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Thread: Devon Vil's Social Experiment

  1. #1
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Devon Vil's Social Experiment

    *This is my first story, be as brutal as you can with the opinions, and if it sucked, tell me it sucked*

    This is a story about Milo Drent.
    Drent's life has pretty much been tedious and not really worth mentioning up to this point. He is one of those people that went through life without really living it. Up to this day.
    It all started with a rather enthusiastic knock on his door. As Drent opened the door, he saw a young blonde man, smiling intensely at him. He was wearing a tuxedo, with a weird red-ish tie. He looked like one of those door-to-door misionaries, that want to enforce religion on you. Drent hated them. He hated anyone that wanted to make him a better person. Reminded him of his mother.
    The elegant blonde fellow looked at him, and never losing his creepy grin asked
    "Sir, how would you feel about making some easy money, straight from your home?"
    "Not interested" said Drent as he was about to slam the door in the guy's face, "Take it somewhere else"
    "Sir, it's a psychological experiment"
    That one struck a cord. He had a soft spot for psychology and the human brain.
    "Continue" , he said as he opened the door for the blonde stranger
    "My name is Devon Vil, and this is a simple experiment to see how different people react in certain circumstances. At the end of the experiment, you will be paid 10,000 dollars, cash.
    Drent couldn't help but letting out a little *yelp*
    "All you need to do is sign here that you agree to any experimental testing on you"
    Drent looked at him, and with pen in hand and money in thought, signed the papers
    "Thank you, Sir, my colleagues will be here tomorrow to install video cameras around your apartment"
    "Wait.." but before Drent could protest, Mr. Vil left, slamming the door behind him.
    The next day, just after the video camera was installed, Drent took out Devon's card, and he looked at it. "Deals with De. Vil, we both get what we want"
    And a picture of him winking with his creepy little smile.
    Drent looked into a video camera in front of him, and realised his life won't ever be boring.



    *Sorry about the weird paging, posting from my phone. This is part 1, part 2 will be up tomorrow. Tell me what you think*
    Last edited by Turtlesauce; 07-23-2014 at 07:53 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  2. #2
    YellowNerd's Avatar More Blonde in your Movie
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    This is nice so far, Hope to see the next part soon

  3. #3
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Thanks, man :D
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  4. #4
    Lancer's Avatar Senior Member
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    Pretty good. Make sure to stay constant with your tense, you shifted from past into present a bit.
    Graphic Designer / YouTuber. Usually known as Mancha!

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  5. #5
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaNCHA View Post
    Pretty good. Make sure to stay constant with your tense, you shifted from past into present a bit.
    Ok thanks, I'll keep an eye out for that
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  6. #6
    @Dumbledore's Avatar Got That Redcoat
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    TENSION!
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  7. #7
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by ERB Crazy View Post
    TENSION!
    2nd Part later today
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  8. #8
    @Dumbledore's Avatar Got That Redcoat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtlesauce View Post
    2nd Part later today
    Excited to see what will happen.
    I am the unnoficial headmaster of this forum.
    1 infraction point=An hour detention with proffesor Snape.


    Read my superhero story
    Check out my rap battles
    Leave me a battle to review
    Wanna read something stupid?

    Every Erb winner (Does anyone even read these)
    Spoiler: 

    Actual Erb winners
    Spoiler: 

    Season 1
    John Lennon, Darth Vader, Chuck Norris, Sarah Palin, Hulk Hogan, Ludvig van Beethoven, Stephen Hawking, Genghis Khan, Napoleon Dynamite, Billy Mays, Gandalf, William Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Christopher Columbus, Epiclloyd
    Season 2
    Adolf Hitler, Master Chief, Wright Brothers, Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, Steve Jobs, Frank Sinatra, Abraham Lincoln, Doc Brown, Clint Eastwood, Batman, Santa Claus, Adam, Gandhi, Nikola Tesla, Lance Armstrong, Mozart, Gorbachev
    Season 3
    Darth Vader, Al Capone, Miley Cyrus, Bob Ross, Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump, Walter White, Goku, Stephen King, Isaac Newton, Draw, Painters
    Season 4
    Gotta prepare myself


    ERB Crazy's Crazy ERB's winners
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  9. #9
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    CHAPTER 2

    Drent was never an angry man. He'd rarely take offense, and was the type of guy who could be calm in any circumstance. However, he couldn't stand not understanding something. His brain had to comprehend everything, or else he wouldn't be at peace.
    The camera boggled him.

