Death Battle!

[Rocket]

I used the argument that we explicitly saw him, in the ring and not in a still-image cutscene, punch so fast after-images were created. He never used anything resembling this particular skill in the fight. While there could be any number of reasons for this, such as it requiring intense focus in order to use it or him being able to only use it once per match (and he wasted it taunting), the game slowing it down is only one possible explanation. However, the in-game clock does not slow down unless Mac is punching, there is no evidence of supernatural speed being used against Mac in the match, nor is there an external, canon source which portrays Mac as dodging punches flying at such a speed. While it can be assumed that Hondo can use it in a match, there is no evidence as to Mac being able to avoid something at that speed, and therefore it cannot be used in this battle.

[Isn't there also a Goku VS Superman predicament in which Mac has less limits than Ippo? I've seen YouTubers who play perfectly and can KO/TKO any opponent in Round 1 without losing health (examples below) while Ippo is limited to what he's done in the manga. Mac definitely has the potential to end the fight early.]
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...ED62FE52AE815F

[Juiz]

[Isn't there also a Goku VS Superman predicament in which Mac has less limits than Ippo? I've seen YouTubers who play perfectly and can KO/TKO any opponent in Round 1 without losing health (examples below) while Ippo is limited to what he's done in the manga. Mac definitely has the potential to end the fight early.]
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...ED62FE52AE815F

There are also instances where he can go an entire fight without even throwing a single punch, resulting in him just standing there and getting pummeled. Instances like that can't logically be factored in, as it all depends on the player, not the character.

@Topic - I read this before I left for my trip this morning, had to wait until I got home to post awks asf.
Excellent work! Definitely lived up to the hype!

[Rocket]

There are also instances where he can go an entire fight without even throwing a single punch, resulting in him just standing there and getting pummeled. Instances like that can't logically be factored in, as it all depends on the player, not the character.

@Topic - I read this before I left for my trip this morning, had to wait until I got home to post awks asf.
Excellent work! Definitely lived up to the hype!

The point is about using his fullest potential though.

[rangernumberx]

The point is about using his fullest potential though.

Yes, the point is to have the fighters at their fullest potential, but it's the fullest canon potential. As Juiz said, the speed in which Mac can win or lose is highly determinate on the skill of the player, hence why his win/loss ratio always varies. There is no canon source in which Mac definitely wins within such a small time frame, especially not without practice, therefore such capabilities can not be used. It's a similar situation to Piston Hondo's hundred hand slap: We see him use it, but there is absolutely no indication of it being used in the battle, therefore it isn't applicable to Mac. The story that we do get is at its largest in Punch-Out!! for the Wii, where we see Mac's Last Stand, where he retires after losing three matches. While an additional mode is unlocked by winning 10 matches here, there is no indication at all whether it's canon or not, with it most likely being the latter. Therefore, Mac, as Nintendo created him, has no feats of him blitzing an enemy like that.

[rangernumberx]

Alright, the combatants are set.
It’s time for a Death Battle!

Spoiler: 

Christian Weston Chandler was walking down an average street in CWCville, kicking a conveniently placed can which was in his path. “It has been three years and four months, and I am still on my quest for a boyfriend free girl!” He sighed heavily. “And now I walk these streets all alone, no Sonichu by my side, and-what’s this?” He stopped in his tracks, as a sole figure walked out of the Hot Topic which was located on this street. A girl, more beautiful than anyone he had seen before, with her beauty seemingly (and somehow) accentuated by the ripped tights, her long black hair ending in blue tips, her pink fishnets, and her black leather miniskirt. It also helped that she had an uncanny resemblance to Amy Lee. He walked up to her, cleared his throat, and started to speak. “Excuse me-” The girl looked him up and down.

“OMFG! F**k off, you f**king prep!” The girl stuck her middle finger up at Chris, turned on the spot, and walked the other way.

“Hey!” Chris ran, and stopped right in front of Ebony Way.

“What the f**k? Im in love with Draco and u want me tu f**k u?” This caused something to click in Christian’s mind, as he started to work out what this meant.

“You should never get in the way of a lone man’s quest to find a boyfriend free girl! As the mayor of this city, I command you to go out with me, under pain of death!” Ebony replied by simply sticking her middle finger up at the plainly dressed, poorly drawn man.

Fight!

Ebony took out her wand, and pointed it at Chris. “Crookshanks!” The mayor felt an unimaginable pain rack through his entire body, causing him to drop to the floor, screaming. Ebony felt sad, and so stopped. He stood up, rushed up, and punched Ebony right in her face. She punched back, and the two began brawling, with Christian winning and kicking Enoby away, although being in a much worse state than he started while Ebony seemed untouched.

“Electric-Hedgehog power!” The medallion Christian was wearing glowed, and the street seemed to have disappeared behind him. What commenced was a magical-girl-anime-esk transformation sequence, ending with what looked like a tall Sonic, only with the ears and tail of a Pikachu. “Double team!” Numerous Chris-Chans appeared, surrounding Ebony.

“Oh my Satan!!1” Ebony yelled, before getting assaulted on all sides by the illusions, each fading as they made contact, making her lose track of the real one as she constantly turned and flinched.

