it's almost like you want the attention.
You're like the high school slut, who never got daddy's affection!
I'd mock your fanbase, at least, I would if anyone gave a s***.
And your teleporting crap? Just a lame parlor trick!
How about I become the first to make the "great" Slenderman bleed?
The only person you'll ever scare is a chicken-s*** Swede!
Slenderman:
I enjoy suffering, and yours will be glorious!
Nobody's ever defeated me; you aren't and WON'T be the first.
It's sad when Phone is more frightening than you.
But don't worry, your shame will end soon.
My featureless face inspires nightmares in anyone who sees it.
Your lines are off the mark, you're spouting nothing but bulls***!
You're a forgotten creature, Boogie, I've taken your place.
This is the end. I'll make you vanish without a trace.
*A tentacle extends from Slenderman, and wraps around Boogieman's neck.
As the life is being choked out of him, and new voice appears...*
"A rap battle?" the pale boy asks "Heh...sounds interesting."
*Slenderman, as if knowing the boy, disappears as quickly as he appeared.*
Jeff the Killer:
Heh...it looks like you're having trouble sleeping...
Didn't mean to interrupt, but I'll gladly keep you bleeding.
I kill anyone who crosses me, you're just another victim.
I'll cut your neck open, with nothing but a grin!
I ripped Slenderman apart, and I'll gladly cut you deep.
Now then...go to sleep!
*With his knife in his hand, Jeff moves towards Boogieman, until a tentacle holds
him back.*
*Boogieman cracks his neck, and begins to speak.*
"Well...I suppose I can work with you in crushing the pale brat."
Slenderman/Boogieman(Both):
Someone uglier than me? Hard to believe.
Before this battle's over, I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve.
You ripped apart Slendy? Well, that's not hard, but...
Now it's two against one.You're royally f***ed.
You killed your whole family, eh? Pretty generic.
Let me quote Slenderman here. You're just an annoying tick!
A punk with a knife can't hope to compete with me.
Not only that, but your stories are seriously lacking quality!
You're the laughing stock of Creepypasta, you think you're taken seriously?
Who Was Phone is scarier than you.You're not threating in the least!
*The screen cuts to black. A scream is heard.*
[spoiler:25wkvexp]AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT[/spoiler:25wkvexp]
HAHA! Amazing. :) Really good! I think Slenderman won! Fan-tas-tique!
THE FOOL'S FAN MADE BATTLES OF HISTORY!!
SEASON 2!
http://i808.photobucket.com/albums/z...0/Preview1.png
All I have left to say, is Requeiscat in pace!
http://i808.photobucket.com/albums/z...0/Preview2.png
Praise the Sun! Well, not you.
http://i808.photobucket.com/albums/z...0/Preview3.png
This is checkmate for you, Pharoh!
http://i808.photobucket.com/albums/z...0/Preview4.png
Why don't you stop crying and actually grow a pair?
http://i808.photobucket.com/albums/z...0/Preview5.png
We'll raid Disney castle, and kidnap all your princesses!
Epic Rap Battles of History...
This December...
Ideas in boldQuote:
Originally Posted by FoolMeNever
EZIO!!!!!!
Guys.
Guys.
Guys.
'Sup?
[spoiler:299wubpx][youtube:299wubpx]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpauuhWi4us[/youtube:299wubpx][/spoiler:299wubpx]
http://i45.tinypic.com/2ywtzqc.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!
SOLAIRE!
VS!
SUUUNN! TZUUUU!
BEGIN!
Solaire:
Praise the Sun! Well, not you.
I'm a friendly fellow, but I know how to be cruel.
I'll throw a Lightning Spear, and end this battle swiftly.
Clearly, invading your world would be no challenge to me!
You wrote the Art of War; shame you didn't master it,
I'd say a dung pie is close to your equivalent .
Wear a Ring of Sacrifice, you'll need it after this verse.
Actually, make that a Rare Ring. You've been verbally cursed!
Sun Tzu:
Nice feather, "Sunbro", got something to share?
I'm a master strategist, you think you have a prayer?
I can think faster than your model can even load.
In war and rhyme, you're not a challenging foe.
You wish to be grossly incandescent? I'll gladly set you ablaze.
I'm the only Sun that ever deserves to be praised!
Solaire:
You've a bigger mouth than the Gaping Dragon, but no skill to back it up.
