What’s up, bitches? - Theodore Roosevelt
Brad, yeah, he was kind of a jerk (ergh), however he did start one of the most beautiful things that ever graced this forum (well, Butters was involved too). I’m of course speaking about Video Game Battle Royale. Brad’s era was concluded with an All-Stars battle Royale. Then, other scrubs came to write. Me, Log, Ranger, Brine, Turtle even wrote two of them. And finished both (everyone in the writing team glares at me). And, you guessed it, this Season two so to speak, has to conclude with an all-stars as well. The greatest fighters of those six VGBR duke it out once again.
1 winner from each
1 runner-up from each
1 author pick from each
1 joint pick from each
1 deadliest competitor from each
And 2 extra guys, because 32 is a better number for us than 30.
32 contestants, in a royale like this, is pretty much a fuckton. How will we manage that, you might ask. What do we mean by “we”, you might ask as well.
Well, it’s not just me that’s writing this. Ranger, Turtle, and Log joined me as well. And we’re splitting this thing. Each of us will manage a group of eight fighters, each in a separate arena. After three survivors emerge from each group, we merge the groups into one final, 12-people fight. We’ll be taking turns from then on. We have a neat system set up meaning not only you won’t see the winner coming, most of the writing team won’t see the winner coming either.
So. Let’s introduce the groups.
---
The audience watch as a small ball shaped thing rolls onto the stage. “... bloop.” It says. The crowd cheers… for some reason. “OK yeah whatever shut up. So apparently I get to host again because why the fuck not and I don’t feel like dealing with the formalities so what the fuck ever let’s do this shit.” The crowd cheers again… for some reason. “Let’s cut to [my] arena of choice now because fuck yeah time management!”
The curtains are lifted to unveil a television screen, showing our BIG OLE’ SPANKING NEW ARENA BITCHES!
…
The audience stares at the lone spheal in the center.
“Yes, fitting for this super intense fight, I have chosen a SUPER INTENSE stage to go along with it… It is… Stagnant Sea from Pikmin 3 http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/...0130613085906”
“WHAT THE FUCK LOH” Says someone in the audience”
“I don’t care. Anyways, continuing on, I might as well explain the logistics of using a stage like this, considering how if we properly scaled it, it would basically just be a group of puddles. Every enemy that would have been in the stage has been… disposed of, other than those weird tadpole things because who gives a shit about those? Also everyone has been properly scaled to fit the stage, except for one who we deemed small enough to fit in the stage by default any way. So without further ado let’s INTRODUCE OUR CONTESTANTS!”
First one up is the winner of Turtle’s second royale, he’s fast, he’s powerful, he has no dick, let’s give it up for METAL SONIC, standing right there in the center of the stage! Metal Sonic floats with a brooding look on his face, but in reality he’s just kind of confused.
Oh by the way I kind of mind wiped these guys beforehand just for the hell of it, don’t pay any mind.
Next up, the one man who got the most kills out of anyone in Brine’s royale… somehow… LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR LESTER THE UNLIKELY, standing on the “island” on the right side of the stage! Lester the Unlikely looks around with a nervous look on his face.
… Good luck with that.
Next up is a joint pick from Kubby’s royale, he’s bigger, faster, and stronger too… he’s the first- it’s Sam Fisher. He’s chilling under the bridge on the right of the stage. Sam Fisher looks around with an analytical look on his face, already figuring out where to go next.
Now we have one of the most deserving winners of them all, the amazing, the MAGNIFICENT, the MIND BLOWING… Mudcrab. He’s just kind of chilling in the body of water on the bottom of the stage. Mudcrab buries itself slightly deeper in the mud.
Alright, our 5th contestant was my personal pick from my royale, he’s probably the deadliest old dude you’ve EVER SEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Everyone give it up for SCP-106! (Currently hiding in the boot to the right.) SCP-106 smiles to the camera and disappears into the wall.
This next guy’s just one of our extras but he sure can pack a punch… if he had arms anyways. Meh whatever it’s a fucking Skarmory. He’s just chilling on the bridge to the left. The audience watch in awe as Skarmory casually preens its feathers.
… Yep.
Now for the… whatever the fuck he is. Vaguely cat/fox like organism with lots of weapons and shit, give it up for the winner of Ranger’s royale, RATCHETTTTTTTTT. Ratchet is standing alone on the “island” on the left.
And finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for (CLEARLY) our joint pick from Ranger’s royale, he’s evil, he’s German, and that’s pretty much all you need to know! GIVE IT UP FOR MECHA-HITLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Mecha-Hitler is standing on the “island” at the top, where the big bulborb used to be. He mutters something in German and whirls his chainguns a bit.
Exciting cast right? Well whatever let’s make them fight HUZZAH!
(Ranger you’re just going to LOVE what I have in store xP)
---
OK, Log presented us with his contestants, now it’s time to introduce the fighters in my arena. It is , in fact, very similar to the arena I had in my previous VGBR in. Everything was surrounded by La Valette castle walls, the Poo Mountain still in the centre of the arena, still with the hole from Angry Bird’s assault. Of course, it would not be fun if I did not rearrange this a bit. The Flappy bird arena was moved inside, replacing the most of the original Witcher housing. The Guitar Hero prison was, for inexplicable reason, completely gone, and replaced with a completely empty, flat area, partly surrounded by blocks, reminiscent of the Surround arena.
That’s where these 8 badasses will fight.
Axel, standing right in the middle of the back street. Like everyone else, he was completely regenerated, and by that, I mean his wheeled trap was also back.
-Why. Not again. - he looked at his legs, not really ready to scrap against the ground one more time - This… This is gonna suck.
Don’t tell him he’s here only because Turtle really wanted him to be in this one.
Trevor Philips, the winner of Brine’s Royale, leaning against his bluish-gray Cuban 800, was right at the end of Surround arena inspired arena.
-The length...is absolutely enough. - He checked if his parachute worked correctly - Time to teach people some manners.
On the castle wall was the runner-up of Brine’s Royale, Aiden Pearce. He scanned the place from above, but nah… No theme parks in this place.
In one of the Witcher houses was the Witcher himself. Geralt of Rivia, also a runner up, this time of my Royale. He checked his blades, prepared his signs, and looked if his potions were still in place.
We also asked the fighters themselves to pick a worthy opponent for themselves… They picked Cory Baxter, who was in the Poo Mount...Wait, that is not Cory. Actually, I don’t know who that is….Yes?...What?...Alrighty then. Turns out Cory was found unconscious in the Legends World, knocked out by our mystery fighter. Well. I say, if he snuck past the security, and replaced one of the contestant under our noses, he is worthy enough to battle in All-Stars.
Next to the Poo Mountain was my personal pick, the one and only, Great Mighty Poo, who was warming up his vocal cords.
In another house, next to the Flappy Bird arena was Ranger’s pick. The ultimate David against every Goliath possible, the Colossus fighter, it was Wander.
Last, but not least is one of our joint picks. Surprisingly, he is NOT too big. That’d be, of course, Ridley of Metroid fame, who right now was stationed in the Flappy bird area.
They were soon to begin the carnage.
---
Ranger looked straight into the camera in front of him and waved, as the crowd cheered him louder than at the end of his VGBR, having drawn much more universes in with the sheer amount of fighters. “Everyone, I can promise you, that this will be a match to remember for the rest of your lives. You’ve heard the rules and all of the boring stuff, but before we see who I’ve been given to overlook, I would like to point out the stage, and it’s numerous sections. That’s right! While the movement through certain areas remain constant, the particular arenas have all been hand picked by yours truly, so to be the most interesting. With that out of the way, let’s meet the contestants!
The audience first saw a vaguely familiar sight, and as the background music kicked in almost everybody recognised the location. The first fighter was standing unfazed in the middle of the town, Pokemon Tower to the top right, Pokemon center to the top left, ‘Mart to the lower right. and three houses surrounding him. “Whoever said boring but practical can’t be exciting? The runner up to Turtle’s second created and first finished VGBR, BISHOP!” The deputy director didn’t look around for the location of the sound, and instead looked around, looking at all possible vantage points and ambush locations.
