Almost Fucking Anything Battle Royale/AFABR

[Lohuydahutt]

Fair enough, but this is a big piece of land in the middle of nowhere in space, so it's kinda hard to get it carpet bombed, especially when it'd take months to reach it and they don't know where the fuck it is.

I mean, those Secret Service guys had to come from somewhere, who knows what else is hiding in the arena? :3

[Turtlesauce]

I mean, those Secret Service guys had to come from somewhere, who knows what else is hiding in the arena? :3

Also since Loh was writing the story on ERBOH from his computer in the arena, they could easily track him down by his IP.

[Rocket]

I mean, those Secret Service guys had to come from somewhere, who knows what else is hiding in the arena? :3

That's true i guess. I also think the thing with nerfs is, everyone wants something nerfed and they think it means "make sure it can't win" but it's possible for something to be nerfed and still win... like they want everyone on a level playing field but someone who had to have their power reduced shouldn't win because they had it reduced?

Well, such is life. rip in kill kanameme coolran

[Faker]

I bet Loh makes himself win. XD

[Turtlesauce]

I bet Loh makes himself win. XD

Ebola wins.

Can't kill Ebola.

[Poles]

Ghost Rider wins because he has memes and is actually pretty tough and I picked him

[Lohuydahutt]

That's true i guess. I also think the thing with nerfs is, everyone wants something nerfed and they think it means "make sure it can't win" but it's possible for something to be nerfed and still win... like they want everyone on a level playing field but someone who had to have their power reduced shouldn't win because they had it reduced?

Well, such is life. rip in kill kanameme coolran

I mean, Kaname wasn't the most OP character to begin with tbh, other characters are more powerful and other characters are more impossible to kill (Kaname carries his weakness with him) so that wasn't a problem in my eyes.

[Turtlesauce]

Ghost Rider wins because he has memes and is actually pretty tough and I picked him

Parallax rekt his shit.

[sane]

I'd like to win but I am just happy I got here

[Lohuydahutt]

Chapter 16

“Yo girl if you ever wanna go out and do something just call me babe,” Ghost Rider the playa said.
“Not interested.” Sole Survivor replied sharply.
“Oh come on babe it’ll be fun. I’ll even let you get on my bike!” Ghost Rider pleaded.
“Don’t you have something better to do? Like fight crime or something?”
“You’re the best thing I could possibly do babe.”
“Ew, get the fuck out.”

Ghost Rider tried to grab Sole Survivor by the shoulder as she walked away, but she promptly KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS when he did so.

“Wow, I almost felt that.” Ghost Rider said.
“Isn’t that supposed to be a guy’s weak spot?” Sole Survivor asked angrily.
“I’m a skeleton babe, I don’t have balls.”
“Then why would I ever want to fuck you?”

Ghost Rider dropped down on his knees, he was at a loss for words. Pfft, men. Sole Survivor thought as she walked away.

---

“... bloop.” Said you know who.
“Fite me bruv” Spoke the Sane.
“K.” Replied the Log.

And so the fite started. Sane charged at me dildo first but I was ready for him and pulled out a blooper to block Sane’s attack. The blooper was hurt by the blow and inked Sane to defend himself, then the blooper just kind of floated away. I used Sane’s temporary blindness to FLOP TACKLE HIM TO DA GROUND! I then got on top of Sane and pulled out a boxcutter, preparing to Connect-I-Cut his throat.

“Well, since it’s obligatory to say this… Any last words?” I said snickering.
“Fak u larg” Sane replied.
“UNCLE SANE!” Pearl came in out of nowhere and used her small amount of strength to force me off. I’m like, 40 pounds so I guess that’s possible with a little adrenaline.
“YO ADRIAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?” Sane yelled out, totally not sensitive of the fact that he’s talking to a little girl.
“I-I… don’t think it’s good to… fight. I don’t want to see you d-d-die Uncle Sane…” Pearl Fey said, almost whispering. Sane got up without a word and Pearl pushed Sane away from me, he wordlessly obliged. Now we were about 2 meters away from each other, with Pearl standing in the middle.

“I… I don’t really know what’s going on or why we’re fighting and… these ghosts may have done some bad things while I w-was sleeping... but I don’t think this is right!” Pearl said, seeming unsure of herself but finding her conviction at the end.
“Pearl…” Sane said unsure of what to say. I remained silent. We were both focused on the small girl between us, but perhaps we should have been looking up right about then.

---

Meanwhile, in some underground room there was a man sitting in front of a screen with a shit load of empty beer bottles on his desk.

“Woah man… idk who the fuck the pres. said the terrorist was there’s like three of them man… Well I guess one of them must be the terrorist then. And if one of them’s a terrorist these people must be accomplices and therefore all terrorists! I’ll get all three then, the president will be so proud!” The man said to himself. He vomited on the floor, and then typed in the precise of coordinates of where he wished to fire. And then, he pressed the button to fire.

---

And so, just like based Obama, Lincoln Chafee ordered his first drone strike. The unmanned plane shot the missile down at us, and both me and Sane instinctively rolled away from the blast. We both escaped relatively unscathed surprisingly, but somebody else didn’t…

“ADRIAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!” Sane cried out. He ran back to the small and unrecognizable corpse of Pearl.

TWENTY-FOURTH DEATH
Pearl Fey-Glike

While Sane was crying over “Adrian” I decided it was a fine opportunity to leave. After all, I’m sure he would rather serve some JUSTICE to the guy who killed “Adrian” and you know, I didn’t actually feel like fighting at the moment. I could be listening to Radiohead right now yo. I pulled out my headphones, because yes I lied, I brought a shit load more with me than I initially led on. Why? Because fuck consistency it’s my story I can make up shit as I go along if I want! So yeah, I pulled out my headphones, took a good thirty seconds to untangle the cord, inserted them into my phone and listened to some Radiohead bruh.