“Mega Kick!” The real one made his presence known, as Ebony was kicked in the back with tremendous force, sending her flying down the road. At super-sonic speeds, Chris-Chan rushed up to meet her. Ebony stood up, a gash on her arm.

“Alright, this is just getting painful to watch.” The two turned around, and saw an Englishman in a red, Pokemon Ranger uniform standing outside of a cafe, despite the entire area being empty (except for the two fighters) before he announced his presence.

“Wut the fu-”

“Just shut up, Ebony.” Ranger said, exasperated. “And don’t you start, Chris!” He pointed at the Sonic knockoff. “Ergh, I’ve got someone with the perpetual art skills of a five year old, and a bigger disservice to vampires than Twilight. Why did I choose to have you two fight, again?”

“Fuk you!” Ebony yelled. Chris seemed to agree, getting ready to fight the Englishman.

”Hmm, yes, a very convincing argument. But have you ever thought of looking at things from the perspective of-oh hi, a gun!” A pistol suddenly appeared in his hand, and he shot the faux-vampire. As she fell, he turned and shot Christian Turner. He fell in slow motion, transforming back into his human form completely by the time he had hit the ground. The two self-inserts laid there, dead, as the gun that killed them was thrown between them. Ranger turned, sighing. “Ergh, I’m never going to hear the end of this.”

K.O!

Death Battle, now with 50% more self-inserts!
The two fighters certainly sucked in equal amounts, but there was one thing that sucked more than either of them, and was able to take both of their chances of winning away from them.
It even managed to negate the true extent of Chris-Chan’s abilities, and managed to take all of the possible spells away from Ebony! They were both fools for ever believing they could win.
The winner is Ranger’s procrastination.



Next time on Death Battle

Spoiler: 

The actual Ebony Way vs Christian Chandler

[Poles]

The best

[Turtlesauce]

LOL What the fuck was that, I haven't laughed so much in ages lmao

[rangernumberx]

The internet is a wonderful place for sharing your own content, and for content based off of another’s intellectual property.
Trust us, we know all about that.
But while usually the best rise to the top and become incredibly well known, others become the most...infamous.
And self-inserts always seem to make their way onto the latter list. Self inserts like Ebony Way, the vampire witch,
And Christian Chandler, the father of Sonichu.
He’s Ranger and I really don’t want to do this.
Me neither, Turtle, but it’s time to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills, to see who would win a Death Battle.

Spoiler: 

