EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!
KLONOA!
VS!!
COOONKEEEER!!!
BEGIN!!
Conker:
Ugh, I'll tell you the tale of how I Conker'd this... thing.
Bad Fur Day begins with Conker telling the story of his journey. Also Conker=conquer. Finally, many people debate on what species Klonoa actually is.
With the bark of a bitch, and the guts of a pussy it seems.
Two theories are a dog or cat. Conker says that Klonoa has the bark of a dog, (from phrase, "bark worse than bite"), and he also has the guts of a pussy (a derogatory term for cowards.)
Ask your prince to give you the memory of winning this fight,
Klonoa's original memory of the Wind Ring was actually a false memory from the ring's inhabitant, Huepow.
because you're dreaming if you think you've a chance if you can't stand heights.
The whole Klonoa series revolves around dreams. Also, Klonoa gets uneasy around heights.
Your ability suits ya, cause you're so full of hot air;
Klonoa's Wind Ring gives him the ability to use Wind Bullets, which is used to inflate enemies (hence hot air).
with an inflated ego from a Ring with that rabbit fagget flair.
Another joke about the Wind Bullet. Another idea is that Klonoa is based on rabbits. And Conker is also saying Klonoa's ring is like a homosexual accessory.
With my authority I'll execute you, no Bagoo pulling the strings.
Conker is the King of the Panther Kingdom. Klonoa was originally going to be executed in one of his games, but ended up getting roped into an adventure in order to stop the insomniac king, who was actually being manipulated by a villain named Bagoo.
And what kind of "hero" murders a man, with depression of all things!?
In another game, Klonoa fights the King of Sorrow, who wreaks havoc because of, well sorrow, and the fight ends up killing the King of Sorrow.
I'll kick your ass for Phantomiles, and my G Diddy'll pick up the scraps.
Klonoa lives in Phantomile. Also, Conker first appeared in Diddy Kong racing as one of Diddy's friends. "G Diddy" is also a pun on P. Diddy.
Dashing and cashing checks, if luxury's a girl, I'm sitting on her lap.
Conker has a girlfriend and he has a lot of money. Also, a play on the phrase "lap of luxury" to showcase his wealth and ability to get girls.
The only way they'd revive your series is by pairing you with Namco.
After three years without a game, Klonoa was included as a character in the NamcoxCapcom crossover game.
You've gone and croaked, Klonoa; I'll call you Keroro!
Klonoa's voice actress is the same as Sergeant Keroro of the anime Keroro Gunso (Sgt. Frog in America).
Klonoa:
... Rupurudu!
Let's go!
What happened, Conker? You went from Pocket Tales to Hangover 2.
Conker's first solo game was Pocket Tales, aimed at young children. His next game got an M rating and involved sex, gore, etc. The story begins with him waking up in the Panther Kingdom after getting drunk the previous night. In that regard, the plot is similar to the Hangover movies.
I defeated stuff nightmares are made of, you've bested falsetto-loving poo.
Klonoa has defeated literal nightmares. One of Conker's enemies was the Great Mighty Poo (an opera-singing pile of crap).
I'll put a Wind Bullet to you, like my name was Don Weaso;
Klonoa is threatening Conker with a Wind Bullet, but using the threat like an actual gun. Don Weaso is a mobster who killed Conker's girlfriend.
Berri nice to beat ya, claiming wealth and power, but you're still miserable.
Berri was Conker's girlfriend. Klonoa remarks that even though Conker was talking about wealth and power in his first verse, Conker is still miserable, which is true.
I've got Twelve Tales of your exploits................... Sorry for the delay.
Twelve Tales was a Conker game that got delayed and finally put off in favor of the darker Bad Fur Day.
It's just even Nintendo gave you scat, so you got a Bad Fur Day.
Nintendo allowed Rare to take any liberty when creating a new Conker game, which resulted in the inappropriate character Conker has become.