I can run through you quicker than the Undead Asylum!
Challenging me is like attempting a suicide run.
Hm? What's this? Seems I've obtained the Soul of Sun!
Sun Tzu:
You're a Sunlight Maggot, not a Warrior of Sunlight!
My rhymes are harder than Demon Titanite!
War is in my bloodline; many generals I've inspired.
You want a chance to win? Sorry, ten intelligence is required.
If you want to fight again, I'll gladly give you more.
But for now, you and all your "sunbros" can taste my Longsword!
Reference Guide: (something I plan to do from now on. Especially now, since I figure very few of you have played Dark Souls. :P)
[spoiler:299wubpx]Solaire:
Praise the Sun! Well, not you.
Praise the Sun, while never actually said by Solaire to my knowledge, is a very popular catchprase by fans of Dark Souls. And considering Sun Tzu, is, well, named Sun...
I'm a friendly fellow, but I know how to be cruel.
Solaire is generally a jovial and friendly character, but can help you dominate many bosses by summoning him in-game.
I'll throw a Lightning Spear, and end this battle swiftly.
Lightning Spear is a Miracle in-game, and can only be used by those who have joined the Warriors of Sunlight covenant.
Clearly, invading your world would be no challenge to me!
Invading is a mechanic in Dark Souls. Generally, you enter the world of another player, and kill them.
You wrote the Art of War; shame you didn't master it,
Sun Tzu did indeed write the Art of War.
I'd say a dung pie is close to your equivalent .
Double meaning here. Solaire is calling Sun a dung pie, but, dung pie's are also very common drops by a specific enemy in Dark Souls. Basically, he's calling him crappy and common.
Wear a Ring of Sacrifice, you'll need it after this verse.
Ring's of Sacrifice are rings which allow a player not to lose anything when they die.
Actually, make that a Rare Ring. You've been verbally cursed!
Cursed is a nasty status effect, which halves your HP until you get it removed. Which is a pain. Rare Ring's of Sacrifice allow you to not be cursed when you die.
Sun Tzu:
Nice feather, "Sunbro", got something to share?
Solaire does have a feather in his hat, and he is called a Sunbro by his fanbase. Due to this and a certain dialogue piece, Sun is insinuating Solaire is gay.
I'm a master strategist, you think you have a prayer?
Prayer is a gesture in Dark Souls. Otherwise, it's just a basic line.
I can think faster than your model can even load.
Solaire's from a video game.
In war and rhyme, you're not a challenging foe.
No explanation needed here.
You wish to be grossly incandescent? I'll gladly set you ablaze.
A line from Solaire is (and I'm paraphrasing) "I only wish I could be so grossly incandescent." (referring to the sun.) Incandescent is another word for burning or flaming.
I'm the only Sun that ever deserves to be praised!
Pun on Sun's name and the catchphrase.
Solaire:
You've a bigger mouth than the Gaping Dragon, but no skill to back it up.
Gaping Dragon is a boss in Dark Souls. As for the mouth...well, google it.
I can run through you quicker than the Undead Asylum!
The Undead Asylum is the first area in the game, and can be done within a few minutes if you're experienced.
Challenging me is like attempting a suicide run.
A suicide run is terminology in the Dark Souls community. It basically means running through an area to get a specific item, and then dieing due to the horde of enemies following you.
Hm? What's this? Seems I've obtained the Soul of Sun!
When certain bosses are defeated in Dark Souls, they will drop an item called "Soul of (Name of Boss)".
Sun Tzu:
You're a Sunlight Maggot, not a Warrior of Sunlight!
Sunlight Maggot's are enemies (and a helmet!) in Dark Souls. Warriors of Sunlight is a covenant.
My rhymes are harder than Demon Titanite!
Titanite is used to upgrade weapon and armor. Demon Titanite is very rare, and only drops off Titanite Demons.
War is in my bloodline; many generals I've inspired.
A descendant of Sun Tzu became a war scholar. And many notable generals reference the Art of War.
You want a chance to win? Sorry, ten intelligence is required.
Stats are required to use certain weapons. Ten intelligence is generally a low requirement, and Sun is saying Solaire lacks even that much.
If you want to fight again, I'll gladly give you more.
Basic line.
But for now, you and all your "sunbros" can taste my Longsword!
