Game of Thrones - Forum Edition

[Rocket]

You sire have read fine art.

I do enjoy fine art, though I have to say I enjoy fine ass much more.

Seeing as GoT has so much sex, will there be sex in this one?

[Moonjik]

I do enjoy fine art, though I have to say I enjoy fine ass much more.

Seeing as GoT has so much sex, will there be sex in this one?

I think we have a rule against erotica

[Rocket]

I think we have a rule against erotica

What a shame. It's not GoT without all the sex. Do you think if we started a petition, we could get the rule changed?

[Moonjik]

What a shame. It's not GoT without all the sex. Do you think if we started a petition, we could get the rule changed?

It's worth a shot, it's for realism purposes after all

[echo]

This is literally the greatest thing ever.

[Moonjik]

This is literally the greatest thing ever.

Aw thank you

[Moonjik]

The group returned to Winterfell that very day, blood on their fur cloaks and direwolf pups in their bellies. As they passed through the Winterfell gates they were greeted by LAWLned's loyal lady wife - Catedion Stark.

"Oh waifu, you're back, eh!" the Canadian said ecstatically and ran up to give her waifu a hug. LAWLned pushed her away brusquely, "calm yourself woman, the LAWLned doesn't like being touched," the lord of Winterfell grunted cooly. "Oh waifu, why are you so tsundere?" Catedion wooed.

"Daddy pure wrecked a Night's Watch deserter!" Brandonis gloated, "there was blood everywhere!"

"Including in your breeches, ladyboy," GoB said smugly. TheYN hi-fived the heir to Winterfell for his sick burn, "Bran is on his period!" the ward spelled the joke out in case Jon Snea didn't get it.

"Oh yeah, I totally owned this guy. He was talking some shit about ice zombies so I lopped his stupid head off his stupid shoulders, LAWLned style!" Lord Stark triumphantly pumped his fist into the air, "where are my daughters?"

"Aryachick and Top Sansington have had another fight..." Catedion said, exhasperated, "Aryachick ruined a hat Top Sansington was sewing and has locked herself in her room. Sansington should be out to greet you by now."

As if on que, the eldest daughter of Lord LAWLned came running up to greet her party. A tall top-hat adorned her auburn head.

"Hey daddy!" Top Sansington said, hugging her lord father.

"Hat-wearing bitch, what did I say about the no touchy!?" LAWLned backhanded the ho for getting in his personal bubble.

"Tell her about the direwolf pups, dad," GoB insisted.

"Oh yeah, we found a litter of direwolf pups on our way back to Winterfell," Lord Stark told his daughter, "there were six of them in total and they were so fucking kawaii."

"That sounds soo cute! Where are they?!" Sansington squeed.

"In our motherfucking bellies!" TheYN yelled in her face.

And it was that very day a freak avalanche buried ten villages in the north.

Far across the narrow sea, a plot was brewing with the last Targaryens. The two young dragonlings sat in a great open pavilion, enjoying the warm breeze and snacking on Wikirosi delicacies as they watched the spectacle unfold before them. A Dothswagi wedding was one of the strangest things Hanaerys Targaryen had ever seen. Her brother Bradaerys had once seen a Wikirosi denizen who wasn't a complete asshat, but the Dothswagi wedding was pretty close in its peculiarity.

"Why are they ripping each other's spines out?" Hanerys asked the fat cheese monger who accompanied them.

"The better question is why don't we?" the fat cheese monger replied jovially.

"Yeah! Why don't we?!" Braderys stood up shaking his fist in the air "Imma rip out some spines! Dragon power!"

"Calm yourself, your grace." the cheese monger told the arrogant beggar king, "you may rip out all the spines you like when you're sitting on the iron throne."

The thought brought a huge grin to Braderys' face.

"You expect me to marry one of these barbarians?" Hanaerys asked no-one in particular, "they're savages."

"Your brother needs an army, and you need some way to lose your virginity before a certain sexy sellsword has his way with you."

"Mate...I'm like fourteen."

"Too old."

"Which one am I supposed to be marrying anyway? Is it the handsome one over th-"

Hanaerys dodged the handsome one's spine as it came flying at her.

"No, it is that one. The one with the gorgeous abs. Men call him Khal Wumbo."

"What do dragons call him?!" Braderys demanded his eyes twitching, "I want to call him Dumbo! I'm a dragon, I can do what I want!"

Hanaerys and the cheese monger shared a look.

"It would not be wise to say such things to the khal in his presence. He is a notable spine-ripper, as our young bride to be has surely witnessed first-hand."

"I'm not marrying a horselord."

"Yes you are! I need an army! I AM A DRAGON!" Braderys shouted,

"Your husband will have his way with you later. In the meantime I've got wedding gifts for you. Here are three dragon eggs, don't ask me any questions and I won't tell you any lies as to how I got them," the magister stood up to reveal the great oaken chest he was sitting upon. He opened it and within lay three, scaly dragon eggs sitting in yellow silk, "the centuries have long turned them to stone and there is no possibility of dragons ever hatching from them, ever. So yeah, completely ornamental dragon eggs, hehe, here you go."

