View Poll Results: Who won?

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  • Nicolas Cage

    4 57.14%
  • Marshall Mathers

    3 42.86%
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Thread: Terrible Joke Battles of Meh

  1. #371
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Beautiful

    ​Audio when
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it

  2. #372
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janet View Post

    Spoiler: 

    Special shoutout to Uprising, the man who invented this idea
    It’s Ghost Rider vs Eminem 3
    Written by the original 3 writers of Ghost Rider vs Eminem
    UMBREON
    SPARTICA4REALZIES
    POLARBOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    It’s nearly 3 AM and I’m under the influence to be honest
    WHO SHALL WIN?

    Eminem:
    Hip hop flippity floppity dippity doppity
    Properly escort yourself away from my property

    Ghost Rider:
    You chump, I wanna run you over with my bike
    I think you won vs MGK, SIKE!
    You suck almost as much as the guy I've been hooking up with, Mike
    Representing North Carolina, AIIIGHT?

    Eminem:
    If you had any good rhymes you’d have to be using a ghostwriter
    Unless we used that line already idk I’m tired

    Ghost Rider:
    im off the chain and i'll chain you to a pole but not too tight im a superhero i dont wanna murder some subpar offensive rapper i mean that'd be fucked up and it'd ruin my cred and marvel would never make a movie about me if i actually did that so i guess i'll chain you to a pole is a metaphor for i'll beat u so bad (In this battle , i dont want assault charges) that you'll feel like you are stuck in a situation yo ucannot escape from but in a literal sense you'll be fine so please dont sue me

    Eminem:
    You're like Kamikaze and Revival, you're no good
    Keep your bitchass out, of my hood
    my raps are so hot they'll give u a skeleTAN
    your raps are so cold its like air from a skeleFAN
    something something sans
    something something first 4 notes of Megalovania
    Any skeleton with a flamey head, probably sucks dick

    Kim:
    Oh shit
    Bringing it back

    Eminem:
    Gotta do the nostalgia grab
    And also your sequels sucked dick
    Bitch

    Ghost Rider:
    Ghost rider motorcycle hero
    Hey baby baby he's a lookin so cute
    America America is killin its youth
    I guess you're kinda like stan
    Cause I'll kill you like it's your final destinashan

    Slim Shady:
    Ok slim shady
    He’s coming in
    Im Slim Shady, your rhymes are irritating
    Your raps are ear grading and im sick of your complaining
    Yes im insinuating that you're lame..and…
    chimpanzees masturbating
    sorry i kept u waiting (Was looking at rhymezone)
    ill put you on call waiting (idk im trying my best)
    your decent rhymes are hard to be locating
    and they need translating because i dont speak shit
    im authenticating and debating and generating
    Raps that'll be dissintegrating youu while you're concentrating
    uh...figure...figure skating...is cool...so is uh...graduating...
    im...excevating flaws in ur character i can diss...ating...

    Nic Cage:
    You're the Rap God, I'm the Rap Devil
    Well actually I do not support the devil cause he is a bad person so I am actually Rap Lucifer cause that's when he was good but one day I will take you down and fight you
    Skittles are better, bitch
    I don't know what rhymes with bitch, bitch
    Kamikaze made me want to commit seppuku
    The only thing that's worse than Revival is doodoo
    And even then, its very debatable

    Slim Shady:
    You see Nic Cage I am Eminem's mischievous evil alter ego and it would fit my character to steal your keys to your bike to run you over with it in a homage to the original battle
    Oh wait I did pickpocket your keys, what about that-le
    Your raps are worse than that guy you mentioned earlier, Mike
    Now watch as I run over you with your bike

    Eminem hops on his bike
    Drives over him
    Bike stops and gets stuck

    "Oops one second"
    Reverses, repeats and gets stuck
    Keeps doing it

    GR: Oof ouch owie my bones
    Wait I forgot I'm Nic Cage now
    dies
    An audio would be awesome. Here’s the post for this page

  3. #373
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    And they said that the "Vader vs. Hitler" trilogy was good, whew! This battle is beautiful, and serves as a great finisher for the "Eminem vs. Ghost Rider" trilogy. Can't wait to see what other wonders you have up your sleeve, Janet – keep up the great work!

  4. #374
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Writers: Jenny and Wumbo
    Cover:
    Spoiler: 


    Terrible joke battles of meh
    be n shapiro
    Vs
    An item on the top shelf at the supermarket
    Begin

    Ben Shapiro:
    item on the top shelf, get ready for defeat
    because i’ll beat you like my meat to aoc’s feet
    i’m a real jew, unlike that sam bama
    now go home and cry to your mama
    i’ll DECIMATE you with logic and facts
    now get ready to lick my ASS

    An item on the top shelf at the supermarket:
    Ben Shapiro you’re pretty Ben Shall-piro
    That’s a pun on shallow if you couldn’t tell, oh
    Ummmm your face is ugly and you let your religion influence your political views
    I’ll stomp you into next Friday with my tennis shoes
    You look up to me like an item on the top shelf
    Can’t reach up to me, so go ask the manager for some help
    I could be anything, some cereal, detergent, or a candy stick
    But your chromosomes define your identity: a huge dick

    John Lennon:
    Did someone say…. Huge dick?
    Cuz I beat my wife so thats pretty huge dickish of me
    Ben, you’re making my ears bleed you need a muzzle
    Why you pissed off all the time, didn’t your mom give you a cuddle?

