Original Character Death Rally

[Turtlesauce]

I missed this so much

[Rocket]

gotta find connor some new adblock

[Kubby]

You know, illegal racing scene is not just about fast and furious city street racing.

In some places, like Japan, it's about racing in the mountain ranges, with loads of hairpins and elevation changes.

Even, if you don't feel like racing, the scenic views should certainly take your breath.

Welcome to Mount Haruna, immortalised in Initial D. This manga and anime series does not feature power levels other than those measured in horsepower. It does not feature ridiculous aliens, capable of god knows what. It is much closer to the heart of a petrol head. It has cars, driving down the very road our contestants will be racing in right now.

---

Unis barely survived the encounter in the last stage. Moreover, his racecar was now completely immobile, and he had no spare fuses...
Time to open the fusebox. He removed the burnt fuses, walked up to the barrier, tore a piece of it off, and formed some pieces of metal that fit into his car's fusebox.
-Wow. This is so Car Mechanic Simulator. - Unis heard the voice behind him and noticed S.T.E.V.E. aiming his miniguns at him.
Unis had to keep collected. He read deep into Marie's and Steve's minds. Into their desires, values...
"Analysis complete. Adapting speech patterns"
-Please, don't bully me. Not you too!
-What. Please, tell us what happened. - Steve dropped the snark.
Unis shared what the Phase trinity did to the car (of course, omitting the part where he attacked first)
-Marie...we gotta protect the cyborg guy.
Marie nodded.
-But please, watch out - Unis warned the duo. - they are sneaky bastards. Remember, they disabled my self-defence chainguns before I could defend.
Marie frowned.
-Let's go. - S.T.E.V.E. said to Marie.
Marie nodded, and they began riding down the mountain.
Unis returned to repairing his car, proud of his little fact-bending. He fortunately discovered that only harm that happened to his chaingun control chip was some pins getting damaged. He connected them back together using his laser pistol.

---

Greg was racing down the hill in his minivan. One corner, and another, and another. But... he was not a driver. And his minivan... is not really a racing car. He did not brake in time for the next corner, and scraped alongside the barrier. He got out of the car to see if he has damaged it, or, even worse, if he has damaged the lasers. He then noticed...

He accidently has run over that old lady. Greg run up to her.
-Hey, are you OK?
The lady got up. She was… ugly… and wearing all black… basically, one of those stereotypical witches that you read about. Crashing into her made her drop everything she was carrying, like her satchel, her cane, and whatnot.
-Oh, you're good... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-Hey, I see it's some sort of race. And accidents really, really do happen on races. It's all right.
-I really don't know what happened. My car did not want to brake...

That's because brake fade is a thing. You see. Brakes pretty much turn your kinetic energy into heat, meaning they heat up whenever you brake. In a downhill environment like this, you have to brake a lot, meaning the discs get real hot. This actually boils the brake fluid, and melts the outer layer of the brake pads, meaning they get incredibly weak if you use them a lot.

If Greg's car was a real racing machine, it'd have different grade brake fluid, brake pads with more metal in their composition, and special brake discs. They would be big, so more braking would be required to make them heat up, made of carbon ceramic composite, because metal tends to warp under extreme temperatures, and designed with some cooling passages, so they could be cooled more easily.

-Greg? What happened? - Professor Kreemu showed up, riding Sarah. Sarah promptly screeched and threw Kreemu of her back, startled. - More importantly, who are you, and why are you scaring my steed?
-Your friend was not droving well and ran me over. It's fine, though, he said sorry and I'm not hurt-"
-You APOLOGISED? - Kreemu suddenly roared, startling Greg. "Did you see what she does to Sarah?" - he pointed at the emu, which shat some acid from fear.
-Huh. - Greg replied.
-She's obviously evil.
-Huh. Yeah. Serves you right, old hag. I am not sorry.
-That's not enough. Spit at her.

Greg seemed to be convinced, and with all the guts he gathered, he managed to... yeah.

But then the woman glowed a bright purple light and rose from the ground. The look on her face was of pure anger.

-I thought tribal leaders are bad, but no, mad scientists are least respectful of all. - She glared at Kreemu. - You shall feel the wrath of my punishment!
-Come, Greg, we gotta win this. - Kreemu got back on his emu.
-I am not done. - the witch cut in. - You, "professor" are the worst of them all. Focusing on your worthless inventions so much, you don't even value the friendship you've made here.
-Bitch, did you call my inventions...worthless? - Kreemu called his "nanobots" - Tell me why I shouldn't just end you.
-Because I'm going to prove it. - and she calmly pointed a finger at Greg.

From her finger fired a purple, electric magic arc, connecting her and laser-lover. Greg winced in pain.

-What... what are you doing? - Kreemu asked in fear.
-I am cursing your friend. I'll stop if you apologise.
-Bitch, please. Curses ain't even real. - Kreemu approached the matter scientifically.
-Save your friend? Or save your ego? - the woman asked - If you're wondering, I'm causing him to- - and she was cut off by 2 centibots flying into her. One into each eye. Each fast enough to kill her.
-That was some weird shit - Greg summed the situation up, not knowing it was the beginning of Greg's Story. - Will I be ok?
-You will. Magic is not real anyways.
-But our friendship is?
-It certainly is.
-So, you're not a brony?
-No? Where'd you get that idea fr-...Oh... Your deductions are getting better and better. You'll be my lab assistant once we're done with this race.
-Yay!

Wasn't she supposed to be dead?

---

Timmy was prepared for a downhill soapbox derby from the very beginning. He was leading right now.

---

This whole Initial D thing piqued the interest of Connor. He really dug the soundtrack. Too bad it got taken off Netflix.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNveMjoSxp0
He still was pretty drugged, but he had an excellent idea. If the bitches see his mad drift skills, he'll fuck all of them.
He started off, and started sliding through the corners. He never knew how to do that, but... the drugs, they connected him to his Subaru. They slowed down time. They brought the inner drifter out of him.
Skye had different plans though. He positioned himself, pulled his bow, his arrow, and fired at Bigcock's wagon, as he was sliding.
...
WAIT.
Didn't he lose the arrows last stage?
Well, he did. But...
He also won the stage, so he was given some new ones as a reward. They are some enchanted arrows, even.

The arrow multiplied itself in air, cloning into two arrows. And then four. And eight. Soon 10000000000 arrows (1024 in decimal hit the Shaggin wagon. They did shit to the car, but six of them lodged themselves in the rear tire.

Then Connor drove with his other rear tire over the acidic shit Sarah left.

Soon, only the rear rims were remaining. But, that did not detract from Connor's driving. It just made drifting easier. And more spectacular, as tire smoke was replaced by sparks.

Skye fired another arrow. This one pierced straight through the car's body and into Connor's bag of stuff.

Connor was too fast for another shots. He passed by a minivan and a bird.

He passed by a flamethrower bike.

He passed by an icy Rolls and a fiery monster truck. The sparks... they tend to be hot.
-Ow... That actually hurt. Surge, go get him.

Surge entered the metal barrier. He was electricity after all, and has quickly overtaken Connor. Then, however, he looked at the Impreza drifting. It was too awesome. And Surge was a driver at heart. He couldn't help, but spare Connor, who quickly passed by him.

Connor was in second now. Wait for it... he was not anymore. He just passed by a soapbox derby vehicle.

"You fucking prick. Don't you dare take my victory away from me!"

And then, as quickly as drugs kicked in, they kicked out. Connor was not a drifter. Not anymore. And his rear wheels were not grippy at the moment. He spun out spectacularly. He reached out for his bag of stuff, only to discover in horror that his syringes were all pierced by that second arrow.

Timmy grinned. Classic schadenfreude.

He aimed his plasma cannon at Connor, who was now dizzy from the spin.

And he fired. The plasma ball evaporated Bigcock's head, and the heat it was giving out ignited the interior. Soon, the Shaggin Wagon exploded in a fiery ball of petrol fire and missiles getting too hot.

Spoiler: 

FOURTH DEATH:Connor Bigcock - Rocket

Seriously, don't drive under the influence of drugs

But this death resulted from him not driving under the influence of drugs anymore...

Oh, the producers want us to credit Klonoa, whoever that is, for some borrowed writing.

[Klonoa]

Hm... something here seems familiar! I'm surprised you made a big reference to that despite it being lost in the archives somewhere! This cat-rabbit is honored. :3

[Kubby]

Ah, the 2000's.

Time of horrible Ferrari models, they have got better fortunately, and of street rice

There was Fast and Furious, and there was Need For Speed Underground. I never felt the latter

We know, James, we know. Too bad NFS is the source of this stage.

Welcome to Bayview.

Spoiler: 

---

Unis has encountered Timmy.
-Back off, kid. - Unis said calmly
-Fuck off, dick. - Timmy responded appropiately.
"Analysis complete: Opponent is kind of a dick"
Timmy then pulled out his plasma cannon, and fired towards Unis. Unis could barely keep up with dodging and rebounding the projectiles with his kinetic blasts. That's because it was Timmy's bonus - a giant Plasma Cannon firerate buff.
"Recommended strategy: Outdick Opponent"
Instead of performing some enlargements, Unis pulled off his laser pistol and fired as distracted Timmy.
"Reading thoughts. Result: Code 552 (Oh_crap)"
-That's rude as fuck. - Timmy said, as Unis suddenly started reversing his car, and made an excellent J-turn, and just sped away like a coward. - Go back, you coward...does not matter.
The soapbox derby car moved apart, as additional parts extended from it. It transformed into a mech, with Timmy in the torso.
-Where is that robofuck?
...
...
...
...
-Fuck it.


---

-Greg?
-Yeah?
-Sarah seems to be tired. Would you mind if we took a ride in your car?
-Nah, mate. Come in.
Something was different about Greg. Sarah popped into the trunk, Kreemu sat on the front seat. And then he realised.
-Greg?
-Yeah?
-Your hair.
Greg looked in the car mirror. His hair was silver for some reason. And eyes too.
-dafuq - Greg asked.
-And your canines, they're extended too.
-Canines? I have no dogs, Professor.
-I mean fangs.
-Oh. - Greg felt the fangs with his tongue - OH. I'm a vampire now. Sweet.
-I don't think vampires are re-
-You have any glitter?
And at this moment, a boxing glove arrow hit the Greg's minivan. shattering the rear window. Greg and Kreemu noticed an ATV trailing them. Greg popped the trunk open, and slammed the brakes. The ABS prevented the wheels from locking.
Skye barely slowed his ATV down.
-Sarah! now!
The emu pecked the ATV, fucking up its front end, and rendering its headlight inoperable. Skye got to the side of Greg's van, and before Greg could slam it out of the way, one of Skye's wheel axes shredded the minivan's left rear tire off.

And then Skye's engine lost power. Greg and Kreemu lost him, barely struggling to keep the car driving straight, and parked in an isolated place.
-Why isn't he chasing us?
-My nanobots severed his fuel line. Do you have any spare tires by any chance?
-Sure, a fullsize one, even.
And they quickly got out of the car to change the tire.
-Hmmm... I'm hungry.
-My appetite seems to need satiating too, Greg.

Skye in meantime inspected his ATV. After seeing his fuel level was fine he inspected the engine, and found the problem almost immediately. But, he was prepared for this shit.
-Where is it, where is it...there. - He pulled out a glue arrow and joined the fuel line together. - This should do.