When Joanne Rowling finished the manuscript of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in 1995, she had no idea how big it was going to become.
Six sequels, eight movies, a play following the titular wizard in his adult life, and twelve publishers kicking themselves for not agreeing to publish it in the first place. And that’s not mentioning all of the lifelong fans.
And when something is this big, it often leaves much of the universe and lore unexplored simply due to the sheer expanse of it. And with Rowling’s positive opinion on fan fiction, many of them leapt at the chance to write their own interpretations of the mysterious going ons in the past, present, and future of the Harry Potter universe.
Or, you know, write about Harry and Draco f**king. At least there’s something for everybody, I guess?
But with such free reign over what people could write, there are bound to be some areas, the ones best left ignored, which are explored at the expense of the reader.
This all came to it’s peak when an absolute monster was created. Something so terrible, fanfiction.net felt obliged to take it off of their servers. Something so infamous, that every single negative thing about it has become a reason for it being one of the most well known fanfics of all time. Something...goffik.
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, sometimes called Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Tara Way or just Enoby, is the ‘hero’ of My Immortal.
Yes, we meant to put those inverted commas around hero. The actions of Ebony are so horrendous that they’re sometimes just as bad, or even worse, as the actions of those we’re supposed to be rooting against.
This monstrosity was created by Tara Gilesbie, with the story being ‘proofread’ by a girl named Raven, someone who was so close to Tara that not only was she blatantly put in the story, so blatant that it was explicitly said in brackets, but she also took one of the many middle names of the protagonist.
That is, until apparently Raven didn’t give Tara a sweater back, causing Raven’s self-insert to be expelled, killed, and f**ked. In that order. Oh, and Enoby suddenly changed her middle name from Raven to Tara. Yes, this is the sort of stuff you can expect from this story.
Now, this is supposed to be the part where we tell a brief amount of the story of the character, but My Immortal is such a clusterf**k that there is no way to accurately portray the plot, nor to do it justice.
But we’re going to try anyway! Ebony is seventeen when the story starts, being in her seventh year at hogwarts, wearing…Ranger, is all this really necessary? I have no idea what uniform regulations are like at Hogwarts, but I’m pretty sure this breaks them. Also, it goes on for about…*paper shifts about* two pages?
Welcome to My Immortal, Turtle. Despite the utter lack of description on everything else, almost excruciating amounts of detail is given whenever someone shows up in a new outfit, so it must be important. I mean, how else will we know that Ebony was born with black hair, because that’s how she got her name? How else will we know whether her eyes are blue or red, as they seem to frequently change? How else will we know what goffik outfit each and every character is wearing, because they seem to be so insecure about their gofficness?
Ranger? Are you feeling alright?
I chose to do Ebony versus Chris-Chan. I haven’t been for a while.
Oh. Well, aside from her...fashion, Ebony is a vampire in addition to being a witch. No comment as to how this is dealt with at Hogwarts, seeing that having a werewolf with relative control of his wolfish form was difficult enough to deal with, and no comment as to how she became a vampire. She just...is.
While vampires are usually created through blood transferal with humans in some form, something which is almost universal throughout fiction, the My Immortal vampires follow very little of the laws set by centuries of literature and folklore. So, while she may have been made a vampire in a traditional sense, the only way we are shown is through your parents being vampires.
Does that-
Nope. I don’t see any sense or logic in that either.
Got it. Confusing and unexplained backstories aside, Enoby spends her time at Hogwarts doing the usual. Sticking middle fingers up at ‘preps’, shopping at Hot Topic, eating her Count Chocula with blood instead of milk, and other definitely British things.
She also has to juggle her love life with Draco with her social life with characters such as Vampire, Bloody Mary, and other complete b*****dizations of classic Harry Potter characters, in addition to finding time to relentlessly and pointlessly hate Britney. This all changed one day when, after fleeing to the Forbidden Forest due to Vampire and Draco, she was ambushed by Voldemort, flying in on a broom. She was given a gun, and told that she must kill Harry Potter, or Vampire, or he would kill Draco. Don’t question it, it will get it over with quicker.
Ultimately, a prediction was told saying that Ebony, in traditional Mary Sue fashion, is the only one who would be able to kill Voldemort. However, after several chapters of doing relatively f**k all, they decide to put the middle finger up to this prophecy and decided that the only reason Voldemort was doing all this mass murdering stuff was because he never found love. Please go back and read the end of that sentence in a suitably mocking tone, because that’s the most bulls**t reason I’ve come across recently for anything.
In the past, she met Tom Bombodil, the person who would become Voldemort and was currently called Satan by most. And Snape. And Lucius Malfoy. And God damn, there’s a lot of anachronisms here.
After a completely out-of-nowhere cameo by Marty McFly, she returned back to the future.
This is when Voldemort bursts in, saying yet again that Ebony’s time is up, and that he’ll kill her, Draco, and Harry.
Wait, why didn’t he kill them to begi-
Enoby raises her wand, ready for the final battle to begin, and yells out a single, powerful curse.
…
…
...And?
And that’s it.
That’s it?
That’s the end of the story.
Isn’t there a finale or something? And don’t we usually break the story into two parts at least?
That’s where the story cut off. And you saw how little there was to talk about the plot. It’s surprising there even is a plot, really. Do you want to attempt to get it into two decent parts?
...fair point.
Let’s just get onto the facts and feats.
Ebony herself has numerous miscellaneous factors which separate her from the other Mary Sues, most likely due to her unique vampire basis. Ebony requires blood to live, feeling faint if she hasn’t had any for a long period of time. It appears any blood will work for this, as even her own seems to delay the fainting feeling. Which is good, because she constantly sheds it, even crying tears of blood.
Ebony regularly makes puns and jokes which can easily be lost in her own terrible writing, such as substituting ‘school’ for ‘skull’, with the constant follow-up being “Geddit coz im goffik”. She enjoys watching ‘goffik’ movies such as Corpse Bride, is bisexual and loves to ‘watch guys do it’ while telling homophobes to f**k off, and when she’s upset, she...well…
What?
...she cuts herself.
Alright, let’s get this straight. This? This is too far. You can’t just stick self harm on a character as a lazy way to make them not perfect. The way it is here...it’s just plain wrong.
Even worse, according to Tara, Ebony suffers from depression, something else she has blindly stuck on a character without truly understanding it because she will think it will add ‘character’. When Enoby’s personality is looked at, her frequent mood swings suggest that a more accurate diagnosis would be some form of bipolarity. Not exactly, of course, it’s far too frequent and stereotypical to be that.
Tara seems to be keen to point out how her main character isn’t perfect, even stating her being a satanist as a fault. Enoby doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo, however, as she is so beautiful that everyone from a satanist Harry Potter to Snaketail, a Wormtail knockoff, falls in love with her.
This gets to such an extent which she actually complains about being too pretty, and how she’s too good at everything, wishing to be normal.
No, the Mary Sues! They’re becoming self-aware! God help us all!
This could actually be played well, with both dramatic and comedic potential as an analysis, parody, or critique of the power of characters in fiction, as shown with works such as One Punch Man. Too bad this is My Immortal, and this comment is forgotten right after it was made.
She has a lot of skills, such as being able to…*sighs* slit her wrists numerous times with no long term negative effects, has random visions and prophecies about future events, can get her wand in her hand despite being tied up in chains, and sings and plays guitar for two different bands, Bloody Gothic Rose 666 and XBlakXTearX. Ergh, they sound like the YouTube usernames of thirteen years olds…
Being a witch, Enoby has access to numerous spells. However, she is a deceptively powerful one, being able to conduct some spells non-verbally and even in some case not needing a wand at all.
‘Crookshanks’ is done without a wand and causes the person it’s casted on to experience terrible pain and drop the wand they’re holding, while ‘crosio’ is conducted with a wand, and causes the inflicted to feel terrible pain, even when they have left the room. Even though both continue until they’re stopped by the caster, there’s no similarities between the two, not at all.
‘Crucious’ tortures people, but seemingly doesn’t have the side effect of causing people to drop what they’re holding. Outside of straight up pain inducing spells, which she apparently knows lots of, there’s ‘pop addelum’, which causes chains to appear out of nowhere and tie someone up, and ultimately can cast ‘abra kedabra’, a spell so powerful it ended the fic where it was. She can also, somehow, turn a bloody pentagram into a black guitar, and that into Draco.
Don’t think she only has spells to back her up. While she lives in a universe where everyone besides her, due to her being a girl apparently, has a glock, she has two pistols on her, at least one of which is capable of shooting ‘a gazillion bullets’ in a short time frame without seeming to need to reload. Which would be handy, if she could actually shoot straight with it. Seriously, a gazillion bullets, and it only broke a camera and made two people scream. A blind stormtrooper in an earthquake could shoot more accurately than her!
She owns a black and crimson broom which she can fly, keeps a steak in her room that’s sharp enough to slit wrists, an invisibility cloak which quite frankly doesn’t even make the user invisible, and has a video iPod that can turn...into...Marty McFly’s...time machine...wha-
Which can transform without anybody but Enoby noticing, allowing her to travel in time and run down her enemies. But while those items are useful, and she has some more unuseful items (seriously, caramel? Just, caramel in her pockets?), her innate abilities are what cause her to truly stand above the rest. Her vampirism allows her to attack and drain an unsuspecting victim of blood quickly, can send telepathic messages, can somehow deter people about to attack her and the ones she loves from doing so numerous times over, and can do seemingly everything either suicidally or sexily.
She can throw her own wounds in such a fashion that can trip two fully grown men chasing her, and managed to convince two probably-bi guys to make out just by telling them to, suggesting she has some power of persuasion, to go with the Mary Sue-ishness. However, while she has been shown to have prophetic dreams, the scariest thing is...so has her author.
What? Come on, I know this entire battle is a joke, but there’s no need to go that fa-
“nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
...well fuck me that’s scary.
Despite being the one Sue to rule them all, Ebony does have her fair share of weaknesses. By Ebony’s own admittance, only steaks can kill can kill a vampire, but there have been numerous instances where this is not the case.
Car crashes, crosses, hacker created bullets, there’s quite a few things that could end her. I would include wrist slitting, as it has been shown to have killed two vampires in this story, but given one of them got better...I don’t even know.
Ebony is also extremely stupid, being fooled that Voldemort and his Death Dealers were Gerard Way and the rest of My Chemical Romance, just because they had masks on.
She’s even so stupid, that she can’t even stick with her own mental problems. While casting a pain-inflicting curse on Voldemort, the lord of all evil in the Harry Potter universe, she feels bad for him and stops. Despite saying, in the literal SAME SENTENCE, that she was sadistic.
Not to mention she seemingly has narcolepsy, falling asleep in the middle of Draco putting his “thingie” in her “you know what”. Of course, it could have just been boring, but even then.
Despite all this, Ebony has gone down in history as the defining Mary Sue, and a pioneer in the crap fic genre, despite never properly concluding with the exception of a chapter included by a hacker, apparently.
For better or for worse, My Immortal is quite possibly the most well known and influential fan fiction of all time, with Ebony being a key reason for that.
“CUM NOW!1!” Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.