A heart that’s full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won’t heal-

And then something hit my paw, sending my phone flying and the headphones along with it. God damnit I wanted No Surprises! I turned around to see Sane holding a dildorang and looking really pissed off.

“Hey mang, I had nothing to do with that.” I said with a hint of irritation.
“bitch” was the only thing Sane said.
“But seriously, I had literally nothing to do with that.”
“bitch”
“.-.”
“bitch”

And so… I guess we’re fighting again. *sigh* I loaded the rocket launcher and well, launched it at Sane. Sane started running at me, flipped over it, and then paused to see where the rocket flew off to. It ended up crashing into the replacement non-nuke Dildo Monument and blew it up.

“damnit log” Sane said, miraculously looking even more furious than before.

Sane pulled out his dildo tonfas again, but I had been charging up my next attack. I shot the MAGICAL bolts of electricity out of my paws, knocking both of the dildo tonfas out of Sane’s hands.

“My utility belt has a dildo for every situation… bitch.” Sane said.
“Really now.” I replied indifferently.
“Want to see for yourself? bitch.” Sane asked angrily, probably.
“Yeah probably.” I replied.

Sane pulled out a pretty normal looking dildo, I shrugged and attempted to shoot another MAGICAL bolt of electricity at Sane. But instead of hitting him the flow was redirected into the dildo, and it lit up for some reason.

“wait wat.” I said.
“I don’t fucking know man.” Sane said.

Sane used my distraction with the BRIGHT SHINY LIGHT to extend his dildnose far enough to hit me right smack in the nose, hard. I let out a brief yelp in pain, and my nose was officially broken. Feels like déjà vu somehow. OK now, no more Mr. Nice Seal or whatever the fuck. I pulled out my banhammer and put the mode to perma-ban. Sane smiled and ran at me with his bright new dildo. I swung my banhammer at him and he blocked with his dildo. The dildo released a shit ton of energy, sending us both crashing backwards. Only the banhammer remained where we once stood.

TWENTY-FIFTH DEATH
Sane’s Magical Lightningrod Dildo-Sane

Sane got up first and tried to make a quick dash to grab my banhammer. But when he tried to lift it up, he simply couldn’t.

“Kek, thou art not authorized to wield such a weapon.” I said.
“wat does that mean.” Sane said.

I flopped over to Sane and bit him on the heel. He tried to shake me off and he well, did. My bite wasn’t that hard anyway. And then, Sane pulled out something that made me back away.

It had a long handle, and at the end of the shaft there was a long part coming off one side and a short part going off the other. The long side was a dildo curved downard, and the short side was just the head of a dildo. It was…

The Hakadick

Sane’s utility belt indeed did have something for every situation. I backed away some more, and Sane just glared down at me.

“Um, it doesn’t have to be this way mang. We can work it out, probably.” I said trying to calm Sane down.
“bitch” was all Sane said.

He took a step forward, I tried to flop backwards, he took another step forward, I tried to flop backwards, he moved faster than me and soon he was standing right in front of me. I clutched onto my last resort as I looked up at Sane, Hakadick at the ready.

“Hey mang slow down,” I said.
“Hasta la vista, baby.” Sane said.

If the following scene was shot in slow motion you’d be able to see how Sane started swinging his Hakadick down just before I started tossing the certain little vial at his face. In real time it would be more like SMASH! SHATTER!

Sane got me… the gray world was turning to black… but I don’t understand, I was supposed to be the winner… It totally would’ve been a good idea for the host of a game to win the game wouldn’t it? In the end, there was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt.

I closed my eyes 5ever.

TWENTY-SIXTH DEATH
Log-Turtle

Wondering how the fuck this story continues if the writer dies? Well, my ghost is typing it up now or something like that, shaddup.

Meanwhile Sane brushed the blood from his face. Both the blood from me and the blood from something else. Sane was suddenly feeling dizzy. He staggered away from my body a bit but then collapsed on the ground not too far from me.

“bitch...” Sane whispered, nobody heard him though. Well, except for you readers because I’m nice like that. Blood burst from all of Sane’s pours and he like, died or something. A dildnose’s biggest weakness is an STD, and fun fact: Ebola is one.

TWENTY-SEVENTH DEATH
Sane-Sane

Not too long afterwards, a strange looking man in a suit carrying two jugs of bleach approached Sane’s corpse. He dropped one of the jugs on the ground and used his free hand to open the jug. He poured the bleach all over Sane’s corpse until he ran out. Then he did the same with the second jug. He then walked away again. A few minutes later he came back with another two jugs and did the exact same thing for good measure.

“I can’t believe it, the man who cured the deadly scourge known as Ebola for good was me, President Lincoln Chafee!” The man said cheerfully. He walked away, whistling as he went.

I mean, that bat from before also had ebola in it, but Ghost Rider kind of sort of took a piss on it. If you do not know, this is what happens when he does that.

Spoiler: 

The virus can only tolerate so much heat after all.

TWENTY-EIGHTH DEATH
Ebola-Klonoa

---

And thus, we are at our final four.

Ghost Rider was still on his knees, at a complete loss.

Sole Survivor was leaning against a wall broodingly.

Palkia was still resting at Spear Pillar.

Lincoln Chafee was skipping around aimlessly.

Totally a good fight right?

Well,

TUNE IN FOR CHAPTER SEVENTEEN, WHERE THINGS WILL PROBABLY GET ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE, AND IT’S ABOUT TO BREAK!