ERBoHMon: Kanto

[Lancer]

So yeah. Pokemon Fan Fiction. Mostly comedic in short episodes so I can release more over a long span of time.

Chapter One: KAY ****** TIME TO BATTLE below
Chapter Two: Massive Ownage
Chapter Three: Prepare for Trouble
Chapter Four: Butts Used Gust!

Chapter One: KAY ****** TIME TO BATTLE

Spoiler: 

It was a normal day in Kanto, and Mancha was waking up on his 15th birthday, ready to start his Pokemon journey. Yeah, 15. The rules changed a bit. WHATEVER ANYWAYS After a lot of packing and shit he said goodbye to his mother and got the fuck out of there because frankly she couldnt cook for shit and now he could go get some goddamn hamburgers.

He then walked to Professor Lawlzor's lab and entered.

Lawlzor: "HELLO THERE ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL"

Mancha: ""

Lawlzor: "Just kidding, I'm not stupid. Hi! I'm Professor Lawlzor, although you might already have known that. Anyways, you're here for a Pokemon, correct?"

Mancha: ""

Lawlzor: "Excellent, just as soon as your friend arrives we can begi..." CRASH!

Lawlzor: "Well, there he is now!"

The light sillouhetted the young man in the doorway quite clearly. Sort of tall, normal, without a hat and normalish hair. His face was meme, and frankly, this young man was ready to kick ass, chew bubblegum, and fuck bitches. He had run out of bubblegum days ago, and all the bitches in the town, such as Beastness and BBGUN, were his. This young man was ready to kick ass.

Pool: "WHATS UP JEWS"

Lawlzor: "Hey, there's no need for that kind of langua..."

Pool: "SHUT UP JEW! Oh, hey, it's you, Mancha, or should I say, JEW. So you're ready to get your Pokemon's ass, and in exstension yours, KICKED IN LIKE GORDON FREEMAN WITH A CROWBAR?"

Lawlzor: "Oh my stars."

A mile away Justin Buckner looks up, squints, and then goes back to eating his Lucky Stars cereal with his Omastar Vulpix.

Mancha silently goes up, grabs the Pokeball containing Bulbasaur, and stands aside for Pool to choose the obvious type disadvantage, Charmander.

He was not surprised when Pool ran over, grabbed said Charmander Pokeball, and yell:

Pool: "KAY ****** TIME TO BATTLE"

End of Chapter One.

[Poles]

[Spars]

Bravo

[GonadTheNomad]

Magnificent piece.

[Uprising]

Absolutely spectacticles.

[Lancer]

Chapter Two: Massive Ownage

Spoiler: 

DADELADADELADADELADADELADADELADADELA
DUN DEN DAN DUN DUN DAN DADADA DUN DEN DAN DUN DEN DAN DADADA

So the battle began, and stuff. Mancha sent out Bulbasaur, and Pool sent out Chamander, but frankly no one was surprised because those were the only fucking Pokemon they had.

So shit happened. Tackle, Scratch, Tackle, Scratch, Tackle, Scratch, Tackle Scratch.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I'm not even going to try to explain how long this battle was, so I'll summarize it by saying that Mancha lost because Pool got in a critical hit

Pool: "THAT'S RIGHT MOTHER****** YOU JUST GOT OWNED"

Lawlzor: "Really, now no need to be so subversi"

Pool: "SHUT THE FUCK UP DICKWAGON"

Lawlzor shrunk into the corner as Pool stormed out of the building, with Mancha somewhat behind, apologizing to Lawlzor for the brashness of his rival. Mancha exited the lab and headed towards Route 1, his Bulbasaur ready to fight yet a bit disappointed at its' defeat.

Mancha walked into the grass and shuffled around awkwardly for a bit until a purple blur knocked him over.

"RATTATA!"

Startled by the wild Pokemon, Mancha fumbled at his belt and after a second, sent out his Bulbasaur.