Spoiler: 

I don’t want to talk about Christian Weston Chandler, the author of Sonichu. No, seriously, I don’t. Before this battle, I just had an idea. Wouldn’t it be funny if, for an April Fools Day episode, I put two of the most infamous fan works up against each other? I read My Immortal, and that was alright enough. Then I read Sonichu. Sonichu is undoubtedly the worst thing I have ever witnessed, let alone researched for this thread. When I wasn’t being deeply disturbed, I was bored out of my mind. The art has no improvement over the issues despite starting over a decade ago, the writing doesn’t even have any of the humorous typos that My Immortal has, and worst of all is Christian himself. It feels flat out wrong to talk about him. Yes, I’m fine with all of My Immortal, I’m fine with retelling Raven’s creation, I could probably go through stuff too weird to even put on The Desk of Death Battle, and this is where I draw the line. All I can say is, never read Sonichu. Never read about the author. I just wish I knew someone else worthy to take on Ebony, because then I would have been able to stop part way through, and not subject myself to the shitstain of a webcomic that was Sonichu, not expose myself to the life of Christian Chandler. What I read, with no joking at all, disturbed me for several reasons, and each of those disturbing me numerous times over. So, I would like to pretend that Christian Chandler, the person, doesn’t exist, and instead only talk about Christian Chandler, the character.

...they’re the same guy.
FUCKING DAMMIT!
Hey, Ranger, where are y-
IF YOU COULD CALL IT QUITS IN CELESTIA’S ANALYSIS, I CAN JUMP SHIP HERE!
*door slams shut*
Well, thankfully, their backstories are pretty much the same. Born in 1982, Christian Weston Chandler...well, that’s all the notes really say on his backstory. All we know is, at some point, Chris found a portal in his room which he could open and close at will, which led to an extremely badly drawn universe. When we meet him first in the webcomic, this universe has been made home to a city of his own designing. This city, ingeniously named CWCville, has presumably had Chris as a mayor since its conception, yet for some reason no one, absolutely NO ONE, will give him a break.
*door opens*
THAT BASTARD DOESN’T DESERVE ONE. I DIDN’T GET ONE.
*doors slams shut again*
That may very well explain it, actually. Well, it doesn’t, but I’m just going to take that as the reason and move on. When he hasn’t been fighting off ‘jerkops’, Chris has been on a long quest in order to find a boyfriend-free girl, something that he has yet to accomplish, even stating out loud the exact length of time it’s been every time a new issue of Sonichu comes out. In this time, he has been using his position as mayor to...create a currency named after him, write ‘dating education exams’...God, this place is more dystopian than 1984. He has also claimed that homosexuality is evil, caused by a gene-like molecule that he would rather go through painful gender changing operations than be gay and it should be eradicated and RANGER, I’M COMING WITH YOU.
*door slams*

