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Thread: The Fool's REVAMPED Epic Rap Battles of History!

  1. #1

    The Fool's REVAMPED Epic Rap Battles of History! (Season 2 Finale!)

    So, some of you may remember my old topic. Man, Season 1 was...kind of garbage, wasn't it? So, here's what I'm planning on doing. While writing Season 2 battles, (of which I have a new one as well as the revamped Slender vs. Boogie Round 1) I'm also planning to rewrite all of my Season 1 battles, with hopefully more jokes and references rather than facts and lyrics that barely rhymed.

    So, without further ado, here is Revamped Season 1 and the current Season 2!

    Season 1:

    ERBoH #1: Slenderman vs. Boogieman
    ERBoH #2: Fidel Castro vs. Julius Caesar
    ERBoH #3: Charles Dickens vs. J. R. R. Tolkien

    Season 2:

    ERBoH #15: Solaire of Astora vs. Sun Tzu
    ERBoH #16: Saladin vs. Saddam Hussein
    ERBoH #17: Walt Disney vs. The Brothers Grimm
    ERBoH #18: Dr. Frankenstein vs. Dr. House
    ERBoH #19: Bobby Fischer vs. Yugi Muto
    ERBoH #20: Nobuo Uematsu vs. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
    ERBoH #21: Robert E. Lee vs. William Wilberforce
    ERBoH #22: Dexter vs. Ted Bundy
    ERBoH #23: The Arisen vs. The Dovahkiin
    ERBoH #24: Al Capone vs. Tupac
    ERBoH #25: Benito Mussolini vs. Mao Zedong
    ERBoH #26: Dante vs. Steven Spielberg
    ERBoH #27: Glenn Beck vs. David Frost
    ERBoH #28: Season Finale! Brutus vs. Altair

    Voting Station!
    Slender vs. Boogie: http://poll.pollcode.com/cz5q7
    Solaire vs. Sun Tzu: http://poll.pollcode.com/2lmvw
    Saladin vs. Saddam Hussein: http://poll.pollcode.com/p8vb6
    Walt Disney vs. Brothers Grimm: http://poll.pollcode.com/nx5la
    Frankenstein vs. House: http://poll.pollcode.com/fz9xa
    Bobby Fischer vs. Yugi Muto: http://poll.pollcode.com/j7bzc
    Nobuo Uematsu vs. Mozart: http://poll.pollcode.com/9jkal
    Robert E. Lee vs. William Wilberforce: http://poll.pollcode.com/hqw6k
    Dexter vs. Ted Bundy: http://poll.pollcode.com/2ksxs
    Arisen vs. Dovahkiin: http://poll.pollcode.com/viaih
    Al Capone vs. Tupac: http://poll.pollcode.com/itz1n
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 10-18-2014 at 10:03 PM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  2. #2
    And here's the new battle for Season 2!

    beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRXsagqlu90



    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!

    TUPAC SHAKUR!

    VS!

    AL CAPONE!

    BEGIN!

    Al Capone:

    "Ratatatat" will be the last sound you hear, kid!
    After I mow you down with my tommy gun like it's 1996!
    I'm a true gangster, boy, I originated #ThugLife!
    I've been saddled with so many obstacles, and yet Still I Rise!
    Forget alcohol, there should be a prohibition on your raps.
    And no one except the deaf would open a speakeasy on your behalf!
    You don't know what you're getting into, do you know who I am?
    You're not the second greatest MC, shit, you can barely touch Kazam!

    Tupac:

    Time to lyrically school the prissy white boy.
    All Eyez on Me, while I kick your ass with joy.
    You've seen Better Dayz, Capone, your chances of winning are headed south.
    You're pathetic, you shit your pants when threatened by a guy with cotton balls in his mouth.
    It's 2Pacalypse Now, ripping through you like a verbal neurosyphilis.
    You ain't a mob boss, you're just a mentally twelve dipshit!
    Me and B.I.G can destroy all your mobster's asses!
    Head back to Alcatraz in shame, and why don't you pay your taxes?

    Al Capone:

    No wonder you were killed, that rap would make anyone want to commit murder.
    People know who you are, but when I'm through, they'll know who you were!
    I rule over Chicago, and I'm fucking blowing you away.
    Say goodnight, Shakur. I hope you enjoy Valentine's Day.

    Tupac:

    I'm Untouchable; Keep Ya Head Up as I dish out this verbal assault.
    Think U can get away while I'm smashing your face in the asphalt!?
    Your beating's almost through, but are you prepared for the Hail Mary?
    How many of your henchman would respect you if they learned your nickname was Snorky?!
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 09-12-2013 at 08:06 PM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  3. #3
    Great job on the battle! I enjoyed. It was pretty close.

    The great questions of the day will not be settled by means of speeches and majority decisions but by blood and iron. - Otto von Bismarck


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    -----------------------------------------

  4. #4


    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!

    BENITO MUSSOLINI!

    VS!

    MAO ZEDONG!


    BEGIN!

    Mao:

    I'm claiming myself Chairman of this battle, and I'll rule it with an iron fist.
    I'm surprised you even came to fight, what with your cowardice.
    Watch as I depose this minster who's way past his prime.
    You'll be feeling nostalgic when I start bombing you with rhymes!
    I'll diss this douche duce so that he knows his proper place.
    Just look at you, doughboy, you're not fit to dictate.
    Before this battle's over, you'll be as red as my army.
    Your attempt to rap will be as pointless as appeasing the catholic majority!


