I like itOriginally Posted by LARRRg
I like it
Tao of Blue
Well, there goes Ebola. ...But never forget, Ebola always comes back. ...Except maybe in a Battle Royale.
Juiz: You can quote me on this: Klonoa is my favorite son.
Inb4 a mutated strain of Ebola that adapted to Ghost Rider's fire is transmitted to all the fighters via him.
Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!Spoiler:
Chapter 17: The Final Chapter
Palkia looked around the wreckage of the pillar. Perhaps it was time to get back in the fight soon.
After pondering what to do with his empty life, Ghost Rider realized what he could do.
Sole Survivor was still brooding when Ghost Rider rolled up to her with his BIKEEEEEEEE.
“Hey babe,” Ghost Rider started.
“Get lost,” Replied Sole Survivor bluntly.
“Babe wait up! Would you bang me if I…” Ghost Rider suddenly started to change his appearance. He transformed from Ghost Rider into… NICOLAS CAGE OH SHIT!
“HEEEEEERRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE’S JOHNNY! Oh shit wait that’s Jack Nicholson,” Said Nicolas Cage.
“What do you want?” Sole Survivor asked angrily.
“You’re assssss babe,” said Nicolas Cage.
But… Nicolas Cage was shot down, like, literally by Sole Survivor.
TWENTY-NINTH PLACE
Ghost Rider-Poles
Palkia emerged from the other dimension back to the arena. He looked down at Sane’s corpse, which was hardly recognizable if it wasn’t for the limp dildnose. Palkia roared angrily, it was time to fuck some shit up.
“I believe that this is well, most likely bad.” Lincoln Chafee said as he watched as all of his surroundings seemed to wobble. As if the world was not some single solid entity, but a liquid flowing through time. Sole Survivor was also concerned by this, and at the center of it all was… PALIKA I mean Palkia. Yeah.
Lincoln Chafee and Sole Survivor surrounded Palkia on opposite sides.
“My fellow American, you do not have to fight at all because I, President Lincoln Chafee totally has this situation under control!” Lincoln Chafee said confidently.
“Look out!” Sole Survivor yelled out in response.
Palkia was glaring down at Lincoln Chafee, a second later Lincoln Chafee crashed into my house, like, hard. Significantly harder than Sam’s dick which isn’t hard at all. Unfortunately for Lincoln Chafee, blocks of granite are weak against a water move like aqua tail.
“Ugh… I think you’re being a little rough on me…” Lincoln Chafee flopped over, he’s going to be out for a little bit.
Palkia then focused his attention on Sole Survivor, he tried to hit Sole Survivor with dragon breath but she was able to avoid the attack. She responded by emptying her sub-machine gun’s magazine, but all of the bullets just bounced off Palkia’s hide.
“Hey… this is *cough* Lincoln Chafee… yeah… that’s right… you already know what I want don’t you? … Yep.” Said Lincoln Chafee on the phone while the other two were duking it out.
Sole Survivor wasn’t able to avoid Palkia’s aura sphere, and it left a large wound in her side. However, that wound slowly started to heal afterwards. Not really as quickly as it would have compared to say, Kaname, but still. Sole Survivor prepared to attack again when she heard a distinct sound overhead. Both her and Palkia watched as five planes in a V formation flew by, all of which dropped bombs on Palkia. Palkia seemed to be in considerable pain from the bombing but that only made him angrier. Palkia flew up and used his Hydro Pump to hit all five of the planes with a continuous stream of POWERFUL WATER YO! All five of the planes came crashing down and all five of their pilots ejected out of the planes. Palkia had no intention of letting them go however, he used spacial rend on one of the pilots, cutting the poor guy in half. Palkia flew towards another guy and used slash to cut off his parachute. The dude was still pretty high up and went plummeting to his death. Palkia aimed an aura sphere on another one, which landed a direct hit and made a hole in the guy’s stomach, you can imagine how well he survived that. With the fourth guy, Palkia rushed him down and jabbed his claws straight into his head, that one was probably the quickest death of them all.
“Oh wow, I really thought I was going to get killed up there!” Said the relieved fifth pilot who successfully made it to the ground. What he did not notice was the woman walking up right behind him. He could only scream as she bit into his neck and sucked out all of his blood.
“What did you just do? That was a brave American soldier who put his life on the line to serve this uh, great nation!” Lincoln Chafee said angrily to Sole Survivor.
“When did you stop being dead?” Sole Survivor replied sounding vaguely annoyed.
“GROAR!” Roared the Palkia, interrupting their quarrel.