[rangernumberx]

Spoiler: 

Well, we’re back.
And strapped to our chairs, for that matter. We’re going to make it through this.
Let’s just try and avoid his policies.
Agreed. As the self proclaimed ‘intrusive creator’, Christian has a lot of bulls**t tricks up his sleeve. Tricks such as playing the trap cards Magical Cylinder and Negate Attack, with them redirecting an attack aimed at Chris to the attacker and cancelling the attack altogether respectively.
He can also use the shin-ye-ha-me-ha, or curse-ye-ha-me-ha, to cause disproportionate bad luck to whoever it hits. One person it was used on ended up slipping on a banana skin, and then ended up having his wife divorce him, all for...well, I’m not actually sure. Trying to arrest Chris? Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth the punishment.
But all this pales in comparison with his most unbelievable ability. While outside of any possible nearby buildings, he was able to have a shower, get redressed, and get back to the spot where he was before, all in three seconds. Obviously, this will help massively in a battle to the death.
If you’re going to bring that up, my best justification for that, given that three seconds is nowhere near enough time to shower in any situation, Chris opened a portal back to his home in our world. Time goes at different speeds in these two realms, so by the time he returns only three seconds has passed. However, this webcomic thinks that it should tell, not show, and this is one of the few topics that is never explained. So, yeah, no answer at all here.
Chris’s life continued in comparative normality until he came across the titular Sonichu, a fusion of Sonic and a Pikachu around the events of the final boss of Sonic Adventure. This fusion created some sort of rainbow sonic boom, insert obvious reference, which also caused the creation of Rosechu and numerous other hedgehog-pikachu hybrids of various types.
Chris becomes the trainer of Sonichu following this. Then, one day, the two of them come across a cave, which reveals them to be the two figures described by an ancient prophecy.
Basically, long ago the Cherokee and Wasabi tribes defeated an evil spirit. Evil spirit is now free, go deal with him. Oh, and here’s a deus ex machina to help you out.
This is where Christian got his Sonichu medallion, and when he says “Electric-Hedgehog power” while wearing it or the high school ring that was retconned to hold the power, he transforms into the sonic-pikachu hybrid, Chris-Chan. Yes, I know it has been interchangable with his normal name for many people, but in our research it seems to come up most often in regards to him in this form.
With this, he’s just one magical girl transformation away from rendering Sonichu completely pointless in the series named after him, being essentially the exact same, if better, as him skill-wise.
Assuming this form gives him the same capabilities as Sonichu, and with comparisons with Black Sonichu, we can determine that this form gives him the power to reach speeds of 200 kilometers an hour. Additionally, as Sonichu is two thirds as strong as Blachu, who can punch with the force of 20 tons, we can assume that Chris-Chan can punch with the force of 13.3 recurring tonnes.
Being a terrible OC based upon an already existing terrible OC, Chris-Chan can do everything Sonichu can, but better. He can spin dash and charge an electric aura which he can point and shoot, he can create swords out of lightning and lightning bombs which blow up a huge area, he can randomly advertise insurance and Axe body spray. This would all be awesome, until you realize it’s coming from Sonichu.
He can also use traditional Pokemon attacks, without being restricted to the four move limit, or the moves that Pikachu should really be able to learn. He has been shown to utilize Double Team to create illusionary doubles of himself, Barrier to create a wall that can stop a bullet dead, as well as Mega and Match Punch to reminisce on the much better previous battle.
He also can make Substitutes, only with him they’re made out of pixel blocks that explode on contact and can hurt him, and Hyper Beam, which allows him to release a beam of destructive energy. If he transformed using some anime wings he once got at a convention, he gains actual wings on the side of his head, and becomes able to fly as well as use moves such as Aerial Ace.
Unfortunately for him, he has a particularly major weakness in this form. Just a single touch to the white mark on his chest, or slamming him on the ground particularly hard, will result in him changing back to plain old Chris.
Sure, there’s nothing stopping him from transforming back straight away, but if no villain takes advantage of his weak spot, we can’t really criticize him not doing this either.
But after being given the ability to transform, Chris became more powerful in his human form as well.
He just has to say “Electric Hedgehog Attack” followed by the name of a move Sonichu or one of the other electric-hedgehog pokemon can use, and he uses it. This allows him to use Growth to increase in size and Whirlwind to blow foes away. The most dangerous move is probably Psychic, though, with it allowing him to levitate up to ten fully grown adults at once, create dimensional holes, and enclose people in psychic spheres for him to throw.
But with great OP-ness comes great, and rarely used, weaknesses. Chris is obsessed with explaining things through tons of dialogue, even recounting what just happened in the story with a wall of text, leaving him open to attack from anyone who’s even slightly genre savvy.
He’s also highly unoriginal, often stealing lines from the likes of Pokemon 2000 and Monty Python and the Holy Grail to make up some of his dialogue. He’s even more sadistic than Ebony, having once set up a kangaroo court for four people on the grounds of them creating a parody comic, then condoning them to death via electric chair, target practice, chained to the wall and tortured by a child barely a year old, and having their bones broken slowly through psychic powers. Wow. That’s some pretty messed up stuff.
He’s also pretty stupid, not noticing a cage being slowly lowered upon him. But despite all of this, we are contractually obliged to talk about his successes. Erm...he survived for what for him felt like a month in the time void, and was later rescued by his friends. He has also managed to defeat his flamboyant evil mirror version, so that should count for something. And this is all without mentioning him curing gayness-
Ranger, I thought we said we wouldn’t talk about his policies, especially the ones that make Hitler look like Ghandi.
No, trust me, you want to hear this one. So, he cured homosexuality due to it being caused by a ‘gene-like molecule’. After this, he legalized it, which makes no sense as he had just eradicated it, so I don’t know how that made sense in his mind.
Get on with it!
Anyway, he cured this due to a vaccine.
...and?
Well, to my knowledge, a vaccine is typically made through a weakened or dead strain of the illness, which is then injected into a person, allowing their body to adapt to this weakened version of the illness, making it more adept to fight off the real deal.
So?
The key, primary component of this vaccine? Chris’s own blood.
Oh...OH! OH THAT IS GLORIOUS! *general jeering*
Christopher may not know good artwork or plot if it hit him on the head, but he certainly makes himself eligible for the most infamous character in all of webcomics.
“Go! Sonichu! Go out and zap to the extreme!”