    Mussolini:

    Non vedo un leader, ma un piccolo, debole, bastardo.
    who did nothing to help his people, but slaughtered milioni all'anno.
    You're pathetic; relaxing on a litter while I was down in a trench.
    I can't even listen to your lyrics, I'm too distracted by your stench.
    I'll start a March on Shanghai, so your country can be run effectively.
    I'm sure your parents were enjoying their Christmas until you came to be!
    Holding seven positions at once, no one can deny my dedication.
    Meanwhile, your rule was about as efficient as modern socialism!


    Mao:

    I ruined Christmas, eh? Now that's just untrue.
    Passing a totalitarian law made you look like a regular scrooge!
    I'll conquer your country; overthrow your landlords; and divvy the land amongst the commune.
    Against me, no amount of propaganda will save you.
    You were hung upside down and stoned; you died in disgrace!
    But it won't compare to what I'll do. Call it a cultural revolution of your face.


    Mussolini:

    Christ, your rapping's ability like the Germanic race: it doesn't exist.
    I'm so badass and game changing, I was too hot for the socialists!
    Be glad you'll make history, as the 5th failed assassination on this prime minister.
    Don't try to make peace with me; I'll set fire to your hundred flowers.
    I'm destroying you, Mao, this is a verbal land reform.
    But I have to ask; where the cazzo were you when the bodies started hitting the floor!?


    Reference Guide:
    Spoiler: 
    Mao:

    I'm claiming myself Chairman of this battle, and I'll rule it with an iron fist.
    Chairman was the title Mao was most frequently referred to.
    I'm surprised you even came to fight, what with your cowardice.
    In 1902, Benito emigrated to Switzerland, partly to avoid military service. Due to this, Mao's calling him a coward.
    Watch as I depose this minster who's way past his prime.
    Mao's making a joke here on "prime minister", which was Mussolini's title.
    You'll be feeling nostalgic when I start bombing you with rhymes!
    Rome was bombed by Allied forces in WW2.
    I'll diss this douche duce so that he knows his proper place.
    Il Duce (pronounced doochay) is the title Mussolini was identified by the fascists.
    Just look at you, doughboy, you're not fit to dictate.
    Mao is calling him fat, and that he's not in shape to be a leader.
    Before this battle's over, you'll be as red as my army.
    Mao led the Red Army in the Chinese Civil War.
    Your attempt to rap will be as pointless as appeasing the catholic majority!
    Mussolini was extremely anti-religious, yet he still tried to appease the Catholics.

    Mussolini:

    Non vedo un leader, ma un piccolo, debole, bastardo.
    Keep in mind this is google translate, but, this roughly translates to "I do not see a leader, but a small, weak, bastard."
    who did nothing to help his people, but slaughtered milioni all'anno.
    Milioni all'anno (again, google translate) roughly means "millions a year". And Mao did slaughter his people by the millions, with the death count nearly being 40 to 70 million.
    You're pathetic; relaxing on a litter while I was down in a trench.
    Mao is said to have been carried on a litter during the Long March, while Mussolini did fight in WW1.
    I can't even listen to your lyrics, I'm too distracted by your stench.
    Reports say Mao rarely bathed.
    I'll start a March on Shanghai, so your country can be run effectively.
    The March on Rome is basically when Mussolini's rule over Italy started.
    I'm sure your parents were enjoying their Christmas until you came to be!
    Mao was born on December 26th.
    Holding seven positions at once, no one can deny my dedication.
    Mussolini sometimes held seven offices in his government simultaneously.
    Meanwhile, your rule was about as efficient as modern socialism!
    Mussolini was very critical of modern socialism, which is essentially what led him to convert to fascism.

    Mao:

    I ruined Christmas, eh? Well that's just untrue.
    Filler line. As much as I hate using them, it was the best way I could come up to segway into the next line.
    Passing a totalitarian law made you look like a regular scrooge!
    Mussolini passed a law on Christmas Eve stating that only the King could remove him from power.
    I'll conquer your country; overthrow your landlords; and divvy the land amongst the commune.
    When Mao began his rule over China, he overthrew the feudal landlords, and divided the land among the commune.
    Against me, no amount of propaganda will save you.
    Mussolini was not above using propaganda to sway public opinion.
    You were hung upside down and stoned; you died in disgrace!
    After his execution, Mussolini was hung upside down in public, and stoned by the populace.
    But it won't compare to what I'll do. Call it a cultural revolution of your face.
    Mao's cultural revolution ruined millions of Chinese lives. Basically, he's saying he's going to ruin Mussolini's face.

    Mussolini:

    Christ, your rapping's ability like the Germanic race: it doesn't exist.
    Despite allying with the Axis in WW2, Mussolini went on record in saying that the "perfect" Germanic doesn't exist.
    I'm so badass and game changing, I was too hot for the socialists!
    Mussolini was kicked out of the Socialist Party for his views on intervention.
    Be glad you'll make history, as the 5th failed assassination on this prime minister.
    Mussolini had four assassination attempts on his life.
    Don't try to make peace with me; I'll set fire to your hundred flowers.
    The Hundred Flowers movement was a way to encourage differing opinions in China. Though, some would say it was just a ruse to root out dissenting opinions.
    I'm destroying you, Mao, this is a verbal land reform.
    Mao had nearly 5 million people executed during his "land reform". Mussolini's saying he's destroying him as bad as he destroyed those lives.
    But I have to ask; where the cazzo were you when the bodies started hitting the floor!?
    "Cazzo" means fuck in Italian. As for the rest, in Shanghai, suicide from tall buildings became so common, that people wouldn't walk on the streets, for fear of being hit by a body. Mao did nothing to address this.
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 11-09-2013 at 01:06 PM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  5. #5
    Apologies for lack of a new battle. This is mainly due to laziness and wanting to do the Rick Grimes battle but still not finding anyone to write for him. On the other hand, I do have another ERBoA planned out, as well as planning to do an updated Season 1 battle.