"Alright Bulbasaur, let's destroy him!"

"BULBASAUR!"

Bulbasaur launched a high-speed tackle, knocking the Ratatta back and essentially knocking it out when it hit the tree.

This goes on for about thirty minutes with miscellaneous Pokemon getting slammed at ridiculous speeds by Saur, the nicknamed Bulbasaur, 's tackle, and Saur leveled up to about 9 or so.

Mancha walked off, Saur at his side, to the next town. Little did he know that somewhere behind him, another young man, eyes glinting with satisfaction, was calling someone on his phone.

"He's the one."

End of Chapter Two.

[Spars]

DUN DUN DUNN MOTHERFUCKER

[Poles]

[Lancer]

Chapter Three: Prepare for Trouble

Spoiler: 

Mancha walked into Viridian City and entered the Pokemon center, slammed his Pokeball onto the counter, and slammed the A button so hard that it broke.

Oh wait, fourth wall, shit. Let's start over.

Mancha walked into Viridian City and entered the Pokemon center, slammed his Pokeball onto the counter, and stared Nurse Joy straight in the fucking face until she said, awkwardly

"Uh, do you want me to heal your Pokemon?"

Mancha stares her straight in the fucking boobs face until she got the hint and healed Saur. Mancha grabbed his Pokeball back and ran the fuck out of there as fast as he could to avoid any more human interaction because fucking shit, he just wanted more Pokemon to fight and catch.

Wanting to get out of the town post haste because frankly, he wanted to gtfo for no reason whatsoever, but his path was blocked by a rabid hobo.

Romleon: "DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR TAYLOR SWIFT"

Mancha shuffled back slowly and then took off at a run towards the other side of town to get some Potions or something, but he was grabbed from behind by two sets of hands.

Mancha: "What the fuck? GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!"

Voice 1: "Prepare for trouble."
Voice 2: "And make it double."
Voice 1: "TO PRETECT THE WORLD FROM DEVESTATION!"
Voice 2: "TO UNITE ALL PEOPLES WITHIN OUR NATION!"
Voice 1: "TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TRUTH AND LOVE"
Voice 2: "TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE STARS ABOVE!"
Voice 1: "YACKERZ!"
Voice 2: "CHRIS!"
Yackerz: "TEAM ROCKET BLAST OFF TO THE SPEED OF LIGHT!"
Chris: "SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!"
BBC7: "YEAH THAT'S"
Chris: "GTF IN YOUR POKEBALL"

Mancha kind of just stood there.

Yackerz: "We need you to come with us. It's an offer you cannot refuse."

Mancha: "Oh yeah? SAUR! GO!"

"SAUR!"

Chris: "Two can play at that game. EEVEE! GO!"
Yackerz: "CORRECT! EEVEE! YOU GO TOO!"

The two Eevees brace for battle and Bulbasaur readies his attack.

Mancha: "ALRIGHT BULBASAUR, USE LEECH SEED!"

The seed leeches into the pokemans and sucks their insides out like VAMPIRES.

Eevee and Eevee use Helping Hand on eachother.

Mancha: "Oh."

Mancha proceeds to let his Bulbasaur bitch-tackle the two Eevees into Submission (they keep using Helping Hand), and Saur defeats them with aplomb and levels up to Level 10, gaining Vine Whip in his arsenal of stuff. Moves? Right? Yeah. Anyways.

Yackerz: "You'll never get away from us, JEW! We'll get you eventually, my pretty, and your little Bulbasaur too!"

Chris slaps Yackerz. "STOP QUOTING THAT"

Yackerz: "Sorry, bby."

Mancha slips into the Pokemart as the two befuddled members of Team Rocket kiss and make up.

"Hey, are you from Pallet? I have a package for Professor Lawlzor."

Mancha takes the package and absconds back to Pallet Town like Gordon Freeman with a Crowbar John Egbert from his cake-obsessed father.

End of Chapter Three.

[sane]