Longsword is a weapon in Dark Souls. And, well, I think you get the euphemism.[/spoiler:299wubpx]
Bit of an update (for the, like, 3 people that actually read these :P )I was planning a Christmas battle that I would release today. Unfortunately, work kinda kicked my ass and I was sick Saturday. I could've plowed through it yesterday, but, unfortunately, I got stuck on the first line. :| And trying the write the whole thing today would've just ended up with a sloppy mess.
So! One of two things could happen, since I won't be releasing a Christmas battle. 1. Another Epic Rap Battles of Anime. (For the one person who reads it. 'Sup God of Kaoss?) Or 2. I'll do a standard rap battle, but, due to research it probably won't be out 'till next week.
And that's about it. Merry Christmas ERB forums! :)
Promised a new one this week, didn't I? :) Honestly, this is probably my first "historical" battle since Erwin Rommel vs. David Petraeus XP
Beat:
[spoiler:43dvabne][youtube:43dvabne]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jOhvGN1b6Q[/youtube:43dvabne][/spoiler:43dvabne]
http://i45.tinypic.com/k5d6u.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
SALADIN!
VS!
SADDAM HUSSEIN!
BEGIN!
Saladin:
Hm? A delusional dictator wishes to challenge me?
Very well. However, you will not survive. This I guarantee.
I repelled the crusaders, you just slaughtered your own people.
Compared to me and King Richard, you are simply feeble.
You got captured by enemy forces? What shame.
You're a forgotten fool now, but every Muslim knows my name.
Before this battle ends, I'll make sure you see the light.
I'll tear you to pieces like a verbal genocide!
Saddam Hussein:
Firm and destructive, that's how your loss will be.
You're not a worthy opponent, and I'm sure Sinad would agree.
You have a large legacy, but here, you'll have to prove your worth.
From what I've seen, you're one of the more pathetic men to walk the earth!
I'll exterminate you just like I exterminated the Kurds and Shi'ites;
just like every other opponent, you'll go down with no fight.
You mock my capture, but you died with no honor, a fever!
If Muslims consider you a hero, I'm ashamed to be a believer.
Saladin:
Please, you only use religion to further your political power.
I'll be protecting Islam while you hide in the corner and cower.
I was the ruler that you could only hope to be.
And please stop rapping. Your flow's a crime against humanity.
Learn some basic chilvary before you want to battle with me.
And while you're doing that, I'll show your wife my WMD!
Saddam Hussein:
It's easy to defeat enemies as weak as yours.
You think it's an accomplishment, but Uday could beat the Crusaders.
I have the entire media in my pocket, even the announcer.
But it's not needed, your rhymes are a lyrical torture chamber.
You've lost, but my lines are enough to beat you an extra six times.
As always, there's nothing left to say but victory is mine!
You keep getting better and better! Can't wait for the Ezio battle. :)
Honestly, that one may be awhile. Having never played AssCreed, I have to watch an LP of it. Same reason why I didn't put out a new ERBoA last week, I have to read an entire arc of a manga XPQuote:
Originally Posted by Froggy
The Assassins's Creed Wikia has some really good info on him. (or i could tell you stuff too, being a big fan of it)Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolMeNever
Beat:
[spoiler:1fz4dviz](skip to 0:13)
[youtube:1fz4dviz]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QGnQM_NS74[/youtube:1fz4dviz][/spoiler:1fz4dviz]
http://i47.tinypic.com/2u8l6hc.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
WALT! DISNEY!
VS!
THE BROOOOTHERS GRIIIIIM!
BEGIN!
Walt Disney:
Let me just jump right in, and I'll whip these dolts about;
I don't actually have to fight, you can just deal with...
*As Walt is rapping, he is drawing on a sketchpad. After the last
line, he reveals Mickey drawn on the paper, and finishes his line*
...one badass mouse!
*Mickey then comes off the page, and starts rapping*
Mickey Mouse:
Gosh! What kind of goofs are we up against?
I don't understand why Walt needed to send his best!
I have no time to rap against a clown and an amnesiac!
When it comes to being known, Oswald would say you fail at that!
Ho, boy! You can try rhyming against us, but it requires actual wit!
You'll lose so bad, even Seth MacFarlane wouldn't air it!
The Brothers Grimm (Jakob, Wilhelm):
Egads! Your rodent disgusts me! He better have been tested.