Palkia approached Lincoln Chafee, who cowered away in fear. Palkia slowly reached out to grab Lincoln Chafee dramatically.
“HEY DICK LIZARD, WHY DON’T YOU LOOK OVER HERE AT YOUR REAL PROBLEM!” Sole Survivor yelled. Palkia turned around and made a scary face at Sole Survivor.
Sole Survivor took out her plasma rifle, and time seemed to slow down a bit. That pearl on its arm must be a weak spot, she thought. As she pulled the trigger to target that specific area everything around her started to distort and twist again. The blast dissipated into nothingness, and the surrounding space seemed to be closing in on her. Palkia was trying to quickly dispatch of both her and the President the same way he did Raven. But Sole Survivor was still experiencing time a bit more slowly. She continued to try to target Palkia’s pearls even after Palkia started looking like an LSD version of himself. She felt the space around her closing in on her, getting tighter and tighter… she closed her eyes and heard a strange piano jingle.
BANG
She opened her eyes to see everything back to normal, and Palkia motionless on the ground. She turned around to see a Mysterious Stranger in a trench coat wearing a fedora walk away. He really can finish off anything in one shot huh?
THIRTIETH DEATH
Palkia-Brine
Sole Survivor walked up to Lincoln Chafee and they just stared at each other for a few seconds.
“Just me and you huh?” said Sole Survivor.
“I suppose so,” replied Lincoln Chafee
“I’ll have you know that I won’t go down easy!” said Sole Survivor.
“Oh well, LATER!” said Lincoln Chafee seemingly randomly.
“Wha-” Sole Survivor was about to say before she got cut off by Lincoln Chafee’s last frog straight in her eyes.
Lincoln Chafee didn’t get that far before Sole Survivor regained her sight, but as she was temporarily blinded a different sense became stronger. So it always has to come back to the blood huh? thought Sole Survivor. When she regained her sight, the whole world was red. Blood on the walls, blood in puddles, blood rain in the air, blood droplets on the trees, everywhere. And… she wanted it all. She looked towards the fleshy morsel that just ran into the Wal-Mart. He looked rather tasty. Sole Survivor was ready to take the fight to the next level. She dropped her weapon, her eyes turned glowing red, and her fangs became comically exaggerated. She was now… Level E.
Lincoln Chafee was scouring Wal-Mart to find some kind of way to defend himself. Maybe… nope… perhaps… yeah that’ll work… definitely not… I don’t know… OK... thought Lincoln Chafee as he walked down the various aisles gathering supplies as he went. After a bit he was confident that he was ready for action. Lincoln Chafee then froze in place when he heard someone say, “Here little President…” He could not figure out where it was coming from. He felt something drop onto his shoulder, he rubbed his sleeve and examined it. It felt like saliva except with a hint of something red. Was it blood? Nah, that’d be stupid. Lincoln Chafee looked up slowly, and then let out a scream.
Sole Survivor was hanging from the ceiling, drooling as she looked at Lincoln Chafee. Lincoln Chafee took a few steps back, and Sole Survivor dropped down.
“Hey uh, if you want money I got it, just ask the amount…” Lincoln Chafee said, backing away. This was a bit of a bluff, he blew off a shit load of money on his own campaign.
“You look tasty,” was all Sole Survivor said.
“Well uh, vampire, you can uh, suck on, THIS!” That was Lincoln Chafee’s attempt at a bad ass line. Like it? No? OK :c
Either way, Lincoln Chafee pulled a head of garlic out of his pocket and threw it at Sole Survivor. It bounced off uselessly and Sole Survivor walked forward unhindered.
“OK… well, if that didn’t work you can suck on um, THIS!” Lincoln Chafee threw a cheap plastic model of Jesus on the cross at Sole Survivor, and it also bounced off uselessly. “What kind of vampire are you…?” Lincoln Chafee asked in horror. Sole Survivor said nothing and just got closer to Lincoln Chafee as he backed away.
“OK you asked for it missy, normally I don’t like this but I guess I’ll have to resort to… VIOLENCE!” Lincoln Chafee pulled out the NERF Gun that was strapped on his back and started shooting it at Sole Survivor. His aim wasn’t half bad, they all hit Sole Survivor in the chest in… various areas, but you know, it’s a fucking NERF Gun. Sole Survivor, now riddled with NERF bullets, grabbed Lincoln Chafee’s arm forcefully. Lincoln Chafee started crying as Sole Survivor got closer to his neck. Sole Survivor bit down, and then yelped out in pain immediately afterwards. She staggered away, her fangs had broken from trying to bite into the block of granite called Lincoln Chafee. Lincoln Chafee saw that as an opportune moment and ran away once more.