    However, I'm going to let you folks decide on what Season 1 battle should be revamped.

    http://poll.pollcode.com/1544896

    So, please, go ahead and vote!
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  6. #6
    well, bump, I guess.

    I'm working on number 26, but, I figured I should drop a hint to the next one for the hell of it.



    So, go ahead, take a guess. (or don't, since it seems like no one actually replies to topics in this section anymore :/)
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  7. #7


    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

    STEVEN SPIELBERG!

    VS!

    DAAANTEEE!


    BEGIN!

    Dante:

    Allow me to construct literature's next great epic;
    call it "Spielberg's Defeat", you can't work your movie magic!
    This is a Close Encounter, Steve, my verses are outer planetary.
    Compared to my work, A.I is the true piece to be called a comedy.
    Io sono il sommo poeta, you need to actually go to film school.
    You've put out many films, and yet with one poem, I'm still more influential than you!
    I'm the padre of my language, you're getting dissed from the source.
    Begone, idiota, for this battle will cost you more than your divorce!


    Steven Spielberg:

    You're going to need bigger boasts if you want to win.
    You've left yourself wide open; allow me to sink my Jaws in.
    Do you need Beatrice and Virgil to guide you through this battle?
    I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest, I'd rather face the olive oil bottle.
    My rhymes are ruthless, ripping you apart like a goddamn T-Rex!
    Catch me if you can; my flow will leave you wrecked!
    I'd say give me your worst, but you weren't ready for the opening show.
    But, here we go. Action! Let's show the world the next Tommy Wiseau!


    Dante:

    Si boy scout, mi permetta di produrre Elenco di Dante di come tu fai schifo!
    Ho passato l'Inferno, ed č il dolore non si puņ paragonare al vostro versetto!
    This is a War of Two Worlds, you just need to surrender.
    Just hide in a fridge, because I'm spitting lines that are nuclear!
    Get this through your Crystal skull, you're flopping harder than Transformers.
    Refer to me as Seargent Fry, because I'll put you down like the war horse!


    Steven Spielberg:

    I've had nothing but acclaim since my triumphant debut.
    I'd say "Phone Home", but you don't really have a home, do you?
    You may have been born under Gemini, but you'll always be stuck with yourself.
    Considering your love life is as much of a failure as your time with the White Guelphs!
    If I had some time, I might be able to edit in some good line for you. Maybe.
    But that's a wrap! Cut, print, "The Massacre of Dante" will be my next hit movie.


    Reference Guide:

    Spoiler: 


    Dante:

    Allow me to construct literature's next great epic;
    Fairly basic literature reference/boast.
    call it "Spielberg's Defeat", you can't work your movie magic!
    "Movie magic" in this case, is referring to editing. So, Dante is saying Spielberg can't edit himself in as the winner.
    This is a Close Encounter, Steve, my verses are outerplanetary.
    Close Encounters of the Third Kind is a science fiction film that was written and directed by Spielberg.
    Compared to my work, A.I is the true piece to be called a comedy.
    A.I was a film Spielberg finished for his friend Stanley Kubrick after his death, and has gotten quite a bit of negativity behind it.
    Io sono il sommo poeta, you need to actually go to film school.
    "Io sono il sommo poeta" translates to "I am the supreme poet". As for the rest, Spielberg never actually went to any sort of film school, but instead went to California State University and acquired a B.A in Film Production.
    You've put out many films, and yet with one poem, I'm still more influential than you!
    The Divine Comedy is probably one of the most well known pieces of literature out there. Basically, despite Spielberg's many films, Dante is saying he's still better than him because of his one work.
    I'm the padre of my language, you're getting dissed from the source.
    "Padre" is "father" in Italian, which Dante is called the father of.
    Begone, idiota, for this battle will cost you more than your divorce!
    It should be obvious what "idiota" means, but, Spielberg's first divorce is known as the 3rd most expensive celebrity divorce.

    Steven Spielberg:

    You're going to need bigger boasts if you want to win.
    This is based on a well known Jaws line "You're going to need a bigger boat."
    You've left yourself wide open; allow me to sink my Jaws in.
    Fairly basic reference to Spielberg's film Jaws.
    Do you need Beatrice and Virgil to guide you through this battle?
    Beatrice and Virgil were two of Dante's guides in The Divine Comedy.
    I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest, I'd rather face the olive oil bottle.
    There is actually an Olive Oil called Dante with his face on it. Spielberg is basically saying Dante is so inept he'd get a better fight from the bottle.
    My rhymes are ruthless, ripping you apart like a goddamn T-Rex!
    Reference to Jurassic Park.
    Catch me if you can; my flow will leave you wrecked!
    Catch Me if You Can is a film with Tom Hanks and Leonardo di Caprio that was directed by Spielberg.
    I'd say give me your worst, but you weren't ready for the opening show.
    Basic film reference.
    But, here we go. Action! Let's show the world the next Tommy Wiseau!
    Film reference, and I'm assuming most of you know who Wiseau is, considering his infamy.