The second arena was more recognisable from the start, it’s layout having appeared in two different VGBRs. This time, the Battlefield was sporting it’s SSB4 design, with two red banners drifting to the right in the barely-existent breeze. Last time this had appeared in one of Ranger’s Royales, Fizz had appeared on the top platform. This time, the fighter was standing in the middle, underneath the aforementioned platform. She was dressed entirely in blue with gold outlines on her clothes, with a good and an exposed midriff. “I personally like unique fightstyles, which is why I’m happy to have this fighter. The deadliest warrior in the same Battle Royale as Bishop, straight from the playing board of Heathstone, Jaina Proudmoore!” The mage drew four cards, scowled, and put two back into the deck, floating next to her hip. Two more were drawn, and somewhere, a mana crystal was filled.
“A winner is up, now, and I have a good reason for wanting him.” A stark whiteness now assaulted the eyes of those who were more used to dark environments. A grey, metallic arm pulled the tile away from the camera, revealing a whole chamber covered with the same white material, with the exception of the much fewer areas created from a dark grey colour. Standing next to an aerial faith plate, and pushing a button so to cause a weighted cube to fall onto it and go catapulting into the small blue-ringed target, was the fighter. “The first winner of Season 2, my very own choice, the mute physicist from Black Mesa, GORDOOOON FREEMAN!” The scientist stood back from his experiment, and looked around for the door. There were two of them he could see, the dotted lines indicating that they had separate opening mechanisms. “Let’s see how he handles being tested by the rival company.”
Another stage that claimed its previous appearance in Ranger’s VGBR appeared. That time, a giant mech was filling up most of it, and the two opposing exits had to be magically enlarged so to accommodate for the Great Sacred Treasure.This time, the creature was still large, but nowhere near the sheer size of the aforementioned. “She may look weird, but trust me, she can fight, earning the most kills in her VGBR. Bowletta, everybody!” The fusion beast roared, ready to fight. Honestly, I have no idea how to characterise her, so let’s go with that for now.
On the contrary to Aperture Science’s testing chambers, this arena was dimly lit, making it a bit difficult to see the fighter at first. Eventually, people’s eyes grew adjusted to the torchlight, revealing two benches in front of an oversized fireplace, with a human-sized birdcage hoisted above it. In front of this area (the fire being obviously unlit, otherwise visibility would be much improved) was a white wolf, with what appeared to be a flaming green man-hole cover floating above her back. “You know, Loh has yet to explain how a Mudcrab could beat this fighter. The runner up and rightful winner to his VGBR, Amaterasu!” The wolf sat, looking majestic, as all white wolf-goddesses-with-green-flaming-floating-manhole-covers do.
Another fighter, another stage, this being another one from Ranger’s VGBR. Osohe Castle hadn’t changed one bit, not even the scrape marks from when Kenny and Friendly Ghost tried to move the piano up the left set of stairs were still there. In the same location as said ghost was another fighter, this one also having earned the most kills in it’s class. A familiar backing track was playing (Ranger had put a stereo playing it next to his mic), and the camera was panning through the castle’s rooms. Very slowly. “Hang on a moment, it’s getting there…” The music carried on, heading towards the the chiptune equivalent of a bass drop. Eventually, it reached said room, with a small character standing where the piano once stood. Another slow zoom in...and the music had reached it’s point. The notes slid down, and Ranger half sang, half shouted in time with the music. “MEGA THE MEGA THE MEGA MAN, HE’S IN THE EFF-IN’ CASTLE, HE’S MEGA! MEGA THE MEGA THE MEGA MAN…” Said blue android just stood there, arm across his chest and hand gripping the other arm, looking awkward as the announcer literally sang his praises.
Eventually, Ranger’s voice started to ache, so the scene switched to a sandy shore. The sea gently lapped at the feet of a sleepy crab, which was slowly approached by a turtle. However, as this has no relevance to future events, the camera switched to the fighter. He was taking a swig from a canteen that he had just picked up, as an eagle screeched and swooped down upon him. It was two meters away, just shifting it’s position in the air so it should be able to pick up the human, when it was suddenly obliterated. “I don’t have the energy to build anything up,” Ranger stated, voice noticeably hoarser from all the yelling/singing. “It’s Frank West.” The reporter took out his camera, snapped a photo of his first kill of this round and another of the scenery, then took another drink from the canteen.
