Chapter 14
Sole Survivor stumbled down the street, hardly even knowing where she was going. Kill him… Kill him… was all she was thinking. She was overwhelmed by a very distinct scent, the scent of blood. She became aware of all the true carnage that surrounded her. How could she have been so blind to all of this before?
Kaname Kuran stood on the roof of the movie theater, watching Sole Survivor as she slowly walked by. It was rather fun to watch her slow descent into darkness.
“OHO! YOU PATHETIC MAGGOTS THINK YOU CAN STEP TO ME? OH WHY MUST THERE BE SO MANY OF YOU? NOW I HAVE TO DECIDE WHO TO STOMP OUT FIRST!” Grocery Bag said.
The four surrounding Grocery Bag looked at each other in an attempt to decide who goes first. None of them seemed to want to go first.
“FINE YOU PUSSIES, I’LL PICK FOR YOU!” Grocery Bag picked up the trash can and pointed it upwards. Then, a giant glob of well, garbage on fire flew out of the trash can and then burst. This sent flaming trash in all directions, thus attacking all of them.
Ghost Rider made no attempt to avoid the attack, since he’s already on fire. Raven created a barrier of DARKNESS to protect herself. Palkia shielded Sane and tanked the attack all by himself. He 4x resists fire so it’s cool.
“OH SO YOU GUYS DO HAVE A LITTLE FIGHT IN YOU HUH? ALRIGHT THEN! I’LL BE TAKING YOU OUT FIRST!” Grocery Bag said while pointing at Sane.
“Come at me bro!” Sane responded defiantly.
Grocery Bag smiled and summoned a smaller flaming ball of trash and shot it at Sane, but it didn’t land. Something stopped the projectile while it was in midair. Sane looked to his right and saw a sludgy looking dildo. No… It can’t be. Turtlesauce Fey had come to the rescue.
“Jesus guys couldn’t any of you help this guy? Wasn’t this supposed to be a team effort? Useless fucks!” Turtlesauce said.
“But… How?” Sane said in disbelief.
“With the power of the dildo, anything is possible.” Turtle said.
“WAIT, YOU JUST WILLINGLY RETURNED TO AMERICA?” Grocery Bag asked.
“Oh wait, fuck. Later Sane, I’m out.” Turtlesauce Fey reverted back to Pearl Fey.
“Wh-what happened…?” Pearl Fey said in a daze. She spotted Grocery Bag and screamed.
“OH HELLO LITTLE GIRL! MIND IF I CRUSH THAT CUTE LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS?” Grocery Bag said, approaching Pearl slowly. Sane rushed to Pearl’s side and then stood in front of her.
“UNCLE SANE!” Pearl said happily.
“YO ADRIAN I’LL HANDLE THIS!” Sane said.
“Who’s Adrian…?” Pearl asked.
Sane ignored her.
“OH HOW CUTE, I’M TOUCHED! I’LL KILL BOTH OF YOU THEN- WHO DID THAT?” Grocery Bag had been hit on the back of his head by a large rock.
“Yeah no, I’m not letting you do that. Al Gore would kill me.” Raven said.
Palkia roared and picked up Grocery Bag by the head and slammed him on the ground repeatedly. Palkia had to drop him when a large pillar of fire erupted from Grocery Bag.
“FINE THEN, YOU WANT TO MAKE IT LIKE THAT? I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T FUCK AROUND!”
Grocery Bag snapped his flame fingers and flames started to emerge in a ring around all of the fighters, the thing that was created could only be described as a flame dome.
“Great…” Raven said. Sane held onto Pearl tighter, Palkia braced for the worst, and Ghost Rider simply stood in place calmly.
“FOOLS! LET ME SHOW YOU A SMALL TASTE OF SOME OF THE SOULS I HAVE CLAIMED!” Grocery Bag said with a smile. A dark apparition in the shape of a goat appeared next to Grocery Bag, and it let out a scream. This ear shattering scream reverberated around the dome, sending everyone else to their knees… except Ghost Rider apparently, he was just standing there with his arms crossed.
“OH YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH IT’S GETTING REAL, I’M THE BEST, YOU GUYS ARE ALL THE WORST, SUCK IT!” Grocery Bag yelled over the Shadow-Goat’s screaming.
Sane reached for his utility belt, which had something for EVERY situation. He found what he was looking for. Sane got up, with a brand new pair of dildo ear plugs to boot. He walked up to the goat and pulled out a dildo shaped carrot (because of course) and offered it to the goat. Well, the goat shut up.
“OH? WELL NO MATTER! YOU CHUMPS ARE JUST GOING TO BE UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY AND SOUNDLY AND DEFINITIVELY AND OBVIOUSLY AND UNDENIABLY AND WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE THE THESAURUS SAYS DEFEATED… BY ME, GROCERY BAG!” Grocery Bag said.
“Will this guy ever shut up for once in his life?” Raven asked. Sane shrugged. Raven’s soul-self took the form of well, a raven and rushed at the demon grocery bag fire thing. Grocery Bag caught the soul-self by the neck, slammed it on the ground repeatedly, and tossed it away into the fire dome.