    Dante:
    Si boy scout, mi permetta di produrre Elenco di Dante di come tu fai schifo!
    "You boy scout, let me produce Dante's List of how you suck". Pretty much a reference to Schindler's List, and Spielberg's time in the boy scouts.
    Ho passato l'Inferno, ed č il dolore non si puņ paragonare al vostro versetto!
    "I've been through the Inferno, and it's pain can't compare to your verse" Dante is saying Spielberg's verse is so bad, it's causing him pain worse than the Inferno.
    This is a War of Two Worlds, you just need to surrender.
    Reference to Spielberg's "War of the Worlds" and the fact that is a battle of two mediums. Film vs. Literature.
    Just hide in a fridge, because I'm spitting lines that are nuclear!
    Referencing a pretty infamous scene in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull where Indy hides in a fridge to escape a nuclear blast.
    Get this through your Crystal skull, you're flopping harder in than Transformers.
    Another reference to Crystal Skull, and I'm sure all of you know how bad the Transformers films are. Spielberg is actually the executive producer on all of them.
    Refer to me as Sargent Fry, because I'll put you down like the war horse!
    Referring to the film War Horse, where the character Sargent Fry nearly puts down Joey.

    Steven Spielberg:

    I've had nothing but acclaim since my triumphant debut.
    Pretty basic line about his success in the film industry.
    I'd say "Phone Home", but you don't really have a home, do you?
    A reference to Dante's exile.
    You may have been born under Gemini, but you'll always be stuck with yourself.
    Dante was born under the sign Gemini, and Spielberg is basically saying Dante will forever be alone. Which leads into the next verse...
    Considering your love life is as much of a failure as your time with the White Guelphs!
    Beatrice was Dante's love. Though, he never actually married her, he always wrote about her and not his actual wife. As for the Guelphs, Dante was a supporter of them, and ended up getting exiled when the Black Guelphs took over Florence.
    If I had some time, I might be able to edit in some good line for you. Maybe.
    I'm sure all of you can get this line.
    But that's a wrap! Cut, print, "The Massacre of Dante" will be my next hit movie!
    All film terms.
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 04-14-2014 at 01:29 AM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  8. #8


    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

    DAVID FROST!

    VS!

    GLEEEEEEEN BECK!


    BEGIN!

    Glenn Beck:

    Hello, America, this time I'm not appealing to grandmas.
    'Cause this geek of the week is about to be the geek that was!
    Al Jazeerhuh? Nobody knows you; a relic of the past.
    While I'm revealing conspiracy after conspiracy, and your lack of raps.
    I'm dropping bombs on you like I did to ACORN; nothing but truth.
    If I could be honest, I'd rather blaze it again than listen to you.
    You're getting schooled, Frost, Beck U's offering a course on flow.
    I'll record and air your defeat on CNN, Fox, Premiere Radio, and my web show!


    David Frost:

    Don't lecture me about truth, you Fox (faux!) journalist!
    You're spitting common nonsense, easy prey for satirists.
    You're not a watch dog, you're a ground hog, so let me push you back in your doom bunker!
    You could do some good for society and also bring your army of mallwalkers!
    I'm the OG journalistic MC, don't need to look through your Overton Window to see,
    that if you truly want to reveal conspiracies, you should be looking up to me!
    Edit this recording like the ACORN tapes; you can't get any lower.
    But you'll still lose when I'm rapping so cold it'll Frost your world over!


    Glenn Beck:

    Ugh, I'm arguing with an idiot, but I have experience with your kind.
    Even though the sound of your lyrics makes BLOOD SHOOT OUT OF MY EYES!
    You're flopping here, Frost, I'm not going to call and deliver your motivation like Nixon.
    Your program eats my brain cells like progressivism eats the Constitution!


    David Frost:

    I've been knighted, you should be frightened, I'll make sure that paranoid mouth stays shut.
    You're a triumph of ignorance, but I shouldn't expect more from this yutz.
    Call this Frost/Beck, because I'm calling out this crying goblin!
    So, why did you murder a teenage girl? Hey, I'm just asking questions.


    Reference Guide:
    Spoiler: 
    Glenn Beck:

    Hello, America, this time I'm not appealing to grandmas.
    It's a common criticism of Beck that he only appeals to old, white people. And also his usual opening to his Fox program.
    'Cause this geek of the week is about to be the geek that was!
    Insult, a reference to Frost's show "That Was the Week That Was"
    Al Jazeerhuh? Nobody knows you; a relic of the past.
    Joke on the news network Al Jazeera, and how Frost's main recognition came from the Nixon interviews.
    While I'm revealing conspiracy after conspiracy, and your lack of raps.
    Beck claims to reveal "progressive and liberal conspiracies to destroy America". He's also saying he reveals Frost's lack of rapping talent.
    I'm dropping bombs on you like I did to ACORN; nothing but truth.
    Reference to the controversial ACORN videos done by James O'Keefe and Hannah Giles, which Beck aired on his show.
    If I could be honest, I'd rather blaze it again than listen to you.
    Reference to Beck's prominent drug use in his earlier years, and his current website TheBlaze.
    You're getting schooled, Frost, Beck U's offering a course on flow.
    Beck University is a online education program that has courses on religion, American history, economics, and others. Even though it says it's a university, you cannot actually get credits from it.
    I'll record and air your defeat on CNN, Fox, Premiere Radio, and my web show!
    Reference to all the networks Glenn Beck is or has had a program on.

    David Frost:

    Don't lecture me about truth, you Fox (faux!) journalist!
    Reference to him being on Fox News, and also a joke on fox/faux, calling him a fake journalist.
    You're spitting common nonsense, easy prey for satirists.
    Common Nonsense: Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance was a book by Alexander Zaitchik on Glenn Beck, and is a parody on the title of Beck's book, Common Sense. Glenn Beck has also been the subject of many comedy routines.
    You're not a watch dog, you're a ground hog, so let me push you back in your doom bunker!
    Glenn refers to himself and his viewers as "Watch Dogs" sometimes. Frost reverses this by calling him a ground hog, which burrows underground, where bunkers are usually found. Doom bunker was also a joke made by Colbert parodying Beck.
    You could do some good for society and also bring your army of mallwalkers!
    Bill Maher called Beck's fans an army of "mallwalkers". Mall walking being an exercise usually done by senior citizens, the exercise itself being fairly self explanatory.
    I'm the OG journalistic MC, don't need to look through your Overton Window to see,
    Reference to Beck's book, The Overton Window. Basically Frost is saying Beck doesn't need to look outside to understand this next fact. The first bit is a fairly general boast, that I wrote because I thought, if this got an audio version, it would flow nicely.
    that if you truly want to reveal conspiracies, you should be looking up to me!
    Frost is most well known for changing the public opinion on Nixon's involvement with Watergate. A gallup poll showed that 69% of people thought Nixon was trying to cover it up.
    Edit this recording like the ACORN tapes; you can't get any lower.
    The mentioned ACORN tapes were investigated by several organizations and most concluded that they were edited to meet James O'Keefe's agenda.
    But you'll still lose when I'm rapping so cold it'll Frost your world over!
    Joke on Frost's name, and his program on Al Jazeera, Frost Over the World

    Glenn Beck:

    Ugh, I'm arguing with an idiot, but I have experience with your kind.
    Reference to Glenn's book, "Arguing With Idiots".
    Even though the sound of your lyrics makes BLOOD SHOOT OUT OF MY EYES!
    A common response from Beck when he is incredibly angry. Basically, he's saying Frost's verse is so bad it makes him angry.
    You're flopping here, Frost, I'm not going to call and deliver your motivation like Nixon.
    Reference to the film Frost/Nixon in which Nixon drunkenly calls Frost in the middle of the night, telling him how he's (Nixon's going to win, which gave Frost the confidence to make sure the final interview is a success.
    Your program eats my brain cells like progressivism eats the Constitution!
    Beck has said before that "progressivism is the cancer and it's eating the constitution.

    David Frost:

    I've been knighted, you should be frightened, I'll make sure that paranoid mouth stays shut.
    David Frost did indeed receive a Knight Bachelor. Beck has also been called paranoid by several critics, and the rest is just general threats.
    You're a triumph of ignorance, but I shouldn't expect more from this yutz.
    Reference again to Common Nonsense, and to Keith Olbermann, who refers to Beck as "this yutz".
    Call this Frost/Beck, because I'm calling out this crying goblin!
    Reference to Frost/Nixon again, and to how Glenn Beck is known for crying several times on air.
    So, why did you murder a young girl? Hey, I'm just asking questions.
    GlennBeckRapedAndMurderedAYoungGirlin1990 was a website by Eiland-Hall, mocking Beck's "I'm just asking questions" type of investigations. Beck didn't actually do anything, by the way, though Beck did sue Eiland-Hall for defamation.
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 06-06-2014 at 05:08 PM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  9. #9


    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

    BRUTUS!

    VS!

    ALTAIR!


    BEGIN!

    Brutus:

    It's the battle of Assassini, and like the Ides of March, I'm coming out on top!
    Sorry, Brother, but I'm afraid your arrogance needs to be dropped.
    You're taking more than a leap of faith, you're in for a revelation,
    that this senatorial MC can wreck any fake Syrian!
    I was conspiring against Caesar, while you were playing soccer!
    For being named after Aquila, you're not very bright, are ya?
    I've got more flow than the oceans you immediately drown in.
    This verse will be immortalized in history, sic semper tyrannis feriam!


    Altair:

    Nothing is true (like your claim of talent) and everything is permitted. (except you rapping)
    Like a templar, you should be afraid of me, you'll see what this master can bring.
    Call me Nero, 'cause I'll lyrically be burning down you and Rome.
    Killing your own father, even for an assassin, I'll admit that's cold.
    I rap sharp like a longsword; rhyming's in my Bloodline,
    kick this brute off the edge, but a hay bale won't be there this time.
    I'm on a crusade, just try to run, I'll follow you from Jeruselem to Damascus.
    You're an eagle's prey, but I'm not selfish, let's see how you fare in the Animus!


    *Altair shoves Brutus into a virtual looking world, where 3 people start to materialize behind Altair, and likewise for Brutus.*

    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY...

    JOHN WILKES BOOTH, GAVRILO PRINCIP, LEE HARVEY OSWALD

    VS!

    EZIO, CONNOR, EDWARD KENWAAAAAAY!


    BEGIN!

