Chapter Ten: Last One Standing
Hewitt fired two shots from his pistol, both of them piercing The Pinger Slinger's thick skull.
Eleventh Death: The Pinger Sl-
Pinger: What the fuck, mate?
Hewitt was baffled.
Hewitt: FUCKING *shot* DIE *shot* YOU *shot* FUCKING *shot* JUNKIE!
Pinger barely got scratched by the bullets.
Pinger: Dude.
CRINN: I have this. Inside a bag.
CRINN opened up his guns as if he were a blooming flower in the spring, and then unloaded his guns onto the Pinger, as if he were Rambo shooting commies. After about 3 minutes and way more bullets, the dust settled.
The Pinger Slinger was unharmed.
CRINN: Shit belonging to a bull.
Hewitt dropped his gun, then went over to the Pinger Slinger and slapped him over the face.
The Pinger's eyes dilated.
As you might've already figured out, Pinger's abilities morph depending on which drug he's on. Having smoked a doobie, he was so calm he was invincible to any kind of damage. Hewitt slapping him woke him up from his marijuana-infused state.
Pinger: BUGGER OFF YE WANKER!
The Pinger Slinger searched his pockets, and found a bit of crack. He lit it up, and he inhaled it. The Pinger exhaled, and then you could hear his heart pounding. His eyes turned red.
Hewitt: Oh, fuck.
The Pinger started throwing his fists in rage at Hewitt, who did his best to dodge, but ultimately caught an uppercut that knocked him out.
The Adapter turned into a ram, and charged towards Pinger, who grabbed the ram by the head, and tossed it over Hewitt.
CRINN stepped up, and readied his card dispenser. Out came...
A LEGENDARY Sheep !
Sheep: Baa!
Pinger: Whoa, when did I switch to LSD?
The Sheep ran towards Pinger and...
Started eating the grass in front of him.
Pinger: Hey sheep..
The Pinger extended his hand to pet the Sheep, but the sheep bit it.
Pinger: OH YOU FUCKER
CRINN threw yet another card.
Fre Engesar!
Fre Engesar cast a spell.. and gave Sheep the ability to Taunt. Taunt. Taunt. Taunt.
Sheep: EY PINGER YE FUCKING COCKSUCKER I BET YOUR MOTHER THOUGHT SHE HAD TO TAKE A SHIT WHEN YOU WERE BORN YOU FUCKING TWAT I BET THE DOCTOR HAD A JUMPSCARE WHEN YOU POPPED YOUR UGLY NOGGING OUT OF YOUR MOMMA'S SMELLY COOCH YE BLOODY JUNKIE I BET YOU'RE DICK AS LIMP AS A SOGGY TOMATO FROM ALL THE SHIT YOU TAKE YOU FOCKEN WANKER!
Pinger's jaw was wide open.
He reached for a bottle of booze, and chugged it.
This gave enough time for Adapter and Hewitt to get up. Adapter turned into a minigun, and Hewitt used him to fire a barrage of bullets at him.
Being drunk out of his mind, Pinger tried to ran away from the bullets (not smart) but he tripped and fell to the ground, evading almost every bullet.
CRINN: No worries. I snipe.
CRINN readied his Sniper Rifle mounted on top of him.
Hewitt: Back off, CRINN, he's mine.
Hewitt rushed to Pinger, and picked him up.
CRINN had a good shot of Pinger.
Pinger burped in Jack's face, prompting Hewitt to push Pinger aside.
Just as CRINN unloaded the rifle.
The bullet entered one part of Hewitt's skull, then left the other.
CRINN: My bad.
Pinger fell down to the ground from the shock.
Adapter: Ugh.. I have to do everything myself.. I guess this got me... FIRED UP!
The Adapter morphed into Constantly On-Fire Guy.
COFG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH OH MY GOD THIS FUCKING HURTS. BUT.. THIS POWER! THIS POWERRRRRRRRRRRRR!
COFG unleashed a stream of fire, flame, sparks, ash, you name it, onto Pinger. Then, he stopped, and morphed into a monkey. He went over to see the results.
Pinger was a scorched mass on the ground. But, something was odd. When Pinger burned, so did all of the drugs he had on him. Pinger whiffed.
Suddenly, his body jerked. His pupils dilated. All the drugs he had on him fused into one, and he just sniffed them. He got up almost in the blink of an eye, and ran like a maniac towards the Adapter.
CRINN tried to save Adapter, and got in the way of Pinger, but he just hopped over him like he was a goomba in Mario.
The Adapter morphed into a brick wall.
Pinger punched the brick wall, and it shattered into hundreds of pieces. The pieces turned to animals, people, objects, everything you could ever imagine. And in a split second, they all poofed away.
Pinger was in front of CRINN now.
CRINN analyzed the situation, and knew that he couldn't kill Pinger, and Pinger couldn't kill him.
CRINN's top hatch opened, and a huge Police Siren emerged. The Police Siren started spinning and shrieking, and in a matter of minutes, police cars and vans swarmed The Pinger Slinger.
Pinger Slinger: M8 you got the wrong guy!
Officer: Crack, pot, needles, heroin, meth. This guys is a walking drug dispenser!
They got him into the car (careful not to bang his head on the car door) and they drove off.
CRINN was left alone, in the woods.
CRINN: Victory. It's bitter. My friends. Fallen. My feelings. Nonexistent. Anyone to hear me? None. Solitude. Man's greatest curse.
CRINN shut down his systems.
CRINN: My purpose. Completed. Hybernation mode. Activate. Password: Japierdolekurwa. Cossack Recurrent Intelligent Neural Network Mark 5, standby.
So, dear friends, that was the story of Sir Teutorigos and his crusade. The evil? Not banished, but safely locked up in jail, and he's going through some tough time with no substances in his blood. As for me, Al-Kemist, I found The Grand Wizard's book. And what I read there...
Is a story for another time.
The End
Originally Posted by LARRRg
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