Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33

Thread: MaNCHizzl'd: Give Your Lyrics an Upgrade

  1. #1
    Lancer's Avatar Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Underground
    Posts
    4,482
    Blog Entries
    3

    MaNCHizzl'd: Give Your Lyrics an Upgrade

    Hi! I'm Mancha, and as you know, I write these rap things all the damn time. Sometimes it's nice to look at other people's writing and help them improve, so this is what that's for!

    Here, you can post a verse or few for me to chisel (term stolen from king of chiseling Mat4yo) for yourself--all I ask is that you keep requests to a minimum and give me a reference guide alongside it, so I can incorporate all your content best as possible. I also need to know the matchup, of course.

    Example of my chiseling:

    Quote Originally Posted by Turtlesauce as Geralt in Geralt vs Batman
    This isn't personal, just a contract from a man with a problem
    Said there's a self-righteous monster terrorizing Gotham
    Let me slap some sense into you, you've probably forgotten
    Does your "one rule" not apply on the Joker and Robin?
    You went bat-shit crazy because your parents died. Chill
    You can't lie to me, It's not for justice, but for the thrill
    I don't need Witcher's sense to figure out what you are, I'm not fooled by your charade
    I gain pieces of your "superpower" after each contract, ha, I can toss away my silver blade
    Quote Originally Posted by MaNCHizzl'd Geralt
    Nothing personal, Batsy, my contract is a single problem
    Vain Wayne came from the skies and now he's terrorizing Gotham
    Reeks of guano, ego's rotten, it seems this batshit boy's forgotten
    that, shoot, his golden rule was lost on both the Joker and your Robin
    It's a-parent that you're batty, man, the alley holds your dreadful fate
    See through your lies! You're "justice" blind as the bats you love to emulate
    Leave you beWitched, which sensibly, shows your charade's not fooling me!
    I toss away my silver blade to fight this vigilante!
    See, I'll keep the major point of your line and give it a lyrical upgrade. I also will explain why the lines I changed actually required a change.

    Also, no, I will not do REWFs, only non-forum related battles please.
    Last edited by Lancer; 07-06-2015 at 10:19 AM.
    Graphic Designer / YouTuber. Usually known as Mancha!

    @comicsansation

    Retired Moderator, as well as creator and owner of UBERocity on YouTube. Check us out!



  2. #2
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Romania
    Posts
    5,444
    Blog Entries
    61
    Basically, he takes your verses, makes them ten times better, and makes your rapping better as well in the process.

    10/10 I would pay for this
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  3. #3
    Hey Mancha, been a big fan of yours for a while now, just wondered if you could touch this up a bit, and maybe replace the swears with another word or phrase that fits?

    Diamond's Rap Matches On Youtube
    Trevenant VS The Great Deku Tree

    Written by Eddie Bulmer, 12

    Trevenant:

    It's Trevenant, Roaming through the forests with malevolence
    This vicious coniferous chops down a tree with benevolence
    I'm Phan-trumping you in every way, your raps are just hollow
    I'll trap you in my woods, so you do not dare to follow
    I'll Ingrain you a Forest's Curse, and this time not from Gerudo
    Ought to Will-O-Wisp a bitch, make red earth like the start of Hyrule (oh!)
    My raps are Astonishing, call me MC Wood Hammer
    Because this lonely Deku Nut's wood will never be loved by Lana

    Great Deku Tree:

    It's time for this Elder to smelt a pestering Deku Scrub
    I'm like a topiary, you are just a puny shrub
    I'm a wise might to fight, there's no forging friendships in my land!
    I'm gonna win! Knock on wood, and I don't even need hands!
    Your ability will not cure my natural sense of knowledge
    I'm helping save the world, where you're just fiddling in foliage
    You will not Phantom Force out of this when you are stuck in my Meadow
    You just lost, woods, go back to Chipper's Lumber Co.



    Rap Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1gxLV8KHgI

  4. #4
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Romania
    Posts
    5,444
    Blog Entries
    61
    Remember to give a reference guide :P
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  5. #5
    It's Trevenant, Roaming through the forests with malevolence
    Trevenant is rapping, it lives in the forest, and it's evil. Not much to say about this one

    This vicious coniferous chops down a tree with benevolence
    Trevenant is vicious, because it lures children into the forest and traps them forever. Also, it rhymes with coniferous, which Trevenant would likely be classified as, due to the spikes. The Great Deku Tree has benevolence as he sent Link to go and remove the curse planted on him, and is overall a powerful ally to the player in Ocarina Of Time.

    I'm Phan-trumping you in every way, your raps are just hollow
    Phan-trump is a portmanteau of Phantump, Trevenant's pre evolution, and trump, to beat/overcome. Hollow raps mean his references don't go far as they are just hollow. It's a tree joke.
    I'll trap you in my woods, so you do not dare to follow
    In the pokedex for Pokemon X, it says that he traps people who harm the forest in his woods for eternity. Trevenant is implying that he is the woods and the disses against him are harming him.