    John Wilkes Booth:

    Oh jeez, we're up against Desmond's clones, a statue, and a common crook?
    Even I couldn't act like you three have personalities warranting a look!
    Call this Our American Cousin, 'cause it'll end the same way when
    I rap quick and precise like a bullet to the back of your head!
    Don't need eagle vision to see that I'm more of a genius than all of you.
    God's made me the instrument of your punishment, this Booth is giving you the boot!


    Ezio:

    Brothers, let me handle this bigoted bastardo,
    who'll forever be in his father's shadow.
    "The strings should be severed. All should be free." It's a shame you didn't follow this creed.
    If you did, maybe your life wouldn't have ended in a barn, blazing.
    I'm handy with poison, both lyrically and weaponry.
    With this Brotherhood behind me, all I have left to say is Requiescat in pace!


    Gavrilo Princip:

    Quit cawwing, bird brain, those noises are giving me a headache.
    You're not a challenge; a warm up, call this the Bleeding Effect.
    I caused World War 1, what can you say you accomplished, huh?
    You should probably find a better outlet, and I mean besides vaginas.
    Your "lyrical poison" doesn't effect me, you're just vomiting words.
    I'll black back hand you, don't need a line of six to kill you, just one serb!


    Connor:

    Your raps aren't revolutionary, they're just some weak bait.
    I'm dual wielding lethal lyrics, hope you're ready to meet your fate.
    You're in for a rude awakening, the end is nigh when I start to flow.
    I'd say craft some decent rhymes, but you wouldn't be skilled enough to do so.
    You couldn't even commit suicide correctly, yet you still think you're hot?
    Congrats, you started a world war, too bad it took six to actually take the damn shot!


    Lee Harvey Oswald:

    I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, you seem to be glitching.
    I'll assume that the good raps come as dlc or in the special edition?
    Considering you're a hero, is it a surprise I defected from this nation?
    It seems to be obvious though that true talent skips a generation.
    I'm an MC sharpshooter, splattering the head of this braindead foe.
    And this time I definitely don't need someone on the Grassy Knoll!


    Edward Kenway:

    Over the horizon, the Black Flag appears to signify your defeat!
    Pull out all four flintlocks, end you harder than Jack Ruby!
    I won't hold back, in this battle my heart's as black as Thatch's beard.
    My raps are Hornigold, there's a reason Jackdaw is a name you should fear.
    There's been so many conspiracies about you, but I'm not sure I get it.
    Considering what I'm looking at, they're giving you too much credit.


    Reference Guide:
    Spoiler: 
    Brutus:

    It's the battle of Assassini, and like the Ides of March, I'm coming out on top!
    The Ides of March means March 15th, and it's when Brutus and several others assassinated Caesar.
    Sorry, Brother, but I'm afraid your arrogance needs to be dropped.
    Altair has been known to be incredibly arrogant in the beginning of the game, and in the game, Brutus is actually an Assassin.
    You're taking more than a leap of faith, you're in for a revelation,
    Leap of Faith is when one of the assassin's takes a jump for a high altitude. Revelation referencing the game Assassin's Creed Revelations.
    that this senatorial MC can wreck any fake Syrian!
    Brutus was a roman senator. And the fake syrian bit is a reference to the fact that Altair himself is Syrian, but his voice actor is not.
    I was conspiring against Caesar, while you were playing soccer!
    Reference to Ubisoft's Academy of Champions: Soccer, in which Altair was a guest character.
    For being named after Aquila, you're not very bright, are ya?
    Aquila means "eagle", and is one of the brightest stars in the constellation.
    I've got more flow than the oceans you immediately drown in.
    Altair can't swim in the game.
    This verse will be immortalized in history, sic semper tyrannis feriam!
    Sic Semper Tyrannis Feriam means "thus always to rap tyrants" which is a mess around with Brutus' famous words "Sic Semper Tyrannis!".

    Altair:

    Nothing is true (like your claim of talent) and everything is permitted. (except you rapping)
    Nothing is true, and everything is permitted" is the Creed's maxim, with a bit of messing around to diss Brutus.
    Like a templar, you should be afraid of me, you'll see what this master can bring.
    Templars are the enemies of assassins, and Altair is a master assassin.
    Call me Nero, 'cause I'll lyrically be burning down you and Rome.
    Reference to Emperor Nero, who was known for "fiddling while Rome burned."
    Killing your own father, even for an assassin, I'll admit that's cold.
    There have been debates on whether or not Brutus was actually Caesar's illegitimate son.
    I rap sharp like a longsword; rhyming's in my Bloodline,
    Longsword is most assassin's weapon of choice, and Bloodline is another title of an AssCreed game.
    kick this brute off the edge, but a hay bale won't be there this time.
    Pun on Brutus' name, and the fact that the characters can safely fall into a hay bale.
    I'm on a crusade, just try to run, I'll follow you from Jerusalem to Damascus.
    AssCreed 1 took place during the Crusades, and Jerusalem, Damascus, and Acre were the main locations in the game.
    You're an eagle's prey, but I'm not selfish, let's see how you fare in the Animus!
    Another reference on Eagle, and the Animus is the machine that allows Desmond to experience his ancestor's past.