    The first few days were alright, he just went about his business, taking a few short peeks at it. But then he started feeling uncomfortable. He started eating in the bathroom, where the pressing little red eye of the machine wouldn't observe him. He started wondering about it. Who's watching? What are they doing with the footage? How is this an experiment?
    He became paranoid. He did nothing but lay on his couch and stare at it. It became as if he was watching the camera. And it just stared back. He hadn't blinked for days.

    Untill there was another knock on the door. He got up, still staring at the camera, and opened the door. It was Devon Vil.
    He was smiling.
    "The experiment begins, Mr. Drent"
    And knocked him out cold with a swift blow to the head.

    When he woke up, he was standing on a chair, blindfolded. He heard a suave woman's voice
    "Ah, Milo, dear, you're up"
    She removed his blindfold. The first thing he noticed was the woman. She was stunningly beautiful, with a nice body, but weird red eyes, with pitch black pupils. Her hair was blonde but it looked freshly dyed.
    "I'm sorry about the bump, dear, Devy is just a little.. Excentric"
    "Where am I?"
    It was a little cliche to say that, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

    "Oh you will see, Milo, darling"
    She flipped a switch and the lights were on. He was in a warehouse of some sorts, and in front of him were 3 blindfolded people, kneeling before him.
    "What the hell?!?"
    "Milo, darling, allow me to explain"
    She pointed to the first person
    "This is Igor Retrinsky, he is a former convict, from Russia, he murdered 3 people, including his wife"
    She pointed to the second person
    "This is Julie Signa. She is the loving mother of 2 kids. Her husband commited suicide in front of all 3 of them, driving her mentally insane, and making her lose her children"
    She pointed to the third
    "This is Matthew Nough. Or as he is known on the street, Skeez. He is a druglord, meth, pot, cocaine, you name it. It all comes from him. Oh, and he's only 17.
    So, Milo, here you go."
    She handed him a gun.
    "Shoot two of them, the other will be your partner throughout the experiment."
    She headed for the door, and just as she was about to leave, she turned around.
    "Let the games begin"





    *I'm spicing things up a little, this time, I'm gonna let YOU decide who Milo kills and who he partners with. I'm doing this because I want to write the story you want to read. So tell me who you want to be Drent's partner"
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  10. #10
    @Dumbledore's Avatar Got That Redcoat
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    I would let the first guy survive.
    I am the unnoficial headmaster of this forum.
    1 infraction point=An hour detention with proffesor Snape.


    Read my superhero story
    Check out my rap battles
    Leave me a battle to review
    Wanna read something stupid?

    Every Erb winner (Does anyone even read these)
    Spoiler: 

    Actual Erb winners
    Spoiler: 

    Season 1
    John Lennon, Darth Vader, Chuck Norris, Sarah Palin, Hulk Hogan, Ludvig van Beethoven, Stephen Hawking, Genghis Khan, Napoleon Dynamite, Billy Mays, Gandalf, William Shakespeare, Mr. Rogers, Christopher Columbus, Epiclloyd
    Season 2
    Adolf Hitler, Master Chief, Wright Brothers, Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, Steve Jobs, Frank Sinatra, Abraham Lincoln, Doc Brown, Clint Eastwood, Batman, Santa Claus, Adam, Gandhi, Nikola Tesla, Lance Armstrong, Mozart, Gorbachev
    Season 3
    Darth Vader, Al Capone, Miley Cyrus, Bob Ross, Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump, Walter White, Goku, Stephen King, Isaac Newton, Draw, Painters
    Season 4
    Gotta prepare myself


    ERB Crazy's Crazy ERB's winners
    Spoiler: 

    Season 1
    Galileo, Steve (Minecraft), Harry Potter, Da Vinci, John Wilkes Booth, Russia
    Season 2
    Edward Cullen, Julius Caesar, Jesus, Ariana Grande, Deadpool, Turtlesauce
    Season 3
    Dumbledore

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