[rangernumberx]

*jeering continues*
The combatants are set.
It’s time for a Death Battle! Seriously, didn’t you do research of any kind before you wrote this s**t?

Spoiler: 

CWCville, the self proclaimed vibrant community with good people and an average amount of cool places to chill at, didn’t have the same feel as it usually did before. Maybe it was the recent team up of enemies the mayor had made that had resulted in an assault on the city, or maybe it was the knowledge of a psychic hedgehog constantly watching them telepathically, in case they broke one of the rules and had to suffer the consequences. Either way, the place was oddly quiet.

“It’s been three years and five months, and I am still on my quest for a boyfriend free girl!” Along an otherwise empty street walked Christian Weston Chandler, the mayor of that very city, speaking to no one in particular. He kicked a can he conveniently came across, sending it banging down the pavement as he wallowed in self-pity. The can stopped right outside a Hot Topic, and was promptly sent flying as the door was opened, revealing a lone figure. Chris stared at her. Her long, ebony black hair, her black corset with matching lace, her black miniskirt, her crimson fishnets, her black combat boots, her crimson eyes, and her face, which reminded him of Amy Lee, all made him think one thing. She was the most beautiful woman he had seen before. “Hey! You!”

The woman, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, turned around at the noise. She stared at him. His striped shirt, his one green eye, and his one blue eye, all made her think one thing. F**king prep. She stuck her middle finger up at him, turned around, and started to walk around. Chris ran, and stopped in front of her, also causing her to stop. “OMFG! F**king go, you pedo!” She said sexily.

“Excuse me, I was just walking along this street, kicking that can, and lamenting about my lack of success. Then I saw you, with your long, ebony black hair, her black corset with matching lace, her black miniskirt, her crimson fishnets, her black combat boots, her crimson eyes, and her face, which reminds me of Amy Lee, all made me think how you would be the perfect girlfriend!”

“What the f**k? Im in love with Draco and u want me tu f**k u?” Ebony retorted, leaving Christian shocked.

“You should never get in the way of a lone man’s quest to find a boyfriend free girl! I am the mayor of this city, and I make it the law that you must go out with me! To disobey this law is punishable by death!” Ebony stuck her middle finger up at Christian, making it clear what option she chose. Christian curled his hand into a fist, and ran towards Enoby.

Fight!

Chris swung, hitting Ebony in the shoulder as she removed her wand from her boot. It knocked the wand out of her hand, making it clatter to the floor as Chris swung again, this time just missing Ebony’s head.

“Fuk you!” Ebony retorted, before kneeing Christian in his groin. This sent him reeling back as Ebony picked up her wand. She waved it, and a generic bolt of magic came out, hitting a recovering Christian in the chest. It knocked him back, falling on his ass halfway down the street. Ebony continued to hurl magical bolts at Chris, the majority of them falling around him, as he quickly stood up.

“You just activated my trap card! Magical Cylinder!” A purple card materialized in mid air, with a picture of two decorated, purple and gold cups in the middle of it, green energy going into one and coming out of the other in the shape of an arrow. One such cup appeared right in front of Chris, with all of the magical bolts that would have come close to him entering it. An identical cup appeared upside down just above Ebony, which started showering out all of the bolts of magic the other cylinder had taken in. The witch was struck by one, then two, then a whole bunch more of these blasts, causing her to stop shooting her magic.