    John Wilkes Booth:

    Oh jeez, we're up against Desmond's clones, a statue, and a common crook?
    Altair and Ezio were modeled to look like Desmond, a common criticism of Connor is that he's too bland, and Edward is just a pirate.
    Even I couldn't act like you three have personalities warranting a look!
    Booth was an actor.
    Call this Our American Cousin, 'cause it'll end the same way when
    Our American Cousin was the play Lincoln was viewing when Booth shot him.
    I rap quick and precise like a bullet to the back of your head!
    Booth shot Lincoln in the back of the head.
    Don't need eagle vision to see that I'm more of a genius than all of you.
    Eagle Vision is a mechanic in AssCreed, which heightens the users senses. And Booth was once called an "acting genius".
    God's made me the instrument of your punishment, this Booth is giving you the boot!
    "God's made me the instrument of punishment" was a quote from Booth in reference to Lincoln, and "Booth is giving you the boot" is a joke on Booth's name.

    Ezio:

    Brothers, let me handle this bigoted bastardo,
    Booth was upset that the south lost the Civil War and their slaves.
    who'll forever be in his father's shadow.
    A lot of people said that while Booth was a good actor, he wasn't as good as his father.
    "The strings should be severed. All should be free." It's a shame you didn't follow this creed.
    The quote is a bit from Connor and his motivation from 3.
    If you did, maybe your life wouldn't have ended in a barn, blazing.
    Booth's life ended with him dead in a barn, and the barn being on fire.
    I'm handy with poison, both lyrically and weaponry.
    Ezio can use poison.
    With this Brotherhood behind me, all I have left to say is Requiescat in pace!
    Brotherhood is another name of an AssCreed title, and Requiescat in pace means "Rest in Peace".

    Gavrilo Princip:

    Quit cawwing, bird brain, those noises are giving me a headache.
    Ezio means Eagle.
    You're not a challenge; a warm up, call this the Bleeding Effect.
    The Bleeding Effect is a name for an Achievement that you get after completing the tutorial.
    I caused World War 1, what can you say you accomplished, huh?
    Many people consider Franz Ferdinand's assassination to have WW1.
    You should probably find a better outlet, and I mean besides vaginas.
    A quote from Ezio's mom in-game.
    Your "lyrical poison" doesn't effect me, you're just vomiting words.
    Gavrilo attempted to commit suicide with poison, but ended up vomiting it up.
    I'll black back hand you, don't need a line of six to kill you, just one serb!
    Black Hand is the group Gavrilo was a part of. And there was a line of six to kill Franz Ferdinand.

    Connor:

    Your raps aren't revolutionary, they're just some weak bait.
    Revolutionary is a reference to the Revolutionary War, and the weak bait is a reference to the bait system in AC3.
    I'm dual wielding lethal lyrics, hope you're ready to meet your fate.
    You can dual wield in AC3.
    You're in for a rude awakening, the end is nigh when I start to flow.
    The End Is Nigh is an achievement you can get in AC3.
    I'd say craft some decent rhymes, but you wouldn't be skilled enough to do so.
    Reference to the crafting system in AC3.
    You couldn't even commit suicide correctly, yet you still think you're hot?
    Another reference to the fact in Gavrilo's verse, where he attempted suicide but vomited the poison.
    Congrats, you started a world war, too bad it took six to actually take the damn shot!
    While Gravrilo was actually the person to Ferdinand, there were actually 6 people ready to kill him, and the other 5 failed.

    Lee Harvey Oswald:

    I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, you seem to be glitching.
    AC3 has been criticized for being a very buggy game.
    I'll assume that the good raps come as dlc or in the special edition?
    Another criticism of AC3 is that the game was overloaded with DLC and had several special editions.
    Considering you're a hero, is it a surprise I defected from this nation?
    Oswald defected from America.
    It seems to be obvious though that true talent skips a generation.
    He's saying that Connor's father is the only one that actually has talent.
    I'm an MC sharpshooter, splattering the head of this braindead foe.
    Oswald was a sharpshooter for the US.
    And this time I definitely don't need someone on the Grassy Knoll!
    There's conspiracy theories floating around the JFK assassination, one of which is that Oswald had accomplices, one of them on the Grassy Knoll.

    Edward Kenway:

    Over the horizon, the Black Flag appears to signify your defeat!
    Black Flag is the subtitle for AC4.
    Pull out all four flintlocks, end you harder than Jack Ruby!
    Kenway wears four flintlocks on him, and Jack Ruby is the man who killed Oswald in prison.
    I won't hold back, in this battle my heart's as black as Thatch's beard.
    Thatch, otherwise known as Blackbeard, has a very dark beard.
    My raps are Hornigold, there's a reason Jackdaw is a name you should fear.
    Hornigold is a reference to a character in AC4, and is otherwise saying "my rhymes are gold". And Jackdaw is the name of Kenway's ship.
    There's been so many conspiracies about you, but I'm not sure I get it.
    There are indeed many conspiracies on the JFK assassination.
    Considering what I'm looking at, they're giving you too much credit.
    Kenway is saying that the conspiracies are unwarrented, because Oswald isn't smart enough to think like that.
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 07-16-2014 at 01:37 AM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

  10. #10
    Now that Season 2 is finished, it's time to go back to what this thread was originally made for. Remaking my Season 1 rap battles!



    EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

    FIDEL CASTRO!

    VS!

    JULIUS CAESAAAAAAAAAAR!


    BEGIN!

    Julius Caesar:

    This puny pup has got some Gaul to challenge this ruler.
    Foolish Fido, you should know to render victory unto Caesar!
    You've crossed the Rubicon to this, but it wasn't worth fighting this verbal war,
    for battling me is worse for your health than your cigar!
    Don't sugarcoat it, your pink tide is red, just like your neck will be.
    You should probably have more intelligence than a bay of pigs if you want to step to me.
    Just try to censor my lines, I've got an army backing me up.
    I'm on a mission to assassinate you, just call this Black Ops!


