Presidential Reviews

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BobbyBobber

You should review a song from Bolly... He's a huge inspiration... And he's totally not me...

http://genius.com/Bolly-all-i-can-ask-for-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-i-can-ask-for

http://genius.com/Bolly-verse-for-vanity-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

http://genius.com/Bolly-nowadays-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyferrara/01-nowadays

http://genius.com/Bolly-thats-enough...e-night-lyrics
https://soundcloud.com/isaiahbollyfe...-greg-williams

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I repeat this

Thanks for the review Sam, this really makes me want to re-write some bits of it

I'm thinking you might want a casual read. Could you review Moon, LAWL, and my REWF?

Here's my review of Polar vs. Log's REWF.

Spoiler: 

Log:
Round 1:
You’ll flop in this battle of the coolest MC
Still won’t show your face, you’re probably an old Creep
Pretty good references.
I see you're co-admin now, you're just like that Sam
Especially when you try to suck up to Dion man
As far as “Sam sucks” jokes go, this is one of the better ones I’ve heard. It’s at least a pun.
I'm Ace in a fight, hit the heart of the matter
Good parody of the original line.
So let’s see how pink was bestowed upon this disaster
Kinda filler.
Used forum drama to end a lifetime of green
Great parody of the original.
The most overrated co-ad anyone's ever seen
Generic insult.
You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Only thing stepping down now is your rhyming skills dude
Awesome puns.
You should be conceding, your chances are as real as my feelings
Funny.
Trust me, you can’t no sell these deals I’m sealing
Very good.

Verse Overview: One or two lackluster lines hold this back, otherwise a great verse. Probably a 9.25.

Round 2:
THAT PINK NAME ISN’T EDGY ENOUGH BITCH
Very generic insult.
MY RHYMES WILL CUT YOU DEEP LIKE A DUST MAN QUOTE BITCH
The line itself isn’t bad, but rhyming bitch with bitch is really lazy.
BEST THING YOU HAVE? KITTY CAT
Not an insult or a boast.
I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
Also not an insult or a boast.

Verse Overview: Huge step down from the last verse. Only one decent line, and that line is brought down by the lazy rhyme attempt. Maybe a 5 if I’m being generous, because the other lines really aren’t anything special.

Round 3:
(... bloop.) LOG IS LOG SO IDENTIFY MY LOG
No references.
ME THINKS POLES MIGHT WANT MY LOG
Not really an insult anyway.
I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE GAY BUT YOU’RE ALSO A BITCH
I DISS YOU FOR BEING A BITCH YOU BITCH
Generic insults. I guess it’s an OK parody of the original line, but that’s it.

Verse Overview: The only arguably good thing in this verse is the way it parodies the original verse. 1/10 probably.

Overall: 13.5/20


Polar:
Round 1:
I think your lines for TJB are a lot more satisfying
Honestly, your raps are a bit cringey when you're trying
Very clever how this parodies the original by foreshadowing the future.
I'll Jack this win almost 100 times
It’s a good line, not really crazy about lines that say “I’ll win a bunch of times” since the purpose of rap battles is to win the one you’re in not win a bunch of them but that’s really nitpicking..
I’m a rad co-ad, blow Sama high up like mines
Good references.
My target’s just monkeying around in the arctic
This line could be a little more referency. Neither of you are really well known on here for liking the Arctic Monkeys so the joke doesn’t really hit too hard. The fact that you’re both arctic animals still makes it a decent line though.
Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Carcass and Polartist are both pretty good puns.
Magic mofo getting guys bewitched
Good references.
I got some sick burns, you must be living in hell, bitchhhhhhh
The end of the line is a pretty forced rhyme. The rest of the line is good though.
You’re like a blue meanie, you just fuss and fight
If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten the green light (oh!)
Nice, I especially like the subtle references to mod colors.
I don’t care for all of your raps I’ve seen
My memes could be matched by you only in a (nice dream)
Good ones.

Verse Overview: A few minor flaws maaaaaybe hold it back from a 10, but I’d definitely have to think about it more. Probably a 10 or at least 9.75.

Round 2:
That’s my Little cat mang stop dancing me bitch
References without jokes.
Here’s an ass whoopin since you want everything free bitch
This line doesn’t really make sense when you think about it. He wants free stuff, so you’re going to give him an asswhooping. I don’t follow the logic.
I mean I like Bernie too but that doesn’t mean you don’t suck
Not an insult.
You should change your name to LohuydaBUTT lol
Very obvious pun.

Verse Overview: I don’t like any of the lines, so I guess I’ll just give a point for every reference in this verse. There’s the cat, stop dancing me, Bernie, and Loh’s name, which is barely a reference so that gets a half point, so like a 3.5.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you’re a little bitch
But you don’t need to be a little bitch
No references.
You a seal, you’re also a little bitch
Very generic insult.
You gotta be big enough and by big I mean 300lbs+ bitch
Not a terrible parody of the original, but the wording makes it seem as if he SHOULD be fat, not that he is fat.
Get hit with an RKO outta nowhere
Could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.
You’re green and lonely like There There
Not a bad reference.
Also the amount of people who think you look good in that purple
Is about as much as the amount of words that rhyme with purple
Kinda clever.
In the pictures of your face that you text
You look a little like AIDS Skrillex
Generic insult.
That’s probably not something you seen as a child
Because that video wasn’t made when you were a child
Not an insult.
Log not fab enough to deal with my pink
Generic boast.
Draining you out or whatever, that’s kitchen sink
Like the original line, this doesn’t need to be here.
Examine this under your old ass microscope
That you have in your house according to youuuope
Lazy attempt at a rhyme and barely a reference.
After battling me, you’ll still be emotionless
So dammit I guess this battle was kinda pointless
Not an insult, boast, or threat.

Verse Overview: One or two decent lines, the rest just seem very rushed. Probably a 4, but under my new scoring system this brings you down below Log, since Log has a higher percentage of good lines.

Overall: 13/20

Overall Battle: The first two verses were both top notch on both sides, and without them this battle would’ve gotten horrible scores. But the battle sorely drops in quality after that. I don’t know what happened, but try to work on that next time. 6.5/10

Log’s Worst Line: I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
I really just don’t see any point to this line pair.
Log’s Best Line: You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Personal and clever, never heard this pun used before. Honorable mentions are lifetime of green, stepping down, seal deals.
Polar’s Worst Line: But you don’t need to be a little bitch
One of the most generic lines I’ve ever heard in a battle.
Polar’s Best Line: Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Best use of references and puns. Honorable mentions are green light, and blowsama.

Winner: Log (13.5/20) over Polar (13/20)

Total Score: 33/50

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Samilton

Here's my review of Polar vs. Log's REWF.

Spoiler: 

Log:
Round 1:
You’ll flop in this battle of the coolest MC
Still won’t show your face, you’re probably an old Creep
Pretty good references.
I see you're co-admin now, you're just like that Sam
Especially when you try to suck up to Dion man
As far as “Sam sucks” jokes go, this is one of the better ones I’ve heard. It’s at least a pun.
I'm Ace in a fight, hit the heart of the matter
Good parody of the original line.
So let’s see how pink was bestowed upon this disaster
Kinda filler.
Used forum drama to end a lifetime of green
Great parody of the original.
The most overrated co-ad anyone's ever seen
Generic insult.
You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Only thing stepping down now is your rhyming skills dude
Awesome puns.
You should be conceding, your chances are as real as my feelings
Funny.
Trust me, you can’t no sell these deals I’m sealing
Very good.

Verse Overview: One or two lackluster lines hold this back, otherwise a great verse. Probably a 9.25.

Round 2:
THAT PINK NAME ISN’T EDGY ENOUGH BITCH
Very generic insult.
MY RHYMES WILL CUT YOU DEEP LIKE A DUST MAN QUOTE BITCH
The line itself isn’t bad, but rhyming bitch with bitch is really lazy.
BEST THING YOU HAVE? KITTY CAT
Not an insult or a boast.
I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
Also not an insult or a boast.

Verse Overview: Huge step down from the last verse. Only one decent line, and that line is brought down by the lazy rhyme attempt. Maybe a 5 if I’m being generous, because the other lines really aren’t anything special.

Round 3:
(... bloop.) LOG IS LOG SO IDENTIFY MY LOG
No references.
ME THINKS POLES MIGHT WANT MY LOG
Not really an insult anyway.
I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE GAY BUT YOU’RE ALSO A BITCH
I DISS YOU FOR BEING A BITCH YOU BITCH
Generic insults. I guess it’s an OK parody of the original line, but that’s it.

Verse Overview: The only arguably good thing in this verse is the way it parodies the original verse. 1/10 probably.

Overall: 13.5/20


Polar:
Round 1:
I think your lines for TJB are a lot more satisfying
Honestly, your raps are a bit cringey when you're trying
Very clever how this parodies the original by foreshadowing the future.
I'll Jack this win almost 100 times
It’s a good line, not really crazy about lines that say “I’ll win a bunch of times” since the purpose of rap battles is to win the one you’re in not win a bunch of them but that’s really nitpicking..
I’m a rad co-ad, blow Sama high up like mines
Good references.
My target’s just monkeying around in the arctic
This line could be a little more referency. Neither of you are really well known on here for liking the Arctic Monkeys so the joke doesn’t really hit too hard. The fact that you’re both arctic animals still makes it a decent line though.
Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Carcass and Polartist are both pretty good puns.
Magic mofo getting guys bewitched
Good references.
I got some sick burns, you must be living in hell, bitchhhhhhh
The end of the line is a pretty forced rhyme. The rest of the line is good though.
You’re like a blue meanie, you just fuss and fight
If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten the green light (oh!)
Nice, I especially like the subtle references to mod colors.
I don’t care for all of your raps I’ve seen
My memes could be matched by you only in a (nice dream)
Good ones.

Verse Overview: A few minor flaws maaaaaybe hold it back from a 10, but I’d definitely have to think about it more. Probably a 10 or at least 9.75.

Round 2:
That’s my Little cat mang stop dancing me bitch
References without jokes.
Here’s an ass whoopin since you want everything free bitch
This line doesn’t really make sense when you think about it. He wants free stuff, so you’re going to give him an asswhooping. I don’t follow the logic.
I mean I like Bernie too but that doesn’t mean you don’t suck
Not an insult.
You should change your name to LohuydaBUTT lol
Very obvious pun.

Verse Overview: I don’t like any of the lines, so I guess I’ll just give a point for every reference in this verse. There’s the cat, stop dancing me, Bernie, and Loh’s name, which is barely a reference so that gets a half point, so like a 3.5.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you’re a little bitch
But you don’t need to be a little bitch
No references.
You a seal, you’re also a little bitch
Very generic insult.
You gotta be big enough and by big I mean 300lbs+ bitch
Not a terrible parody of the original, but the wording makes it seem as if he SHOULD be fat, not that he is fat.
Get hit with an RKO outta nowhere
Could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.
You’re green and lonely like There There
Not a bad reference.
Also the amount of people who think you look good in that purple
Is about as much as the amount of words that rhyme with purple
Kinda clever.
In the pictures of your face that you text
You look a little like AIDS Skrillex
Generic insult.
That’s probably not something you seen as a child
Because that video wasn’t made when you were a child
Not an insult.
Log not fab enough to deal with my pink
Generic boast.
Draining you out or whatever, that’s kitchen sink
Like the original line, this doesn’t need to be here.
Examine this under your old ass microscope
That you have in your house according to youuuope
Lazy attempt at a rhyme and barely a reference.
After battling me, you’ll still be emotionless
So dammit I guess this battle was kinda pointless
Not an insult, boast, or threat.

