Almost Fucking Anything Battle Royale/AFABR

[Rocket]

Sam does child abuse. ;-;

Its a fight for fucking life or death you really expect him to hold back

[Lohuydahutt]

Chapter 4

Ghost Rider was just ridin’ down da street, when he caught sight of what appeared to be a goat being chased after by an anthropomorphic skunk. “WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTT!” Yelled out the Skunk running after the goat. Ghost Rider shrugged and kept on ridin’ along.

---

Sole Survivor trudged deeper into the wilderness when he heard what appeared to be a kid yelling… wait no it was a Skunk. She had no idea how they got over here, but she had a feeling that she’d better pursue them. She watched as they disappeared into the brush, but she could still here Skunk’s yelling. Dogmeat and her were just about to follow but she heard some strange creaking noise, and then sidestepped just in time to avoid being crushed by the tree. She came completely unscathed but… “Dogmeat…? DOGMEAT?”

---

Edward Snowden sat down by a window and took out his laptop. He prepared some coffee as well, so he was set. This is a surprisingly nice house actually, thought Snowden. He looked out his window, and while it was rather dark at the moment, he could just barely make out two figures running in circles around the yard. He watched as Skunk tried to leap at the goat, but instead only landed on his face. The goat ran away and Skunk wasted no time trying to catch up again. Snowden smirked, and went back to his computer. Suddenly his laptop detected a strange signal, and Snowden was intrigued.

---

Turtlesauce was looking down at the arena, wondering what to do next. Palkia roared and Turtle promptly looked behind him. “Oh hey, Big Zam.” Indeed, Big Zam was coming up right behind him. Palkia suddenly quickly moved left and Turtle was barely able to hold on. He watched as one of the things that was once Big Zam’s claws flew towards the MAGICAL force field and then broke. “Alright Dildomon, use whatever the fuck attack on him idk man.” Said Turtle to his Palkia. Palkia nodded and then put his hands together to charge up an aura sphere. Palkia threw the ball of energy at Big Zam but it dissipated before it reached Big Zam. “Wow, you’re really useless.” Palkia looked dejected again. Turtle sighed and took out a dildo. He aimed it carefully and then tossed it at Big Zam. Turtle saw it bounce off uselessly before it even hit Big Zam. “Ohhhhh I see.”

Dozle Zabi was laughing inside Big Zam, he felt empowered now that he was fighting something that was actually smaller than he was.

---

That dildo Turtle dropped ended up hitting Ghost Rider in the head, knocking him off his bike. Ghost Rider fell right in front of some sweeeeeet legs, his eyes slowly followed up the legs until he saw the face of a woman wearing a dark blue hood looking down on him. “Hey fire guy, can I help you?” Raven asked.

---

After healing from his wounds, Kaname got up and looked down on his torn uniform. The scent of blood in the air was stronger than ever, and Kaname’s craving was ever increasing. He noticed a small creature lying dead on the ground. It appeared to be a bat of some kind. “Oh you poor thing, whatever happened to you?”

Kaname decided against lingering on the bat too much and walked away. He still had to dish out some payback. He was then distracted by the yelling of some random kid trying to catch somebody. Skunk and the goat ran straight past Kaname, and Kaname made no attempt to stop them. Kaname simply smiled. Kids these days… thought Kaname.

---

Lincoln Chafee was going over the information he just learned in his head, when his concentration was broken by some random ass kid yelling about something. He had the temptation to get out of the closet to figure out what the fluff was going on, but it was too damn cozy in there. He decided to listen in though.
“I’ve got you now!”
Chafee heard a scream, and then what sounded like a large amount of boxes falling off the shelves.
“Owwww…”
And then the two running sounded more distant, until Chafee was quite certain that they left the store. Good, now I won’t have to get out of this closet after all. Thought Chafee with a grin.

---

And here I was, in a TOTALLY epic showdown. Since I’m such a nice guy I let my opponent move first. Shadow summoned up some energy blasts and started trying to shoot them at me… but in reality he was pretty much shooting at everything but me. I didn’t even move at all and I didn’t get hit once.
“Well, I see you are a seal of great skill.” Said Shadow, with his voice practically oozing disbelief.
“Yeah probably.” I responded.

The conversation didn’t last long, because we were interrupted by a goat and a skunk running by. How the hell are those two not tired yet? I thought.
“Hey, isn’t that *vomits* my soon to be waifu?” Asked Shadow with no hint of sarcasm whatsoever. How the hell has he not passed out from all that vomiting by now anyway?
“Come on man, focus on the real problem. I’m totally threatening, I’m totally a problem, so fite me mang.” I answered flatly.
“Oooohh edgy.”