Finally, the darkest of all of the arenas came up, and yet it was still completely visible, opposed to the Witch Court. It was made out of some yellowish-grey blocks, and after it jaggedly lowers down for a certain distance at the edges it just gives away, leading to a vast expanse of nothingness. On the island itself, there was little of interest. Four tall, dark towers stood in the formations that give them the impression of the four corners of a large square. Several gates, looking like they were made of the same material and filled with purple energy were scattered around the arena. The final fighter sat with his feet dangling off of the edge, suit as purple as the Nether Gate’s energy, smile still plastered across his face as it was for the entirety of his VGBR. “And everyone…” He sighed. “Just do it. You did it last time, and I know you’re planning to do it now.”
“Oh, my limey friend, you take all the fun out of it.” The clown said, putting his feet back on solid ground and walking towards the center of the arena, where he started. “Well, there’s no fun in it now.” He pouted. “Hello everyone, I’m Joker, and I’m going to be your psychopath this evening.” The crowd’s cheering was only mild this time, at least in comparison to the one he got last introduction. Everyone had a good reminder of exactly how messed up this guy could be.
“Well, anyway…”
The screen cycled through the combatants, their poster images imposed over a brief clip of one of their most notable feats in their previous fights: Bowletta fighting Sam Fisher, Mega Man facing off against Hecarim, Frank West slaying Arno Dorian. “The combatants are set. Are you guys ready? Of course you are! Now, let’s get this party started…”
---
Turtle picks up the phone.
Turtle: Eyyy, Pooly, my man! Have I got something for you!
Deadpool: Is it a VGBR All-stars?
Turtle: Fuck your 4th wall shenanigans.
Deadpool: So what do you need me for?
Turtle: Well, let’s just say I got some peeps that might need your… helping hand.
Deadpool: OH BOY. CAN I KILL?
Turtle: Can a bear shit in the woods?
Deadpool: Uh..
Turtle: Yeah, you can kill.
Deadpool: YAY!
Turtle hung up.
Turtlesauce straightened his tie, then got out his clipboard.
Turtle: Let’s see…
So, I decided the best place for these guys to brawl, is the classic Colisseum!
Y’know, after they rebuilt it. Hehe.
This time, however, I put all these mofos in cages, so I can release them one at a time. You wouldn’t want the carnage to get too intense too fast, now would you?
Sharing a cage, the duo of life and death, protection and destruction, DRAVEN AND BAAAAAAAAAAAARD
Draven: Not Draven! DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
Bard makes some happy chime noises
What a bunch of weirdos.
Speaking of weirdos, let’s say hello to a new addition to my VGBR squad: THE BIG. THE BAD. THE WOLF: BIGBY WOLF!
Bigby was leaning on a wall in his cell, smoking a cigarette. Huff’n’Puff. His favorite brand. He didn’t care much about the battle.
Now that’s what I call a badass!
Hold on! I hear screams! I hear ruckus! Has the battle already begun? It seems to be coming from… oh.
Professor Layton: You really should be careful with that.
Meta Dion: Darnit I spilled the tea all over myself!
*Sigh* Yeah. Introducing Team Friendship or whatever. Ugh.
Professor Layton: Do we get no hype?
From the crowd: GO DION’S ASS WOOOOOOOO
From the crowd: WE LOVE YOU DION!
Dion shrugged, and Layton giggled
MOVING ON!
Coming straight from the Shadow Isles, another new addition to the team, the REAPER OF DEATH, the real ONE-TRICK PONY… HECARIIIIIM
Loh: Arcade Skin!
Yeah, whatever.
Hecarim puffed. He shuffled his hooves in anticipation
Hecarim: YOU SHALL FEAR THE WRATH OF THE SHADOW ISLES!
He stomped his feet inside his cage, creating a shockwave… and.. rainbows?
Boy, that’s anticlimatic. But nothing beats anticlimatic like Booker DeWitt falling dead over a table full of tea. Am I right, Bookie?
Booker: Fuck you, Turtle. Once I get out of here, I’m coming straight for you.
SOMEONE HOLD ME I’M SCARED.
Booker: Fuck you. I’m going to murder you.
HEY SPEAKING OF MURDERS, WE GOT AN ASSASSIN HERE.
Well you know, the shitty american one. But still an assassin.
Kenway’s cell appeared empty. Or was he just blending in? Damn.
That covers about all eight of my people.
Let’s rock!
A flashbang exploded in the middle of the arena, leaving a red and black mist in its place
Deadpool: Let’s rock.
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Dion