Verse Overview: One or two decent lines, the rest just seem very rushed. Probably a 4, but under my new scoring system this brings you down below Log, since Log has a higher percentage of good lines.

Overall: 13/20

Overall Battle: The first two verses were both top notch on both sides, and without them this battle would’ve gotten horrible scores. But the battle sorely drops in quality after that. I don’t know what happened, but try to work on that next time. 6.5/10

Log’s Worst Line: I don’t believe in bestiality wtf
I really just don’t see any point to this line pair.
Log’s Best Line: You should demote that sense of pride after I’m done with you (bitchhhh)
Personal and clever, never heard this pun used before. Honorable mentions are lifetime of green, stepping down, seal deals.
Polar’s Worst Line: But you don’t need to be a little bitch
One of the most generic lines I’ve ever heard in a battle.
Polar’s Best Line: Crash into ya til you’re a carcass, I’m the Greatest, a Polartist (uh)
Best use of references and puns. Honorable mentions are green light, and blowsama.

Winner: Log (13.5/20) over Polar (13/20)

Total Score: 33/50

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You just can't handle my memes mang

Here's the second part of the Terrifying Threequel review.

Spoiler: 

Luke Ross
Round 1:
You thought the pain wouldn’t continue, but I had to persist!
I think this is a Pain in the Window reference. Not terrible, could maybe go deeper with this reference.
Here comes the rich freckled boy from Hell sending you your Death Wish!
Don’t think this is a direct reference to anything.
I’m a shining star! Been at Christmas since you began!
The wording of this line just doesn’t make much sense.
You’re just a baggage holder boy, no more than Bertram!
”Baggage holder boy” isn’t really a clever insult.
I’m part of the Ross dynasty! A family that’s feared!
Generic boast.
You’re not God here! You’re just a queer! One sec, I’ll make you disappear!
Generic.
You claim you hate everything geeky, but take a look at yourself!
I mean, putting FORD PINES against SIR MAX? Ugh! Put it back on the shelf!
Too fact statey, could’ve been a much better joke about this reference.

Verse Overview: Only one line that’s decent, as far as I can see. 5/10 probably.

Round 2
Oh, I’m the subject of ridicule? Take a look at your past!
Henry Stickmin vs Kade? Can you be less of a dumbass?
That suggestion has no merit! It’s the worst thing that I could think!
Generic insults in these first few lines.
I’ll slice you like a pizza, and do a dance to Hotline Bling!
I don’t really know what pizza or Hotline Bling have to do with either Luke Ross or you.
Did I hurt you? Here, dab on the area affected!
Oh, wait! I forgot! You’re not popular, you jackass!
Don’t know what either of these are references for.
You’re an antisocial loser whose friends don’t even like you back!
The highest you’ll ever make it on the social ladder is with the Tumblrfags!
Generic insults

Verse Overview: I don’t think there are any really good jokes about any of these references. Probably around a 3-5.

Overall: 9/20

Springtrap:
Round 1:
Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s! Home of furries, weebs and losers!
Not to mention all the tons and tons of obsessed Tumblr users!
This is feeling self-dissy.
Popularized by YoMama! Got all them five nights of CANCER!
I really don’t get this line.
When I come for you, you better stay close to the security camera!
Reference without a joke.
You claim that the FNAF community is a cringe-worthy sight?
*FUCK THAT!* It’s the most terrifying shit you’ll ever see in your life!
Pretty generic lines.
Got my Foxy rhymes to make this Big kid run and cry!
OK puns but they could’ve been much more clever with these.
*SCRATCH THAT, I’LL JUMPSCARE YOU SO YOU CAN FINALLY DIE!*
Also could’ve been a better jumpscare joke.

Verse Overview: No individual line I really like here. 5.25/10.

Round 2:
Oh, it seems you still remember my mythology.
Seems like it’s setting up for something, but doesn’t really. This line doesn’t need to exist.
Powerhouse of all evil, and I’ll break down the terminology.
”Powerhouse” is a decent pun.
Your laptop always breaks? Try matching up with my technology!
OK comparison line.
You say you hate my game, but from my point, you’re just full of hypocrisy!
Generic insult.
You even put Freddy and Foxy in your battles! That’s seems like a fan!
I want to believe this is a reference to the desk fan in the FNAF games, but I think that’s probably a stretch, in which case this line is only OK.
If anything, you’re cancerous with your love for Grunkle Ford and Stan!
Decent retort but could’ve been more clever with this reference.
Your series has been a failure ever since you stepped away from me!
Generic insult.
So ready or not, *HERE COMES SPRINGTRAP AND FREDDY!*
Could’ve gotten more clever with this reference.

Verse Overview: A step up, a few lines I like decently. 6.75 probably.

Overall: 12/20

Barry the Bully:
Round 1:
Oh, look! It’s the dork they call BKR3!
I’ll beat his ass for good, and I mean LITERALLY!
I’m at the top of the food chain, and you’re just a nerd!
All my hoes are one-hundred, and you’re stuck with the turd!
You don’t have any fans! People only follow you of sympathy!
But when I step onto the mic, the viewers come almost instantly!
I don’t really see any specific references in any of these lines.
I’m the king of the chessboard, and you’re just a little pawn!
After I noscope your ass, you won’t get a chance to respawn!
See, I get that these are references, but I don’t really know what either of them has to do with either of you.

Verse Overview: Feels very rushed. 2-4.

Round 2:
Say that one more time, Mr. Big Hypocrite.
Not super clever but kinda funny.
You guilt people into doing what you want every second!
You indulge yourself in raps, but no work of your own!
Statements, not jokes.
You just scream at countless people for “questioning your throne”!
Funny, but also not super clever.
I earned my way to the top, you just got promoted,
by the posthumous Pokemon who doesn’t even exist!
I think I get this reference enough to enjoy it.
You went drunk with power, and you think you’ve gone so far,
but you wouldn’t be _shit_ without your friend BRVR!
I don’t know who BRVR is but this seems pretty fact statey and not jokey enough.

Verse Overview: Also a definitely step up, 2 lines that I found amusing. 6.25/10

Overall: 8.25/20

Overall Battle: I feel like this battle is mostly made for your own fun, and if you had fun writing it then keep doing exactly what you’re doing, but I feel like your battles are kind of hard for other people to really appreciate. There’s some filler and not a lot of really strong jokes. My strategy for writing battles is generally that I try to make each and every individual line the kind of line someone can look at individually and be like “hey, that line was a really good one”, whereas this battle doesn’t really attempt too many real zingers. Don't be afraid to chisel a single line several times. I think you are putting a lot of work into your battles, but not really in the right places. Remember: quality of lines over quantity of lines. 6/10

Modern Family’s Worst Line: You’re barely at the top, and you haven’t made a bit of change!
Modern Family’s Best Line: I’m a pro at gaining lots of fans, you’re just a Pro on Wii Sports!
Bigkidrant3’s Worst Line: Alright, I admit it! I had some troubles in my past!
Bigkidrant3’s Best Line: But in a twist of fate, it seems that I will _bury the bully_!
Luke Ross’ Worst Line: Oh, wait! I forgot! You’re not popular, you jackass!
Luke Ross’ Best Line: You thought the pain wouldn’t continue, but I had to persist!
Springtrap’s Worst Line: Welcome to Freddy Fazbear’s! Home of furries, weebs and losers!
Springtrap’s Best Line: You even put Freddy and Foxy in your battles! That’s seems like a fan!
Barry the Bully’s Worst Line: All my hoes are one-hundred, and you’re stuck with the turd!
Barry the Bully’s Best Line: Say that one more time, Mr. Big Hypocrite.

Winner: Modern Family (15.25/20) over BKR (12.75/20), Springtrap (12/20), Luke Ross (9/20), and Barry the Bully (8.25/10)

Total Scoe: 63.25/110

Sorry for delay, I've been musicalling. Here's my review of the beloved new ERB

BANNER VS JENNER

Spoiler: 

Beat:
Relevance-I LOVE the sound effects for when Bruce is getting angry. The poppy feel fits Jenner pretty well, and there are even some big booming instruments to fit Hulk. Somehow this beat manages to fit all of these characters really well. 2.5/2.5
Catchiness-There’s not really any tune until the end. It’s just a bunch of sounds, not really a fan. The end helps this problem a lot though. 1.75/2.5
Intensity-The whole beat doesn’t need to be intense, just enough to get you excited, and there are some exciting parts of this beat. Namely the Banner and Hulk parts. 2.5/2.5
Overall: No huge glaring flaws in this beat, but the fact that so much of it has virtually no tune brings it down a notch. Still love the fittingness and intense parts. 8.75/10

Costumes:
Bruce Banner and The Hulk-Yeah, Lloyd does look a little like Mark Ruffalo, maybe the lips are a little off. And WOW did they get a perfect guy for The Hulk. I was worried about some crappy CGI Hulk, but they got pretty much one of the most muscular guys I’ve ever seen and it looks perfect. 2.25/2.5

Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner-Peter’s head shape is...a little off? At parts? I can’t take off many points for that, he looks enough like Bruce Jenner. And Caitlyn Jenner’s lips could be bigger I suppose, but otherwise she looks pretty accurate. 2.25/5

Impressions:
Bruce Banner and The Hulk-Ruffalo is usually really quiet and doesn’t have too distinctive a voice. He does have a bit of a NY accent though that Lloyd didn’t really pick up in this. Which is weird, because his normal rapping voice for his own raps probably would’ve fit pretty well instead of this professor-y voice he went with. Oh and Hulk sounds perfectly Hulky. I like the effects they put on his voice. 2.25/2.5

Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner-Now this one is hard to judge. Caitlyn Jenner DID have a different voice in her youth, but Peter’s sounds like he’s using the voice that she has NOW. And then NoShame isn’t even attempting any voice, so I guess I can’t really give high marks to either of these. Although NoShame does sound pretty cool, and she doesn’t really sound NOT like Caitlyn Jenner. So eehhhhh 1.75/2.5

Bruce Banner and The Hulk:
Round 1:
I'll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce,
Boring opener.
With your He-Man haircut and your Daisy Dukes.
Not super clever, but kinda funny.
I hear you're good at running; you're just like the Flash,
I’m not really big on this set up line. Maybe if The Flash and Hulk were from the same universe it’d be more effective, but here it just seems like a random reference.
Especially in the 100 meter ditch-your-wife dash!
Great
I'm an ace in the lab, acid, base, and treble,
Clever boast.
So let me break you down on a molecular level:
Great set up line.
You turned one gold medal to a lifetime of green!
Not bad, kinda clever.
The most overrated athlete anyone's ever seen!
whyyyyyy does this line need to be here
You need to carry fatherhood across that finish line!
(Argh!) Kept up with the Kardashians, but left some kids behind!
These lines are both awesome. Some of the best in the battle if not the best.
Now, run along; you'll thank me 'cause I'm getting kinda cranky,
Heh run along isn’t bad
And trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
I wish they had gotten more clever with this reference.

