Clarkson:
Some say he talks to mafia without pissing off their men
Some say his charms actually worked on Tarja Halonen
Now, the "some say" thing. It's how Clarkson (it usually was Clarkson) introduced the Stig, Top Gear's "tame race driver", by prefacing some ridiculous claims about Stig with "Some say" (for example, saying that his tears are adhesive, or that he can catch fish with his tongue). Key word here is ridiculous. Clarkson essentially says Berlusconi neither is likable enough to actually contact mafia (which he has been accused of), not he's got enough charm to court the former Finnish president (Which Berlusconi jokingly claimed to do once, which was one of his blunders.) Not too strong of lines IMO, but they serve as a good introduction and are very in character.
All we know is he's some guy way past his prime
The further part of Stig's introduction is "All we know, he's called the Stig". Now, to be past one's prime is to be beyond one's most useful and productive period. Clarkson is saying Berlusconi is not relevant anymore, and also playing with a fact Berlusconi is a former prime minister of Italy
You wouldn't beat The Stig in the contest of rhyme
Oh, and the Stig is completely silent, he does not say anything, and yet Berlusconi is not capable of beating him in rap
I'd tell you to take a seat, but you're out of the race,
Berlusconi got banned from public offices for tax evasion. Which means he's out of a political race, and cannot take any public position (or, take a seat)
And DNFd a rally 'cause of alabaster to the face
Berlusconi was once in a political rally, and got hit in the face with a alabaster statuette. He ended up with broken nose and teeth and having to go to a hospital, meaning he Did Not Finish a rally. That's what DNF stands for. The DNF designation can be given in races including, yes, car races and rallies. Felt this would be something a petrolhead like Clarkson would say, which is also why "rally" and "race" are close together in Clarkson's verse.
You're no Hilux, try to withstand my flows of pure lava
Top Gear holds the Toyota Hilux (all of the generations) in high regards, as a practically indestructible. Once they took a modified Hilux to a volcano, near the actual flowing lava, and while the tyres of the Toyota self ignited, the truck itself endured it with no problem. Clarkson says that while Hilux would withstand HIM flowing like lava, Berlusconi is not nearly as tough, and would not be able to do so.
Face it, Silvio, now you've got less power than Zastava
The connection between these two men is "controversial figures obsessed with power" and uses the fact that power can mean the ability to control and influence people (what Silvio Berlusconi is obsessed with), and amount of work a, for an instance, car engine can do in a unit of time (what Jeremy Clarkson is obsessed with). Clarkson uses the very same fact for a word, comparing Berlusconi's current influence to the power of a Zastava car. Zastavas, being communist crapboxes, had almost no power at all.
Berlusconi:
Hide your midget and your slowass, I control the media
Berlusconi is referring to Top Gear's other hosts, Richard Hammond, known for being short, and James May, known for driving slowly
Try and touch me, I'll pull the strings to downshift ya
to downshift is to get the car (or in this case, Clarkson) from higher gear to a lower one. If this higher gear was, say, top gear, downshifting would mean the car (or Clarkson) would not be in the top gear anymore, which is what happened to Clarkson when he hit his coworker, and which is what will happen if he touches Berlusconi
You seem hungry, here, grab a Snickers, diva,
...and to think the whole "fracas" incident which got Clarkson downshifted, happened because of Clarkson being hungry and wanting some real food. I mean, you're not you when you're hungry
As I drop you like the pianos you drop on Marinas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSXyIss8bIQ Top Gear likes dropping pianos on Morris Marinas.
You're getting owned like AC Milan when I spit bars
Berlusconi owns the AC Milan football club (I mean the real football)
Crash land you in Dunsfold when I'm through with your arse
Top Gear has a test track in Dunsfold Aerodrome airport. On a retrospect, it's not the best line
I've seen less boring content in May's unemployment tube
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChm...X0PTMTrohBZ5Qw This is what James May does after leaving Top Gear after Jeremy had to leave
I'll go lorry driver on ya, after I make you my prostitute
Clarkson once has joked that lorry drivers murder prostitutes, which caused him a bit of flak.
Clarkson:
Make me your prostitute? I'm not underage enough
Berlusconi had been accused of paying for sex with an underage prostitute
You're trying hard to evade conviction, changing laws
But can't evade taxes, like poor man's Al Capone
Look at the list of accusation made against Berlusconi. Look how some of them were avoided because of Berlusconi straight up changing the law. Note that what got him convicted was not paying taxes (and a bit of play with word "evade"), a story which has some similarity to Al Capone's, except Berlusconi is not nearly as impressive
And on that bombshell, it's time to end with you owned
Clarkson ended most of TG's episodes with "And on that bombshell, it's time to end"
Berlusconi:
I'm howling for your blood, go hide under your bed
Top Gear once started a riot in Argentina, Clarkson described the angry mod as "howling for his blood" and said he was hiding under a bed
Hammer can fix everything, you say? Then let me fix your head
Clarkson likes fixing things with a trusty hammer during Top Gear challenges
You're as wanted on television as you are in Mexico
Mexico does not like Clarkson (or any of the Top Gear crew as a matter of fact) since the time Top Gear mocked the Mexicans and their super car
You can give up now, my victory's Mediaset in stone
play on "set in stone" phrase and Mediaset, a company Berlusconi owns
