Rap Slams of Legend

[Moonjik]

Welcome, novice rapper. I see you have stumbled upon the Holy Grail of rapping. Among these ancient scrolls is the stuff of legend, of rappers so good at tearing a new one, their verses have been ripped out of history and locked away from mortal eyes. Me and Yackerz, the Grandmasters of Slam will be welcoming your ideas to add to the ancient archives. We hope the Gods of Rap smile upon you kindly. Enter if you dare...

The List
1. Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler (http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...d=1#post331466)

[Moonjik]

Spoiler: 

The tank rolled over the Rancor's dead body as Hitler stood on the turret triumphantly.

"JA! TAKE THAT!" he exclaimed violently and victoriously.

"I knew our moon base wasn't a good idea, how about we go home and-" the Nazi tanker stopped mid sentence, possibly having something to do with the megalomaniac with a midget moustache jumping into his cockpit and waving a gun in his face.

"Nein, there is still one challenge ahead of us..."

---

Vader was looking at his scrapbook which was chock-full of pictures detailing last Father's Day. Vader would have to go back and spend some more time with his son this year but his thoughts were unpleasantly interrupted when a bunch of dicks in uniform stormed into Imperial Palace, ironically, the biggest dick had the smallest stache.

Vader eyed his challenger, backed by guns and tanks.

"This is going to be fun," Vader chortled under his helmet. In one quick movement, the Nazis succumbed to the Dark Side of the force. He saved Hitler for last, throwing him around like a rag doll until finally he approached the crumpled, pathetic figure on the ground.

"Let's slam..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMlVayY4ecU

RAP SLAMS OF LEGEND





ADOLF HITLER


VS.



DARTH VADER

BEGIN!

Spoiler: 

Another round but this time you won't be getting any New Hope,
I'll choke your ass and freeze your body, sell it off as soap,
My rhymes are colder than Stalingrad, slam this Nazi bitch,
Even harder than your dumbass plan against the Soviets,
You're just mad, you're just bad, you may have given your all,
Too bad that in the end, you still only had one ball,
You're an Inglorious Basterd, an angry little ass turd,
Tryna mess with the Sith who really brings the hurt,

Spoiler: 

I can't hear you, take off that hunk of plastic and show your ugly face!
You think that your Storm ripoffs can compare to my master race?
You're just a joke, you should have called it quits all those years,
Too late now, see you at Disney Land in Mickey Mouse ears!
You're not a threat, your foes are an old man and your untrained son,
Roll my Panzers on your pansy ass, screw you like Obi-Wan,
You'll Nazi this next attack coming from all fronts,
Take over your little empire like my Beer-Hall Putsch!

Spoiler: 

My troops ain't a ripoff, I thought of them a long long time ago,
The only thing more swollen than your ballsack is your ego!
You're a failure, how hard can it be to get into Art School?
Everyone you knew were only there to play you like a fool,
Man, I grew up a slave, you need a good shave,
Your wife killed herself before you even got laid!

Spoiler: 

You killed your own wife and your kids almost fucked,
Prone to asthma attacks? Man, you really suck,
It took the greatest global powers to make me fall,
All it took to beat your ass were some puny rebels!
Anne Frankly you're just a Sithy standing 6'6 tall,
I bought your rubber suit for $9.99 in the Darth Maul!

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

[Milotic]

That was pretty fucking awesome. Can't wait for the next one.

[Moonjik]

Thanks, man.

[Faker]

What kind of rap battles do you guys want to see next?

[Faker]

Here's a hint for our upcoming rap battle:

The pen is mightier than the sword, but is it mightier than a bow?

[Faker]

The rap is written and loaded. It's just undergoing the final process of editing, story writing, and beat hunting. Soon after, it will be released.

Who's excited!?

[Milotic]

I am.

/5char

[Faker]

We feel we've been keeping you long enough!

Spoiler: 

It was night, and all at Camp Half-Blood were gathered around the fire. A new quest had been announced, and they were going to decide who would be best fit for it. The quest was to recover a laurel wreath from a royal angel's head, so that they may increase the strength and borders of their camp's force field.

"Alright, so we have three different possible half-bloods who may take this quest. The first being Clarrise. Who votes for her?" asked Dionysus.

Nobody put their hands up except for Clarisse's clique.

"Okay," continued Dionysus, "Who votes for Annabeth Chase?"

Less than half of the crowd put their hands up.

"Finally, who votes for Perry?"

"Percy," interrupted Percy Jackson.

"Whatever," replied Dionysus.

The rest of the crowd, which was over half raised their hands.

"Very well, then, you will be taking the quest. I will summon the angel immediately."

Dionysus seemed to be communicating with someone or something without physically speaking. Soon an angel with brown hair, a blue bow, brown sandals, and most importantly, a laurel wreath, had landed on the ground.

"Mr. Pit," began Dionysus, "What is his task?"

Pit replied, "Oh, that? We're just gonna have a little slam is all! Then maybe Palutena will cook something up for everyone here. Percy, you have the honors of starting us off."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQLuu9XIBas

RAP SLAMS OF LEGEND


PIT
VS.

PERCY JACKSON
BEGIN

Spoiler: 

I'll give you a good beating-icus, just like your gay master.
Your lyrics are more full of shit than the Demon Dude Ranch's pasture!
With the flow of my tide, and by tide I mean lyrical smack down,
you'll be crying "I'm Finished!" Is the Chaos Kin here, where's your pretty Palutena now?
This is like rapping against Janus, but the doorway no one enters is your anus.
You think your Somewhat Staff compares to my Riptide? Bitch, that's heinous!
You're an angel, and you can't even fly dude.
Chicken! I'm no brony but I think I'll call you Scootaloo!

Spoiler: 

You've got Dyslexia, ADD, and a 3 second memory span!
I'm a full-blown hero, but you're just the scum chum spawn of Aqua Man.
You've got a Satyr blacker than Darth Vader, Sea Weed Brain.
Speaking of Annabeth, she's just a goose Chase. The only demon you've never 'slain'!
You're a glorified lifeguard, while I'm an angelic die hard.
My rap has a 9.0 intensity, while you've got balls bluer than your hearts!
You've busted your horse, Blackjack! About maybe 21 times.
And I've got thrice more flow than your 'brother' has eyes!

Spoiler: 

This isn't a spa. Get your ass outta those hot springs.
You may be Pyrrhon's bitch, but I'M the one with the raps ablazing!
Call me Pittoo because I'm what you aren't: Faster, stronger, hotter, and smarter.
You took down Hades? Motherfucker, I ripped apart his father!

Spoiler: 

Oh, come ON, Perry Jackson! There's a reason Dionysus has shame in your name.
You're Clarisse's rag doll, and your father banged your mother without saying 'Hey'!
The fact Circe sees you as swine shan't leave anybody baffled.
Now, I don't want to keep you from enjoying your mom's blue waffles!

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

[rangernumberx]

Nice. I think Pit won, personally.