Verse Overview: It’s like a 9, I might bring it down a few notches for some really lame filler but I usually don’t like to take away points for stuff like that.

Round 2:
(Urrrgh!) That painted face don't give you class!
I don’t think this is a reference to anything.
Just one more thing Bruce do for cash!
Not exactly clever, but pretty brutal and effective for me.
Best thing you make: Kylie ass!
Feels a little TJB-y, but that’s not necessarily a bad things
She eighteen? Hulk SMASH!
lololololololol

Verse Overview: I’d probably also give this a 9ish. It’s funny and pretty brutal.

Round 3:
(Argh!) Hulk is Hulk; no identify as man!
Me thinks Cait might understand!
This little bit about Hulk not identifying as a man is kinda clever, but the way it’s done it doesn’t feel like a boast or a dis, so it just feels pointless.
No gender issue; this Jenner issue!
Decent wordiness.
Just you being you is enough to diss you!
This feels like it would be a great set up line for Hulk to dis MORE, but then his verse is finished.

Verse Overview: Hmmmmmm I don’t know what score I’d give it. Maybe a 7.5? 8? Either way there’s nothing incredible in this verse.

Overall: 17.75/20

Caitlyn Jenner:
I think you're in your element when you're behaving badly.
Great set up.
Honestly, you're kinda boron when you're happy.
I like it, I think it’s also subtly insulting how audiences usually don’t care about Banner’s struggles, they just want to see Hulk kick ass.
I'll lap and pass your ass ten different ways!
Pretty good boast.
Decathlon athlete, blast through you like some gamma rays!
Decent. Could’ve been a better gamma rays line maybe.
The truth is, there's no truce between the Bruces!
Always a bad sign when it’s not highlighted on genius.com
You're a drifter being useless; I'm a winner, no excuses!
Generic dis and boast.
(Uh!) Beautiful women all up on my jock!
Pretty good as far as “I get lots of grils” lines go.
I got a home gym; check me on the cereal box, doc!
These references feel soooooo wasted. You could’ve done something much funnier with the home gym line or the Wheaties line.
You big green freak, don't try to flex!
Basic.
If it wasn't for your cousin, you'd never have sex!
Kinda clever, I like how it makes it sound like he screwed his cousin.
(Oh!) You're so strong when you get mad!
Too bad you can't go back and protect your mom from your dad!
oooooh

Verse Overview: Pretty on par with Banner’s first verse. Probably a 9ish.

Round 2:
That's my teenage daughter, man; I have to forbid this!
Unnecessary.
I'll put a javelin through your jolly green discus!
I really like this line.
Kylie not the type of girl I'mma let you smash on!
we get it you don’t want the hulk to fuck your daughter
(Hmm.) You'll get the medal without the decathlon!
Clever threat.

Verse Overview: 2 lines I really like, I guess that makes this like a 9.

Round 3:
Look, I understand that you hate yourself, (Huh?)
But you don't need to blame yourself!
You're a tiger; stop trying to tame yourself!
You gotta be big enough to contain yourself,
There aren’t any real references in this, but I do think the concept of Caitlyn trying to get the Hulk to accept himself kinda funny and kinda clever. Still, doesn’t really need four whole lines, and could use more references.
And get hit with a little forgiveness!
Funny but really could use some sort of reference.
Be green; it ain't none of my business,
This is really clever.
But if you think you looking good in those torn-ass clothes,
You're lying, which means you need a new wardrobe!
Nice.
(Aw!) The vision of those shorts kinda scarred me.
I want to believe this is a Vision reference but it’s probably not
What'd you just rage at, a Barney-themed party?
Funny, but definitely not the most clever line in the battle.
That's probably not something you seen as a child!
Kinda clever.
Not one day did you see your daddy smile!
Fact statey.
"Hulk not strong enough to deal with denial!"
This is funny.
Laying you down, easy; that's kitchen tile! (Ugh!)
OK, so NoShame specializes in FREESTYLE. Which is really fun to watch and is probably a much more rare talent than normal lyric-writing, but it doesn’t really fit with ERB’s normal writing style. Members of the ERB team say that they sometimes have to rewrite a line over 50 times just for proper wording. When you’re used to freestyle like NoShame is, you’re probably not going to have that mentality when writing a verse, and that’s why lines like these feel out of place and awkward.
Examine this under your microscope:
that said this is a great set up line
You got no neck, but you still fucking choked!
and this is awesome
After battling me, you're gonna always be pissed,
So the Hulk will stay forever; neither Bruce will exist!
I like this line in a “fuck yeah LGBT” kinda way, and I think it’s good for finishing the battle.

Verse Overview: Despite my little rant, this is still a pretty strong verse. I’d probably give it like an 8.75.

Overall: 17.5/20

Ungraded Stuff:
Idea-I like it a lot, to be honest. Jekyll vs. Banner would’ve been great, don’t get me wrong, but this match-up is also really clever. I remember actually seeing this in the comments a long time ago and laughing at it, but never thinking it would ever actually happen.
Presentation-I love the transformations. Hulk’s is done really well and professionally, while Jenner’s is just utterly hilarious, one of the funniest moments of the season so far for me. The boulder effect is a little cheesy, but overall this battle doesn’t disappoint visually at all, and it definitely had the potential to.

Overall Battle: It has some serious flaws, namely that they missed some real joke opportunities for Jenner, there’s a LOT of filler, and they really didn’t need to give Caitlyn THAT many more lines. But I think it’s lyrically pretty good overall, like a solid B+. There’s a lot of really funny lines in this and some brutal disses. Not going on my favorites list, but a strong and fun battle, better than Tolkien vs. Martin and Jefferson vs. Douglass for me. 8.75/10

Bruce Banner/The Hulk’s Worst Line: I’ll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce
I think the audience gets this part of the match-up already really didn’t need an explanation
Bruce Banner/The Hulk’s Best Line: Especially in the hundred meter ditch your wife dash
This one’s the most personally insulting for me. Honorable mentions are fatherhood finish line, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and Hulk Smash I guess (though it’s not as clever as the others)
Caitlyn Jenner’s Worst Line: Laying you down easy, that’s kitchen tile!
This could literally be used by anyone in any battle ever and it could not make less sense. There are even some characters probably where it would be a decent line.
Caitlyn Jenner’s Best Line: You got no neck, but you still fucking choked!
This line is funny, clever, and insulting. Honorable mentions are Boron, cousin sex, jolly green discus, metal decathlon, none of my business, and lion witch wardrobe.

Winner: Bruce Banner and The Hulk (17.75/20) over Caitlyn Jenner (17.5/20)
They actually both got a 17.75/20 when I first calculated my scores but Banner's was slightly higher and so I bumped Cait down .25

Total Score: 61.25/70

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Samilton

Best thing you make: Kylie ass!
Feels a little TJB-y, but that’s not necessarily a bad things

---

???

The Jungle Book?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Harvey Beaks

???

The Jungle Book?

---

oh lol Terrible Joke Battles of Meh is a series on here of a bunch of battles we make bad on purpose

Next, can you review THIS:

Spoiler: 

BEAT: The Cost of Success by Allrounda Beats

EEEEEPIC RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!! GRUNKLE STAN AND SOOS..... VERSUS.... STALIN AND TROTSKY!!!! BEGIN!!

Grunkle Stan: Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What may I interest you in?
May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
You overthrew the Czar, but can’t drop sick bars.
You may help the U.S, but this time, it’s an Allied war!
Soos: Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
You grew to be like the Czar, so why don’t you understand?
You killed 20,000 Russians, and still fought against Hitler?
I won’t Lenin anyone who tries to throw his bro out of the picture!

Joseph Stalin: One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
My self-named government will hammer you, and sickle your ass!
I’ll go Holodomor on your ass if you try to mess with me!
I’m also a professional gambler, Stan, so comrade, come at me!
Leon Trotsky: Now, are we going to let a man with ears bigger than his face,
try to mess up this rap? Now, that’s a Disneyfied mistake!
I’ll leave you in glass shards! Just ask Hitler! We ripped him!
Stalin & Trotsky: Don’t mess with the Communists or you’ll be our next Bolshevik-tim!

Grunkle Stan: Bicker with us? We’ll leave you more beat than King Nicholas!
Soos: Throwing gun-swords at the speed of light that’ll leave you doods trickling!
Grunkle Stan: Don’t run off and get Molotov to scare us off.
You’re like your Five-Year Plan; you seem to never pay off!
Soos: Bringing a Red Scare to us? We’ll bring you down in a heap.
We won’t be taught jackshit from the Crappy Comrade Commie Party!
We’ll collect all your rhymes,
Grunkle Stan: Like you did with the peasants in barns.
Grunke Stan & Soos: You’re not meant to be rulers! You two belong on an Animal Farm!

Joseph Stalin: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
Between you and your bro, Cave Johnson, you’re all just the same!
Leon Trotsky: They don’t pay attention to warnings?
Joseph Stalin: Ah, shut it, you old log! Russian agents come to kill Leon Trotsky in the background
Go back to Colombia and rot, I’ll just put the spic in the Gulag!
I’m the MC of the KGB! Better than you two will ever be!
Just like your fate, this rap battle will be nothing but a forgotten memory!
Now, let’s zoom in on the man-child whose role model is a brother-fraud!
Your chances of victory are like your dad, they’re both long gone!

Announcer: WHO WON? WHOS NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC! (JOAJE) RAP BATTLES OF BIGKIDRANT3!!!!

