Epic Rap Battles of Richard

[Richard]

JTvsD.jpg
JOHNNY TEST VS DEXTER! BEGIN!
Dexter
I am Dexter! Boy Genius!
You got flaming hair on your penis!
Get out of my laboratory!
You couldn't even look better in the Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi!
I'm from the time where Cartoon Network had real comedy!
You look like you're from a failed test in astronomy!
Johnny Test
Whoa!
Calm down, bro!
I'm beating you right now, what, you didn't know?
Okay, Dorkster. You got a big brain, I'll admit.
But all your things fail, why don't you just quit?
Mandark's a better scientist than you!
You can't even choose if you like orange or blue!
Dexter
Stop, flaming head boy!
I'd prefer battling with that Bling-Bling Boy!
I chose Einstein as my inspiration, you got a coffee drinking dog!
Fuck off man, and be tortured by your sisters that look like frogs!
Johnny Test
Good thing you went. That was convenient!
I'll beat you so bad, you'll think it's Dee Dee's Mandark Secret!
Oooh! Didn't see that coming?
Go back to failing, I'll be guitar strumming!

[Richard]

PEWDIEPIE VS. TOBUSCUS! BEGIN!
PewDiePie
I gotta battle this guy again?
For what? Just so I can put him in his murder bird pen?
Tobuscus
That's enough PewDie. I'm gonna win again.
You are slightly better now, but I'm still better times ten!
UberHaxorNova
Both of you shut up!
I am the real YouTube sensation, I'm at the top!
Daneboe
Hey, Apples! I got the best raps of all you!
Cause you are all the equalities of YouTube Poop!
SkyDoesMinecraft
In Soviet Russia, rap battle you!
I show all the mods, and each of them could rap better than you!
Honeydew
Diggy diggy hole!
I got better British raps then all of you American hoes!
iJustine
I wanna beef against these penis-less rappers!
But I didn't get my burger, but I got the most week viewers!
Shane Dawson
I'm the world's best impersonator, you better know it!
You guys better give up, and take a Vacate!
NicePeter
Fuck all of you. I'm the reason ERB is around.
No matter what Justine, Simon, or Toby say, I can rap each of you YouTube wannabes into the ground!

[Richard]

JASON ALDEAN VS. EMINEM! BEGIN!
Eminem
Yo, yo. Your palms are sweaty.
Cowboy hat makes you look like Betty.
I'm gonna beat you, wanna know Why?
I'm the real rapper, just ask Royce da 5'9!
Hold your horses, Aldine, this is the Eminem Show!
You're just battling me cause you're a fan, like Stan, so Thank You!
Jason Aldean
You're whatever I say you are.
In that case, I say you're just that homeless drunk from the bar!
I'm the best musical artist in the world!
You're a white man who thinks he's black, you got your brains twirled!
I'm a country singer that can spit raps better than a rapper.
You're original name was from a candy wrapper!
Eminem
I love the way you're lying, Jason.
I'll be spittin out my Encores while you're drinkin from your jar of Mason!
I'm a lyrical magician.
I made one song in the west, but that was against my tradition.
You can't fuckin judge me.
You'd have to walk 8 Miles in my shoes to understand me!
Jason Aldean
I've been told that before by some other city kids.
I couldn't give less of a damn, so just shut your lips!
Marshall, Relapse and Refill you're empty rhymes.
I'd beat you on my Dirt Road Anthem, but that would just be Wastin Time!

[Richard]

GORDON FREEMAN VS. MORGAN FREEMAN! BEGIN!
Morgan Freeman
Hello there, Half-Life.
You ain't got a voice. And no real character design.
I've got the Street Smart to rap you out.
I'm already done here, and you have no voice. So just GTF out.
[Gordon Freeman opens a door and Gabe Newell steps out]
Gaben
It's the penguin marcher!
Rappin so bad, you're worse than the name "Dyson Poincaré"!
You're just like Clint Eastwood with your million dollar babies.
No good battling me, go drive Miss Daisy!
Morgan Freeman
That's probably the worst excuse for not being able to rap I've seen.
I'm gonna beat you so bad that you're Shawshank Redempting.
I've got Unforgiven Glory and there's no doubt.
I've got you both going Through the Wormhole.
Gaben
I thought your raps in the first verse were bad.
I don't give a Fuchs about you or Red.
You've got so much voice, it's just what leads you to hate.
You're as bad of a Robin Hood as the Windows 8.

[Richard]

NED FLANDERS VS. DINKELBERG! BEGIN!
Ned Flanders
Hey-Diddly-ho!
I'd rather not fight you, but I guess I have to do so.
I'm the reason that Bart was happy in the movie!
You're the reason Mr. Turner wants to get rid of Timmy's money!
You stupid, nose-face man!
I've got so much skill, I could beat the Klan.
Dinkleberg
Hey, Flanders! I'm operation number one! You're the son of a diddly.
Bout to smack you up, but knowing you, it will just make you giggly.
I at least try to please everyone.
You make yourself seem racist to everybody except Christians.
Ned Flanders
At least my show can have different religions.
Your show just has flying pigeon-looking midgets!
I got a big bushy mustache and I ain't afraid to show it.
And unlike you, my haters let it be noticed.
Dinkleberg
Ooooooh! I'm so scared!
Are those glasses or your eyes? I just really can't be said.
I'm an entrepreneur.
You're just the Simpson that's poor.

[Clemi]

I'm kinda confused, some of your lines doesn't rhymes at all... Like "religion" and "midget". Where are you from ?

[Lancer]

I'm kinda confused, some of your lines doesn't rhymes at all... Like "religion" and "midget". Where are you from ?

It's a specialized type of rhyme called slant rhyme, where there is a bit of a rhyme-- this time in the "idj-eh" sound.

[Richard]

It's a specialized type of rhyme called slant rhyme, where there is a bit of a rhyme-- this time in the "idj-eh" sound.

Yes. Yes it is.

[Richard]

DOC BROWN VS. DOCTOR WHO! BEGIN!
Doc Brown
I don't wanna know who you are or anything about you. Not that anyone does.
I'm reading history books, nothing said about you or your TARDIS.
You're just the Doctor Who nobody cares about!
You've got way too many looks, I can't tell which one looks more dated out!
Doctor Who
Hm. Hello there, Brown, still not ginger.
Stop wasting your time on dropout's cars just with two-seaters.
I'm the Doctor, remember that.
Asking the question is not for you brats.
I'm getting younger and younger, everyone wants to be me, even Russell Brand!
This verse is a forever Sonic Screwdriver to you.
You would be trapped in the bathroom and still smell like poop.
I've seen you somewhere.. Where was that?
Oh, in Universal Studios, serving chicken with a side of rats!
You got all butthurt about my time machine.
You tried to build one yourself, oh, you earthlings.
I wouldn't offer you a Jelly Baby in my life.
I have two more, stab you as them, with knives
Whoop, Allon-sy. Geronimo!
I've reversed the polarity of the neutron flow!
Doc Brown
Things are about to get heavy for you, Theta!
Listen here, Fifth, you're about to meet your creator!
Bring it on, self proclaimed "Supremo".
I'm beating you through time, just let your little friends go!
I'm going back to the future, once, twice, and a third time!
You're just sitting in a little phone booth, Hello, McFly!
You leave people trying to figure out your name for hours!
My rhymes are going faster than 88 miles per hour!
[DeLorean runs over Fifth Doctor]
Doctor Who
ACK MY SPINE! ..Is this death?...
[Regenerating into Eleventh Doctor]
Ah! Legs, still got legs. Unlike you, old hag, with white hair, yeah? Because I know I'm gonna have to run.
Just checking if my body still works, but it's still fun!
An apple a day keeps The Doctor away, but I'm gonna kick you in the fruit, you desert-mopping primitive.
At least college boys is what I'm not limiting!
Now, come along, Pond.
Just watch as I bring your car down, it needs a new paint job.
Maybe.. blonde?
Nah, how about ginger.
I'm the raggedy Doctor, not your raggy Doctor.
What the hell even, is your first name, Fucktard?
I will exterminate, no room for any upgrades, time to Sonic you out of the way.
You battled me without any choice, but not in the name of the Doctor.
You turned science fiction into drama!
[A blue flash occurs between the two, which fades into Dr. Sam Beckett]
Dr. Sam Beckett
I theorized you can travel through the time of your lifetime.
You two little "Doctors" are nothing compared to my machine of time!
Emmett, you can use that little car of yours to go straight up the ass of the rapper with the same name.
Who, are you? You travel to different times but that's not the same game!
Jesse, Bobo, and all the others, come join the crowd.
Let's see where Ziggy is gonna send me off to next, cause I just put my mission down!
[Dr. Sam Beckett disappears in the blue flash]





Note: I co-wrote this. Doc Brown and Sam Beckett lines were done by me. The Doctor lines were done by the wiki user Cornmuffin.

[Richard]

WALL-E VS. TERMINATOR! BEGIN!
Terminator
This battle takes place after the events of Judgement Day.
I wipe out remains of the human race, you better go back to your truck and play.
You look like series T1. I'm a humanoid hunter.
You best cube yourself, you're just Wal-Mart's blunder.
Took you 700 years to realize your purpose.
I'd like to see you battle against the Skynet systems.
WALL-E
Dang. You got worse dirt than me
Even M-O couldn't keep you're metal ass clean.
I prefer helpin out humanity.
Getting rid of the evidence just gives you the Auto insanity.
You think your Skynet friends are gonna scare me?
Wait till they see what happens when I get the gun-arm of EVE.
Terminator
I don't care about your Recolonize plot.
I'll destroy you all with just this metal pot!
Stop your Forever Alone life.
You're just stealin the sun from the rest of us.
You can't battle, you're just a little bot with the brain of bush.
WALL-E
You're as black as a ******.
Voiced by Schwarzanegger.
I got years alive, all the others shut down.
So stop rhymin, Arnie. WALL-E's bringin the humans back down.