“Well then.” Raven said.
“PSSSH YOU ARE WEAK, HOW DO YOU THINK YOU COULD POSSIBLY WIN WITH SUCH A LAME ATTEMPT AT FIGHTING ME? I AM LITERALLY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THIS SHITTY ASS PLANET! IT PROBABLY WANTS TO BE DESTROYED BECAUSE IT KNOWS IT SUCKS SO MUCH!” Grocery Bag said. He stomped on the ground once, and the ground started shaking.
Outside of the dome of fire, the shaking ground made Kaname lose his footing, causing him to plummet into the street.
“SEE? THIS IS THE LEVEL OF PURE POWER YOU’RE DEALING WITH? SCARED YET? YOU SHOULD BE BECAUSE I’M PROBABLY THE SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN! HELL, I’M SCARIER THAN PENNYWISE THE CLOWN, ISIS, AND SAM’S FACE COMBINED! I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU SUCKERS HAVEN’T SURRENDERED YET BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY SHOULD! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL NOW!” Grocery Bag snapped his fingers again. The fire dome disappeared, and then a shadow was cast over the entire arena. The apparition of South Sudan was just about to crush everything.
“That’s my boy, claiming every soul at once!” Satan said with a smile.
“Go get ‘em Grocery Bag!” That One Guy said.
Raven used her soul-self to envelop all of the group surrounding Grocery Bag.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Sane asked angrily.
“Saving your asses, jeez.” Raven said, clearly annoyed.
“YOU CAN RUN ALL YOU WANT, YOU CAN’T ESCAPE FROM THE TRUE ULTIMATE POWER OF GROCERY BAG! WITH MY STRENGTH I CAN SINGLE HANDEDLY DESTROY THE PLANET, SO FUCK ALL OF YOU GUYS!”
“There’s not gonna be a need for that.” A certain voice said.
“WHA-” Grocery Bag was cut off. Ghost Rider ran right through Grocery Bag’s body, and came out the other side clutching some dark gray orb.
“H-H-HOW…?” Grocery Bag asked in disbelief.
“Well, I could have done it earlier, but I was waiting for the most badass moment to do so.” Ghost Rider said smoothly.
“Show off.” Raven commented.
“Shut up.” Ghost Rider replied. Ghost Rider looked down on the dark gray orb, and then crushed it in his palm. He opened his hands up again to see nothing but a small amount of sludge. Grocery Bag fell onto the ground, and his flaming lower body disappeared without a trace. And then…
A certain man carrying a recycling bin walked up to Grocery Bag. He put the bin down and picked Grocery Bag up. He tore the bag to pieces and placed the shreds in the recycling bin.
“I can’t believe it! The one who stopped the evil scourge of grocery bags from destroying the environment was me, Lincoln Chafee!” Lincoln Chafee walked away with the recycling bin in hand, casually whistling along the way. Everybody else watched, at a complete loss for words.
TWENTY-FIRST DEATH
Grocery Bag-Gonad
“So, that happened.” Raven said.
“Yep.” Sane replied.
Raven walked over to Pearl Fey and crouched down.
“Hey, could I see Shadow for a bit? I want to talk to him.” Raven said to Pearl gently.
“What’s a Shad- MUH WAIFU” Pearl Fey transformed pretty fucking quickly. Shadow Fey was still spinning, so Raven used her psychic powers to force Shadow to stop spinning.
“Hey… I just want to say… thanks.” Out of nowhere, Raven gave Shadow a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned away shyly. Shadow looked like he was about to explode at any minute. What should we call the ship? Radow? Shaven? Ugh never mind.
“Wow, that is technically pedophillia, necrophillia, and bestiality all at the same time.” Sane commented. Raven glared at Sane and stood up. She took a few steps toward Sane but Palkia blocked her path.
“So I have to go through you first huh? That’s fine.” Raven said, clearly starting to lose her cool. Palkia opened up a PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION and motioned for her to enter.
“WAIFU NO!” Shadow Fey yelled out.
“Stop calling me that! Besides, I’ll be back.” Raven disappeared into the ALTERNATE DIMENSION and Palkia followed behind her. Shadow then became Pearl Fey once more, and she looked around in confusion. Sane lifted her up onto his shoulders.
“Come on Adrian, we have some JUSTICE to serve, maybe, idk anymore.” Sane said.
“Who’s Adrian?” Pearl asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” Sane replied.
So I guess it’s the final 10 now. Huh, we’ve come along way.
-Kaname Kuran
-Raven
-Ebola
-Lincoln Chafee
-Pearl Fey
-Sane
-Sole Survivor
-Palkia
-Ghost Rider
-Me
Guess I might as well actually fight or something. Can’t be considered a worthwhile finalist if I just sit on my ass all the time. I gathered all of the necessary supplies for my venture outside.
Rocket launcher?
Check.
The vial?
Check.
Oh wait that’s it. I step out of the comfort of my home to see the outside world. Gross. Oh well, this is the kind of situation that calls for a desperate measure.
IF YOU CAN’T COUNT, CHAPTER FIFTEEN IS NEXT. JUST SAYING :3
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Juiz