REFERENCE GUIDE:

Spoiler: 

Grunkle Stan: Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What may I interest you in?
Whenever new visitors come to the Shack, Stan usually says this
May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
Rotate is a word you would associate with Axis, and the Axis Powers were a team in World War II
You overthrew the Czar, but can’t drop sick bars.
Fact-stating, no real joke
So don’t call up for U.S! Tonight, this is Cold War!
The Soviet Union and The US were part of the Allied Forces in WWII, but they later grew to be harsh enemies
Soos: Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
Just an introduction to himself
You grew to be like the Czar, so why don’t you understand?
The Czar was a very mean and harsh ruler, and the Communists overthrew him, but quickly grew to be like him
You killed 20,000 plus Russians, and still fought against Hitler?
Stalin is a notoriously evil dictator. So was Hitler. It’s basically saying “If you’re so evil, why weren’t you with Hitler?”
I won’t Lenin anyone who tries to throw his bro out of the picture!
Pun of “let in” and Lenin, and Stalin “threw Trotsky out of the picture”

Joseph Stalin: One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
Basically just a simple threat
My self-named government will hammer you, and sickle your ass!
Under Stalin's reign, he had a STALINIST government, and the Communist logo is a hammer and sickle
In Soviet Russia, cheapskates find themselves shot!
Pun on the “In Soviet Russia” jokes, and Stan is a bad cheapskate, and notoriously cheap
I'm on a verbal Holodomor, while you're stuck in the parking lot!
Stalin is also infamous for Holodomor, which is when he starved his citizens. Pretty scary stuff if you ask me.
Leon Trotsky: Now, are we going to let a man with ears bigger than his face,
In the early designs of Stan, he had VERY big ears, but they shrunk down over time
try to mess up this rap? Now, that’s a Disneyfied mistake!
Gravity Falls was made by Alex Hirsch, and it is a Disney Channel TV Show
I’ll leave you in glass shards! Just ask Hitler! We ripped him!
Stan’s hometown is Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey
Stalin & Trotsky: Don’t mess with the Communists or you’ll be our next Bolshevik-tim!
During the Russian Revolution, the Communists were nicknamed "Bolsheviks", and it's also a pun (Yes, I know ERB already used it in a demo)

Grunkle Stan: Bicker with us? We’ll leave you more beat than King Nicholas!
When Nicholas was overthrown, he was beaten, and put into jail, where he eventually went riperoni in pepperoni
Soos: Throwing gun-swords at the speed of light that’ll leave you doods trickling!
SPOILER: In “Take Back the Falls”, Soos tells the resistance against Bill that if they wanted to defeat him, they needed gunswords (He saw it in an anime once)
Grunkle Stan: Don’t run off and get Molotov to scare us off.
Vyacheslav Molotov was the Soviet Union’s propagandist during the times of WWII, and his propaganda was VERY effective
You’re like your Five-Year Plan; you seem to never pay off!
Stalin famously said that he wanted to industrialize Russia with a “five-year plan”, but he never did, and he kept delaying it, until eventually it was cancelled
Soos: Bringing a Red Scare to us? We’ll bring you down in a heap.
During the times of the Cold War, the US was VERY paranoid of the Russians, or, a “Red Scare”, and there were lots of anti-Sovet Union propaganda in the states
We won’t be taught jackshit from the Crappy Comrade Commie Party!
Another name for the Communists is the CCCP, so it’s a bit of wordplay
We’ll collect all your rhymes,
Grunkle Stan: Like you did with the peasants in barns.
The Soviet Army collected the crops of the farmers.
Grunke Stan & Soos: You’re not meant to be rulers! You two belong on an Animal Farm!
George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” is a political satire on the Soviet Revolution, and it shows the dangers of communism

Joseph Stalin: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
SPOILER: After being kicked out of his house for breaking his brothers science experiment, Stan began to sell cheap knock-off products, like Rip-Off bandaids (which gave you terrible rashes)
Between you and your bro, Cave Johnson, you’re all just the same!
SPOILER: Stan and his twin brother Ford (played by JK Simmons) look very alike, and it comes in handy during the series finale “Take Back the Falls”, where they do a twin swap
Leon Trotsky: They don’t pay attention to warnings?
SPOILER: When Stan tried to save his twin brother through the portal, his journal SPECIFICALLY said to not overuse it. But he did, and basically put the whole world in danger as the portal causes "minor gravity anomalies"
Joseph Stalin: Ah, shut it, you old log! Russian agents come to kill Leon Trotsky in the background
Basically just a storytelling part, no real references
Go back to Colombia and rot, I’ll just put the spic in the Gulag!
Stan was once in a Columbian prison, and Soos is Mexican, and a derogatory term for Mexican is "spic", and the Russian term for jail is the Gulag
I’m the MC of the KGB! Better than you two will ever be!
He’s basically doing some bragging
Just like your fate, this rap battle will be nothing but a forgotten memory!
SPOILER: When Stan defeats Bill Cipher in the mindscape, it comes at the cost of his entire memory, so he doesn’t remember who anyone is, or who he is. Luckily, his memory gets boosted back through Mabel's scrapbook
Now, let’s zoom in on the man-child whose role model is a brother-fraud!
SPOILER: Grunkle Stan(LEY) took his brothers identity and started the Mystery Shack, and is Soos' role model, which is ironic because Stan is a criminal, and wouldn't come close to being considered a hero to someone, and Soos is a manchild, and he loves video games, and is very immature
Your chances of victory are like your dad, they’re both long gone!
Soos’ father left him at a very young age, and it still haunts Soos to this day.

I don't think I've seen this much praise for this battle before. :P
I guess it kinda comes down to what you like. A lot of the things you said were funny/clever weren't at all to me (ex: "That's probably not something you seen as a child", "Beautiful women all up on my jock", a lot of Cait's last verse really)
I'd probably rank everything here lower than you but yeah

review this pls http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post440161

Great review m8, do Ivan vs the Greats :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PolarBore*

I don't think I've seen this much praise for this battle before. :P
I guess it kinda comes down to what you like. A lot of the things you said were funny/clever weren't at all to me (ex: "That's probably not something you seen as a child", "Beautiful women all up on my jock", a lot of Cait's last verse really)
I'd probably rank everything here lower than you but yeah

review this pls http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post440161

---

I didn't really do a great job at explaining why I found those specific lines funny, but basically the "probably not something you seen" thing is OK for me because it kinda helps make more sense out of the Barney line and turns the point of the line from a "lol you wear purple like Barney" into a jab at Banner's rough childhood. It creates a funny mental image for me of Banner going to a Barney-themed kids party and then getting so jealous that he turns into the Hulk. I didn't give it full points or anything, I just thought it deserved more points that your average filler line.

And the jock thing I liked just cause I've heard the phrase "up on my jock" used a lot by dudebros describing chicks they get but it has a double meaning with Jenner because she's an actual athlete who wore jockstraps. Again, not brilliant, doesn't get full points, just better than filler IMO.

Here's my review of Yugi Moto vs. Shigeru Miyamoto by Mooncat.

Spoiler: 

Yugi Moto-Round 1:
Bitch I'm super special awesome! Make like Donkey Kong and barrel roll
Not bad, but there are much better Abridged Series jokes to make.
Don't need no shadow game, your corporation's already taken your soul!
Good.
I've got the heart of the cards, you're a heartless corporate tool
Not bad, not genius either.
Let's throw-down Miyamoto, it's time to D-D-D-D-DUEL!!*
This line needed to happen, but it could’ve been handled better.
The souls of the gods manifest themselves in me
Generic boast.
While you're relegated to Nintendo's gameboy at E3
Funny but not super clever.
I'm more legendary than Zelda, fly higher than Kid Icarus
Could’ve been better jokes about these references.
No-one's escaped my Egyptian trap cards since Moses!
Kind of a random reference. Not too much in common aside from Egypt.
You're a fami-conman and your graphics are sparse
I like the famiconman pun a lot.
Kids would rather play Yu-Gi-Oh! than with Hanafuda cards
Could’ve been a better Hanafuda reference.
Even in your sex hotels you won't find no loving
Funny.
Just your face caused Japan's birth-rates to plummet!
lol

Verse Overview: Several strong lines, also a good amount of filler. 8.5 probably.

Round 2:
Urgh!*
You've ended your turn without an attack?
Nice.
In fact, you've played nothing with your sub-par rap
It's a millenial puzzle as to how you got so popular
Great use of this reference.
With a dude in a green skirt and some mustachioed plumber
Generic insults.
You look like a randomized mii and your games are really shitty
The randomized mii thing is really funny, the second part of this line is very basic.
My Nile snake's much larger than your li'l 8-bitty!
Great 8-bit pun.

Verse Overview: Very good considering how few lines are in this and how many of them are good. 9.25-9.75.

Overall: 17.25/20

Shigeru Miyamoto:
Round 1:
I don't need fancy graphics or 18+ ratings
To own the biggest market share in vidya gaming!
Generic boast.
You're more neckbeard than Magic at a Renaissance Fair
This joke kinda misses for me. “More neckbeard” would be funnier if he actually had a neckbeard.
Sega's at the door again; Super Sonic wants his hair
Good but a little obvious.
You're five foot two with your shoes and your mascara is running
Funny physical appearance digs.
From the NES to the DS to the NX I'm always gunning
References without real jokes.
You're nothing! You're about to face my super smash
Pretty obvious joke.
Your life points will get depleted faster than parent's cash
When their kids see my amazing stash of games galore
Clever.
And they forget about your soggy, cheap cardboard
Kind of generic insult, but I think calling the cards “cardboard” is kinda clever.
Synchros, Pendulum and XYZ; face it, you're washed up
Generic insult.
Cardgames on motorcycles won't win you the mushroom cup!
Decent reference.

Verse Overview: No real zingers, just a handful of decent, above average references. Definitely a 7.

Round 2:
I'm on the attack, you better switch to defence
Good.
Even Dahvie Vanity would laugh at your fashion sense!
Random reference, doesn’t really have much to do with either rapper.
You've got another dude inside you, bitch that's gay as hell
lol
I like the concept but I think the whole “dude inside you” pun could’ve been handled in a more clever way. Still funny.
I bet you shop at Hot Topic for your apparel
Pretty obvious joke.
Your baby-face has no place in my systems so can it
Basic line.
Guess American soccer-moms are right - I do spit Satanic!
I like it.

Verse Overview: Definitely seems like you step up your average when there are less lines to work with. 8.75ish.

Overall: 14.75/20

Overall Battle: Good battle, you definitely do have a comedic sense and awareness of what’s funny, which is really important for these battles and often times something that can’t be taught. I think there’s a little too much generic insulting, and some of these references could be used much more efficiently. You want every line to be the type of line someone can admire and be like “wow that was clever”, ideally. 8/10

Yugi Moto’s Worst Line: The souls of the gods manifest themselves in me
Maybe this line could’ve set up a decent joke, but I really don’t see a purpose of it being here.
Yugi Moto’s Best Line: My Nile snake's much larger than your li'l 8-bitty!
When all else fails a good pun is always a great path to take. Honorable mentions are corporation soul and millenial puzzle.
Shigeru Miyamoto’s Worst Line: I’m on the attack, you better switch to defence
Best use of any reference by Miyamoto. Honorable mention is dude inside you.

Winner: Yugi Moto (17.25/20) over Shigeru Miyamoto (14.75/20)

Total Score: 40/50

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BobbyBobber

I repeat this

http://genius.com/Bolly-all-i-can-ask-for-lyrics

---

Spoiler: 

Beat: Obviously I can't judge this on the same scale as ERBs because it's not a rap battle, and it doesn't have to be intense or catchy or whatever. It just has to fit the lyrics, and this beat definitely does. It's a little soothing and reassuring, with a feeling of depth. I like it.

Lyrics: It's kind of hard to follow, there's not really a clear plot progression, but that's definitely not a sure negative. Some of the more clever, impactful lines don't really come until the second verse. The lines in the hook are also really powerful, and a really good message to send. A lot of people out there would probably benefit from a song asking them to be thankful for what they have instead of being upset over the wrong things in people's lives.

Audio/Flow: The flow for the first few lines sound a little too energetic and loud for this song. I think this song is more powerful in the parts where the lines are delivered kind of quietly and subtley, like the "Friends family in the corner" parts. Sometimes it works, like sounding really excited over the second "I woke up this morning" works for the song and the message. The second verse is quieter and I like the way it sounds more for it, although I'm not sure how I feel about the flow for the "fall for it/all for it" part. I've listened to it a few times, sometimes I think it sounds cool, sometimes it sounds really off to me. Overall though, I do like the way your voice sounds when you're rapping.

Could you review my latest ERB once I post it? It'll be up tomorrow, but, I figured I'd reserve a slot.