    Ben Shapiro:
    uh that is an ad hominem fallacy
    John Lennon I talk really fast and that applies to my raps so dont mess with me
    Let me count the number of beatles there are oh yeah less than three
    I’m the best mc
    SO DONT MESS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    Joe Rogan:
    I’m a centrist but my buddy Ben Shapiro is right
    John Lennon when I’m through with you it won’t be a the last song on your album “The White Album” which was named “Good Night”
    I’m about to go ape, Jamie pull up the clip
    John Lennon and my fist? I definitely ship.

    Sam Bama:
    Let me just step right in, I got stones to destroy
    I’m an innovator baby, ruin the world
    Went on CNN before you kissed a girl
    I’m a virgin and a nerd
    But at least I’m not Ben Shapiro am I right?

    Crowd: booooooooooooo


    An item on the bottom shelf at the supermarket:
    I generally sell more than items on the top shelf
    That means I’m worth more than that guy, who should go fuck himself
    Ben Shapiro is just tall enough to reach me
    I’ll launch John Lennon into the sky with diamonds like Lucy
    In the UFC I would beat Joe Rogan
    “Drop that ass and get low” that’s my slogan
    Sambama you look like a llama

    Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH

    Who wons whos next you decide tjb
    Last edited by KnotPoles; 05-20-2019 at 09:55 PM.

  5. #375
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Video with audio to go with the previous battle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkPb...ature=youtu.be

  6. #376
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    top item on the supermarket shelf destroyed with FACTS and LOGIC


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  7. #377
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    I shouldn't be telling you guys this.

    They're probably after me already.

    But here goes:

    I have an EXCLUSIVE LEAK of the next TERRIBLE JOKE BATTLES OF MEH

    Spoiler: 
    Terrible rap battles from meh
    Hydrogen
    Vs
    Helium
    Begin

    Helium:

    You’re a few neutrons short of an isotope thinking you can rap against me.
    Suck up some sodium tetrafluoride, H. cause now you’re in deep
    Like I was in your MOM that one time (Her lungs that is)
    Plus I’m the reason that the Up movie even exists.
    The only burns you’ve got are on all those people in that blimp that died.
    I’m carrying this battle like the cargo hold carried stuff on that same blimp that one time
    So I’ll inflate ya a couple balloon animals animals to try and cheer you up
    You may have the first Atomic Number, but I’m still number one

    Hydrogen:
    I’m dropping hydrogen bombs on your fat ass
    My chemistry teacher sucked ass all he did for like half of every class
    Was talk about his kids so I never really learned anything
    I make bank with my raps look at all of my bling
    I’m bursting onto the scene like a hydrogen bomb
    I already made a joke about those, edit it out of the song
    I’m in water TWICE that’s why my flows are to be admired
    Is this battle the Hindenburg? Cause I’m on fire!

    Oxygen:
    You’re gonna want to sit down, and take a deep breath
    When the real OG O2 is on your doorstep
    All the people say we’re gonna be like air
    Pneumatic, but I’ll take your breath away-er
    Breathe breathe in the air
    Don’t be afraid to care
    I’ll push you down the stairs
    This isn’t a county fair
    Onions and ogres have layers
    Wait--no, Shrek’s been in enough of these
    I’ll leave you all drifting in the breeze
    Up probably likes Drew Brees
    And also cheese
    When people laugh sometimes they wheeze
    Benedict Arnold committed treas (on)
    *walks up to the mic* Anyone can suck penis but noBODY CAN PEE SUCKNESS

    Nitrogen:
    N-ice try, Oxygen, but nobody could breath you without me
    And did you oxidize your raps? Cause they seem pretty rusty
    Trust me, you’re out of your depth
    My rhymes flow like liquid and they’re cold AF
    What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age.
    That’s almost as inaccurate a statement as me saying I caused the ice age.
    But I totally did.
    Gave rise to the hominids.
    Any element named Oxygen probably sucks DICK

    Sodium
    My raps will blow you up like mines, Nitro
    But only when in the presence of an abundance of water, yo
    I’m the better half of table salt so that’s pretty sweet I guess.
    The presence of me is the difference between Salt Lake and Loch Ness
    Does sea salt contain sodium actually I don’t really know
    However, I do know: You blow.

    Phosphorus
    You beating me? Thats preposterous
    Me winning is as certain as me being phosphorous
    You can’t beat me and my crew, there are lots of us
    I’ll devour you like my ham and cheese sandwiches without the crust
    So be ready to bite the dust
    I smoke weed like I’m Elon Musk
    In this verse I have yet to cuss
    What’s this element even in I don’t give a fuck

    Iron
    Ur raps suck, bro, ur a dumpster fire
    You’re about Fe+ 3O2 → 2Fe2OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO shit he got fired
    It’s ironic how you think you’re great when you’re not
    Now get ready to feel my iron sword in your butt
    That throne there’s a game about is made out of me
    Gaining entry to see it will be a sizable FEe

    Gallium
    You must be valiant to go against gallium
    I’ll rip ur heart out and...uh...c..chew it like...galliGUM
    That man is playing galliga
    He didn’t think we’d notice but we did

    Neon:
    Y’all gonna be on your knees, son when u go against neon
    Ill pee on all ur dreams, son, you ugly little peons
    You ain’t too bright unlike me, cuz im a noble gas
    You’re just noble ass you fatass
    You think you’re so great but kids used neon duct tape
    To make stupid shit and pretend they’re artsy, you fake
    The only thing people used to make iron are...well swords…
    Knives...guns prob...Doors...gates...torture devices...forks…
    Cars...trucks...fridges...dishwashers...spoons...s toves…
    Okay bad example but uh ur momz ghey and a ho

    Krypton
    There’s a show about me on TV you should totally watch, it’s nuts
    Wait, it’s a different Krypton? That’s stealing my likeness you cucks
    Goes off to file a lawsuit against SyFy

    Potassium
    Im the one in bananas and u still all look like dicks more than me
    I’ll put your crypt on Krypton, Krypton, if you mess with me
    Speaking of dicks, mines longer than you rs and you blow
    That has nothing to do with anything, just thought you should know

    Einsteinium
    I’m as dope as two rappers, you’re in pears (I think pears have potassium idk)
    So you better be scared cuz albert einsteinium equals mc square up u bitch
    I got E99 problems and your terrible verses are none
    Because no line as bad as those could ever cause me problems

    Slenderman:
    Your rhymes are profound
    I’m the best MC in town
    Im a Chemikiller and ur all just clowns
    It’ll be a gas taking you bitches down

    Carbon:
    I’m like the most essential element or something
    Slenderman you’re not even real, you’re nothing
    I’ll crash into you with my carbon and create an explosion
    I’m so important that I should get a promotion
    Everybody keeps giving me shit cuz of global warming
    Which was made up by the Chinese, the world’s not burning
    The only heat I’m bringing is in these raps, yo

    Tungsten
    Y’all gonna be TungSTUNNED after this verse
    Because of all the pain in this battle mine’ll be the worst
    I got a silver tung, son, and i’ll make you all stung
    Like a bee except my butt wont fall off and I won’t die
    As far as I know anyways….
    You’re all lame

    Silicon
    Did you guys know that Silicon and Silicone are two different things, man?
    Silicon is used for tech stuff and Silicone is used for implants
    What? Terrible Joke Battles can be educational too!
    We have some standards, unlike all of you
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Mercury:
    Mercury in Retrograde. Mercury in Retrograde. Mercury in Retrograde.
    Mercury in Retrograde. Mercury in Retrograde. Mercury in Retrograde.
    Nobody’s gonna get that reference but i dont care
    Your raps are so awful you should be scared
    Of making a fool of yourself on national TV
    Wait this isnt being broadcast? Oh my standards are too high for this fuck off

    Silver Surfer:
    If i could kick your ass I would punch you
    Your raps are poor and mines like a silver spoon

    Gold
    Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
    Just kidding, none of the lines any of you have given me has been gold
    Kinda weird there’s no bronze in this
    But i guess thats one less loser to get pissed
    By my gold standard raps taking on your bronze standard craps
    Even the second best guy here is the first loser
    After this you’ll sue me for being a verbal abuser

    Platinum:
    Yo your raps are platinum sad
    And now I’m platinum mad
    I’m a platinum bad - ass.
    You’re a platinum fad ... ass.

    Copper
    I may not be Sheldon, but i’ll stab you with my pinger
    And then fuk ur gorl, bAZINGA
    If we played cops and robbers, id be the copper
    Because im good and you’re all bad you knobber

    Fire
    *sigh*
    My rhymes are pure fire
    Im turning up the heat
    Because the only thing you talk abouts
    The importance of skeet
    Im hot and you’re not
    Im on fire and you’re not
    Im gonna burn you
    Hahahaha yeah whatever, fire puns and shit. Whatever loser wrote this verse needs to be more creative like for fucks sake :/

    Water
    *sigh*
    I’ll drown out the competition
    Im a hurricane of excitement
    I’ll ruin your complexion
    And make your face slightly less attracitve
    Ill wave goodbye to you when you lose
    I’ll pour out some disses
    My raps are boiling hot
    And they’ll scald your cock
    Hahaha yeah whatever, water puns and shit. Whatever disgrace wrote this verse needs to be more creative like for fucks sake :/

    Air
    *sigh*
    I’ll blow you away
    Ur mom ghey
    You’re a fucking blowhard
    I would say you’re a tryhard
    But you can’t possibly be trying
    With raps that are gust terrible
    You all are figuratively unmarryable
    Hahaha yeah whatever, air puns and shit. Whatever idiot wrote this verse needs to be more creative like for fucks sake :/


    Earth
    *sigh*
    I’ll rock the roll out of you
    Show me what a fatter rapper can do
    My rhymes are rock hard which makes my cock hard
    You all are blowhards and you’re gonna end up seeing stars
    I got rocks and bars
    There’s a lot less rock/earth puns, by far
    Hahaha yeah whatever, Earth puns and shit. Whatever moron wrote this verse needs to be more creative like for fucks sake :/

    Avatar
    Idk if this is the blue cat people Avatar or the bald dude
    So i’ll just try to please both fanbases, dudes
    I like that there’s like 4 sequels to avatar (Blue cat) planned
    But the movie at the time other than its effects were critically panned
    I may be a cat person but you’re all pussies
    I’ll sit on you all and make you go smooshies
    I may be an airbender but you all….i dont wanna use blowhard again
    None of you are my friends

    Unobtainium:
    Sorry but we could not obtain this rapper to do his verse
    Sorry for the inconvenience to all that were looking forward to this verse
    Also i do not know how to not strike thru text so we’re just goin with it idk
    It’s alt+shift+5 btw
    Well thats oddly specific fuck u google docs >:C More like Google COCKS AMIRITE GUYS?!


    Chromium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Zinc:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Gadolinium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Radium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Germanium:
    Ich kümmere mich nicht besonders um eine von euch Hündinnen
    Deine Raps sind Müll und du bist alles ... Hexen
    Aber die einzige Magie, die ich hier sehe, ist, wie schlimm
    Deine Rap-Fähigkeiten sind, ich meine, heiliger Scheiß
    Ja, ich weiß, dieser Witz war offensichtlich oder was auch immer
    Aber fick dich, ich könnte mir nicht viel besser vorstellen
    Ich kann auch alles sagen, was ich will und keiner von euch würde es wissen
    Sam saugt, Asche versus Darwin saugt, Staffel 5 saugt, äh Polar ist eine birnenliebende Schlampe
    Wenn Sie dies lesen können, haben Sie zu viel Zeit in Ihren Händen und dies bedeutet auch, dass Google Translate funktioniert hat

    Francium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Wisconsinium:
    Wisconsin sucks tbh

    Nickel
    If I had a nickel for every bad line i heard tonight, i’d have $5.65

    Lithium :
    I’m so happy ‘cause today I’ve found my friends
    They’re in my head
    And so uh, fuck all you guys
    You’re not my friends
    So fuck off
    Bishes.

    Cadmium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Titanium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Uranium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Plutonium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Fuel:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Milk:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Neptunium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Saturnium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Venusium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Marsium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Jupiterium:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Radium:
    You know i’m rad, and you are all bad
    Have I been added to this list for a new pun for Brad

    Space I guess ?
    Space: The Final Frontier
    I think we all know who’s in the front here
    Space is 62 miles from the ground
    Quadruple that and it’ll the size of my cock, which is bound
    To impress all the bitchez

    Time:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Reality
    Reality is often disappointing, just like your raps amirite
    Reality is also superior to Space AND time
    Like half of your lines don’t even rhyme
    But with the free verse my raps can be whatever I want
    I like you

    Soul:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Power:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Mind:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Tesla:
    I have the best fashion sense of anyone here
    Prob cuz I’m the only real person

    Surprise:
    X
    X
    X
    X

    Watson:
    I’m about to put all these periodic table dicks back on the shelf
    Dissing all of you was elementary, my dear self

    Who won?
    Who’s next?
    You decide!
    Terrible Rap Battles from Meh!

    Last edited by GonadTheNomad; 06-04-2019 at 09:24 PM.
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it

  8. #378
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    gunnut what have you DONE

  9. #379
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    I am tungSTUNNED


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  10. #380
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    cOVER: https://i.gyazo.com/ebfe7482bff46594...845f31dfcb.jpg
    Spoiler: 
    Welcome everybody to the Terrible Joke Battles of Meh Season 9 finale
    In one corner we have Juiz
    Versus
    GONAD
    Beign

    Gonad:
    Juiz more like who-iz this fuckin guy am i right?
    Representing North Carolina AIGht
    Come on over and kiss my clitoris
    I’ll continue my rap in a bit let me just grab my thesaurus
    ...
    Speaking of which you’ll have a sore ass
    After i kick your ass
    Remember when Log called you a fat guy (fat guy)
    Well he was kinda right (kinda right), ooooo
    aye im talking in shakespearian talketh to soundeth liketh im cunning'r than thee
    i'll maketh thee falleth hard'r than thee didst in tdfe
    i dont knoweth aught about total drama f'rum edition
    im just assuming yond at some pointeth juiz hath lost something
    I’ve got an admonitory cajole prolix
    Meanwhile you, just suck dicks
    Stentorian incredulous quoxotic clinch repel congeal connotation
    You called yourself Hanako, but you aren’t even Asian
    Why don’t you play Katawa whatsitcalled and go fuck yourself
    Except you aren’t actually Hanako OH SHIT I WENT THERE
    Additionally, as I have formally decreed
    Thou shalt shut thy traphole and then smoke some weed

    Juiz:
    I am going to wreck you so hard ill knock you back to last week
    Ill kick you so hard it'll make you weep
    You cant stand to me cuz my rhymes are on fleek
    Is that still a term people use or is that so last week
    You’re a bitch and Splinter Cell is mediocre at best
    Also i hope you get a splinter and get thrown in a cell
    You say you have a face of mercy
    But i say it’s a face of turd, see
    Get it i said your face is shit
    Which makes you a shithead FUCK YOU SHITHEAD
    FUCK YOU SHITHEAD FUCK YOU SHITHEAD FUCK YOU SHITHEAD
    When im done with you you’re gonna be dead
    I may have been a trap but you’re just crap
    And you cant rap so im gonna pop you like bubble wrap
    Yuno you could be in Kawata whatsitcalled cause you’re disabled
    Oooooooo wow that joke was in really bad taste jeez I regret saying that.
    Anyways your love life is as nonexistent as Sparts’ hair
    I hope you get attacked by a bear
    Like a real life actual bear
    That’d be cool.
    People thought I was you before and that’s the worst thing that’s ever been said to me
    Hold on I’ll finish my rap in a sec I gotta go pee

    Gonad:
    Your unsophisticated bars just gave me SARS
    Hey ERB used that rhyme before rip
    Juiz is a grievously boorish miscreant and a debauched bug-eyed delinquent who has delusions of adequacy
    Juiz is a shockingly lecherous sycophant and a monstrous air-polluting ocular depravity to all of discrimination and totallity
    you are also a piteously miserable narcissist and a primitive halitosis-infested evangelical crusader of sub-mediocrity.
    you is a lamentably foul wretch and a preposterous nose-picking pitiful sideshow freak, dont fuck with me
    you are a grievously foul lackey and a grotesque coma-inducing dreg of the Internet
    And furthermore I have considerable doubts you could make even the most desperate female humanoid creature of the same species as you or any other wet
    Also fuck you you btich as cunt ass fuckface, and further furthermore, I-

    Everyone:
    Shut the fuck up, Gonad

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Gonad:
    No

    *Both get an infraction for spamming*

    A cat:
    Meow motherfucker.
    Unless your name is Umby in which case you’re a motherducker.
    I got 9 lives, but I wouldn’t want to listen to your raps in any of them.
    I got cat’s eyes but I wouldn’t wanna look at your ugly faces with them

    Bolly:
    BOLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYwood sure like to see some tolerable raps (But they aint any!)
    Im gonna kick all of your ass-es (Cuz you aint gonna get any!)
    I disappeared for like 80 years but im still better than all of you here
    You thinking you can beat me is a thought most queer
    Also didnt mean that in a hatey sense meant that in a weird sense i needed something to rhyme with here ;-;


    John Cena:
    You cant see me just like i cant see your rap skills
    Im gonna give you an attitude adjustment Gunnut then I’ll kill
    You
    FU

    Jenny from the block:
    This is my new rap name okay?
    Gonad, why don’t you just go away
    You tried to sue the forum and that’s sad
    And ironic, cuz now it’s the people vs Gonad
    You think you stand a chance against our crew?
    You must be taking the piss, and your face looks like poo
    I created the Terrible Joke Battles what the fuck did you do
    Even made you battle Tommy Wiseau to make fun of you
    They call you Gunnut because you’re a fan of guns and nuts
    You’re even a bigger bitch than that guy Lohuydahutt
    And that guy sucks, I’ll crash into you with my bus
    You try to look smart with vocab but it’s superfluous
    Motherfucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Motherfucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Motherfucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Fucker
    Fucking bitch

    Uprising:
    Suprising, you’re raps are all surprising
    Because im finding that most of them are capsizing
    For all you idiots that means its sinking
    Just like your hearts will after this beating
    Reppin’ Wisconsin and expecting something
    But I got nothing from all you fucking
    Forumers i hope u all fukin rot
    You’re all worse for the forum than 10000000000000000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000000
    000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
    000000000000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000
    000000000000000000000000000000
    0000000000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000
    00000000000000000000000000000000000000 spambots!

    Adonis:
    No guys I said I’m not rapping.

    Everyone:
    Fuck that, do it anyway.

    Adonis:
    No

    Everyone:
    Yes

    Adonis:
    No

    Every- ok we aren’t doing this joke again, carry on.

    Dr. Stein:
    What’s up, it’s the Doc
    Blowin’ up like Pop Rocks
    Crashing down like your stocks
    When the weea-beat drops
    You thought y’all could hope to stand up to me
    Gonad, i’ll wreck you like your name was J-
    *suddenly vanishes without a word...without a trace*

    Umbreon:
    Im not ready yet, come back later.

    Dion:
    Banning all you fuckers was the best mistake i ever made
    Thats it, thats my entire verse.

    Rob:
    *Is not online and didn’t show up to this battle*

    Masahiro Sakurai:
    Gunnut is never gonna smash.
    Get it?
    I was making a joke at Gunnut’s expense implying he will never experience sexual intercourse while also making a pun
    I wanna shoot you with a gun.
    Up, I can’t B-lieve you even fucking tried
    I’ll air dodge all of your Less than Fairials when we’re clashing
    I’ll find a way to make my final line smashing
    ….i got nothin’

    Log:
    … bloop.

    Gonad:
    YOUR RAPS ARE MUNDANE AND VERY LAME
    MY LUCUBRATE IMMUTABLE RAPS ARE THE BEST IN THE GAME
    I WON’T CONDENSE MY THOUGHTS ON YOUR INEPTITUDE
    I HAVE A STRONG AVERSION TO OBSTREPEROUS RAPS THAT ARE RUDE
    I WON’T END UP IN INDIGENCE I’LL GET ALL THE RICHES
    MY SMARTNESS IS OBTRUSIVE AND I GET ALL THE BITCHES
    DUPLICATE AMALGAMATE ESTIMATE GRADUATE
    MODERATE SEPARATE CHOCOLATE MASTURBATE

    Juiz:
    Hey guys I’m back from the bathroom.
    Didn’t we already do the big-word Gunnut meme in ERBoF?
    Oh woah jeez that’s a lot of people okay I’m leaving bye.

    Mike Hat:
    I’m Mike Hat and I rock the mic that
    Was given to me for the sake of this rap bat-
    Tle Gunnut you’re from Seattle
    Or something like that-le

    Rangernumberx:
    Ill take you to the gun range and wont let you put on headphones thus damaging your ears and not being pleasant at all and possibly causing some permanent hearing damage, you cunts
    Wait i just swore, fuck uh...DAMMIT i did it again uh…
    You’re all f***ing lazy as stupid s***heads and you’re all ***** **** *** ***** *****!
    **** ****! ***! *******! *******! *******! *******! *******! *****!!!

    Gonad:
    Rangernumberx more like Ranger never has sex
    Ranger hasn’t been on in months because he’s scared of what I’ll do next
    When I shoot u all with my guns and also pull some splinter cell karambit shit
    None of you can diss a dude without the wit

    Dr. Stein:
    *reappears after months...no...years without contact with any known sentient life*
    -and that’s why you dudes are super lame!
    Yeah!
    Also what the fuck!

    Umby:
    Im still not ready hold on

    Nicepeter:
    What the fuck is a wolverine, some kind of an angry beaver
    Layin you down easy DATS KITCHEN TILE
    Im a patient man but sometimes you need to be a patient man
    Nothing rhymed so far but what does the cocks say now
    *Annoying fox bit everyone hates*
    Ill cut ur junk out
    You got candy raps REESEEZ PEESEEZ
    Ill make u all broken and u cant find the pieceez
    Nice rap, dorks, you look like ducks
    But not as much as sam does oooooo y’all suck

    Gonad AGAIN:
    you is a precociously lascivious microphallus and a horribly atrocious feces-collecting sadistic hippophilic necrophile.
    you is a devilishly appalling hemorrhoid and a nefarious nose-picking malodorous marinade of sweat and meanwhile
    Im a hyper intelligent fabulously genius who's distinguished
    And you are an incalculably obese subhuman and a debased orgasm faking grudge-festering haggard, bitch

    Sam:
    I suck dik at rapping and im the stupidest and a doodoohead and an idiot
    I bet your magic wand is 100 times bigger than my di- wait these are the wrong cards what the fuck who did this

    *Jenny giggles in the corner*

    Sam:
    Fuck off

    Thing 1 and Thing 2:
    Oh (Oh) no (no)
    We’ll smash your globe
    Yo you may have wrote the script but now we running the show
    You can take your fancy words and send them back home to your momma
    Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas
    Man we’ll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs
    We’ll break offa your legs
    Make no mistake
    We in a rage
    All does not end well when we bust out our cage
    You gettin’ upstagged Doulgas
    Yo, you just got played!

    A spambot:
    Did know dick enhancement limited time offer you can make your cock 0.38595647385ths of an inch bigger this guy got his dick bigger and dick enhancement surgeons from ohio that work on hobos in the back of a 7-11 at 2am on thursday nights with a kitchen knife and some water hate him!!! Click here to find out how to get your dick bigger without your wallet getting smaller -------------------------->>>> https://i.imgur.com/g7dUvEl.png ←--------------------------

    Wumbo:
    So his dick would be double its current size then

    Everyone:
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    A Rock:
    *Is not sentient and therefore says nothing*

    The Rock:
    *Is currently asleep as he has a very busy schedule and therefore says nothing*

    Eye-Rock:
    *mario killed him in mario 64 so cannot talk*

    Rock Lobster:
    WE WERE AT THE BEACH. EVERYBODY HAD MATCHING TOWELS
    SOMEBODY WENT UNDER A DOCK AND TH- [Copyright claimed]

    Panic! At the Disco Sampling Rock Lobster in Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time:
    CHAMPAGNE COCAINE GASOLINE AND MOST THINGS IN BETWEEN
    I ROAM THE CITY IN A SH- [Copyright claimed]

    School of Rock:
    *is a cult classic film and while the main star, Jack Black, is perfectly capable of speech, the physical disc itself as well as the concept of the film cannot talk*

    Old Rock Music (Depending on what you count as old idk):
    I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive and ur lame
    Welcome to the jungle we got fun and games
    They burned down the gambling house, It died with an awful sound
    Funky Claude was running in and out, pulling kids out the ground
    With the lights out, its less dangerous
    Here we are now, entertain us
    Though I doubt you can contain this
    Verse of no disses, just a reference
    We’re so loud and incoherent
    Boy this oughta bug your parents
    I like smoke and lightning, Heavy metal thunder
    Racin' with the wind, And the feelin' that I'm under
    Don't need reason, don't need rhyme, Ain't nothing I would rather do
    Going down, party time, My friends are gonna be there too
    Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise
    Playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday
    You got mud on your face, you big disgrace
    Kicking your can all over the place, singin'
    WE WILL WE WILL end our verse.

    New-ish Rock Music:
    I'm gonna fight 'em all
    A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
    They're gonna rip it off
    Taking their time right behind my back
    Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on go play
    Hey now, you’re a lame ass, get the fuck out, you’re lame
    CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT
    SUFFOCATION NO BLEEDING DONT GIVE A FUCK IF I CUT MY ARM BLEEDING
    THIS IS MY LAST RESORT
    CUZ I tried so hard and got so far
    But in the end It doesn't even matter
    I had to fall to lose it all
    But in the end it doesn't even matter
    Coming out of my cage
    And I've been doing just fine
    Gotta gotta be down
    Because I want it all
    It started out with a kiss
    How did it end up like this?
    It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
    IS SOMEONE GETTING THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST
    THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST
    THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST
    THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST OF YOU?
    Good cuz i am cuz im kicking ur dicks
    So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
    No one would ever change this animal I have become
    And help me believe it's not the real me
    Somebody help me tame this animal
    Welcome to a new kind of tension
    All across the alien nation
    Where everything isn't meant to be okay
    Television dreams of tomorrow
    We're not the ones who're meant to follow
    For that's enough to argue
    Ok im done

    Cease and Desist:
    Alright guys come on this is seriously getting out of hand knock it off
    Or I’ll knock you off
    A cliff
    Which is a big rock.
    We’ve come full circle
    But for real you’re all getting sued.

    Zion Williamson:
    It’s me ZIONNNNNNNNNN
    I don’t know why I’m here
    I play basketball not football
    And also I’m pretty tall
    Who am I even rapping against? *checks notes*
    Cease and desist? More like cease and eat this *punches the cease and desist paper*
    Ok I’m going to play for the Pelicans now goodbye

    ZionSpartan:
    Even my teacher calls me washed up


    Umby:
    DAMMIT FOOTBALL kIOERDHGIOREHGOIEJGIOJGIOE
    GJREIOPGJIOPGJITEGPEJHTPHJTIHJPTEHJTRHIPORJ
    JGOEJHPEHJTRPOHJRPOJGFPOJETPHJRTPHJR
    JGRTOHPJTRHPOJPORHJTJHOPTJPRJHPGJIOHTWGIOEIRO
    IM SO MAD AT FOOTBALL IM GOING TO COME BACK LATER

    This One Grill From an Anime I’m Watching:
    Yo Onee-chan-san
    Fuck off

    FBI Agent:
    Alright guys get away from the little girl or you’re all getting arrested
    *Checks Wiki*
    Oh wait she’s actually a 5000 year old demon that just looks like a little girl?
    Checks out.

    Nate:
    Oh dear how awful
    I will crush your earth replica
    You might have wrote the paper i am reading this from but i am now in charge of this production
    You can take your uncommon words and return them to your mother in the mail
    I will break the bottom of my leg in your butt with my onesie pajama
    I will prepare you for dinner with pork and chicken product that is green in color
    I will break off your arms
    Do not mishear what i am saying
    I am angry
    This will end poorly for you when i break out of my prison
    People are liking my verse more
    You just got duped

    Musselman’s Big Cup Applesauce:
    I am really yummy
    I fit nicely in Jenny’s tummy
    Gonad should make like noses and be runny
    Mr. Beast here please download Honey


    This Other Grill From Every Romance Anime I’ve Watched Ever:
    Damn you just accused me of liking ______-kun
    But it-it’s not l-l-l-like I like him or anything, b-baka! *runs*

    Boba Fett:
    MY NAME IS BOBA FETT YOU WANNA MESS WITH ME
    ILL PUT MY BALLS IN YOUR MOUTH LIKE BOBA TEA
    I GOT A JETPACK YO YO YO I STEAL THE SHOW (i thought it was “you know i steal the show) (If it is then ive been wrong like 7 years and i cant accept that ((() (understandable have a nice day)
    CUZ WHEN I ROCK THE MICROPHONE I-

    Ian Curtis:
    This is the room, the start of it all,
    No portrait so fine, only sheets on the wall,
    I've seen the nights, filled with bloodsport and pain,
    And the bodies obtained, the bodies obtained.
    Where will it end? Where will it end?
    Where will it end? Where will it end?

    Gunnut, but in an alternate timeline where he doesn’t suck:
    *Doesn’t exist*

    Brad:
    Gunnut, bro, you’re like, so bogus.
    I bet you’ve never even like, banged a babe, bro.
    How about I take you to the quad so we can have an ultimate frisbee sesh.
    Then we can go back to the frat-house and have a killer rager
    Throw some brewskis back and play some BP
    Just kidding bitch.

    A Moth:
    LYNCH SAM!

    A Craf:
    LYNCH SAM!


    A Bee:
    LYNCH SAM!

    Another rock:
    *comes to life to say LYNCH SAM*

    A cat:
    LYNCH SAM

    Sams friend:
    Lunch, Sam?
    Im kinda hungry

    A crab:
    PINCH SAM!

    A Bird:
    FINCH SAM!

    Nietzhche i think?
    UBERMENCH SAM!

    An old timey dude:
    WINCH SAM!

    Someone playing a trick:
    FLINCH SAM!

    Some dudebro on the internet
    CRINGE SAM

    Ok im out of these carry on

    Juiz again:
    Hey guys sorry I’m back again
    I forgot my car keys.
    Wait I don’t know how to drive.
    Okay well I’m gonna go again this is awkward frick.

    agoin:
    AGOIN
    A G O I N
    Im A G O I N TO KICK YOUR ASS

    UberMaNCHA:
    I’m like MaNCHA but uber
    I’ll crash into you with an Uber
    Ill poke u with my poober BAZINGA

    Thanos:
    Okay for real this is really driving me nuts
    *Takes steering wheel off of his belt*
    That’s better. Anyways you guys all suck
    And you’re all shitheads. I am inevitable.
    *Snaps*

    Half the rappers in his battle:
    Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good….

    Some guy named Mr Stark:
    Who the fuck are you?

    Tony Stark:
    Who the fuck are you?

    Umbreon:
    If im a duck then i’ll quack you all in half
    Just like i did when I BROKE YOUR SPINE IN HALF
    I’ll crash into you with my CAAAARRRRRRRRR
    And then i-

    Thanos:
    *Snaps again*
    *and again*
    *Snaps like 50 times*
    I mean honestly, he really couldn’t snap this many times but lets be honest here this is all in good fun
    Wait I’m Thanos why am I saying this out loud.
    Anyways Gunnut is a bitch, Umby is a duck, THANOS OUT! *Drops Infinity Gauntlet and walks away*

    Rob:
    I wasn’t online where the fuck is everyone wtf
    Uh...does this mean I win by default
    Cuz i’d be cool with that if im the only alive one.
    So uh...id like to thank uh...idk….myself i guess?
    I dunno im done and i won
    And none of ur raps were well done
    But mine were well done, in the meat sense
    Meaning they are hot and crispy and burned you because you ordered it and were so hungry by the time that it arrived that you took a bite and then burned your tongue because you forgot it was hot, does that happen to anyone else? I don’t wanna be alone in this…

    Gordon Ramsay in a Hell’s Kitchen Post-elimination monologue:
    Rob talked a lot about his meat and raps being well done, but at the end of the day, he served a lot of people raw food and they died. There’s no pun to be made here. He just couldn’t cook so I don’t know why he was on this show.
    *Takes Robs jacket, puts it on the hook, causing his picture to burn.*

    Everyone:
    F

    WHO WON WHO NEXT
    Zttjb

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