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Thread: Terrible Joke Battles of Meh

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  1. #11
    Poles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Welcome to the sixth part of this rap battle. To view part 5, click here.

    Spoiler: 
    238. Shawty Lo
    Shawty Lo, I got flavor
    Let's you know the kid got paper
    Like 40, don't save her
    Bankhead, been pulling capers
    The way you drop would have thought I had a tazer
    Call me street, like a razor
    Shawty Lo, ATL, I'm the mayor
    Street niggas but my gear be tailor
    Every now and then shawty might rock gators
    Millionaire plus, I got acres
    Yeah no more nosey ass neighbors
    Big ups to all my haters
    It might be cheating to do an entire verse from a song of mine
    But fuck you

    239. Ron Glass
    I’D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVEEEEEEEEEE
    THAT PLANET EARTHHHH TUUURNS SLOWLYYYYY
    Man people are dropping like fireflies this year
    Get it cuz I was on Firefly ya queer
    I’ll break you like glass so you better Ron away
    Call me Ron Reagan because I hate gays
    Not in a homophobic way
    But in that your raps are gay. So anyway
    Call me Ron Harris cuz my character was named that on Barney Miller
    Call this line filler because it’s all fluff and filler
    You didn’t play a fish with brain damage I’m a nominated actor bish
    Name’s synonymous with power spell it forwards or backwards bish
    ssalG noR

    240. Jose Fernandez
    I was on the Miami Marlins before I died aw
    It was in a boating accident huh
    It’s funny because marlins are a fish
    Ya bish

    241. Princess Diana
    Princess Diana fly, I'm about to tell you why,
    Almost Wonder Woman, but this lady did die
    My rhymes are good and they beat people all the time
    You a Miami Mar-been I died in my prime :c
    I tell you if you win, no way Jose
    With the hat and the shirt and I don’t see a neck chain
    I crashed in a car, now I’ll crash into you with my car
    You’re like Patty Duke, nobody knows who you are!
    I just left Wales to tell you your mom’s like a whale
    Because she’s fat and dumb and slow and a fail
    But don't be scared, I let bats down easy,
    And that’s relevant because baseball bats Fernandeezee

    242. SanicAtTheDisco’s grandma’s cat
    Meow.
    Meoooow.
    MeeeeOTHERFUCKERS CAN’T LIVE UP TO THE CAT
    BITCHES BETTER SMELL MY ASS BEFORE YOU GET SHAT
    OOOOOOOOOON
    I HAD 9 LIVES TO WATCH YOU ALL SUCK
    I DIED CASTRATED CAUSE I DON’T GIVE A FUCK NO

    243. Harper Lee
    To Kill a Mockingbird is a sin
    You can’t beat me because I’m going to win

    244. Peter Van Williams
    Hello everyone it is me the genetic monster created by the cross between obscure actors Van Williams and Peter Vaughan
    I rap like Will.I.Am except better, and I will crash into you with my Van
    Call me Ae-man who is a Maester at rapping because I sure am
    Call me the Green Hornet but not the crappy (idk if it’s crappy but it got meh reviews) 2011 movie, man

    245. John Glenn
    Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her
    Yo mama so fat she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her
    Yo momma so fat that everytime she takes a step the Earth's orbit changes
    Do you even have any ranges

    246. Alan Thicke
    ill beat u with my thicke dick
    ur a thick pricke while im thick slick
    Im the coolest guy who dies this year, not alan rickman
    cuz my dick is alan thicke, man
    u blur the line on sucking and sucking worse
    i CANada NOT believe it, ur the worst
    ill make ur dick grow then hit it, call it growing pains
    ill walk over u more than people walk over my star on the walk of fame
    but ur on the walk of shame for sucking so much, man
    robin thicke's my son, man
    my first impression of u is YOU SUCK DICK, MAN
    im alan thicke, man
    I ran pictionary, u run the dick-tionary
    cuz ur a dick, man
    i was in robodoc, u can suk a robocock
    im a robogod, except im a human..odd...
    i roborock, im the alpha dog
    is alpha dog i good thing *Googles it* okay it is...dawg
    Xin shi zi jie tou u Xin shi zi jie DOUCHE
    ur raps are so whack they're not quite hu...man.
    Im makin a scene, its not my fault and i dont care anyway
    ur a jackoff, and ur win is a flash fantasy..fantasay...
    I was in open season, but not the one with the bear and buck
    i have 69 reasons why you all suck
    why does everyone die at 69
    Both Alan Rickman and Alan Thicke, man
    Plus David Bowie, plus duke patty man
    I wrote blurred lines man

    247. Steven Hill
    I’m the king of the hill
    Law and Order was a thrill
    Beating me is like Mission: Impossible
    Because it’s a mission that is impossible

    248. Zsa Zsa Gabor
    WE'RE NOT MARRIED SO I'M GOING
    TO KICK YOUR ALIMONY INTO YOUR FUCKING OVARIES
    LAST NAME GABOR, FIRST AND MIDDLE NAME ZSA,
    HUNGARIAN BITCH WITH A CRAZY ASS NAME COMIN AT YA
    I'M LOVELY TO LOOK AT AND I'M LITERALLY JUST MAKING REFERENCES TO THIS CHICK'S WORK
    I MEAN MY NAME IS NOT SANEBUTSTRANGE AND POLAR DIDN'T TELL ME TO WRITE THIS UNEXPECTEDLY, JERK
    I HAVE AN EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE
    KNOWN FOR BEING HOT AND WITH A MEN PILE
    THAT PROBABLY MEANS I LIKE TO PLAY BOARD GAMES WITH MY MEN
    LIKE CHUTES AND LADDERS AND MONOPOLY AND THEN
    THAT ONE GAME WHERE YOU HAVE A SUBJECT CARD AND A LETTER AND YOU HIT A BUZZER AND EVERYONE SHOUTS OUT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE SUBJECT THAT STARTS WITH THAT LETTER AND YOU'RE ALL TIMED AND MY DAD WAS REALLY UPSET WITH THIS GAME AND COULD NEVER WIN AND GOT REALLY MAD ONE NIGHT CAUSE WE MADE FUN OF HIM IT WAS NEW YEARS BUT I'M NOT GETTING INTO THAT STORY AGAIN BECAUSE HE HATES WHEN WE BRING IT UP EXCEPT WHEN HE'S DRUNK BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON IT MAKES HIM UPSET EVEN THOUGH THIS GAME IS SO UNKNOWN THAT PROBABLY NOBODY HAS EVER EVEN HEARD OF IT BEFORE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY FAMILY I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE BOUGHT IT BUT YOU KNOW I'VE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES WITH THAT GAME OVER THE YEAR MAINLY BECAUSE ACTORS WAS A SUBJECT CARD ONE TIME AND THE LETTER WAS C AND I SAID CHIWETEL EIJOFOR AND HE STARRED IN 12 YEARS A SLAVE AND NOBODY ELSE KNEW WHO HE WAS SO THEY GOOGLED HIM AND SINCE I GAVE A VALID ANSWER AND THEY TOOK SO MUCH TIME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF THAT WAS A RIGHT ANSWER OR NOT I WAS THE LAST ONE TO SPEAK SO I ENDED UP WINNING
    HEY NERD
    SPEAKING OF THE NAME OF THAT GAME IT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT TO HAVE AND IT'S CALLED THE LAST WORD

    249. Dr. Rachel Owen
    You're all about to get Rachel owened
    After this they'll call me Rachel pwns
    That's like all I got

    250. Andrei Karlov
    Yo I’m Russian and I really like eating turkeys
    Do we even have turkeys in Russia idk
    But I don’t like eating Turkey
    No don’t shoot me pls no don’t stop

    251. George Michael
    Ladies and gentlemen here’s my first issue
    There’s too many of you for me to diss you
    i was in wham! now I'm your man
    walk up and say damn, I wanna lynch sam
    Deadpool: I love you George
    Death is a whore
    Shrek: Shrek is love Shrek is life
    I wish we could dance again tonight
    Keanu: meow meow meow
    meow meow meow
    George Michael: I’ll hit all these other rappers like “Wham!”
    Then go wam bam thank you man
    Like my dick I Made It Big
    Man kissing you’s Kissing A Fool, you pig
    My real name’s Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou
    and I don’t Want Your Sex, you jew
    You best put some friends on your wishlist
    Also this was my Last Christmas :c

    252. Debbie Reynolds
    That verse was so bad it killed me
    Not literally, of course, that'd be silly
    There's no DEBBIE-ate about who's the best
    But DEBBIE ATE your crappy raps and digest...ed them...
    And DEBBIE AINT gonna lose this battle
    I'm Debbie, Great! And you..are...cattle..
    Susan Slept Here and by here I mean with your mother
    I have strong Will and i'll GRACE you with my presents, brotha
    You dont know shit about stakes, yucka
    But the ones at the end of this battle are great, motherfucker
    And by that I mean im gonna win, man
    And im a literal motherfucker cuz i fucked ur mam
    And im a chick so ill have to use a strap-on-ha (HA)
    You all can suck my non existent Hallo-Weenis
    And by Halloweenis i mean Hallow Penis
    And by hollow i mean non existent
    And by non existent i mean...well, exactly that
    I'll trump you in this battle like I trumped Ivana Trumps reader quotes section of the weekly newspaper, The Globe when i replaced her and got better ratings, yo
    Im so badass I was on The Oprah Winfrey Show
    And ill show you im betterm you seven year bitch
    Ill bury you in a ditch
    shit i used the wrong form of presence and didn't notice until now
    Also im Carrie Fisher's mom, by the way
    Figured it was important to say....that…

    253. Robert Hulseman
    Now a red solo cup is the best receptacle
    For barbecues tailgates fairs and festivals
    And you sir do not have a pair of testicles
    If you prefer drinking from glass
    A red solo cup is cheap and disposable
    And in fourteen years they are decomposable
    And unlike my home they are not fore-closable
    Freddie Mac can kiss my ass woo
    Red solo cup I fill you up
    Let's have a party let's have a party
    I love you red solo cup I lift you up
    Proceed to party proceed to party

    254. The Announcer
    Don’t worry guys, I’m not dead, but I’m here to deliver a message
    We’re gonna have a speed run of people we forgot and we’ll see who the best is
    And no we arent lazy fu you dicks
    We just wanted to get more people in before we post this

    255. Joe Santos
    I’m joe santos, my name is like santa
    You’ll lose this rap cause you have no banter

    256. George Garagiola
    Yo before i start this rap i got a few queries
    Im calling this battle like it’s a world series

    257. Ken Howard
    I played thomas jefferson in a film about him i guess
    People really liked it, unlike you it was the best

    258. Earl Hamner Jr.
    Fuck you bitches, Ill beat your face in with a Hamner, Jr.
    I wish i wasn’t forced in the speed round so i could’ve kicked your ass sooner

    259. James Noble
    If you were a play, no one’d buy a ticket so there’ll be No bill
    You cant fuck with me im John Noble

    260. William Schallert
    Im. Not. William. Shatner. But. I. Will. Still. Rap. Like. This.
    Because. Our. Names. Are. Similar. And. Im. A. Lazy. Dick.

    261. Burt Kwounk
    Burt is the word, KWOUNK you’re all the worst
    Ill flip you the Burt, you….insult that rhymes with worst

    262. Viktor Korchnoi
    I IS CHESS MASTER FROM MOTHERLAND
    I SLAP YOU THEN SLAP AGAIN WITH OTHER HAND

    263. Peter Shaffer
    Peter Shaffer will give your mom his Peter Shaft...er..
    Ill shoot you with a star wars blaster...for some reason...

    264. George Voinovich
    I’ll make you my voinobitch with a long fast rap
    Wait nevermind i gotta take a crap

    265. Janet Waldo
    Where’s Waldo? She’s here, kicking your ass
    I’ll Wald-OWN you bitches, dont gimme sass

    266. Ralph Stanley
    First name ralph, last name stanley
    I got a big penis and it makes me feel manly

    267. Alvin Toffler
    I’ll toffler your alvin and make you wail
    Please don’t tho or i’ll go to jail

    268. Dennis Green
    It aint easy being Green
    But you know what is easy? Your whole family

    269. Marni Nixon
    I am not a crook
    My raps will leave you shook

    270. David Huddleston
    I have a HuddlesTON of good raps, yo
    Yours are as hot as snow, yo

    271. Peter Fountain
    Ill drown you in a fountain
    Then i’ll toss you over the mountain

    272. Glenn Yarbrough
    Im not Yarbrough (Your bro)
    You’re mom is a ho, you GNOME

    273. Fyvush Finkel
    Fyuck you your fyucking fyuckface is fyucking fyull of wrinkles
    Ill Fyvush Finkel on your mom’s Fyinkle if you know what i mean..inkle..

    274. Arthur Hiller
    My name is Arthur Hiller
    You’re worse than Hitler

    275. Jack Riley
    I voiced Stu Pickles on the Rugrats
    You all suck bads... kinda rhymes almost.

    276. Phyllis Schlafly
    My name is silly but ill be the one laughin’
    While you’re sucking my dick like its Schlaffy Taffy

    277. Hugh O' Brian
    Im SEARCHing for good lines, but you dont have any, queer
    After your crappy verses i will Never Fear...losing, i mean..eer...

    278. James Stacy
    My name is james stacy you ding dong
    You’ve got a small dick next to my lightning schlong

    279. Edward Albee
    Albee kicking your butts and your throat
    The Goat, or Who is Sylvia? You’re a goat

    280. W.P. Kinsella
    WP will give WC the full Deuce
    Wait I’m not sure if there’s anyone in this battle with those initals..uh...you’re all JEWS

    281. Bhumibol Adulyadej
    What the fuck even is my name, i mean really
    Its still not as hard to pronounce as beating me...is...

    282. Tom Hayden
    Hayden Planetary fly
    By the way the answer to the question “does you suck?” is “yes” which on a multiple choice question with a lot of different letters would be the letter “i”

    283. Bobby Vee
    And now you’re facing me Bobby Vee
    Never sing for your ass but I’ll kick it for free

    284. Kay Starr
    You’re ‘kay, I’m a star
    Not related to Ringo Starr

    285. Janet Reno
    Messin with Reno is gamblin, you got a problem
    You all look like fat ugly goblins

    286. Robert Vaughn
    I ain’t Peter Vaughan
    I’m a better man

    287. Gwen Ifill
    My verse is Ifilled with great lines, son
    Im sure my dick’d be bigger than the Eiffel tower IF I HAD ONE

    288. Holly Dunn
    Normally i hate bad puns
    But my life is over, you could say it’s Dunn

    289. Melvin Laird
    Melvin laird? More like melvin lard
    Wait i dissed myself fuck i’m a retard

    290. Ralph Branca
    How about i break ya neck i’m branca you poo
    My baseball is so good, it’s better than sam what a jew

    291. Andrew Sachs
    SUCK MY SACHS
    I GOT MONEY LIKE GOLDMAN SACHS

    292. Fritz Weaver
    DID SOMEBODY SAY...FRITZ?
    A long ass time ago but still… itz

    293. Grant Tinker
    Tinker Tailor Soldier Sailor
    Rich Man Poor Man Beggar Man Thief

    294. Sammy Lee
    Sammy lee, worlds biggest pee-pee
    Got a long hard piece of wood, you could call me a tree

    295. Greg Lake
    I’ll drown you in my lake cause my name is greg
    The only thing that sucks more than you is getting pegged

    296. Bernard Fox
    My name is tricky, it’s bernard fox
    Try saying that through a mouthful of COCKS

    297. Lou Harris
    Lou harris here and my balls are hairy
    They’re also purple and it’s kinda scary

    298. Harry Heimlich
    You’re all chokin so hard you’ll need the Heimlich maneuver
    My raps are as strong as the scent from nail polish remover

    254. The Announcer
    The speed round is over
    I was with your mom last night I boned her
    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH damn that’s right I’m giving myself a verse
    Because you guys all are the worst
    I’m not dead so that means I get more head
    Proof: I Vermounted your wife last night in the bed
    Unless you don’t have a wife, which was the case for a lot of you
    But I don’t even care, you fucked up jew OO
    Now I’m gonna go I’m gonna pass the mic
    There are only 4 more rappers that’s right

    299. William Christopher
    What’s up bitches it’s the final celebrity death of 2016 yo
    Bit of an underwhelming one but oh well bro
    I’ll M*A*S*H you to pieces then do the Monster Mash
    In my occupation I got plenty of cash

    300. Jean Shepard
    Hello I am Jean Shepard that’s what my name title thing says
    I’m announcing myself like every other fucking rapper
    Because we’re doing the same fucking shit for all of these characters nobody cares about
    Fuck the world

    301. Hannibal Lecter
    You are all classic megalomaniacs
    Because literally none of you mentioned me once in your battle raps

    302. Death
    BOO!
    You’re gonna die! With no one to love you and-
    You’re already dead? Well, that sucks. The End.
    Wait, why am I dead, I am Death
    You must listen to my raps unless you’re Deaf
    Which is my cousin
    Whom I did not have sexual relations with.
    Gosh.
    *coughs*
    Alone by yourself on the bed of your death
    With the stench of regret on your last dying breath
    Cause you all chose different paths in your life
    Doesn’t matter cause you all still died
    Life’s a bitch but Death’s the motherfucking pimp
    Dressed all in black, bitch, I’m the Gimp
    Deaths comes when you least expect it, son.
    If you don’t believe me ask your mom.
    They say you reap what you sow, but I don’t remember sowing losers
    Everything kills you, from being a boozer to getting a tumor
    You can die from crack, from a wolf pack, or from horseback
    Everything can kill you bitch, but I just murdered this track

    We… we actually did it.
    Nothing’s going to beat this guys. We might as well end the series here. But we won’t :D
    WHO WON WHO’S NEXT YOUR DECIDED
    Terribe joke battles of meh
    Last edited by Poles; 01-01-2017 at 08:55 PM.

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