EDIT: Battle is up: http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post440753

Hasn't been a review in a while because of the musical I was in and because I spent a lot of time on the last TDFE challenge, but here's my review of the REWF with LAWL, Klonoa, and Mooncat.

Spoiler: 

Moon Bond:
Round 1:
I've battled Polar and Brine and Clem and Turtle with his dildoes
But they were not as squinty and closed-off as your eyes, bro!
Decent parody of the original.
I bet your rhymes sound like someone banging pans and pots
Not bad, a little too subtle for a joke this shallow (shallow jokes are fine, but I think that jokes like that are best when they’re just blatant and open).
All your OC's couldn't blast raps at this brown Scot
References without really any jokes.
Don't need permission from the mods to become a god; it's in my veins
Could’ve maybe been a better god joke.
I take bubblebaths with ladies, you need a forum game to date!
Pretty great dis.
After 23,000 posts I'm not too tired to spit
Decent boast.
You're more tedious than sitting through reading Cryonic
Maybe could’ve been a better Cryonic joke but this one’s good enough.
Mooncat's my name! But I'm no stray so please don't chow mein me
Probably the best racist joke so far.
You're so Asian you'd commit seppuku if you got a B
Not really that clever.
I'm Asian too from my head to my paws and after this flow I've done
Makes all your Asian jokes look a little hypocritical.
It's the survival of the most fabu-loud, and I've won!
This line doesn’t feel referency enough, if that makes sense. This is a very small reference.

Verse Overview: A few good ones, but kind of lacking in really strong jokes. 8.

Rest of the Battle:
Urgh I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this chink!
I should be chilling in Scotland with Josh and some other twinks
Sipping fire whiskey and running a 7/11
These last 2 lines are pretty good parodies of the original.
Not rapping against edgy OCs with cockring weapons!
Generic insults.
I didn't say you were big, you sweet and sour pig
Decent aside from the fact that you’ve already made a LOT of Asian jokes.
We're friends so being mean to you really ain't my shtick ;-;
Cos I love my friends more than the Top Gear Stig
I'm the friendliest forumer, and no my luscious hair ain't a wig!
I like the unique way these lines parody the original.

It's the forum business and you've had your fun
This site's had quite enough of your Yankee Doodle guns!
Not bad.

Well how about we praise a forumer who's actually active?
Ok but kind of obvious parody of the original.

As a matter of fact I can attack yanks that look up to me
Without this cat you wouldn't have the balls to be a brony!
Lines are kinda basic, not really any strong jokes.

Verse Overview: Again, decent amount of references, just a lot of the lines don’t really pack a punch. 7.25ish.

Overall: 15.25/20

Klostin Powers:
Round 1:
You’d look a lot more handsome in Bollywood, baby.
OK, could’ve been a better Bollywood joke.
Can I make you go faster than curry does? Yeah probably!
Great curry joke.
(Wahoo!) The voice from Cry’s locket said you were a sucky player,
But Tikaani above, that is Laikano-brainer!!
Great references and puns.
I've never seen someone so awful at math!
The math joke could’ve been more clever.
I've also never seen David lose his appetite so fast!
Good reference.
I mean, you can't go out with that unruly beard, you heathen!
Could’ve been a better joke about the beard.
Polar bears rate me eleven out of ten!
The wording of this reference feels really random.
(Wahoo!) I'll stun you badly with a groundbreaking pun,
Make a Ranger faint; I’m rapping tighter than a won ton!!
Great pun.
(Wahoo!) I’m resistant; you can’t reach me, you’re too distant!
Kinda clever.
Your good raps are like all the sex I've had: nonexistent!
Funny, definitely a self-dis but it works since Powers’ original verse was pretty self-dissy.
(Wahoo!) People want a cool cat hosting suspenseful competition!
Reference without a joke.
No one wants to slowly go through your romantic exposition!
I’d say this is also a reference without a joke, but calling it all “exposition” is kinda funny.
Maybe Shinji can spark new ideas in your mind!
Good reference.
You made failed RPs too many times!
Fact statey.
I made a name for myself; you made it to the loony bin!
Generic insults.
Someone call Osama, I found his last virgin!
Funny closer.

Verse Overview: Lots of clever references, and even the jokes that don’t really work are pretty good parodies of the original. Solid 9.

Rest of the Battle:
Um, I'm not big on threesomes, go find your own group.
Clever.

As you see, it's not too hard for you to be ridiculed.
Generic insult.
And I know you like to teach but I think you just got schooled!
I’ve seen this joke done a lot before.

Verse Overview: I like the threesomes line. If I were to count this as a verse for some reason it’d be a 6.75 or something.

Overall: 17.75/20

Sean LAWLery:
Round 1:
I wouldn’t exactly call you “the friendliest”
It’s the most prominent rockin-it forumer to be known
Needs more reference
been spittin sick disses before this y’all called this forum home
A little fact statey.
I’ve read your raps, Mooncat, and I’m not gonna lie
It was… So crappy… You’re gonna make me cry
Good reference.
I see your modern memes and they have no credentials
I don’t need OCs to be influential
References without real jokes.
I’m the founder of groups and made lessons to teach you all
Fact statey.
I’ve done so much you should call this Epic Rap Battles… of LAWL
There’s not too much to this joke.

Verse Overview: The so crappy line is great, the rest of the verse is a little lacking in really strong jokes.

Rest of the Battle:
SLAP Don’t you have to go role-play as a pile of poop?!
Could’ve been a better role-playing joke, this is probably the easiest one you could do.

Oh please, I'm the wittiest forumer, I'm the smartest
you two've been dumbing me down ever since the battle started!
Generic insults. I guess there is a reference but it’s not a really clever one.

SLAP At least I made a name, you're more or less passive
Also not much of a reference.

Now you listen here you little limey lame Briton
call me bi, but it seems this dick needs a good lickin'!
Not bad, but could be used by pretty much anyone LGBT.

Verse Overview: There are references, but they’re pretty broad ones. I prefer jokes about specific references.

Overall: 13.25/20

Overall Battle: It’s kinda mixed but there’s a lot of personality and fun in this battle. It often doesn’t do a great job of mixing humor or references with real cleverness, and feels a little rushed at times. 7.75/10

Moon Bond’s Worst Line: Urgh I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this chink!
Feels too generic, and it doesn’t help that there’s already been a lot of Asian jokes in this battle.
Moon Bond’s Best Line: I take bubblebaths with ladies, you need a forum game to date!
Got the OH SNAP factor that a lot of fanmades I read really seem to be lacking in. Honorable mentions are squinty closed-off and stray Mooncat.
Klostin Powers’ Worst Line: As you see, it's not too hard for you to be ridiculed.
Could be used against anyone and it would make just as much sense.
Klostin Powers’ Best Line: But Tikaani above, that is Laikano-brainer!!
Really good parody of the original and clever line on its own too. Honorable mentions are curry, wonton, and Shinji.
Sean LAWLery’s Worst Line: It’s the most prominent rockin-it forumer to be known
Any forumer could say this line and it’d make just as much sense. Not specific enough.
Sean LAWLery’s Best Line: It was… So crappy… You’re gonna make me cry
Just a really good reference with good comedic timing.

Winner: Klostin Powers (17.75/20) over Moon Bond (15.25/20) and Sean LAWLery (13.25/20)

Total Score: 54/70

Oh, may I ask you to review THIS:

Spoiler: 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

I'mma do this review in 2 minutes time GO

Spoiler: 

Sane BB. Strange:
Fuck yourself
Round up your mods and fuck them too
No references
And your admins and dions and mexicans and LGBT communities
Your straight white male scum and sam with a big pair of titties
Not sepcific enogh referneces
I’ve never finished everything I’ve ever written
But one time I came on your moms feet and yeah I finished
Lol I just read the lyrics and saw boobies
Not a boast or dis
Shit uh age five you fucking beehive
Polar you are stupid and not respectable
I will never have sex with you
No referecnes
What the fuck even is David the Gnome
NOt specific to either person
You’re an asshole vampire ain’t welcome in my hoooooooome
Overview: Bad probably like a 3 or 4

Polar BB. Ore:
jews, nerd, jew nerds, dorks,
Dork nerds, jew dorks, nerd dorks, and whores
These all describe you you little bitch
You want a battle mang well this isn’t even serious
On the forum, you've got nothing to show
I’m the active co admin you’re a powerless ho
First references in the verse and it's bad
I got memes that are great while yours suck
You’re like Umbreon because you’re a duck
(Oh!) We all know the world is full of people who suck
So, yes, it's true to life for people to suck
But buddy you suck way too much
Not as much as sam, but you still suck
I'm not in this battle


Sane BB. Strange:
I bigwordhere object to what you're doing with your life
Funny
My favorite musical is the ones where objects come to life
I’m too deep in your mom they call me Dr. Fuckweed
Your favorite band is probably creed

Bad

Polar BB. Ore:
My favorite musical is probably Hamilton
Good
But regardless of that my least favorite person is Samilton
And also my favorite band isn’t at all Creed
I don’t even know which one of their songs I’ve seen (or heard I guess)


Sane BB. Strange:
Man, your whatever jokes I’m ahead of you so I don’t know what you’re gonna put
Is worse that sam
My straight white sauce is hotter then you cause you’re G A Y
I’m SaneButStrange you’re a weird little mexican
Theser eferences could be a lot better
And I may be a motherfucker but you got the Opedius complex mannn
Even your modship man it fucking sucks
You aren’t funny and you’re kind of lame and you’re probably named Rico
Hey she got home safely that’s good
Also my tater tots are done
Needs more fecnereces


Polar BB. Ore:
Canadion and I were just discussing
How you and Sambam…can’t stop suggin
Because my rep level right now is 4799
Fact statey
It might not be when people read this because it changes all the time
And I'm Sane and Strange than you’ve ever been
I’m not strange but I needed to say that to parody the battle man
You can't reach this fellow! Shit, I'm too Towering!
(Ooh!) Every time I battle, it's Return of the King!
bitch
Doesn't parody the line at all just repeats

AND TIMER'S UP

Let me know if you want a more in depth review or if this is satisfactory

Who won tho

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PolarBore*

Who won tho

---

You have more references so you I guess

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Samilton

You have more references so you I guess

---

ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yyyyyyyyyy

How was my mother fucker line

what ever happened to reviewing Suit of Space?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Horsnea

How was my mother fucker line

---

I didn't see exactly how it applies to Polar

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Katz

what ever happened to reviewing Suit of Space?

---

I'll get back on it after my next review of BKR's battle

Here's my review of Grunkle Stan and Soos vs. Stalin and Trotsky. Next is Suit of Space.

Spoiler: 

Grunkle Stan and Soos:
Round 1:
Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen! What may I interest you in?
Pretty obvious opener.
May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
Nice puns.
You overthrew the Czar, but can’t drop sick bars.
I don’t really see how these 2 ideas are relevant to each other.
You may help the U.S, but this time, it’s an Allied war!
Not really a boast or an insult.
Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
Too simple.
You grew to be like the Czar, so why don’t you understand?
I like the idea behind this line but it’s not worded in any sort of comedic way.
You killed 20,000 Russians, and still fought against Hitler?
Again, clever idea for a joke but it’s not really a joke.
I won’t Lenin anyone who tries to throw his bro out of the picture!
This pun is kind of a stretch.

Verse Overview: The only really good line in this verse for me is the Axis one. 6.5 probably.

Round 2:
Bicker with us? We’ll leave you more beat than King Nicholas!
Could’ve been a more clever Nicholas joke.
Throwing gun-swords at the speed of light that’ll leave you doods trickling!
Could’ve been a better gun-swords joke, the wording of this line is really awkward.
Don’t run off and get Molotov to scare us off.
Not bad.
You’re like your Five-Year Plan; you seem to never pay off!
Good reference.
Bringing a Red Scare to us? We’ll bring you down in a heap.
There’s no real joke here.
We won’t be taught jackshit from the Crappy Comrade Commie Party!
It’s an attempt, but it’s just not a very creative dis for me.
We’ll collect all your rhymes,
Like you did with the peasants in barns.
What does it mean to “collect rhymes”?
Grunke Stan & Soos: You’re not meant to be rulers! You two belong on an Animal Farm!
Not bad, but a little obvious and could’ve been a better joke about this.

Verse Overview: Lots of references and a decent amount of jokes, but they’re kinda hit and miss for me. Like a 6.5 again, leaning on 6.75.

Overall: 13.25/20

Joseph Stalin and Leon Trotsky:
Round 1:
One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
Really try not to put out any battles where one of the explanations for the lines is “just a simple threat”. It’s better to take the time to make every line something you’re proud of.
My self-named government will hammer you, and sickle your ass!
Not bad.
I’ll go Holodomor on your ass if you try to mess with me!
Could’ve been a better Holodomor line.
I’m also a professional gambler, Stan, so comrade, come at me!
The reference guide has different lines from the actual battle, so I’m not sure if I’m missing something, but it seems like this is a reference without a joke.
Now, are we going to let a man with ears bigger than his face,
try to mess up this rap? Now, that’s a Disneyfied mistake!
Both references in these lines feel more thrown in there than actually made use of.
I’ll leave you in glass shards! Just ask Hitler! We ripped him!
I like this one.
Don’t mess with the Communists or you’ll be our next Bolshevik-tim!
I guess I’ll give points for this, but in the future try not to use other people’s jokes.

Verse Overview: Maybe like a 7-7.25. One or two jokes that pay off somewhat.

Joseph Stalin: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
Very good.
Between you and your bro, Cave Johnson, you’re all just the same!
Calling 2 people “the same” isn’t really an insult in my mind.
They don’t pay attention to warnings?
Ah, shut it, you old log!
Way too simple.
Go back to Colombia and rot, I’ll just put the spic in the Gulag!
There are several references in these lines, but there aren’t any real jokes about any of them.
I’m the MC of the KGB! Better than you two will ever be!
Barely a reference.
Just like your fate, this rap battle will be nothing but a forgotten memory!
I like where you’re going with this line, but what exactly does it mean for a battle to be a “forgotten memory”? Why exactly is that a good or bad thing?
Now, let’s zoom in on the man-child whose role model is a brother-fraud!
Generic insults.
Your chances of victory are like your dad, they’re both long gone!
Pretty good.

Verse Overview: 2 lines I really like, a few others that almost hit. 7.5.

Overall: 14.5/20

Overall Battle: Not bad, definitely one of your better battles. I feel like the main problem is still that it feels a little rushed. Don’t put out a product unless you think it’s the best it possibly can be, and every line is clever, or at least respectable. It feels like you’re really trying for some of these lines and then other lines it feels like you’re not really trying to do anything clever, and your reference guide sometimes confirms those suspicions. 7/10

Grunkle Stan and Soos’ Worst Line: Hey, doods! It’s Soos! Call me the handyman.
Pretty pointless.
Grunkle Stan and Soos’ Best Line: May I rotate your Axis around, contrast to your little revolution?
This line has a few layers almost, it’s really clever. Honorable mention is Five-Year Plan.
Joseph Stalin and Leon Trotsky’s Worst Line: One remark like that, and I’ll burn down your whole shack.
If the reference guide can’t defend it, it shouldn’t be in the battle.
Joseph Stalin and Leon Trotsky’s Best Line: GAH! You’re a Rip-Off, like your little band-aids!
The best lines in this battle all seem to be puns. Honorable mention is Glass Shard.

Winner: Joseph Stalin and Leon Trotsky (14.5/20) over Grunkle Stan and Soos (13.25/20)

Total Score: 34.75/50

Here's my review of Suit of Space Chapter 5.

Spoiler: 

-Divide paragraphs after a line of dialogue, like after "Right he-". Makes it easier to read.
-I'm a little confused as to why Todd calls for the Cosmos.
-For the sake of character development, I wish you'd had Danielle actually talk about what an honor it is to meet Cosmos instead of just saying "she started talking about how much of an honor it was." It's not a big deal if she doesn't turn out to be a major character, but if she does then this is a pretty lackluster introduction.
-The action (if you can call it that, there isn't much fighting I guess) is pretty well done.
-Now the introduction to these new characters is great. Very suspenseful and exciting.

It's been terribly long, but here's my review of the great midseason finale, Alex vs. Ivan.

Spoiler: 

Beat:
Relevance-No issues here. It’s intense and hardcore, and as soon as it started playing I thought “Oh man this battle is going to be big”. And Frederick’s part fits the personality they crafted for him in this battle. 2.5/2.5
Catchiness-Ehh, the only really catchy part is the flute solo, which doesn’t even accompany any lines. The rest of it barely has a tune. Catherine’s part is catchy but only because she’s singing her lines in a cool tune. 1.25/2.5
Intensity-It has a build and a payoff and it definitely feels like a real clash of the titans. 2.5/2.5
Variety-Frederick’s beat is a good mix-up, but otherwise, this beat does get kind of boring. I kind of got sick of it when it came back during Catherine’s part. 2/2.5
Overall: There’s definitely a lot to like, but it’s just slightly boring after a while. 8.25/10

Costumes:
Ivan the Terrible-It’s perfect. I always thought Lloyd would be Ivan for some reason (probably because I saw Peter as Alexander) but Peter looks great here. I think anyone would, really, with all those clothes and the beard you could get anyone to look like Ivan the Terrible. 1/1
Alexander the Great-We don’t totally know what he looked like, but from sculptures and paintings he probably had a big Jew nose, which Sherwin has. He looks fine too. 1/1
Frederick the Great-The makeup is a nice subtle touch, and the costume looks fine. No issues here either. 1/1
Catherine the Great-Well cast for sure, she’s got the right face for Catherine. We actually do have pretty good, accurate looking paintings of Catherine, and it looks like they got it pretty good here. And costume is awesome too. 1/1
Extras-Betette looks Pompey enough, and the Russian dancers are Russian dancers. This one was kinda hard to screw up costume-wise, and so they didn’t. 1/1

Impressions:
Ivan the Terrible-Peter’s Ivan voice is really cool and villain-y. I like Peter as villains a lot. 1.25/1.25
Alexander the Great-There is such a thing as a Greek accent. I’ve heard my Greek friends make fun of it and impersonate it. I’d love to see ERB attempt it some day. I’m getting real funky with the scores here but screw it my reviews my rules 1.125/1.25
Frederick the Great-I would’ve liked a German accent maybe, Lloyd’s done it before, but I really like the voice he kinda gave Frederick anyway so I’m cool with it. 1.25/1.25
Catherine the Great-Russian accent would be cool. Actually, Russian-style singing would’ve been awesome. Instead she sounds really poppy, and don’t get me wrong she’s got a beautiful voice, but they could’ve gone a different direction that I would’ve liked more. 1.125/1.25

Ivan the Terrible:
Round 1:
Look alive, crème de la Kremlin's arriving!
Great boast.
Try to serve Ivan: no surviving!
A little simple but a great pun nonetheless.
You're a land rover; I'm a land expander
This is really clever, the more I think about it.
Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander!
Could’ve been a much more clever “first loss” joke.
I'll school you like Aristotle!
Good.
Smack you harder than you hit that bottle!
This could be used against a LOT of people.
You're nothing but an overrated lush; I'll crush ya!
Generic insult.
I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia!
Generic boast. Though the visual cameos turn it into a bit of an ERB reference which is decent.
You're an asshole with an anastole!
Very simple but I think it’s really funny for some reason.
I'm heaven-sent, divine and holy!
Generic.
So don't even try to approach the God,
Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!
lolol good

Verse Overview: Not every line is great, but this is a great verse all things considered. Lots of cool, subtle lines and fun puns. Somewhere between a 9 or 9.25.

Overall: 18.25/20

Alexander the Great:
Hey fella! Swell diss!
boo
But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed.
I really like this wordplay.
Stepping up’s foolish as well as useless,
Before anyone says anything YES I KNOW THIS VERSE IS MORE ABOUT FLOW THAN REFERENCES that doesn’t mean it’s all clever. I’m going to judge each line individually on whether or not it is clever and required thought and effort to write. That doesn’t mean every line has to stand on its own as great, but it has to be at least a little clever to get full points.
Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list
I like Little Vasilyevich a lot.
I brought foes to their knees in Phonecia
I kinda like how Zach handles these next few lines. He manages to make small little puns throughout all this country listing and I think it’s a good mix of flow and reference.
Breezed through Gaza to Giza
Eh, wish he had thrown something in here, although “Gaza to Giza” is a little clever.
Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq
I like “Had the Balkans”.
And Pakistan in my expansion pack
He also really cleverly divides the line split here to fit one small pun into both lines.
While you died in the middle of a game of chess!
Genius has a really cool explanation for this line and the game Age of Empires II that I hope is what ERB intended. There could’ve been a better chess joke, but this is fine. It makes use of the reference sufficiently.
You got vodka bars; flavorless!
Pretty good.
And what I’m ‘bout to spit will be the craziest
Filler.
So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed!
Cool foreshadowing, and a pretty good line to boot.
Kudos! Greek for the glory I got
For winning every single war that I fought!
Not really a joke aside from that Kudos is a Greek word. Weak.
So this’ll be straightforward, I’ll take forth this sword that I got
And I’ll slice you in half like the Gordian knot
On its own the line isn’t great and could’ve been handled better , but I have to give partial credit for the rhyme scheme with the “or...ot” that’s been subtlely kept up for the past four lines (and partially continues into the next line).
And I’ll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore
As I swatted my many enemies; shattered ‘em like a porcelain pot
Cool, small references thrown into this crazy flow. Also these two lines are probably the best sounding part of the battle for me.
And they’d be praying for the torture to stop
No jokes in this line, it basically doesn’t need to be here aside from providing a little flow break.
But I would leave ‘em contorted and they’d be screaming and roaring
Until their vocal cords were torn up and shot!
No references, and the flow doesn’t really do anything too clever either.
And I would holler “Bucephalus!”, hop on my horsey, and trot!
I would’ve preferred a Buce-phallus joke. This feels more like a mention than a proper usage of a reference.
I win, Ivan; I vanquish! I’m an immortal; you’re not!
I like the puns in the first half of the line and the foreshadowing in the second half.