“Electric Hedgehog Attack Growth!” Ebony came back to her senses, looked up, and gasped. She was then promptly uppercutted by Chris, now twice the size he originally was. She lifted into the air, and as gravity started to take effect the mayor essentially drop kicked her, sending her flying down the street. Ebony crashed into a building that had been conveniently scheduled for demolition, breaking down the wall through her velocity and causing brick fragments to fall on top of her. Chris returned to his original size, seemingly and irrationally upset with what he had just done. “Why can’t girls just notice somebody as awesome as-”

“CROSIO!” Chris felt pain surge through his entire body, worse than anything he had felt before. Ebony was standing in the rubble, having somehow changed into a short cut black dress, black fishnets, black combat boots, a blood red pentagram necklace, and her eyes had turned red. She looked at the screaming mayor with utter hatred, but then she felt sorry for him and so stopped the curse. Chris’s eyes narrowed, staring at Enoby.

“When I threw you into that building and it collapsed on you, I thought that was the end of it, and I was ready to move on in my life. But now, you have just inflicted your horrific magic on me and now you will pay! Electric Hedgehog Power!” The background seemingly changed behind Chris, as he...well, even for this battle, I don’t want to stoop that low. I’ll just skip 30 seconds into the future and just say that he Sailor Moon-ed into his alternate form, Chris-Chan. “Now, you will...HEY!” During the transformation sequence, Ebony had, as many people faced with this would, gotten bored, and had decided to wander off. The Sonic knockoff ran up the street, stopping a meter in front of Ebony.

“Gasp!” Ebony said sexily.

“Thunderbolt!” Electricity appeared around Chris, which then shot off in a single bolt towards the goff, too quick for her to avoid. Thousands of volts coursed through her body, causing her pain similar to when she inflicted Crosio on her opponent. “Double team!” The electricity stopped, leaving Ebony to smoke in a cartoonish fashion, as Chris-Chan rapidly multiplied, creating a circle of Chris-Chans around Ebony. Ebony gasped, as the copies started to charge at her from all sides. She frantically turned, setting out bolts of magic all around her, with all of the fake Chris-Chans disappearing when they were either hit by a spell, or they collided with Ebony.

“wut the hel? Jus tdie alredy!!!!1!”

“Mega Punch!” Chris-Chan retorted from behind her, landing a powerful blow to the back of the head and sending her flying once again, this time in front of a butchers. Chris-Chan and the remaining illusions rushed towards her, as she climbed to her feet and grabbed a gun out of her non-existent pocket. She fired in the direction of the oncomers, letting loose no less than fifty shots and yet somehow missing every single one of her potential targets. They all jumped up, and launched a homing attack on her, all focusing on and hitting her torso. She was sent backwards, through the glass on the front of the store, dropping her wand and gun on the outside of said store, and ended up smacking into a display case of meats. With the remaining illusions gone, and the pistol knocked out of Ebony’s hand, Chris Chan stepped over the upwards facing shards of glass and walked towards Enoby.

“Get away frum me u perv!” Ebony exclaimed suicidally, grabbing a steak and brandishing it at Sonichu’s master in a threatening manner. The mayor just looked at it, nonplussed.

“...Mach Punch.” Chris Chan lunged forwards at incredible speeds, striking Enoby’s arm, disarming her of her steak and picking it up himself. He could only watch as the vampire reeled from the sight of it, discerning in what was for him an amazing feat of intelligence that this most likely would be an effective weapon against her.

“Ha ha! Now you see, I have the upper hand! Now, if you want to live, you will dump your Draco and instead go out with me, the mayor of one of the coolest places on earth, and end my search for a boyfriend-free girl!” The response that Ebony gave was so elegant, that it matched every bit of intelligence that Chris-Chan had just shown.

“Fak u! Crookshanks!” Once again, Chris-Chan felt an intense pain take over him, causing him to drop the weaponized meat. Ebony leapt up, took out her second gun, and shot at him. By some miracle, this shot actually collided, striking the electric hedgehog in the shoulder, causing blood to start flowing from his shoulder, adding to the already intense pain he was feeling. She lept forward, accidentally pistol whipping the white mark on his chest, and started to actively suck out the blood from his shoulder. By doing this, she lost focus and broke the spell, giving Chris enough time to recognise that he had transformed back into his human form, and that the girl had leeched onto his shoulder.

“E-Electric Hedgehog power...teleport.” Chris managed to get out, still recovering from the Crookshanks spell and the current blood sucking. He seemingly blinked out of existence, causing Ebony to collapse on the floor.

“Oh my Satan (geddit coz im goffik)!” Ebony exclaimed, confused. On the other side of the city, inside his private office, Chris appeared from seemingly nowhere. He took numerous deep breaths, before a piece of headwear, some anime wings from his life in the other universe, caught his eye. At the same time, Ebony looked at the blood on the floor of the butchers, thinking of doing something with it.

Five minutes later, Chris was back in his electric hedgehog form, now with additional anime wings on the sides of his head and a bandage tightly wrapped around his shoulder, flying over CWCville. “Where could that witch be?” He said to himself, for no reason in particular. He suddenly felt a pain on the top of his head. His hand instinctively went up to the spot that was hit, as he saw a camera with a slightly cracked lense fall to the floor. He looked up, and saw the infamous Ebony floating above him, riding on a black and red broom. She raised a black guitar above her head, and threw this down at Chris-Chan. He swerved out of the way, and dashed up to meet the aggressor.

