It is now several years after Rob's Rebellion and the realm seems at peace once again. The mighty Rob Baratheon slew noble Prince Petegar in battle and thus ended the ancient House Targaryen in one fell swoop. The dragons, who had ruled Forumsteros for centuries, had all but been wiped out except for Hanaerys and her brother Branaerys (hey the names rhyme!) who escaped to Wikiros with the help of Targaryen loyalists.
Now the realm is in the hands of King Rob, first of his name and all seems well. However, troubling is brewing. The king is surrounded by Lannisters, being married to the famous blonde baguette Clemsi, with her suspiciously non-French twin brother Sparts as a member of the Kingsguard. King a Rob knows not if he can trust these lions, and needs a true friend as his ally. The truest friend Rob has is the honourable LAWLned Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North and soon to be Hand of the King. Can the dynamic duo of Rob and LAWLned win this game of thrones? (See what I did there?)
"I'm tellin' y'all, I saw mothafuckin' ice zombies north o' the wall! Y'all has got to believe me!" the young ranger said as LAWLned sharpened his Valyrian steel sword - Ice.
"There hasn't been a mothafuckin' ice zombie seen in thousands of years," the great lord said icily.
"You sure cos y'all just about as cold as one!" the soon-to-be-headless ranger snapped back.
TheYN attempted to stifle a laugh as LAWLned backhanded the bitch for trash-talking, "You'll be a lot less mouthy once I take your head, deserter!" the warden fumed, "TheYN fetch me a block!"
The ward dutifully obeyed his lord and brought forth a chopping block.
"Is father gonna behead the deserter himself?" young Brandonis Stark asked, wide-eyed.
"Yes little bro, the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword," Bran's bastard brother Jon Snea said, "don't look away."
"Nigga, I'm eight years old and you all expect me to watch some dude get beheaded? What are we, ISIS? I'm pissing my breeches already and father's not even done sharpening his sword. Shake my head, fam,"
"Uh...what?"
LAWLned Stark raised the sword high. "What y'all gonna do when them ice zombies come knockin'? Y'all are making a mist-" the deserter never got to finish his sentence as the sword sliced through his neck.
"BOO YAH, TEAM STARK FOR THE WIN!" TheYN exclaimed, kicking the ranger's severed head.
"Come, let us return to Winterfell, my loving wife will be awaiting me." Lord LAWLned told them.
"You mean the Canadian bitch?" GoB asked his father. GoB was the oldest of LAWLned's children and heir to Winterfell though not many thought he was up for the job seeing as he liked ponies.
"Don't talk about your mother that way! Besides, aren't you bronies meant to be about love and tolerance and shit?" LAWLned fumed.
"Gosh dad, mom's the Canadian not me."
"Where even is Canada?" Jon Snea interjected.
"Don't be a moron Jon. Everyone knows Canada is a myth, just like ice zombies." Brandonis told him, "Let's just get back to Winterfell, TheYN might freeze his tits off." Bran pointed to TheYN who had just taken off his shirt, waving it over his head and yelling about Team Stark.
As they rode the long way back to Winterfell, GoB Stark couldn't help but wonder why they travelled so far in this freezing weather just to chop off some crazy dude's head. His father told him to shut his facehole. GoB obeyed.
"Dad," Brandonis asked his father while they rode, "do you think the man was brave?"
"What are you asking such dumbass questions for? Get the fuck out, fool!"
Brandonis obliged.
"Hold up boys," a still shirtless TheYN Greyjoy called, "yes I am still freezing my tits off and look, we found some direwolf pups,"
"Nonsense TheYN, direwolves haven't been seen south of the wall for thousands of years," LAWLned said disbelievingly, "they are just as likely to make an appearance as ice zombies and Canada."
"Begging your pardon m'lord but look at the size of these things!" TheYN said, pointing to his tits, "and the wolf pups are pretty big too!"
"TheYN's right, these are definitely direwolves." Jon Snea opined.
"Holy Dildnose, they are direwolves!" LAWLned gasped, taken aback.
"Looks like you may owe our headless friend back there an apology." GoB Stark smirked.
"Does this mean Canada is real too?" Brandonis asked.
"I said get the fuck out with your lame ass questions Bran, Canada's the one thing nobody will believe in." LAWLned barked.
"These are the first direwolves seen this far south in a millennium..." TheYN said, seemingly in awe,
And so they killed and ate them cos winter is coming and bitches still need to eat!
Originally Posted by Juiz
Reply With Quote