---

Sarah and Steve shadowed the Phase trinity. She looked at them. Fire guy... should be easy to dodge. Ice guy... should be easy to kill and to keep up with, with the ice-capable tires, and flamethrower. The lightning guy...
-Marie? I would not want a shocking outcome. - STEVE said quietly to her.
Yeah, the lightning guy would have to be separated from the rest of the group. He apparently likes racing. Let's give him some racing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCNPpYAkNKA
She approached Surge.
-Yo, let's race. It's supposed to be a rally after all, am I right? - STEVE asked.
-Nah, man, I don't know. I'm not supposed to get away from my team...
-Chickening out, I see?
-Nah, man. - Surge stopped the bike.
-Prove it.
-So, we race to the nearest... uhhm... fast food joint, maybe?
-Sure.
-three... two...one...GO GO GO!
And they set off. Marie followed Surge for a while... And then they stopped.
-OK, Marie. The other two are just 350 meters away from here, according to the GPS units we've...all...received...I think we'll have to keep up with the racing.
Marie nodded. Surge did seem like a guy that would check how much of a lead he has.
They got to the nearest highway and booted it, weaving through the oncoming traffic.

-Hah, get dominated! - Surge said after looking at his GPS. Then, he looked up, just in time to see he's about to hit a truck. - -Oh, gods of Olympus... - He splattered on the truck.

Is he dead?

Fortunately, he's made of electricity. And metals conduct electricity with low resistance, so he was able to just enter the truck's body with no damage.

Viewers at home, speed limits exist for a reason. OCDR does not condone street racing in any shape or form.

-Ok, now to get out...Oh. - Surge realised he'll have to stay here for a while. It's way harder for him to get out of conductor and into an isolator, such as air.

---

Greg and Kreemu chilled in a Burger King (that was the source's product placement, not mine). They could afford to, seeing everyone else, according to the GPS, was far, far behind them, busy fighting. Each of them got whatever Burger King served in 2003.

-You know... - Kreemu said
-Probably not - Greg replied.
-Good answer - Professor then chuckled.
-We've come along a great way.
-Wait, I gotta go to the bathroom.
And Kreemu left to leave a number 2, which, coincidentally, was his position right now thanks to Greg being now closer to the finish line.

Greg, currently in lead, ate whatever he ordered, and then... someone, or something overtook him... Not a contestant. Not a local racer.

A strange feeling.

Something sparked inside him, and he found himself running towards the nearest animal. Something was taking him over. As he leapt through the window, leaving glass shards everywhere, he bared his sharp fangs towards Sarah, like a savage animal.

Greg sunk his teeth in Kreemu's emu. Sarah tried to peck Greg, but the position was not too favourable for her, and she "only" left a nasty gash on his cheek before getting weaker.

-What's this commot- Kreemu said, as he came out of the loo, and stopped in his tracks. He just saw his life-long companion lose her color and turn an ash gray shade. The bird then crumbled to the ground.

-GREG! - Kreemu shouted, as a wide range of emotions was filling with eyes. Fury. Hatred. Pure disgust.

Greg swatted the nanobots coming at him, and leaped towards Kreemu, 5 meters away, and promptly bit half of his neck off.

-Well, at least we won that... - Steve said to Marie, and stopped after looking at Greg - Whoa, mate, is this just Florida, or is zombie apocalypse coming?

Spoiler: 

FIFTH DEATH: Professor Kreemu - Log

And that ends the tale of friendship between these two contestants.

Well, Kreemu was disowned anyways for disbelieving magic electricity.

Also, we should pass Turtle the phone, because...he called it.

...

Greg came back to his senses... and fell down to his knees...
-I'm a monster... NO!
He looked at the dead body of his friend. Bird lover to the very end. He even flipped him one as a dying message.
-I know you hate me now, Professor. But I will win this for you.

He does not hate you, Greg. He's dead.

[Poles]

He looked at the dead body of his friend. Bird lover to the very end. He even flipped him one as a dying message.
-I know you hate me now, Professor. But I will win this for you.

He does not hate you, Greg. He's dead.

I laughed

rip tho ;n;

[Moonjik]

Man this is awesome, so wish I was active when sign-ups were open.

[Lohuydahutt]

Man fuck you Greg and your lasers

[Klonoa]

Veeeeeeery familiar. Call me McDonalds, because I'm loving it!

[Kubby]

I'm not sure if its that familiar. I mean, here, he does not get exiled, but killed. And not "son", but "father".