    I'll Ingrain you a Forest's Curse, and this time not from Gerudo
    Kinda a fancy way of saying "I'll give you a curse, but one that's different from the one that the Gerudo gave you". Forest's Curse and Ingrain are both Pokemon moves, and the Gerudo king placed a curse on the Great Deku Tree, so Trevenant says he will curse him, but a different, possibly more powerful curse than the one previously bestowed upon him.

    Ought to Will-O-Wisp a bitch, make red earth like the start of Hyrule (oh!)
    Trevenant calls Great Deku Tree a bitch, and should be burned. Fire is generally red, so Trevenant says while him and the earth around him is burning, it will be red, just like in the Creation of Hyrule story, where the three goddesses "
    cultivated the land and created the red earth". Will-O-Wisp is a pokemon move that Trevenant learns, and when used, burns the opponent.

    My raps are Astonishing, call me MC Wood Hammer

    Astonish is a pokemon move, and Trevenant will shock The Great Deku Tree with the quality of his raps, or "astonish" him. MC Hammer is a popular music maker guy (IDK too much about him at all) But MC is a common term used in rap, and Wood Hammer is a move that Trevenant learns, so he connects the two, calling himself "MC Wood Hammer". Another portmanteau.

    Because this lonely Deku Nut's wood will never be loved by Lana

    A deku nut is an item in the LOZ series, and it is small and weak, so Trevenant compares this great celestial deity to a deku nut. Also, calling him a nut means that he is crazy. Lana uses The Great Deku Tree to fight in Hyrule Warriors, and Lana is pretty much Great Deku Tree's only shot at "love", so Trevenant says Lana will never like his genitals, and will not be with him, reiterating the "lonely". Wood is a slang term for genitals.


    It's time for this Elder to smelt a pestering Deku Scrub

    Once again a simple line. Comparing Trevenant to a Deku Scrub, Trevenant is annoying him, Great Deku Tree will put an end to Trevenant.
    I'm like a topiary, you are just a puny shrub
    Just a but of a filler line that refrences how Great Deku Tree is MASSIVE compared to Trevenant. Also, Comparing to an inferior thing, blah blah, you get the idea.

    I'm a wise might to fight, there's no forging friendships in my land!
    He says that he is wise, and he is, because of how long he has been around. The first episode of the anime for Pokemon that Trevenant was in was named "Forging Forest Friendships!" where a Trevenant kidnaps Ash to get help.

    I'm gonna win! Knock on wood, and I don't even need hands!

    The Great Deku Tree obviously has no hands, but when he says "knock on wood", he is implying that he will punch Trevenant, or beat him. Usually you need hands to punch something. Also, the "I'm gonna win!" sets up so that "Knock on wood" makes sense as that is proper use of the phrase.
    Your ability will not cure my natural sense of knowledge
    One of Trevenant's abilities that he can have is called "Natural Cure". He says that regardless of his ability, Trevenant cannot cure his "natural" sense of knowledge.

    I'm helping save the world, where you're just fiddling in foliage
    The Great Deku Tree has a big backstory that I won't delve into here, look it up on the Zelda wiki, but basically he does help save the world by using Navi to get link to fight Ganondorf, thus saving Hyrule. Trevenants just kinda live in forests and don't do anything major to Kalos.

    You will not Phantom Force out of this when you are stuck in my Meadow
    Phantom Force is one of Trevenant's attacks that involves him disappearing and reappearing in a different place to attack the enemy. Great Deku Tree claims that when Trevenant realizes that he is losing, he will try to Phantom Force out of his terrain, or The Great Deku Tree's Meadow, which Link is sent to after defeating the Forest Temple.

    You just lost, woods, go back to Chipper's Lumber Co.
    Lost Woods is a place in the LOZ universe, and The Great Deku Tree says that Trevenant lost, so it is a pun using Lost Woods, and in the game Chipper and Sons Lumber Co, There are monsters that can be destroyed using a watering can that look very similar to Trevenant. Trevenant is referred to as being "woods", as a reference to the previous line "I'll trap you in my woods, so you do not dare to follow"
    .

  6. #6
    Clemi's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Paris
    Posts
    3,526
    Blog Entries
    26
    Quote Originally Posted by The Batman View Post
    Basically, he takes your verses, makes them ten times better, and makes your rapping better as well in the process.

    10/10 I would pay for this
    That'd be interesting if you could also explain the steps for this

  7. #7
    Lancer's Avatar Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Underground
    Posts
    4,482
    Blog Entries
    3
    Here you go, anyways!