    Fidel Castro:

    It seems like little Caesar is about to experience a Cuban Diss Crisis;
    when you're rapping against your elder, prepare to get your ass kicked!
    I'm revolutionizing these raps, Marxing the PCC symbol on your face!
    And unlike you, I actually survived all my assassination attempts to date!
    With Cuba's health care, I can shrug off all 8 of your lyrical bullets and act like nothing's wrong.
    Hell, I could pass the mic to Raul and my lyrics would still stand strong!
    I'm more of a brute than Brutus, lyrically stabbing you in the back!
    And just like Trujillo, I'm plotting to toss you like a salad!


    Julius Caesar:

    I'm came at you hard, I saw you're not a threat, and I'm about to conquer your ass!
    A first verse that weak? Don't you realize the die has been cast?
    Verbally burning you, causing more smoke than from cigars to fill your lungs!
    And while you're on your deathbed, dying from your lung cancer, you'll know that I won.


    Fidel Castro:

    I might take pity on you if you got on your knees and beg for mercy.
    Of course, you have experience on that with Nicomedes, if I understand correctly.
    Roaring like a lion, rapping so cold it might as well be winter,
    Men do not shape destiny, but it seems destiny did not produce a good man this hour.


    Reference Guid:
    Spoiler: 

    Julius Caesar:

    This puny pup has got some Gaul to challenge this ruler.
    Gaul is the name of a region is which Caesar led a conquest of. And the pup line leads into the next bit...
    Foolish Fido, you should know to render victory unto Caesar!
    Fido is a common name for dogs, and a nickname for Fidel. And the other bit is a reference to "Render that which is Caesar's unto Caesar". Caesar is basically saying victory belongs to him.
    You've crossed the Rubicon to this, but it wasn't worth fighting this verbal war,
    Crossed the rubicon is a reference to Caesar crossing of the Rubicon, under orders not to enter Rome. Nowadays, it's basically saying someone's crossed a point of no return.
    for battling me is worse for your health than your cigar!
    Fidel is a smoker, and cigars are bad for your health.
    Don't sugarcoat it, your pink tide is red, just like your neck will be.
    Pink Tide is essentially a term for watered down communism. Caesar is saying there's nothing watered down about Fidel's communist beliefs.
    You should probably have more intelligence than a bay of pigs if you want to step to me.
    Reference to the Bay of Pigs.
    Just try to censor my lines, I've got an army backing me up.
    There's a history of censorship in Cuba. And Caesar had his army backing him up when he entered Rome.
    I'm on a mission to assassinate you, just call this Black Ops!
    There was a mission in the first Call of Duty Black Ops to assassinate Fidel.

    Fidel Castro:

    It seems like little Caesar is about to experience a Cuban Diss Crisis;
    Reference to the pizza chain Little Caesars, and the Cuban Missile Crisis.
    when you're rapping against your elder, prepare to get your ass kicked!
    Fidel is 80+ years old.
    I'm revolutionizing these raps, Marxing the PCC symbol on your face!
    Fidel was a revolutionary, and a reference to Marx, replacing mark.
    And unlike you, I actually survived all my assassination attempts to date!
    There have been several attempts on Fidel's life, while Caesar was killed on the Ides of March.
    With Cuba's health care, I can shrug off all 8 of your lyrical bullets and act like nothing's wrong.
    Cuba has a single payer health care system, and a reference to the fact that there's 8 lines in Caesar's verse.
    Hell, I could pass the mic to Raul and my lyrics would still stand strong!
    Fidel recently retired, and gave power to Raul Castro.
    I'm more of a brute than Brutus, lyrically stabbing you in the back!
    Joke on Brutus' name.
    And just like Trujillo, I'm plotting to toss you like a salad!
    Trujillo was a dictator who Fidel and several others plotted to overthrow. And a reference to Caesar Salad.

    Julius Caesar:

    I'm came at you hard, I saw you're not a threat, and I'm about to conquer your ass!
    A reference to the quote "I came. I saw. I conquered."
    A first verse that weak? Don't you realize the die has been cast?
    Caesar is saying that he's wasting time with such weak lyrics, since he's passed a point of no return.
    Verbally burning you, causing more smoke than from cigars to fill your lungs!
    Reference to cigars.
    And while you're on your deathbed, dying from your lung cancer, you'll know that I won.
    Pretty general threat and reference to Fidel's smoking habit, saying he'll eventually die of lung cancer.

    Fidel Castro:

    I might take pity on you if you got on your knees and beg for mercy.
    Basic threat, which leads into the next line...
    Of course, you have experience on that with Nicomedes, if I understand correctly.
    Nicomedes was a leader who Caesar was rumored to have an affair with.
    Roaring like a lion, rapping so cold it might as well be winter,
    [b]Reference to the Times Magazine cover, which featured Fidel and the phrase "The Lion in Winter".
    Men do not shape destiny, but it seems destiny did not produce a good man this hour.
    Reference to the Castro quote "Men do not shape destiny, destiny produces the man for the hour.
    Last edited by FoolMeNever; 07-16-2014 at 10:05 PM.
    My Fan-Made Battles: Latest: H.P Lovecraft vs. Junji Ito!
    Epic Rap Battles of Anime Index: : Latest: Edward Elric vs. Eren Jaeger!

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