With all the animals you've created, your company's been infested!
You made your fortune on the tales we penned!
But we write true classics, your films are only fit for children!
Your toons can't hope to rap against me or my brother!
And we're not going to take any lip from a nazi sympathizer!
You need to be brought down a peg or two, it's been far too long.
Go back to being frozen! You talentless neo-con!
Walt Disney:
You wish to battle personally? Fine with me.
You're dropping nonsensical raps that would bewilder Goofy!
I perfected your stories, you just made the first draft.
When it comes to movie making, I'm the Lion King of my craft.
Go chomp on a sausage, Jakob, while I lock Wilhelm in the Disney Vault.
I'm coming at you so hard, Hercules wouldn't survive this assualt!
With your grim personalities, you could rip the joy from Disney Land.
I'll continue making millions, while your single movie is critically panned.
The Brothers Grimm:
Those lines you're vomiting make Donald sound eloquent.
We'll put you down like Old Yeller after our flow starts running rampant!
You insult our film, but how many shit TV movies did your company make?
Of course, they're really not different from the films you used to create.
Begone from our sight, you child loving lout!
And stop jerking your Steamboat Willy to porn of Minnie Mouse!
That was awesome!!
that was really amazing! I think the Bothers Grimm won. :D
So, uh, admittedly I'm a bit nervous about this battle. =P I've never actually watched House from beginning to end, so, I had to base his parts on what I had seen and a synopsis. (Also, finding a picture for Doctor Frankenstein was a pain in the ass XD)
Beat:
[spoiler:2mb31p1y][youtube:2mb31p1y]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OvvM24NTk0[/youtube:2mb31p1y][/spoiler:2mb31p1y]
http://i47.tinypic.com/29vz1jn.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN!
VS!
DOCTOR HOUSE!
BEGIN!
Frankenstein:
Let me start this battle not with a spark, but a flash of verbal lightning!
Trust me, Gregory, this is a doctor you'd rather not be fighting.
The things I've done would make you cower with fear.
You claim not to be addicted, but to everyone else it's crystal clear.
The pain in your leg can't hope to compare to the beating I'm going to give.
Just like your father. Or grandmother. I can't keep track of your fibs.
These electric rhymes are the Adam of my labors!
Get serious, doctor, and stop paying for sexual favors!
House:
That flow of yours would be a crime against God, if he existed.
I don't really need to say your flaws, Mary Shelley's got 'em listed.
Nobody's actually read your book, they've just seen the movie.
You're messed up in the head, at least that's what your cousin told me.
With your dying breath, you gave a speech no one paid attention to.
When it comes to eloquency, Bush could talk circles around you.
The only thing accomplishment you have is creating a monster.
You need to stop playing God, and be an actual doctor!
Frankenstein:
Only Dr. Kutner could praise a verse that terrible!
I'm a mad genius, and even I'll admit some of things you say are horrible.
You're a Brit wanting to be American, and in both areas you have no class.
In a battle of scientific minds, you're guaranteed to end up in last!
This bastard thought he can challenge me without knowing the cost.
Why don't you fake your own death after this embarassing loss?
House:
I think you need to dig up some other people's lines to patch up that rap.
You talk about science, but you bastardize it with your "creating life" crap.
Everyone in your story dies, it's like a terrible Macbeth.
And unlike you, people actually mourned for my "death."
Y'know, We both hire hookers, although you somehow convinced one to be your wife.
Wanna know something about your rhymes? They're not ALIIIVE!
That was awesome, man! I think Frankenstein won. :)
Nice! House won withKeep up the good work, maybe you'd be interested in collabing with me. PM me if you are.Quote:
Nobody's actually read your book, they've just seen the movie.
You're messed up in the head, at least that's what your cousin told me.
Beat:
[spoiler:19jwhod4](skip to :03)
[youtube:19jwhod4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slXerV1N5pE[/youtube:19jwhod4][/spoiler:19jwhod4]
http://i45.tinypic.com/zv7d5u.jpg
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
BOBBY FISCHER!
VS!
YUGIIIII MUUUUTOOOO!
BEGIN!
Yugi Muto:
Let's duel! To find the true king of games!
I've saved the world, you really think you can slander this Pharoh's name?
These hard raps are egyptian royalty; you'll always be in defense mode.
To have a chance against me, you need to be a Synchro!
Your brain shuts down when you're with a girl? How pathetic.
Did I strike a nerve? It doesn't seem hard to make you PaniK.
Even with your absurd requirements, I can still beat you 10-0 easily.
Why don't you move out of Iceland, and head to Germany?
Bobby Fischer:
You're simply a pawn in the grand scheme of things, "Yug".
You won't even draw against me, your destiny is to always lose.
I may not always play at my best, but at least I actually get laid.
The only girl you've got is the Dark Magician Girl, but even she gets paid.
Duel Monsters is for children, you need to play a real sport.
The force of my raps will knock you off the edge, and shake you to the core!
I'm a Grandmaster and the US champion, you don't even come close, kid.
If you want me to fight me seriously, why don't you get in line with Soviets?
Yugi Muto:
You're running quite the gambit with such an average verse.
I've dueled many people, and I used to think Weavil was the worst.
Until I met you of course; though I'd say you're an insect as well.
You've a worse soul than Marik; you don't even fit in the Shadow Realm!
I've been searching for Bobby Fischer; too bad the man doesn't match the myth.
You need to practice more, and stop sucking Osama's dick!
Bobby Fischer:
You belong in a chess club with the rest of the patzers.
This isn't even speed chess; you're getting beaten even faster!
You're in an absolute pin; surrender is the only smart move you can make.
If I was Pegasus, you would've already sealed your Grandpa's fate!
I'll knock the color out of your hair, and laugh as your life points hit zero.
But it doesn't matter, this next move is checkmate for you, Pharoh!
That was Mother Fraggin' awesome!!!
Bit overdue, but, here it is. =P
[spoiler:vfxkkz1e][youtube:vfxkkz1e]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnR46831UgI[/youtube:vfxkkz1e][/spoiler:vfxkkz1e]
http://i.imgur.com/IdP80ac.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
NOBUO UEMATSU!
VS!
WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZAAAAARRRT!
BEGIN!
Nobuo Uematsu:
This black mage is about to unleash some Fire3 rhymes!
Maybe in some Distant Worlds you can match my musical designs!
Go back to the Classical era, no one listens to you in this day and age.
I'd be Dancing Mad if I tried to play your music on the stage!
I'm an RPG legend; everyone knows my musical scores.
After every concert, I head to Salzburg and give Constanze my Buster Sword!
Mozart:
It is not hard to write nerd pandering shit such as yours.
Maybe I'm a Lion, because all my raps will be roars!
My operas are renowned; this talent won't been seen again for centuries.
I left such a mark on history, that scholars still wish to know my death's mystery!
Stop while you're ahead, you can not bring down a prodigy.
You thought your music is good? Ha, that is your Final Fantasy.
Nobuo Uematsu:
This would be The Decisive Battle if I had a worthy opponent.
Mozart:
Say that to Joseph Haydn, he would disagree with your statement.
Nobuo Uematsu:
Finish your Requiem, you'll need it after this battle's done.
Mozart:
Don't make me laugh; my verses are so hot, you can call this a Bombing Mission!
Nobuo Uematsu:
You pale freak, don't deny my talent! Even Classic FM acknowledged me!
Mozart:
You have potential, but the only half-decent thing you wrote is Aerith's Theme!
Nobuo Uematsu:
I can kick your ass thirteen more times, but this first round is boring me!
"Mozart looks as if he's about to begin his next verse, but,
instead puts his hand on his forehead. He is in pain, and
eventually, collapses."
I regret to inform you that...Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart has died. Due
to this unfortunate turn of events, Nobuo Uematsu is declared the victor."
???:
Not so fast...
Who's there?
???:
Name's Beethoven, motherfucker, maybe you've heard of me?
Beethoven:
And unlike this prick, I make real music; I'm the classic composer!
Square wants to forget you just like they forgot Tom fucking Sawyer!
You get inspiration from walking your dog? No surprise there!
Your rhymes may be Fire3, but mine are Megaflare!
So, apologies for the lack of battles. I was scheduled to work a lot the past few weeks, and just haven't had the time to research or write for battles. However, I do plan to get the next one done within the week or early next week. Gotta say, I've been wanting to do a battle with this person for a while, though I could never find the right person to go up against him. (Especially since the person I originally wanted to use was already done in a recent ERB, and I prefer not use characters that were officially used.) After a bit of slaving and debating, I think I finally came up with a good match up. Hopefully, I should get this out before the 13th.