Verse Overview: Hard verse to judge, but the way I calculated it adds up to the equal of 9 really strong, clever lines (it’s more like 11 or 12 but a handful of them are only slightly above average so I kinda did a weird match thing eh it’s complicated trust me). Which is pretty good, but there are still a few parts that seem a little rushed lyrically that maybe could’ve used some sort of subtle joke with a little more time.

Overall: 17.25/20

Dialogue:
Enough! I don’t stand a chance against your skills
So basically I’m counting this as part of the BATTLE’s score, but not part of any individual rapper’s score. Anyway this line is filler.
на здоровье! A drink to your victory! Yes, I will.
The Russian bit is good, and clever considering it means “Good health” which is the opposite of what Ivan’s about to give him. Nice one.
It seems no one can defeat me. I weep; it’s all so easy!
Nice subtle reference to a famous quote.
What’s wrong? I feel a bit...queasy.
Lacking in reference.
Ha! You’ve been poisoned! Oh, the pain is unbearable!
Explanation without any joke
My stomach’s riddled with holes! Ugh, I’m terrible.
I love the delivery.
There’s no great who could defeat this Russian!
This line sounds kinda awkward for the moment, since the premise of the battle hasn’t been fully explored yet. However, the visuals here are a really clever reference to a movie about Ivan the Terrible by Sergei Eisenstein that I have to give points for.
Oh, what a humiliating defeat!
No reference, but I love the delivery of this. It’s so obviously fake.
I know when I am beat, so of course, take a seat!
This is kind of an awkward transition. Why does he want Frederick to take a seat?
I’d keep ripping you to shreds, but I’ll take a break instead
And just rest my little head. Why don’t you drop dead, Fred?!
I like this little reference.
Hmm, my expectations were a lot higher.
But at least I saved the rubles on the garrote wire.
Funny.
It’s another great day and another great victory
I love the little dance
‘Cause no great can beat me! What about me, Pompey? YEAH
The Pompey reference is hilarious and well done.

Verse Overview: It’s not perfect, but I think this storytelling is done pretty well. Lots of jokes and little references scattered throughout making what should be a necessary evil (storytelly lines) pretty entertaining.

Overall: 18.25/20

Frederick the Great:
Psst! What about a flute-busting Prussian?
”Flute busting” is funny.
I’m Frederick the Great! Out the gate, first servant of state!
Nice Brandenburg Gate reference.
Oblique attack tactics ain’t exactly straight!
AAAAAH THE DOUBLE MEANING IS BEAUTIFUL
I’ve got creative talents and battle malice!
Hard as steel on the field, genteel in the palace!
No real jokes in either of these lines.
Russia’s fucked up, but no wonder why!
With your taigas and tundras and bears! Oh my!
I love Wizard of Oz references in most contexts. And this is a pretty clever pun anyway.
I would pay a guy to tear out my eyes
If I had to look at your troll face every night!
Delivery’s great, joke is pretty great too.
Now bring me my chair!
I’m weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square
Flow is cool, the Red Square reference is pretty good.
Fought a Seven Years’ War; I ain’t scared of a tsar!
I didn’t get the connection between these two clauses until I looked it up, but it’s pretty good and relevant to Ivan.
‘Cause beating you only took me twelve bars!
OK. Not brilliant but it works.

Verse Overview: Very strong verse. Lots of references, funny jokes, and I think it’s just a little more consistent than the other verses in this battle so far. Barely.

Overall: 18.25/20

Catherine the Great:
Round 1:
Macedonians, Prussians and Romans; those aren’t worthy opponents
It takes a Russian to take down a Russian. I’m Cat; I’m a cat; you’re a rodent!
Good way of introducing herself into the battle. And I like the cat-rodent pun.
How are you the head of our state when the state of your head was such a crazy one?
Nice pun.
Such sick shit going through your brain that you stuck a spike through your own son’s!
I like the alliteration and reference here.
You’re unbalanced like I unbalanced the European powers with the wars I waged!
Nice pun.
I brought the Russian empire straight out the olden days and right into the golden age!
This one is a little weak for me. Only real “joke” is the olden-golden wordplay, which isn’t much.
I’m the boss bitch that you just can’t meddle with!
Filler.
This whole battle’s like Alaska ‘cause I settled it!
Works as a finisher.

Verse Overview: 9.25 probably. Pretty much every other line is strong.

Round 2:
That horse story is a pile of shit
Really clever way of referencing the fact that this method of death has been proven false.
Though I do keep ‘em chomping at the bit
This is a great boast.
But you’re never gonna get it, nyet
The reference here is really random and irrelevant to the rappers.
Couldn’t spit in my chamber if this were Russian roulette!
This is a great reference.
I’m picking up where Peter the Great left off
Could’ve gone more clever with this reference.
Bringing sexy back to House Romanov
This is funny. Apparently she liked to decorate House Romanov with a bunch of penises and sexual objects.
So don’t call me Queen, I’m far more great
Empress to Tsar 8, bitch, checkmate!
Now THIS is how you make use of the chess reference. And I also think it’s really clever how the battle ends with a reference to Ivan’s death, considering what’s happened in the battle so far.

Verse Overview: Also a 9.25 probably. There are some weak lines in the middle but most of it is great.

Overall: 18.5/20

Ungraded Stuff:
Idea-Alex the Great vs. Ivan the Terrible was always a really cool idea on its own, so no issues with the initial match-up. And I’m glad it started that way since Alex is the most famous “the Great” by far. The rest of the characters probably aren’t the FIRST people I would’ve picked for this battle, but I can see why they did it. It’s really brilliantly executed in my opinion.
Presentation-The Russian cameos are awesome, the “action scenes” are really well done and have a cool atmosphere, and the Russian dancers in Catherine’s verse are completely unnecessary and don’t really add anything to the battle but they’re cool anyway. I guess Cat’s verse would’ve been a little boring visually otherwise.

Overall Battle: Very very good battle. Lyrics are as good as ever, and there’s a lot more of a comedic impact in this battle than I would’ve expected from such a historyish match-up. The beat’s passable, the costumes are perfect, there’s very little to dislike from this battle aside from a few filler lines. I’d also like to give it props for doing storytelling really well, kinda like Romeo and Juliet did. I’m not going to give a score for this category anymore because it doesn’t really make sense to have an overall score inside of an overall score.

Ivan the Terrible’s Worst Line: I'm heaven-sent, divine and holy!
Boring and pointless.
Ivan the Terrible’s Best Line: Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod!
Best use of any reference in the battle. I love crem de la Kremlin, but it’s not as specific of a reference as this one. Honorable mentions are land rover, anastole, and crem de la Kremlin.
Alexander the Great’s Worst Line: Hey fella! Swell diss!
Can’t you just do something with this Zach
Alexander the Great’s Best Line: While you died in the middle of a game of chess!
This verse doesn’t have a lot of GREAT lines (ironically), but this one I guess is a pretty good use of the reference. Even though Cat does the chess reference much better later on. Honorable mentions (though not super honorable) are Panhellenist, Gordian knot, and the last line of the verse.
Frederick the Great’s Worst Line: I’ve got creative talents and battle malice!
Very basic boast with no really specific references.
Frederick the Great’s Best Line: With your taigas and tundras and bears! Oh my!
This one was just the funniest for me. Honorable mentions are oblique attack tactics, and tear out my eyes.
Catherine the Great’s Worst Line: I’m the boss bitch that you just can’t meddle with!
Generic.
Catherine the Great’s Best Line: Empress to Tsar 8, bitch, checkmate!
Great line on its own, and aided by the way the rest of this battle is set up. Honorable mentions are head of our state, unbalanced, chomping at the bit, and Russian roulette.

Winner: Catherine the Great (18.5/20) over Frederick the Great (18.25/20), Ivan the Terrible (18.25/20) and Alexander the Great (17.25/20)

Total Score: 108.25/120 (equivalent to 63.291667/70 because fuck trying to keep multiples of 0.25 anymore)

"This is kind of an awkward transition. Why does he want Frederick to take a seat?"
because Frederick asked him to in "Now bring me my chair! I’m weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PolarBore*

"This is kind of an awkward transition. Why does he want Frederick to take a seat?"
because Frederick asked him to in "Now bring me my chair! I’m weary from tearing you a new derrière from here to Red Square"

---

Oh yeah, I realized that but forgot to change that before I posted the review.

Eh, the line still doesn't really do anything witty

Also you forgot enjoy the saddle which was my favorite storytelling line probably :C

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by PolarBore*

Also you forgot enjoy the saddle which was my favorite storytelling line probably :C

---

Oh yeah that was a great one

Here's Suit of Space Chapter 6.

Spoiler: 

-The exposition at the beginning is pretty chill and interesting.
-It kind of moves really quickly from exposition and calmly meeting new characters to a kinda scary and dramatic scene with the suit overheating. A little too quick for me.
-I'd like to hear a little more inner monologue from Amy in this chapter, just because I want to hear more about what she's thinking and her reasons for reacting the way she does to certain things. I'm starting to lose her personality a bit.
-Creepiest nightmare sequence in a while. I like it.

Here's my review of FoolMeNever's Junji Ito vs. HP Lovecraft.

Spoiler: 

H.P Lovecraft:
Round 1:
Have you heard the call? Welcome to my Hunger Mountain of Madness!
References without jokes.
Tell me, am I the Rhode Island Horror when I'm whipping your ass?
Not super clever.
You're a fish out of water, Ito, but even uglier than a Deep One.
Pretty good use of this references.
How can you be considered a master, when I'm being worshipped like Dagon?
OK.
My rhymes flow deep like an ocean, and they unnerve even further.
Not a very deep reference.
You're an elder thing; minus the substantial power.
Funny, I like it.
I'm a gentleman! You're just a dog who cannot be Silent.
Pretty cool reference, maybe could’ve done something a little better with the reference but still a good line.
Of course, that's not entirely true, considering Konami's treatment.
Sick.

Verse Overview: Not many great lines but a lot of decent ones. 8.75ish.

Round 2:
Call yourself Tomie all you like, you won't be coming back after getting burned this bad.
This is awesome.
I don't hate you, Ito, but you're so far below me it must make you mad.
Kind of an oddly specific and kinda confusing reference.
You're Uzumaki-ing out of control, perhaps Mr. Del Toro would be better off with me?
Love this “pun”.
Of course I inspired you, hah, your insanity is clear as can be.
I’ve heard a lot of “I inspired you” or “I was inspired by you” lines, but this one’s pretty good. So even though it’s not really a reference to anything specific, it’s still a decent line for me.

Verse Overview: Kinda hit and miss, but that’s good for a verse of this size. 8.75 or 9.

Overall: 17.75/20

Junji Ito:
Let me illustrate the ways your Whispers in the Dark don't harm me.
Decent.
And even after that, I'll keep coming. Just call me Tomie!
Kind of an obvious joke to make about this reference.
You're an Enigma to a Fault; a small mama's boy who looks like a corpse!
First half of the line is good, second half is generic.
And one would hope the smell you're emitting isn't a virus.
Funny.
The true night terror you're experiencing must be how your work's been butchered.
Nice, good insult.
Pen and paper, video games, all adapted for nerds!
Kinda generic insult.
You've inspired insanity, but most would agree you're not reich in the mind.
I’ve heard this joke done before, but it works better when Hitler isn’t one of the main characters in the battle. Less obvious that way.
Maybe become even more similar to the man you like, and pop some cyanide!
The wording on this is too awkward to pack a comedic punch. Feels forced.

Verse Overview: A little weaker than Lovecraft’s first due to more subpar lines, but there are still several good ones. 8.75 for.

Round 2:
You're twisting yourself so much to diss me you might as well be rapping DRR-DRR-DRR!
I like this reference.
Flow sweet like honey, and with one listen you'll be splattered.
Could’ve maybe been a better Splatter Film joke but this one works fine.
Nobody loves your craft, hell, I would say defeat was made for you.
I like these jokes.
It's black and white, Howard, you can't comprehend my raps like my name was Cthulhu!
Ending with a Cthulu reference is cool.

Verse Overview: Every line is decent, they aren’t really standout or memorable for the most part but it’s still a solid 9.5.

Overall: 18/20

Overall Battle: It’s a very good battle with lots of good references. My only real issue is that while there are a lot of references, and most of them are used in a joking manner, I feel like some of the jokes about the references could be deeper and funnier. The battle’s a little lacking in the WOW or the OOH SNAP factor, if that makes sense, most of the jokes are probably some of the easier jokes you could make about these references. Still, you’ve clearly got the formula for a good battle nailed down. 8.75/10

HP Lovecraft’s Worst Line: Have you heard the call? Welcome to my Hunger Mountain of Madness!
It’s really not a bad opener, but it’s the only line that doesn’t seem like it’s really trying to do anything that clever.
HP Lovecraft’s Best Line: Call yourself Tomie all you like, you won't be coming back after getting burned this bad.
One of the best “burn” puns I’ve heard in a long time. Honorable mentions are elder thing and Konami’s treatment.
Junji Ito’s Worst Line: Pen and paper, video games, all adapted for nerds!
Maybe I’m missing something in this line, but it just feels very blunt and lacking in real thought.
Junji Ito’s Best Line: The true night terror you're experiencing must be how your work's been butchered.
The best use of references from Ito. Honorable mentions are Loves Craft and smell emitting.

Total Score: 44.5/50

Review Qin Shi Huang or whatever vs Roanld Reagan

Review this pls ty

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post441819

Here's my review of the next Suit of Space chapter.

Spoiler: 

-The opening paragraph is great. Feels very dramatic and strong, especially considering it looks like you hyped this one up a bit in your thread.
-I like the added character description with Ophorum, but another part of me wants you to do more "showing" than "telling". What I mean by that is, instead of having Amy say "Ophorum was the friendliest to me", try to see if you can just illustrate that with dialogue instead.
-I like the trend of gettting more dialoguey than narratey.
-Cool little riddle thingy with the bee and the piano keys, makes the reader think before they hear the answer.
-Nightmare Sequence is very intense. Good chapter overall.

Dividing this review into parts like I did BKR's other long battle because it's taking a while to read through.

Spoiler: 

The Resistance Force:
Round 1
BKR3: We are united, and we’re the resistance!
Basic opener
Our memes are more magic than any corporate business!
”More magic” is kind of a weird boast.
DirgeThurman: We’ll beat you yesterday, today, and Tomorrowland!
I like it.
We’re pioneers of rap! You’re just a Universal copycat!
I don’t really get how you guys are the pioneers of rap. And there could’ve been a more clever or funny Universal reference.
TollandLee: I’ll turn a Magic Kingdom into anarchy!
Kingdom-anarchy, not bad.
You think you can win? That’s a load of Fantasy!
Nice!
Chao: You’re no Sleeping Beauty! You’re anything but!
Generic insult.
The only transformation you’ve made is turning little girls to sluts!
Good.
Bugeyes: It’s Farkle Time for you to stop with your shitty sitcoms!
Decent.
You care more about teenage fans than well-spoken dialogue!
A little too generic.
Smith: Let’s Shake it Up a little! I’ll shoot you like you’re in Cleveland!
Not bad, kind of the most obvious joke you could make about Shake It Up.
The only experience of fighting you’ll have is from Davis Cleveland!
Doesn’t really make sense.
Max: You can’t Liv with the denial of your awful conditions!
Pretty good.
You must be Maddie insane to think we’ll drop everything and give in!
Decent pun.
BKR3: What’s the worst that you’ll do? Throw a little “Hulk Smash”?
Reference without really a joke.
All: This anti-semitic will soon be reduced into piles of Ash!
Meh, not too clever.

Verse Overview: Several decent puns. I’ll go with 7.75.

Round 2
BKR3: I’ll shut you down faster than I did the Flute Master!
Could’ve been a more clever joke about this reference
DirgeThurman: The only thing you have now is those shitty sitcom rosters!
Generic insult.
TollandLee: You’re a looney Rooney! Hate to Bragg, but we’ve won!
I like these.
Chao: When it comes to pop culture references, we don’t wanna hear another one!
Could’ve been a better pop culture references joke
Bugeyes: You’re an entertainment mogul? Couldn’t you get tutored for better raps?
I don’t see how these two thoughts are related.
Smith: We’ll shoot down you and Three Caballeros at the tip of a fedora hat!
Not bad, but what exactly does “at the tip of a fedora hat” mean? Does it mean they’ll shoot them down fast? Or easily? I don’t really get the idiom.
Max: You shut down Toontown? I’ll shut down your corporation!
Easy joke to make
BKR3: Your family name ain’t gonna last for another generation!
Generic insult
Bugeyes: This Chicago freak-show’s caught into some deep-dished beef!
Ooh Chicago deep-dish. Good one.
Chao: He’s got terrible rollercoasters, and even worse food quality! (Yuck!)
Basic insults.
TollandLee: Just like your countless sequels, you’re doomed to be a fail!
Could’ve been a better sequel joke but this one isn’t bad.
Max: This stupid train fanatic is already off the rails!
Basic insult
DirgeThurman: We’re dispensing rhymes for free! You charge people by the fountain!
I don’t really get why “dispensing rhymes for free” is something to brag about.
Smith: We’re bringing an avalanche upon your little Space Mountain!
Pretty good.
BKR3: You’ve got a Laugh-O-Gram of power, and you think you’re the man?
Good, wording is a little awkward but otherwise good
All: We’ll school this dropout harder than any university can!
Nice.

Verse Overview: Pretty much the same quality as the last verse. I do like several of these lines a good amount.

Walt Disney:
Round 1:
A new batch of heroes came to stop me? Adorable!
Look at them with their determination! Aren’t they just puny and feeble?
Very generic.
They act all hammy and over-the-top like they’re on broadway!
Reference to Disney shows all going to Broadway? Not bad.
I’d love to crush them and grind them into my theme park buffet!
As I watch their guts being poured out the churning machine,
I’ll just grab my popcorn and treat it as if it were a movie scene!
Barely references
Look at the facts, Sinister Seven! You have no right coming here!
Sinister Seven isn’t really an insult.
Once you step onto my property, you’re then mine to hold dear!
Not really a reference
You want to Trump ME? Tell that to my golden statue!
Could’ve been a more clever golden statue joke
You’re calling me crazy, BKR? Well, right back at you!
Basic
You treat your teammates like they’re all pieces on a chessboard!
How so? This isn’t inherently a bad thing.
Walt to BKR 8! Now watch me hang him on my dashboard!
Generic threat.
I’ve captured all your favorite sites, desktop or mobile!
I’ve grown from a small man to an entertainment mogul!
Fact statey.
Soon enough, the whole world will do whatever I say!
Now get out of my castle, I hope you enjoyed your stay!
These two lines are generic

Verse Overview: Only one line I really like. 5.75-6.

Round 2:
You asked to get me angry, and now you’re gonna get it!
Could be used by anyone against anyone.
I’ll shock Joey KK-Kowlski back to his furry dog on Reddit!
He wants to cause the drama, but not a single upvote!
References without jokes.
I wouldn’t give you karma if you shined up my steamboat!
Funny.
You’re a whiny shyster, stealing money like Pfizer!
Got Illuminati initiation, but scared to death of Bill Cipher!
Good references.
I’ll send a Faller and his army back to Sellout HQ!
I think this is a Fallout reference, in which case it’s pretty good.
A factory cut-and-paste who’s cogs are stuck on Level 2!
”Cogs are stuck” is clever.
Don’t get your Mint Supervisor to watch me! I’m on the top!
Not really a boast or insult or threat.
I shut down your hopes and dreams because they failed in the stocks!
It wasn’t a good investment, none of the players were playing,
so I pulled the plug on your loony bin so I could focus on Club Penguin!
These lines feel self-dissy and fact-statey.
It’s not a bad thing, Maxie! Here! Have a Puffle!
Again, not an insult or dis or boast.
It’s tyrants like you that are causing all the trouble!
As you exit my ride, tell all your sidekicks to leave!
You’re all a bunch of slops, while *I ROCK THE MIC PROPERLY!*
Decent ERB reference.

Verse Overview: Best verse in the battle so far. Probably an 8.

Nice! But, let me explain some things first

Spoiler: 

- The "pieces on a chessboard" line is basically Walt stating that BKR/me is/am a little self-absorbed sometimes, and I take my teammates for granted
- What I meant by through the "entertainment mogul" line was basically saying "For someone with all that money, your raps suck"
- The "tip of the fedora hat" line is actually a bit of wordplay, as Smith in this universe is a frequent Reddit user, and the stereotypical Reddit user is perceived to be a neckbeard with a fedora. A bit of wordplay there.
- The whole "I shut down Toontown for a reason" thing was basically Walt playing 4D chess. He is pretending to defend what he did with reasons like Jefferson did against Douglass in his second verse, but in reality, he is just trying to get Max to shut up and leave.
- The "Faller" line is not a Fallout reference. Instead, it is a nickname for Gravity Falls fans (Max watches Gravity Falls a lot and puts references to it into his game). Also, it's continuing from the "scared to death of Bill Cipher" line.
- The "dispensing rhymes for free" line is actually a subtle diss towards DisneyWorld. You see, a trip to DisneyWorld (which in quote "dispenses magic") takes a LOT of money. Dirge is saying that he brings all, if not more fun times than Walt's theme parks will ever make for free.
- Oh, and the "charge people by the fountain" line is a reference to The Fountain, which is a restaurant inside the Dolphin Hotel in Disneyworld, and it's pretty damn pricy too.
- The KK-Kowlski line is basically comparing Max's hatred and tyranny from his earlier installments to the infamous Ku Klux Klan
- The whole "crush the guts and watch it" thing is actually a reference to "Chef Mickey's", which is a buffet in the Contemporary Resort in Disneyworld.

Review of Finale 1/5 of Suit of Space.

Spoiler: 

-Strong setting at the beginning.
-The Liam reveal is out of nowhere. I like how it's done, there's no "IT WAS LIAM!", she just hears his voice after recognizing his house and instantly knows who it is.
-Bringing Liam back into it makes it a lot more compelling and makes us care a lot more about what's going to happen.
-I like how you make the actual, physical battle between Ophorum and the Dark Lord a tie, but give Ophorum the little mental victory by having him smile in death.
-Placement of the Horror Segment right after Ophorum's death is effective, helps let it all soak in. And the ending sentence is very effective too.