I sighed, and some sparks started to come out of my paws. I wanted nothing more than to finish this fight quickly.

---

Godzilla was trying to claw at Knuckles, but Knuckles jumped out of the way of Godzilla’s attacks without fail. Turns out hitting something more than a hundred times smaller than you is no easy task. Godzilla roared out in frustration and Knuckles smirked. The spines on Godzilla’s black turned a neon blue and Godzilla tried sniping Knuckles out of the air with his atomic breath because holy shit I’ve been saying that wrong for three whole fucking chapters. It actually landed, and Knuckles dropped the last of his rings. Oh crap, gotta make this one count thought Knuckles as he continued jumping. Eventually, he reached the top of Godzilla’s head. It was now time for the descent. Neither of them paid any attention to the goat and the skunk running around Godzilla’s feet.

---

Sam Burgess looked down on Pearl Fey and took one step closer towards her. Pearl Fey responded by taking one step back. Sam Burgess took another step, and Pearl Fey took another step back. This process continued until Pearl Fey tripped over an empty beer bottle. She looked up at Sam Burgess and started crying.
“It’s all part of the game m8” Said Sam Burgess indifferently.

From some indiscernible location, a beat started playing. He looked around in confusion as he heard some guy say, “Obie Trice, real name no gimmicks.” And then the sound of a record scratch. He saw Pearl Fey start to grow once again, though this time the build was a bit more… average.

“Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside…
Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside…”
Some guys from an indiscernible location started chanting: “Guess who’s back
Back again
Shady’s back
Tell a friend-”
“GIVE *pant* IT *pant* BACK!” Skunk unintentionally interrupted.
“YO YOU JUST INTERRUPTED MY FLOW YO!” Yelled out the disgruntled Eminem, now in a kimono.

Sam Burgess backed away from Eminem and gripped his stomach. He was a bit nervous after the last fight.

“Don’t worry Sam you can slam him!” Said Goombario, acting like he completely forgot about the goomball squeeze from earlier.
“Why should I trust you m8?”
“He’s just some punk white boy who thinks he can rap! Nothing to worry about!” Said Goombario with a smile. Yeah this’ll be… interesting. Thought Goombario, his grin growing wider.

---

Meanwhile in Sane’s unconscious, he was taking a trip down Memory Lane with Stallone. He saw everything, all of the good times he had with his friends, all of the relationship regrets, that one test he didn’t study enough for, pretty much everything. Sylvester Stallone stopped in front of one particular memory. There was Sane, inexplicably lacking a nose.
“Do you remember what this is?” Sylvester Stallone asked.
“Nope.” Sane replied.
“This… is your destiny.”

---

The Screaming Goat stopped abruptly at the Wal-Mart parking lot, and Skunk ended up stopping as well. They were finally tired. They were both panting heavily. Skunk tried to walk towards the Screaming Goat but ended up falling down out of sheer tiredness.

Out of nowhere, Grocery Bag landed over the goat’s head, and once again the goat started screaming like a motherfucker. Grocery Bag constricted, denying the goat of any air. You can probably imagine what happened after that.

SIXTH DEATH
Screaming Goat-Klonoa

Skunk slowly got up, and walked over to the now deceased goat. He picked up his staff triumphantly and put one foot on top of the goat. He raised his staff into the air and looked towards the stars. He finally did it. Wait a minute… there were like 20 more staffs in the dojo Skunk realized. Skunk promptly facepalmed.

---

Also you know the deal with the sun so I’m going to stop mentioning it. When it actually comes time for it to do something I’ll tell you guys, OK? OK.

TUNE IN FOR CHAPTER 5 OR WHATEVER BECAUSE THAT'LL BE THE NEXT CHAPTER AND IT WILL BE GOOD PROBABLY

[sane]

OH MY GOD LO YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS

[Klonoa]

Well, there goes the goat.

[Rocket]

Wonderful stuff. Already 2 squirrel grips. I'm impressed

[Kubby]

Dogmeat! where are you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTq6nwO4oJU

[Moonjik]

This is amazing! Poor DOTA Nerd

[rangernumberx]

By the way...where's Ebola? And how do you even kill the sun, South Sudan and the plastic bag of eternal death?

[Lohuydahutt]

By the way...where's Ebola? And how do you even kill the sun, South Sudan and the plastic bag of eternal death?

Well, these questions shall all be answered in due time :3

[rangernumberx]

Well, if you say so. Just don't kill Raven, or Godzilla for that matter.