In the end you're just a squirrel, so you can munch on deez nuts!
Obvious line is obvious.
(Huepow: KLONOA!)
Huepow is the inhabitant of the Wind Ring and one of Klonoa's closest allies and friends.
But I have to keep it rated E, because Everyone loves my stuff.
Another jab at Conker's dramatic change. And the Klonoa series is rated E for Everyone.
Sit back and drink your beer, my Song of Rebirth is upon us.
Conker is an alcoholic. The Song of Rebirth was used to send Klonoa back to his home, but he's also claiming that he thinks he's going to make a big comeback, as people still play and enjoy the Klonoa series.
You're a petty chair leg that wouldn't even satisfy Adonis.
The Panther King's goal was to capture and use Conker as a table leg for his broken table. Since Klonoa is also a forumer here, I thought it appropriate to mention Adonis and his chair leg.
I'm killing this mic, like the Tediz were here.
The Tediz, teddy bear Nazis, played a role in Bad Fur Day and killed a lot of Conker's allies.
I can't find your talent, like your company, (Magya!) Rare!
Magya is an exclamation used by Klonoa to express pain, this time he's using it to acknowledge Conker's pain. Rare has the rights to the Conker games.
Conker:
Imma pop this ba-foon, like his motherfucking Grandpa.
Ba-foon is a combination of balloon (Another Wind Bullet reference) and buffoon. Klonoa's grandfather was killed.
Listen to me vamp up, with those ears now, can't ya?
Vamp up=amp up. Conker is part vampire. Klonoa has very large eyes.
Gaming devolved into this? Pick up one of those Moon Stones.
Conker is appalled at what gaming has become. The Moon Stones are objects Klonoa had to collect in one of his adventures. But Conker is also referring to Moon Stones, as in an Evolution Stone in Pokemon. He suggests Klonoa uses them to help the games which "devolved".
And know I've stomped out little girls with more bravado than you've shown!
One of Conker's enemies was a little girl who was the commander of the Tediz. He's saying that she was more brave than Klonoa, who does have a few fears.
Klonoa:
(Huepow: KLONOA!!!... Fuck the ESRB.)
Shit's about to get real...
You've Lived and Loaded on some loose chipmunk's "shot" glass,
Live and Loaded was a remake for Bad Fur Day. Berri was a chipmunk, and Klonoa is referring to her genitalia as a shot glass. Once again, Conker is an alcoholic.
now it's time to join Alvin and the rest of the cast!
Referring to Berri as Alvin, from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Klonoa is also going to kill Conker.
You make a worse fucking king than the Black Panthers would.
Conker is the current king, but the one he killed to take the throne was known as King Panther. The Black Panthers are a black rights group in America that sometimes uses extreme, radical methods.
And even this battle's writer (META!) will give me a boost like your programmer should.
At the end of Bad Fur Day, the programmer of the game froze it in order to help Conker kill the final boss. But abandoned him when Conker asked to have his girlfriend back from the dead. I'm obliging and giving Klonoa two extra lines.
You're a bust in Blackjack, I'm a full house of Aces.
Card games are associated with drinking. In Blackjack, if you go over 21 you bust. In general, Aces are the best cards, and a full house is the best hand you can have in Poker. And there's another reference here that I will explain in the next line.
You're the end of a Wright game, like Gregg said, "One of those special cases!"
Aces was also a reference to Ace Attorney, another Capcom game in which Phoenix Wright is the protagonist. Usually, at the end of an Ace Attorney game is a special, bonus case you can play. Gregg is the Grim Reaper in Bad Fur Day and does not take Conker to the afterlife because he's a "special case." Special case, just like the end of Ace Attorney games.
WHO WON!?
WHO'S NEXT!?
YOU DECIDE!!!!
EPIC! Wahoo! RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!!
But I'm definitely happy to do these again.
Tao of Blue
Bon Vivant of Violet
Originally Posted by Buttercream
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