[spoiler:2mc1niio]And for those wondering, there are 3 hints above :P I actually mentioned one of the rappers in a topic before, if you wanna go digging into my post history.[/spoiler:2mc1niio]
[spoiler:315w350r][youtube:315w350r]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyWQY5WTYI8[/youtube:315w350r][/spoiler:315w350r]
http://i.imgur.com/1oW4dDH.png
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!
ROBERT! E.! LEE!
VS!
WILLIIIIAM WILBERFOOOOORCE!
BEGIN!
Robert E. Lee:
March on! To battle this limey prick who's too scared to fight the french!
Your raps are as weak as your eyesight, you can't make a dent!
I tremble for your country when I hear of confidence expressed in you;
especially with a man who would refuse to give English workers their due!
Stand in formation, Willy, and feel the wrath of Marse Robert!
You're equal under the law, but you're neither a true man nor my brother.
My status is so renowned, even Lincoln originally wanted me.
I'll whip your rear so fast, I'm channeling the spirit of Light Horse Harry Lee!
William Wilberforce:
Will you be tossed in prison like your father too?
The Lord tells me not to hate my brother, but I suppose this doesn't apply to you.
Resign after this battle; this'll be your second Gettysburg.
Beating Granny Lee is so easy I could do it without arms, legs, or a word!
You are too young to realize certain things are impossible;
but you will do them anyway, like trying to win this battle!
You rap about as well as your father in law ran his plantation;
I wouldn't be surprised to hear the dropout rate increased at the College of Washington!
Robert E. Lee:
I'm at the top of the military academy; you're just stuck in parliment!
I like whiskey, I always did, but battling you, it seems I have to drink it.
These lines I'm spitting are Wilberforceful; hitting you right in the Testonites!
You can't touch me, just like Bull Run, you'll fall under my country's might!
It took twenty years to pass the historical bill, how does one manage such a delay?
And where do you get the right to demand that I don't say fuck on a Sunday?
William Wilberforce:
Historians claim I'm hypocritical, but at least I never mocked my own country.
Not to mention that most of your family wanted nothing to with the Confederacy!
You'll always end up in second place, at West Point and the Civil War.
I've got enough material on you to use in another verse, perhaps even four score more!
I don't have time for a slave owner or a general who would take any and every recruit.
Let's take this to Appomattox Court House, but this time, you won't get a salute.
Man, apologies for lack of battles every other like I was doing before. :/ Someone at my job either quit/got fired, and being that we have very few people that can work mornings, I've just been getting hammered with hours. Though, I do have something for you tonight ;) Featuring a...special return, whom you've seen before.
[spoiler:2sq03u2o][youtube:2sq03u2o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4Fo7MwxVzM[/youtube:2sq03u2o][/spoiler:2sq03u2o]
(banner coming soon!)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
DEXTER!
VS!
TED! BUNDY!
BEGIN!
Dexter:
You've been brought back from the dead to be judged once again,
you're in the big leagues now, not your Ohio playpen.
I don't have to be told by the dark passenger to murder you,
you won't be known as "handsome" when this battle's through.
I'll rip you apart for all the young ones you've defiled.
Not even your grandmother loves you; the bastard step child.
Ted Bundy:
Step up to me, and you just guaranteed your death.
I'll slash your throat, and then enjoy your wife's last breath.
Or I would, had she not be killed by essentially your own hand.
You're too ingrained in your rules; even when threatened with arrest you
won't kill a man.
How devastated must you be to meet a man of this intellect?
Know me as the Doomsday Killer, because I'm coming for your son next.
Dexter:
You're the product of incest; with less worth than that hillbilly.
Got on with Dr. Dobson, just to further the right-wing's triviality.
My urges were guided; your "de-escalation" just ended with another victim.
I shouldn't be needed to kill you; if only your grandaddy used a condom.
Ted Bundy:
You're nothing to me; I've got thirty and more under my belt.
Yet you're the guy who just recently knew how a woman felt.
If you called my line, I'd say you're worthless, and to off yourself on the spot.
Let me turn the tables, and take your blood after your loss.
*A hole in the ground erupts, with lava flowing from it. From underneath the earth,
a man crawls out of the hole. He dusts himself off, and dons a bowler hat.*
JACK THE RIPPER!
BEGIN!
Jack the Ripper:
I've come back from hell to lyrically slaughter these feeble cretins!
I'll put you both out of your misery. And I'll start with the one who's
cancer-ridden.
Listen up, baldy, you're not noble in the slightest.
You're just a random killer with a moral code, just face it!
How can I say more? You're a bore. You have as much charism as Al Gore.
Shit, even animals don't like you. And watching season six has become a chore!
And you there, pedobear, I created more fear than you could ever could!
While you were busy running, I was flooding the streets of London with blood!
Your count may be higher, but I was never caught, we don't compare.
You could say these raps are shocking you the core, like a verbal electric chair!
[spoiler:2sq03u2o]I hope I managed to capture Dexter's personality and references well enough. Being that I've actually never watched Dexter, much like House, I had to rely on other sources to acquire information on him. 'Til next time, folks. ;)[/spoiler:2sq03u2o]
Hey, so, yeah! I'm still writing battles! I'm putting the finishing touches on my next one now. Also, I'll eventually fix up the links on the front post. Admittedly, this is a battle I don't usually like to do, but, I'm still putting as much work as I can into it. In the mean time, while you're waiting for my battle to be posted, listen to this awesome music that's totally not at all a hint to the next battle!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVy7YPNP_zI
http://i.imgur.com/ng88ERv.png
(beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kULlr5JdNdw)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
THE ARISEN!
VS!
THE DOVAHKIIIIIIIIIN!
BEGIN!
Dovahkiin:
Ripping through you faster than Wuld Nah Kest!
But I don't need Thu'um, no reason to give my best!
Bring it, kid, and see how hot the Dragonborn can spit!
You must be high on Skooma if you think you match this!
Your followers won't shut the hell up; it'd drive anyone insane.
I've destroyed dragons by the hundreds, remind me how many you've slain?
Dragons Dogma flopped harder than a slaughterfish outta water!
While Skyrim's making millions, you're just stuck in the gutter!
You have to walk everywhere if you don't have a port crystal? How boring!
I'll provide you some fast travel, and Fus Ro Dah your ass back to Gran Soren!
Arisen:
I rap faster than a Strider; strike harder than a Fighter!
Trust me, thou won't be dining in Sovngarde when this battle's over!
I'm the Arisen, knave, thou must have Brain Rot to be this bold!
I've no heart, that's why my disses are ice cold!
Thou have no skill in combat, thou simply flail around.
Don't need a staff to cause lyrical Bolide to come crashing down!
Thy dragons are a joke, they're more akin to goblins in my world;
considering thou has their power, and can't even hurt a little girl!
Take thy ass back to Whiterun, and whine to the guards about this beating.
I can wait for thou to think of a comeback, because, as a God, time is not fleeting.
Dohvakiin:
Ha! You think I'm weak, but I'm not the one who wore a dress!
And I can sleep at the inn all I want, without any later regrets!
Your mind's about as sharp as an iron dagger, maybe even less so.
I have the option for allies, but I can easily complete my journey solo!
Skyrim is my oyster, do you even know who you're stepping up to, fool?
You couldn't rap any slower even if I shouted Tiid Klo Ul!
Arisen:
Thy shouts give people headaches, nothing more.
Rapping against me is like playing Hard Mode, and all my rhymes are Dragonforged!
I gather my pawns from all across the world; there's no limit to my influence!
And mine are more competent; aren't traps being set off a nuisance?
I kill Wyrms in my spare time while thou is sneaking up on spiders.
I'd say thou is like Maximillian, but thou is some how even blander!
Dohvakiin:
Get out of my face, boy, before I show you who's stronger!
Then I'll head to Cassardis and give your beloved my Dwarven Warhammer!
You can go over Level 81? Sounds like you're over-compensating.
You should work on proving your innocence instead of grinding!
Arisen:
Thou art finished, but thou doesn't know when to fold,
so I shall meet you on your own terms, joined by my own companion of old.
Pawn:
It's weak to verbal fire, so let's burn it to ash!
Strength in numbers, however, the master doesn't need me to beat your ass.
Out of the way, insolent pup, it seems all roads lead to your loss.
Master, how do you propose we finish the man who bears the personality of a cock?
Reference Guide:
Spoiler: