Chapter 2
Sole Survivor continued to travel deeper into the South Sudan jungle, machete in hand, cutting down vines, you know the deal. She noticed what appeared to be some loose piece of paper, and she made Dogmeat retrieve it. Dogmeat well, did, and she read the paper: “Get the fuck out of here man, they took Dave and they’re gonna take me too, run while you still can man! Do it, now, run, now!” I’m not a man so this probably doesn’t apply to me thought Sole Survivor as she crumpled up the paper and threw it behind her. Question: if a girl screams in a jungle when nobody is there to listen, does she make a noise?
Eminem pushed Ghost Rider away from him. “Don’t sneak up on me like that yo I ain’t gay like that yo!”
“Why not? We’re fighting aren’t we?”
“What the fuck are you even saying bro, you sound like a fucking lobotomized cow choking on Mom’s spaghetti SPEAK UP YO!”
Ghost Rider was losing his patience, he wrapped his chains around Eminem again and started slamming him on the ground. He was about to get physical when a certain someone fell into Eminem’s car.
“Ow fuck.” Turtlesauce had accidentally fallen off his Palkia while he was trying to pose for a sweet selfie. Palkia soon followed after his master and roared loudly, causing both Eminem and Ghost Rider to jump back a bit. Then Turtlesauce drew out a large floppy dildo and asked, “Wanna try me?”
Eminem and Ghost Rider looked at each other and shrugged. Question: what is the best way to bring people together? Answer: by having a common enemy.
“Don’t fuck with the real Slim Shady yo, I’ll fuck you up!”
“Holy shit it’s Eminem! What are you doing here?” Turtlesauce was obviously pretty hyped to see him.
“I’m here to kick your ass with my main man Ghost Rider yo!”
“When did I become your main man?”
“Shut up and roll with it yo.”
Meanwhile Lincoln Chafee was hiding in one of the utility closets at the Wal-Mart. He reached towards his pocket and felt something that felt… unfamiliar. It was a tape recorder of some kind. Golly, what could something like this be doing in little old me’s pocket? Thought Lincoln Chafee. He clicked play.
“Hello… Mr. President,” started the mysterious voice on the tape recorder. Is this really meant for me? Thought Lincoln Chafee. He listened on.
Back in Tokyo, the Big green guys were still duking it out. Godzilla rushed at Big Zam and Big Zam responded by trying to kick Godzilla in the shin. The attack had little effect however.
“WHAT? BUT IT WORKED SO WELL IN THE GAME!” Shouted out the bewildered Dozle Zabi.
Godzilla knocked Big Zam off balance with a slap of the tail, and Big Zam fell to the ground.
“Damn this thing’s strong. Might as well hit him with another LARGE MEGA PARTICLE GUN LASER THING!”
And so he did, and another giant ass laser was shot at Godzilla’s stomach. Godzilla was ready for it this time however, and responded by breathing out some atomic fire. When the two beams collided it caused a large explosion engulfing both of them.
As the dust settles down, we see Big Zam slowly propel himself upwards until he was standing up once again. His I-Field protected him quite well. Meanwhile in the other corner… Godzilla also got up completely fine. Because he’s fucking Godzilla. Suddenly, Godzilla decided to defy gravity and raised his legs up into the air. Presumably supported by his tail I guess…? Either way, he started slowly sliding towards Big Zam, and Zam had plenty of time to react but just stood in place because plot convenience. Big Zam was sent flying backwards. This time, Big Zam sustained some visible damage, but was still able to get up. What nobody else noticed was that there was some blood on the backside of Big Zam now. I wonder where that came from?
SECOND DEATH
That One Guy-Clemi.
He was just walking down the street and texting without paying ANY attention to where he was going. Shit happens man.
That One Guy woke up to nothing but fire, pain, and suffering surrounding him. He looked up ahead at a large silhouette with small horns on his head.
“I’m sorry father, I have failed you.” Said That One Guy as he got down on his knees.
“No worries my son, you tried your best. Besides, there is still someone else that can carry out my will. Or perhaps I should say something else.” Replied Satan cooly.
Grocery Bag got caught on a tree, and quite suddenly all of the leaves of said trees shriveled up and dropped to the ground en masse.
Knuckles stood on one of the few skyscrapers that was still intact in Tokyo. “Why would the sign say to go over here anyway? But hey, this is my chance! Knuckles kills the dragon! And then when I come home and tell stories of my adventures all the ladies shall SWOON! I can see it all now!”
Kaname Kuran was looking down on the now deceased Ghost Eyes but then suddenly lifted his head up. I know that scent. Kaname thought. Indeed, ‘twas the scent of blood that was felt so strongly on his nostrils, also I just realized how weird it is to put it that way but WHATEVER. He was about to head over to where the blood was, but he was interrupted by some spinning hedgehog like creature.
“May I ask, who are you?” Inquired Kaname Kuran.
“Well, I’m Shadow the *vomits* Hedgehog. I’m the edgiest character EVER! And *vomit* it seems you are someone who is *vomits* almost as edgy as I am. So… I just want to ask *vomits* would be my waifu?”
“I am sorry to say but Yuki is my one true waifu.” Replied Kaname Kuran, who then looked off into the distance.
“Oh, well then, I’ll see myself out then.” And so Shadow made his exit dejectedly, poor guy got rejected again.
Kaname Kuran was still looking off into the distance, thinking about Yuki. But then, some cloaked figure softly landed right in front of him.
“And may I ask who are you?” Inquired Kaname.
“Oh please let’s skip the formalities. You did that right?” Said Raven pointing to the corpse of Ghost Eyes.
“Well, yeah.”
Raven responded by lifting a nearby grave out of the ground with her telekinesis and smacking Kaname Kuran with it.
“A feisty one aren’t you?” Commented Kaname with a smirk.
“That’s my job.”
“Do you think a little magic trick like that is enough to defeat Lord Kaname? If you do, you must be gravely mistaken.”
“That was awful.”
“Wait what did I say that was wrong? Oh, I guess that was a pun. Well no matter!” Kaname’s eyes started glowing red again.
DOTA Nerd heard something break, and not much later, footsteps. Edward Snowden was looking around for an effective weapon upstairs. He eventually settled on the kitchen knife for a lack of anything better. Wait am I really killing a guy over a game? Thought Edward Snowden to himself. But suddenly something else popped into his mind. That’s what you’re supposed to do here. Edward Snowden sighed, and wondered where this guy might be. He thought for a bit, and the conclusion seemed obvious. But first, he needed to keep up appearances. He headed over to the bathroom to clean the shit out of his hair.
DOTA Nerd sunk lower into his chair as he heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. He watched in horror as Snowden slowly opened the door to his room. “I take it you’re Rlybigcock420,” said Snowden.
“And you’re Citizen4, whatever that is.”
“Oh COME ON you NEVER heard of that movie? REALLY?”
“I well… don’t go out much.”
“I can tell.”
Snowden slowly drew out his kitchen knife, and it was then that DOTA Nerd realized this vile Citizen4’s intentions. He grabbed for his nearest weapon, which ended up being a plastic lightsaber. He pushed the button, and it lit up WOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
“Psssh n00b, let the master show you how it’s done!” Said DOTA Nerd confidently. He tried to get up, and then fell down into his chair again. He then slowly approached Snowden by scooting his chair forward. It’s the type of chair with wheels on it, just pointing that out. DOTA Nerd grinned, “Bring it, n00b!”
Meanwhile, the Screaming Goat outside randomly decided to try jumping over the fence. So he did, and now he was out. What other exciting adventures could this goat face next?
Skunk stood around his dojo, bored out of his mind. Skunk started thinking out loud, “Do I HAVE to stay here? I’m sure nothing would happen to this place if I leave. Besides, this place is boringggggggggggggg.” Skunk then decided to leave. He grabbed a bamboo staff on the way out, and went out in search of something “funnerer.”
Sane could hardly react before Sam Burgess slammed him onto the ground. Sane flailed to no avail to get Burgess off, but Burgess went for a hard squirrel grip to finish Sane off. Sane cried out in pain, and then lost consciousness... Poor guy.
Sam Burgess slowly stood back up over the now incapacitated Sane, and looked around. He watched as a small figure emerged from the shadows of a nearby alleyway.
“Wow mister! You’re really cool! I wanna grip balls hard just like you! But I don’t have any hands :c” Said Goombario.
“I try my best m8” Replied Sam in a BRITISH accent.
“Hey wanna let me fight with you? I’m really good at analyzing stuff!”
“Sure why not m8”
And so the alliance was formed. But suddenly they were interrupted when what appeared to be Ghost Eyes in a kimono burst onto the scene.
“I’M GONNA FUDGING MAKE YOU STOP LIVING GOOMBARIO!”
“I thought you were dead mister!” Replied Goombario. Goombario then looked Ghost Eyes up and down. Oh I how it is. Thought Goombario.
“You should Slam ‘im Sam!” Said Goombario.
“That’s what I do best m8” Replied Sam Burgess.
“OH THIS PRETTY BOY THINKS HE CAN BEAT ME? WELL TRY ME THEN!” Ghost Eyes Fey yelled out.
“You talk tough for somebody in a dress m8”
Ghost Eyes looked down at a nearby glass bottle and then broke it against the wall. Sam Burgess got ready for a slammin’, and Goombario hid behind a trash can. And Sane was still unconscious, poor guy. Great set-up for the ULTIMATE BATTLE wouldn’t you agree? No? OK :c
And then there was me. I had so many places I could go to, so many choices. I could head over to those guys by the movie theater, but meh, those guys seem a bit too easy. There’s Raven and Kuname over by the graveyard, but I probably shouldn’t interfere there… There’s the big guys, but… IDK maybe. Snowden and that nerd dude will probably be over before I get there so that’s no fun. Then there’s Turtle’s thing… Hmmm… I just stood in place pondering where to go. Geez, I’m supposed to be the protagonist of this story but I can’t even decide on something this simple… *sigh* Maybe I’ll let the fight come to me. Yeah, sure. I just sit down on the grass and lie in wait.
And also the Sun’s still lying in wait… still waiting… waiting for the ample time to destroy us all. Probably.
TUNE IN FOR CHAPTER 3 WHERE EVEN MORE FIGHTING AND DEATH AND FIGHTING AND DEATH HAPPEN, probably.
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Originally Posted by Dion