    Trevenant vs Great Deku Tree, MaNCHizzl'd
    Spoiler: 

    Trevenant
    It's Trevenant! This treant strolls through forests with malevolence!
    Vicious coniferous spits disses to combat your benevolence!
    Entrap you with raps, I'm Phan-trumping you with rhyme
    Until I seal your demise like Ocarina of Time!
    My verse contains a Forest's Curse much worse than that of Ganondorf
    You're Geru-doomed as I spit burns to Will-o-Wisp and leave you scorched!
    MC Wood Hammer can crush this rotten pinnacle of knowledge
    So watch me smash your Deku Nuts and leave you quite Astonished!

    Great Deku Tree
    Respect your elders, son, you're a sniveling wimp of a Deku Scrub!
    Above you in every way it seems I'll have to Cut this pesky shrub!
    Just try to fight the wisest might! A knock on wood won't help your luck!
    Forge friendships all you want 'cuz either way it seems you're forest fucked!
    You lack ability on the mic, so you can't Harvest up a victory!
    Keep playing in your fields while I'm shaping hero destinies!
    My meadow is eternal, don't even dare to Phantom Force a win!
    'Cuz you just lost, woods, my diss strikes deeper than my beast within!



    Changelog:
    Spoiler: 

    I reference the lines you wrote. Sorry if I'm harsh.

    Trevenant:

    Line 1: Trevenant is a treant, so I added that for extra syllables.

    Line 2: The way you worded it, it seemed like the chopping was done with benevolence, not the tree possessing benevolence, so I reworded it and added a rhyme.

    Lines 3 and 4: Very fillery, especially 4. Phan-trump is good, and the trap is good, so I expanded on it, raps implying that it could be a trap beat (heh) and also making a threat as opposed to a warning. The original line was weak because Trevenant wasn't taking action.

    Line 5: Your use of Ingrain didn't make sense, but the Forest Curse reference is excellent. Edited the rhyme as well.

    Line 6: The wording here was weird, and rhyming with an extraneous interjection is usually a bad idea, so I fixed that, re-added the Gerudo reference, and ye.

    Line 7: Beefed it up. Can crush this ~ can't touch this, yes?

    Line 8: This line's really cringy. Because I don't think GDT essentially would seek Lana for love (let alone ignoring the fact that trees have no genitals comparable to humans'), I scrapped it. Don't do lines about love except if there's an objective reference, like I still love you Alex! Bullshit! Your sex life is Terminated! Thus, I moved down the Astonish line and kept a Nuts joke.

    Great Deku Tree:

    Line 1: GDT can't smelt, smelting involves fire, and GDT's a tree. It'd work for Hephaestus or something, but not a tree. Respect your elders joke, Deku Scrubs hide when you get near them..

    Line 2: This works, but it's kinda dumb. Above as in taller and better, Cut as in HM01 / Link cutting stuff.

    Line 3/4: Reworded for personal preference. I thought forest fucked sounded funny because of alliteration, if you don't like that, let me know.

    Line 5: Pretty ok. I switched abilities, because "curing knowledge" is contradictory.

    Line 6: "fiddling in foliage" isn't really a diss.

    Line 7: Reworded.

    Line 8: The reference seems a bit tacked on, and the game is really obscure IMO, so that's a big no-no. Instead, I referenced Gohma, the boss inside the GDT.
    Last edited by Lancer; 07-06-2015 at 07:23 PM.
    Graphic Designer / YouTuber. Usually known as Mancha!

    @comicsansation

    Retired Moderator, as well as creator and owner of UBERocity on YouTube. Check us out!



  8. #8
    Wow, thanks! You made it a ton better! Would you be willing to voice GDT?I know you did it for GASRB, and I loved your voice in that. If there are any requirements i'm missing when asking for a collab, please tell me. Also, I loved the changelog that you added. Helped me see where I screwed up and how I can improve. TheDiamondPiggy give this chiseling service 10/10!

  9. #9
    Lancer's Avatar Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Underground
    Posts
    4,482
    Blog Entries
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by TheDiamondPiggy View Post
    Wow, thanks! You made it a ton better! Would you be willing to voice GDT?I know you did it for GASRB, and I loved your voice in that. If there are any requirements i'm missing when asking for a collab, please tell me. Also, I loved the changelog that you added. Helped me see where I screwed up and how I can improve. TheDiamondPiggy give this chiseling service 10/10!
    I'll have to see how things come up, I can do it if I've got time, but I'm out of town atm without my mic, and I don't know my schedule when I get back, but quite possibly. I'd recommend getting a different beat as well as to not come off as copying B-Lo too much.
    Graphic Designer / YouTuber. Usually known as Mancha!

    @comicsansation

    Retired Moderator, as well as creator and owner of UBERocity on YouTube. Check us out!



  10. #10
    Cool, can do! Thanks again!
    Hey, this isn't even a big project. If you don't want to do it or it would cause too much inconvenience, just say the word. I don't want to trouble you.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •