Terrible Joke Battles of Meh

[Janet]

terrible joke battles are forever
wrtiers sam lo sanic me
cover http://i.xomf.com/chlcg.jpg

Spoiler: 

Terrible Blow Job Battles of meh
A Leatherback sea turtle
Vs
A sea lamprey
Begin

Leatherback
Meep

Lamprey
…

OK now for the real fight



Turble bloke butter of meep
Saitama
Vs
Tralalalalaaaaaaaa
The guy who says that

Begin

Captain Underpants:
I’ve never seen an episode of One Punch Man
But I bet it hurts worse to watch than getting 1000000 punches, man
I beat a talking toilet and some other stuff idk it’s been like a decade since I read this shit
And you’ve only beat *googles* … oh shit.
It’s funny bc I fight toilets and stuff so like when I say shit it’s a direct reference to that
It’s a good reference Sam
fine we can keep it in
My creator is named Dav Pilkey that’s Dav without an e in it
The reason his name is spelled like that is bc the Pizza Hut he worked at as a teenager had a broken E key on the typewriter they used to print out his nametag that’s a cool fun fact
I used to go on Dav Pilkey’s site all the time as a kid haha oh man memories
Wait what am i doing forgot i was writing a rap battle for a second
I live in Piqua, Ohio and that’s a city in Ohio
Our state voted for Trump because he’s a great guy-oh
Wait wtf since when were there black kids in Ohio
That George Beard kid is probably the only black kid in Ohio
That doesn’t live in Cleveland anyway but fuck Cleveland it’s lame
The only good thing Cleveland has is LEBRON JAMEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS
I’m like Tra-La-La, you’re like La La Land bc you think you’re gonna win this fight but it turns out you aren’t
WTF rhymes with aren’t
Also One Punch Man, remember when you didn’t beat that guy with One Punch, Man?
That’s pretty fucking lame, you should change your name, man
To like, One Punch the Vast Majority of the Time Man
I think that would be a fitting name for you,
Man
You’re like Harold because it’ll turn out you’re gay
Anime is not good it’s really not
This battle is like Captain Underpants and the Sensational Saga of Sir Stinks-A-Lot
Cuz you stink a lot
I’ll ban you from life just like those schools in the south did to me
You can suck my knee
I’ll leave you like my hair, not existent
I’ll leave you like your hair, non existent
You look like Caillou
I look like Caillou too
Why you gotta be such a jew
Are there even any jews in Japan
Statistically Japan is hugely Japanese with very little ethnic diversity so probably very little if any
As well its culture has turned away from many religions recently so probably not many religion wise either
I’ll make you #band like my book cuz Harold was gay
I’ll Jordan Peele you like a banana since he’s voicing Melvin
My rhymes are so hot, they’re like 100 degrees kelvin
Wait that’s actually like negative 279 degrees fahrenheit
Hang on
My rhymes are so cold, they’re like 100 degrees kelvin
There we go that was easy
I’m also a principal, so I’ll suspend your life
Like you did to that weird seaweed thing that I wanted as a wife
I heard you were able to jump to a moon really fast
But I can jump over a skyscraper without getting a wedgie, BEAT THAT
Also remember that Lord Boros kid?
Well I’d probably beat him in one punch kid
Ya bish ya bish ya bish ya bish
Ya bish ya bish ya bish ya bish
DreamWorks payed us to make this battle its dreamworks endorsed
Buy dreamworks and see Captain Underpants in theaters June 2 in a theater near you
Dont pirate it watch it in theaters
Now do your verse and lose cuz you’re worse than me...ators

Saitama
OK.

Garfield:
Oh I dont want more than that
Girl you better respect the cat
Harold is so gay man
I’ll smack you and him with my ring hand ‘
I would read your book but since Harold is gay I don’t wanna
Bitch real G’s move in silence like lasagna
That G stands for Garf
ield and I rock like Wayne and Garth
motherfuckerfuckerfuckerfuckerfucker

[Mike Hat]

I had to cut a couple lines I had planned because I know way too much about Captain Underpants.

[HipsterSam]

credit to art on the cover goes to Yhwachstompssuperman

[Janet]

TJB didn't have closure and I kinda left this forum without saying anything. So here's closure to both. Love yall

Spoiler: 

Mwork
Hello to the few people who will read this it’s the final tjb
It will be umbreon vs polar
Begin

Umbreon:
You’re an icehole, Jenny
Go suck a pear or twenty
You cant step to the greatest
Ill fuck you up more than Gonad’s ****stick
Wisconis doesn’t even suck as much as you
Yeah i know that was a random reference what are ya gonna do?
Shhhh, no tears, only memes now
Id assume you’re gonna rap but i dont think you know how
Your rhymes are profound!....wait..no thats not what i meant…
Any girl named Jill Sandwich probably is fucked up in the head
When you drive I cant wait for you to stop so i can see a dick brake
Wat (TAWWWWWWWWWWW) do you think you ahd all you can take?
#BringBackTheYouNotSucking oh wait, sucking is what you always do
Go suck a sinep you cocojew douche
You’ll live up to your name and be an endangered species after this!
Wait….they’re endangered, right? *Checks the endangered species list*
Ok they kinda are but its sort of a grey area
But when im through with ur face it’ll be a black and blue area
Here’s a shocking sex secret, you’re gay
Wait we already knew that so uh...lynch polar...I say….
Im a patient man but sometimes you just gotta be a patient man
And after this verse you’ll be burned so hard you’ll be a hospital patient, man
WHO YA RUNNIN FROM? Well it better be yourself, cuz you’re that unpleasant
Emo Hitler is still a better idea than half the shit you try, wank pheasant.
Its fitting that you’re a cactus because you’re a huge fucking prick
I dont even wanna believe that you exist, you’re so bad
If you dont understand, let me channel my inner Gonad
“I do not particularly care for you. You are not very astute, nor ar you very humdinger
You are not particularly provocative, im gonna slap you with my pinger (BAZINGA)
I do believe that I have extirpated you in the most unmelodious of ways, my good maam
All of your half-witted brethren have just cleaned thy memories of their passwords
Surely you jest of your pitiful attempt at humor to try and make me agitated, bish
You’ll plea for my disses to stop like a mendicant because your heart is a gossamer!
You’ll welter from my discounternace when i hit you with my brazen warhammer
Im a connoisseur of sick rhythmic insults, you clearly must be acting faceitous
If you think you’re doggerel can even come close to my valourous song! You cant beat this!
And thus, the curtain comes to a close on my first stanza and ill leave you with this
You are more vexatious and you are more mundane than ERBP number 8 is!”
I bet you’re so fucking stupid you dont even know what half those words mean!
Well thats because you’re stupid, i dont wanna sound mean (Oh wait i totally fucking do, bish)
And yeah i know i said my verse was done but that was a damn lie
Because after this rap you will be buried alive
Ill RKO you and crack your back, man
All your shitty verses end with you in the trash can
If i danced with you it’d be a waltz with a pig
I still dont even know what that fucking is
I just remembered it was in a battle and laughed
Like i will when I break your SPINE IN HALF
I cant think of anything else so uh, your turn you dick choker
If you think you can win, you’re more crazy than….the…..
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JOKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.

Polar:
Hello it’s me the greatest forumer of all time
Sent the forum on a downward spiral after I resigned
Meanwhile Umby got freakin kicked off the team to make space for me
Hey man remember when we had huge watch2gether sessions for ERBP?
Oh wait this is a battle I’m not supposed to reminisce
Now I’m boutta fire some shots and you know that I won’t miss
I wrote most of Ghost Rider vs Eminem
I could end this verse there you phlegm
But I’m gonna continue because you know that I can destroy you
Just like I destroy Sam everyday and he’s a jew
I’m mean like Tommy Wiseau
Are you a woman
Or
Are
You
A
BROOOOOOO
I don’t even knowwwww why I’m back for this fight
But I guess TJB needed some closure am I right
4 long years it’s hard to hold back the tears
But the purpose of this verse is I’m who Umbreon fears
Umbreon more like Dumbreon, you were in Yami Kage
And it wasn’t as good as the movies with Nicolas Cage
I’m the Gas to your Gers, cuz you’re unacceptable under all circumstances
You’re a goth crazy fucker like Marilyn Manson
All that I’m askin is why you’re so ugly
I mean damn man you don’t look snugly
Buddy I’m not your buddy but I’m making money
Did you eat this morning cuz you don’t look very hungry
Why don’t yoou take that hat off you stupid freakign emo
You shoulda known better than to step up with me bro
You’re the worst forumer ooooooooooooooooo
But to be honest that’s not necessarily truuuuuuuuuuu
My name is UnicornJen so I’ll stab you with my horn or something
I’m making bank like cha ching cha ching
I got money and it stacks to the roof
You can try to shoot me with a gunbut I’m bullet proof
Your voice roles in rap battles suck
Proof here: https://soundcloud.com/epic-rap-batt...eon-vs-flareon you duck
It’s crazy to think about how much we’ve developed as people over time
And we met on a phpbb chatbox 4 years ago online
And it sucked cuz I hate you
jew

Umbreon:
If we did a 2017 dead people battle, your jokes'd be in it (OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
Because they fell flatter than your IQ did (And its already pretty low)
I'll ....bloop! you in the ....bloop! you ....bloop!ing .....bloop ass ....bloop!
Why is log censoring my damn verses that seal looking look stealing as ....bloop!
If i could kick your ass, I would punch you. Oh wait, i can. *Punches polar in the fucking face*
You’re worse than that literature rap battle with beowulf, you duck disgrace
My raps are heavy, they’ll make you drop faster than a FAT GUY (FAT GUY)
That wasnt even a joke relating to either of us but i dont care, alright?
You’re rhymes are more dead on arrival than the forum is dead right now
While im sweet like REESEEZ PEESEEZZZ, you’re a fat ass cow
My verse is over, so here’s my last line
Every dumbass bitch has to end, I guess its your time

Polar:
Man that verse was bad but I’ll tell you what’s worse
The forum currently being ready to be put in a hearse
I think it’s time to bring closure to my 5 years as a user
I wish it’d last forever but beggars can’t be choosers
So here it is this is the last TJB and my last forum post
I’ll miss everyone (Horseleech the most)
Umby you suck you’re a duck
I miss the old times a lot fuck
Haha the ende
oh shit I forgot the car line i'll crash into you with my car

Whoo won??
Nobody’s next th
But it’s been a good time <3

[Umbreon]

Glad to be a part of the finale of the series. Seems like only yesterday i wrote shitty lines for this thing.

[Brad]

This was beautiful

[Rocket]

well done guys

feel like pure shit just want TJB back

[Hound]

Wild.

[Janet]

syke

Spoiler: 

Terrible joke battles of meh
Stan Lee
Vs
My dog who died a few days ago at 14-years-old, Spike
Begin

Stan Lee:
Nice try dog-man, but jack was a friend of mine
thwip
That was a low blow, he did his own Thing and now you've made it clobbering time
im driving a truck full of everything
i am the high water mark of civilization
Oh you never taught children anything you useless bish
Then you probably had no kids you fucking loser SWISH
Now you’re dead like me, but for me people are actually sad
Unlike you bish you probably have no dad
I’m like the Hulk cause you won’t like me when I’m angry
I’m gonna beat you so bad you’re gonna want your blankie
But not actually because I don’t think people should beat animals
But I’m gonna eat you like a cannibal
Even though you’re not a human so it’s not really cannibalism
I’m an old man who’s got lots of wisdom

My dog:
Woof, Woof WoofWoofWoof WoofWoof WoofWoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoofWoofWoof
WoofWoof Woof WoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoofWoof, Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof Woof
WoofWoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoofWoof Woof, Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof Woof
WoofWoof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof-Woof Woof Woof WoofWoofWoof
Woof, Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof
Woof, Woof WoofWoof Woof, Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof?
Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof
Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof, Woof Woof Woof Woof: Woof WoofWoof WoofWoof
WoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoof, WoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoof, Woof
Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof, Woof Woof WoofWoof Woof Woof, Woof
Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof, Woof Woof Woof WoofWoofWoof, Woof
Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof, Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof, Woof
My left stroke just went viral
Woof Woof Woof Woof WoofWoof Woof Woof WoofWoof
WoofWoofWoof Woof, Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof
Woof WoofWoof Woof Woof, Woof Woof Woof Woof
Fuck Sambama


Stan Lee:
Your last line is fair and you’re all full of hair
I’d have you lose this battle if we were playing truth or dare
Oh no looks like I have pneumonia
My last words: You’re like Stark Enterprises and I’m like Tony Stark, cause I’m owning ya

*Stan Lee dies*

*Stan Lee returns*
But now I’m back from the dead and I’m after your head
You suck more than polar who im gonna make red
When i punch her in the stupid nose and make it bleed
Also im gonna beat you to actually death with my rhymes word that rhymes with bleed
Im gonna spay and neuter you dog
You suck more than Log
In fact so do all dogs.
Every dog SUCKS

Snoop Dogg:
Stan Lee I did yo' momma Doggystyle
I be rap battlin you up in dis place like itz 8 Mile
Yo ass gotta take a vacation, I prefer Seattle
I'ma smoke some chronic n' then I be bout ta git back ta tha battle
*smokes some weed*
Yo dem hoes what tha fuck was goin on again...
Oh yeah, I be facin Stan Lee up in a rap battle, mah friend
Stan Lee, prepare ta hook up yo' end
I be readin Oyasumi Punpun right now n' itz pretty interesting
This ass rippin I be givin you is fairly devastatin
With just one snap I be bout ta tear you up in half
Git outta mah path or I be bout ta kick yo' ass
Call me tha Hulk cuz I be buff yo' hoe can't git enough
Don’t you mjölnir me! I’ll split yo pear in half, like I did other stuff

The Avengers:
We have come to Avenge Stan Lee
Except for Hawkeye, who stole our weed
Your dad probably left because you smoke weed
im not gonna save you like a cat in a tree
after dubbed over blues clues my show comes on next
then me and my family will have the s e x
im unfunny boi you can call me jake paul
my favorite season is fucking fall
my penis size when erect is around 5-7 inches
im fucking bitches dab


Walt Disney’s frozen head:
My raps are cold like myself
Cuz I was cryogenically frozen: ice shelf
I don’t own the Terrible Joke Battles of Meh
But they’re back in business, thank Yahweh
I may just be a head but it must be said
That I am Vermounting all of your wives in bed
Bars

*3 minute instrumental outro*

[Wumbo]

polar this was pretty epic how did you get stan lee to write his own lines