Sole Survivors fangs slowly but surely regenerated, and then she followed Lincoln Chafee’s scent, eventually finding herself in front of what appeared to be a closet of some sort. She tried to force the door open but it was unsurprisingly locked. So instead she tried to get it down by force.
Lincoln Chafee was leaning on the other side of the door, fearing for his life. His Secret Service was all gone, and any air raid had the distinct possibility of killing him too. He needed some kind of help.
Any help…
Any help.
A pillar of fire emerged from the floor a few feet away from him. And from that pillar of fire appeared a large brown slab of something… I mean, it looked vaguely edible I guess, also it had horns.
“Who are y-you?” Lincoln Chafee stammered.
“I am SEITAN, Satan’s vegan brother!” proudly exclaimed the slab of wheat gluten.
“What are you doing here?” Asked Lincoln Chafee.
“Simple, I have a proposition for you,” said Seitan calmly.
“Well, I guess I’m open to anything at this point,” Lincoln Chafee said, still feeling Sole Survivor pounding at the door.
“I can give you the powers you need to overcome this problem of yours, in return you only need to pledge to spread the message of veganism for the rest of your days!” said Seitan happily.
“Veganism? But why?” Lincoln Chafee asked.
“If you want to live, do it,” Seitan responded bluntly.
“OK, OK, I’ll do it!” Lincoln Chafee said exasperatedly.
Sole Survivor eventually broke down the door, but on the other side was not the fleshy little pussy she was hoping for. Instead she was greeted by a skeleton in a business suit, with his head on fire. Hey, remember when I said Ghost Rider died? Well, I lied, only his host did.
Lincoln Chafee, the new Ghost Rider made his tie extend far enough to wrap around Sole Survivor and throw her outside of the closet. Lincoln Rider proudly came out of the closet as well, and kicked Sole Survivor down as she tried to get up.
“If you repent now I just might pardon you!” Lincoln Chafee the Ghost Rider said.
“Who are you?” said Sole Survivor, coughing up a bit of blood.
“I am Lincoln Chafee, the President of the United States of America! And I am just about to end this war!” Lincoln Chafee said proudly. He backed away from Sole Survivor and then spit out some hellfire on her while she was down. Lincoln Chafee did not let up with the hellfire until Sole Survivor was turned completely to ash.
THIRTY-FIRST DEATH
Sole Survivor-Kubby
“Such a shame too, she was kind of hot,” sighed Lincoln Chafee. As you can see, Ghost Rider’s spirit was starting to change his thought process a bit.
Lincoln Chafee, the Ghost Rider walked out of the Wal-Mart like a badass, and then summoned his car keys. He clicked the button and a black sedan materialized before him. He got in the car, and drove off, leaving a trail of flames behind his tires. He saw that there was an end to the road, nowhere else to go, but he kept on pushing on. He braced himself as he headed off road, and soon, his car was in space. Outer space was not going to stop Lincoln Chafee, so kept on driving along. He had a mission.
To this day Lincoln Chafee remains a controversial figure. Sure he cured Ebola, and saved the environment from the scourge of Grocery Bags (kind of). But he also kind of sort of blew up the motherfucking sun. Scholars will forever be divided on his performance during his short tenure. For others, Lincoln Chafee was the thing of nightmares. He was a galactic conqueror who destroyed all joy everywhere he went. Where is he now? Nobody knows. Probably spreading veganism to some poor unsuspecting planet far, far away from here. But that is not what matters, what DOES matter is…
THE WINNER!
Lincoln Chafee and Ghost Rider-Sam and Poles
Epilogue
A mysterious cloaked figure walked up to my corpse, head bashed in and all.
“Oh… this will not do… this will not do. Don’t think I’m done with you yet.” The cloaked figure dragged my corpse away.
Indeed, this was far from over.
TUNE IN FOR AFABR 2, COMING TO A THREAD NEAR YOU!
Spoiler:
I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)
A choice was not made here.
Also, this was great. One of the best BRs ever. I loved every part of it.
WHO DA CLOAKED FIGURE THO???
Best ending ever
next one now pls :P
honestly I don't even fucking know I just pulled that out of my ass
WE'LL SEEEEEEEEEEE
Spoiler:
I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)
Whoo, go Chaffee!
Watch Magical Girl Raising Project. Just do it.
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