"DID YOU SAY DRAGONS?!" Braderys demanded.

"No, I said wagons."

"Oh."

"I have a gift too," a strange figure with an English accent spoke up from behind them.

"Magister, who is this man?" Hanaerys wanted to know.

"This is Ranjorah Mormont. He was banished from England for not supporting the queen and football hooliganism enough. He wants to serve you."

"SERVE ME, THE DRAGON?!" Braderys shouted.

"Serve both of you," Ranjorah said, "and I've brought a gift like I said,"

"What is it?" Hanaerys asked this English exile.

"My dick in a box."

[sane]

This is amazing <3

Gonad is my fat friend

[Moonjik]

Wintefell was abuzz with excitement when news came that King Rob decided to vacation there. Although a frozen hellhole, Catedion wanted to make sure the caste was accomadating enough for his grace when he arrived. To make the king feel right at home a feast was to be prepared in his honor. Catedion would make everything perfect while LAWLned sulked in his chambers.

"Hey Jon," GoB called to his half-brother as he walked in his room. The room was painted black and My Chemical Romance posters littered the walls. Jon was huddled in a corner over a piece of parchment.

"Oh my gawd GoB! Every heard of knocking?" Jon sighed, "nobody understands me,"

"What you writing?"

"Some poetry, gawd!"

"Here let me read-"

"NO! This is sensitive stuff man, just leave me alone, gawd,"

"Whatever," GoB said as he left, "emo bastard,"

Brandonis and Aryachick were practicing their archery.

"What do you think Prince Samfrey is like?" Brandonis asked his sister.

"A wanker," she replied, shooting an arrow which went astray and hitting HoDOR, the stableboy in the arse.

"Agreed,"

HoDOR just managed to finish cleaning the stables when LAWLned came to the courtyard.

"They're almost here HoDOR!" he fretted.

"HoDOR," said HoDOR.

A trumpet blasted to herald the king's arrival.

"Everybody, to your places!" LAWLned called. He grabbed the bow and arrow out of Aryachick's hand.

"Hey, I was just about to loose that," she whined.

"I never wanted to loose my seed in your lady mother when I sired you but the old gods enjoy laughing at my misfortune. Now I'm stuck with a whiny whore of a daughter. Don't make me backhand you back into a little white seed, you toerag," LAWLned spat in a way only he could, "the king is here. Try not to be embarass me."

The procession rode through the Winterfell gates. The king's carriage came in, pulled by two horses which looked like they were struggling, flanked by a dozen knights - the most handsome of which was Sparts Lannister. TheYN opened the door of the carriage and was immediately swept to the side by the belly of the largest man the realm had seen. King Rob was three times as wide as he was tall, and he was pretty darn tall to begin with. LAWLned remembered when the king was young and muscled like a maiden's dreams. Countless nights had been spent in those strong arms. Nights where neither men knew when the rebellion was going to end or if they'd see their lady loves again so they took comfort in each other...woah...

"You've gotten fat," LAWLned said, eying the king disdainfully.

"Aw LAWLned, man that hurt " King Rob looked disheartened.

"Good,"

"Hello King Rob! It is good to finally see you!" Catedion said running up to the king to embrace what little part of him she could.

"Quiet wench, go make me a sandwhich,"

"Erm, I am Lady Catedion Stark of Winterfell, your grace. I'm sorry for the confusion."

"I bloody well know who you are woman!" the king snapped.

"I can see why him and daddy were friends," Aryachick whispered to Jon Snea.

"LAWLned have you met my wife? Queen Clemsei Lannister,"

A blonde woman with a curly moustache and a beret wearing a mime outfit walked out the carriage.

"Bonjour," she said very Frenchily.

"I never knew the Lannisters were French," TheYN puzzled.

"Et je ne knew pas le Greyjoys were Asian," the queen said even more Frenchily.

"Good point,"

"Is your brother French?" Catedion asked the queen.

"Iz your brozzer a fat whore?"

"Why yes he is," Catedion seemed impressed.

"LAWLned, why did you never tell me your wife was Canadian?"

"Why didn't you tell me your wife was French?"

"Haha, it looks like we both got given the short end of the stick,"

"Jon has a short stick!" GoB piped in.

"At least neither of us married a French Canadian, lol" LAWLned said smiling.

Both women looked pissed.

"I'm Asian," said TheYN very Asianly.

"And I'm the prince!" an annoying blonde Jew dismounted from the carriage, "I am Samfrey Baratheon, heir of the seven kingdoms!"

Aryachick and Brandonis high-fived each other.

Sansington swooned, the prince was even more handsome than she imagined. She tipped her fedora hat and spaghetti fell out of her pockets. Her cheeks blushed the same colour as her patchy red neckbeard.

"M'prince," Sansington said, bowing to Samfrey, her breath smelling of Cheetos.

"Urgh, who is this disgusting creature before me?" Samfrey said, looking revolted.

"Your betrothed," King Rob said, roaring with laughter.

"What's so funny?" Sansington asked.

This was going to be a long stay.

[Samos]

Dang Rob is mean

And so is that Samfrey guy