“Sky Uppercut!” Chris thrust his fist upwards, slightly knocking the broom, but not completely hitting Ebony out of the way. She pulled her wand out, and sent another magical bolt at the Sanic knockoff. He narrowly missed it, and the two commenced their aerial brawl, Chris-Chan launching physical strikes whenever he got in close, Ebony sending blasts of energy and trying to keep her distance.

“OMG! Just dye!” Enoby yelled, changing tactics and charging straight at Chris-Chan. He was caught unawares, turning around and not having time to react to the now-charging vampire. Ebony bared her fangs, yelling...and then promptly stopped. She also stopped speeding through the air, slowly coming to a stop, gently bumping into Chris-Chan. Ebony Way had chosen this moment to fall straight to sleep. This was the perfect opportunity for Chris to win the dogfight. Focusing, he charged up electricity around himself, and then focused it into a sword, with the blade zigzagged to resemble a lightning bolt.

“Haaaaaa!” He yelled, coming from underneath and zooming up, slicing through the broom and dealing a strong hit to Enoby.

“AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!” Enoby screamed sexily, as she woke with a start and plummeted to the ground, nothing to hold her in the air.

“Aerial Ace!” Chris-Chan, who was racing downwards, disappeared, only to reappear right behind Ebony, falling at the same speed as her. He slashed her once again with his sword, causing a large gash in her clothes and for a long but shallow cut to appear. The gothic witch lashed out, hitting Chris-Chan in the face with her elbow and sending him careening off. She used this space to quickly take out her iPod, and activated a function on it.

“Nice try! Aerial Ace!” Chris yelled out once more, once more disappearing and slashing at Ebony from behind. But, to his surprise, it simply clanged against metal. “Huh?” He took a proper look at what he appeared behind, and found, against all logic, a car. Marty McFly’s time machine, to be precise. Enoby stuck it into reverse, and sent the DeLorean smashing into Chris. Unfortunately for her, while they were rapidly approaching the ground, there was no solid object nearby at their height, meaning that Chris could simply fly around the car, and tried to break into the driver’s seat.

“Get lust!” Ebony protested, tilting the car to the side, making Chris, who was clinging onto the door, have his back to the ground. Chris-Chan bashed on the door a couple more times, smashing the window on his last attempt, before seeing exactly what was below him. He quickly got out of the way, leaving Ebony no time to avoid the ceiling of the local mall. Enoby gasped as the time machine smashed through the ceiling, and then through the top floor, and all of the floors below, up until it flattened a conveniently placed jerkop and Britney on the ground floor, leaving an incredibly trashed car amidst a pool of blood and bones. Chris-Chan flew down down, not slowing down as he approached the car.

“Mega Punch!” His fist collided with the roof of the car, causing it to violently bend inwards. He jumped over to the side, a couple of meters away from the wreckage. “Hyper Beam!” In one final attack, Chris fired off a large, intensely powerful beam of energy, encompassing the entire car and the stores behind it, catching plenty citizens in the process, and causing a loud explosion. The beam died down, and Chris-Chan transformed into plain old Chris. The mall was a mess. People were still running away screaming, a significant amount of property had been destroyed, many innocent civilians had perished in that final attack, and the sprinklers had activated thanks to the flaming wreckage in the middle of the plaza.

“And despite all that, I am still no closer to finding a boyfriend free girl.” Christian sighed, dejectedly, turning around and slowly walking away from the horrible sight he had created.

“Gasp!” Chris turned around, only to get a wound thrown straight into his face. In the midst of the flames, the smoke, and the artificial rain, stood a certain Hogwarts student. “BASTERD! POP ADDELUM” She yelled, causing chains to appear from nowhere and to bind Chris up. “CROSIO!” Yet again, an intense pain overcame him, this time made even worse by Ebony’s much more angry mental state. Among the screaming of the mayor, Ebony dashed forwards and plunged her teeth into his neck, and sucked hard. The screaming faded away, as in a matter of seconds the chains disappeared, letting the dried husk of Christian Weston Chandler drop to the floor.

“Fukin prep” Ebony spat out, as she walked towards the exit, only stopping briefly to look in the window of a now ruined Hot Topic.

K.O!

And while we’re on the topic, what the f**k was with that porn you drew of your cha-Wait, it’s over?
Believe it or not, our bias didn’t actually change the results of this match at all. True, Chris outclassed Ebony in pretty much every department, be it speed, attack variety, or even just self-preservation. But there’s one thing that he couldn’t match her on: Durability.
As much as everyone hates these battles, the truth is that Ebony only had a select few ways to die, and Chris didn’t have access to any of them. Sure, he did once take a gun from a jerkop, but those only turn the weak minded and mentally ill into Jerkops, not shoot the bullets that were required to kill Ebony.
Sure, Enoby has been inconsistent in telling us what can kill a vampire, initially only stating steaks and crosses, later revealing there to be more ways.
But even the things she said can kill her don’t seem to do that. While she couldn’t even bring herself to spell the word cross without putting a hyphen between each word, she later wore a cross belly fing, showing it did not have any negative effects on her.
With such inconsistencies, we can only go by what we have to decide on the winner. Given the aforementioned, there’s only one possible outcome.
It’s a bloody shame that Ebony won, but at least the battle didn’t completely suck.
The winner is Ebony Way.

Next time on Death Battle:

Spoiler: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3JUB1L82Kk