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Thread: My Life

  1. #1
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    My Life

    I've had these issues for most of my life. My troubles started from childhood and have followed me up to the present day. Sometimes I can break from them and live my life in sunlit upland but sooner or later they return to plague me and drag me down into the quagmire of venom.

    I know I seem like one of the happiest members of this community, and a lot of the time I am. You guys allow me to forget about a lot of things and have fun, but I'm not under any delusions; my joyful exterior is a hard shell carefully constructed to protect me. It is a sickly sweet armour that allows me to pursue friendships. I put on a smile and a nauseating attitude to escape the darkness, yet almost every night the shadow comes knocking in my bedroom door. It does not let me sleep, forcing me into a state of melancholy and depression. It punctures my happy armour and goes straight for my heart and mind.

    I grew up in a pretty rough area in the south of Scotland. Our neighbourhood had drug dealers, burglars, pedophiles, even murderers. My father came to Britain in the 90's as an engineer, hoping to continue his studies and find work. Unfortunately he had to drop out to support our family and my mum had to take two minimum wage jobs to provide for us. Money was frequently a problem and I remember vividly the fights.

    I was sexually abused when I was around nine by a family friend who was nineteen. Being the naive, childish idiot I was, I had no idea what he was doing to me. He would touch me all over, rub my body ver my clothes then, making sure no one was watching, he would force me onto the bed and use me as a plaything. I did not cry out, I let him do what he wanted. I hate myself for this but I said nothing to anybody until it was too late. I even felt at peace with it, as though it were normal. This abuse carried on for about a year at which point I realised what was going on. I was so mortified I told no one. I stopped going to his house but his actions still haunted my dreams. I spent two years in therapy for this before abruptly ending the treatment because I moved to a new city.

    The night is long and full of horrors for me. There is much more to my life to explain my depression but I don't feel like sharing at this moment. Whenever the phantom comes to me again I will write out my worldly woes. I just hope someone is listening.

    Thanks you guys, it isn't easy to do this.
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  2. #2
    Whenever you feel the need to write or type or anything, please do so. I know I can't say anything to aleviate any feelings or problems you have, but please type as much as you need to. If you feel you have to type up what's basically the equivalent of a novel, please do so. Please. You gave me a big scare, and not to sound selfish, I was worried and thinking if there was anything I did wrong.

    I have no idea exactly how you feel, and I'm sorry. Likewise, you have no idea how scared I was and how I felt. I honestly felt my heart skip a couple beats. Please, please write when you need to. I will read it all.
    Watch Magical Girl Raising Project. Just do it.

  3. #3
    sane's Avatar A Beautiful Sunset at Noon
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    Love you Moon. :3


    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz View Post
    Good job Sane. You killed the forum.

  4. #4
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    Thank you Sane and Spikey <3 there's just so much going on.

    I have contemplated suicide on and off for years. I mean I'm sixteen, I've got my whole life ahead of me. I feel I know where I stand on the world, on politics, literature, history. Yet internally there's a beast yearning to get out. It's clawing at my rib cage as though it were a prison.
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Mooncat View Post
    Thank you Sane and Spikey <3 there's just so much going on.

    I have contemplated suicide on and off for years. I mean I'm sixteen, I've got my whole life ahead of me. I feel I know where I stand on the world, on politics, literature, history. Yet internally there's a beast yearning to get out. It's clawing at my rib cage as though it were a prison.
    If you ever have any bad feelings, please tell me. If you don't want it public, please PM me. Ultimately I can't do anything more than listen or offer my thoughts, but I at least want to hear from you before anything drastic happens.

    And hopefully it doesn't even come to that. But out of everyone on the forum, you're the one person I want to be happy, or at the very least feel you're accepted and loved. I'm not trying to be sappy or dramatic or anything, what I'm saying are my exact thoughts as they come. This may seem like just another post, or some public attempt to "do the right thing"

    No, this is me talking. And it's as close to the actual thoughts inside my head as I can portray. I don't want this post to seem like some bs that I'm saying only because I think it's what you want to hear. No, it's not. It's me sincerely trying to get through to you. So please, keep me updated. Everyone else here can say this piece, and I'm not saying they're not genuine, I guarantee you they are... but you are the one person I don't want to lose. So please, write, type, whatever. Keep me updated.
    Watch Magical Girl Raising Project. Just do it.

  6. #6
    Klonoa's Avatar Tao of Blue
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    Gosh, you poor thing. While I can't say I can relate to you, I can say that I know how you feel. To be quite honest, I am kinda like you. I'm usually happy, but sometimes bouts of depression and emotion can haunt me. Why do you think many of my OCs are so detailed and memorable? These OCs were created by me because I wanted someone like me. These OCs have the same problems as me, and I used them as a way to get my feelings out. It's hard to explain. I didn't have the same issue as you, but years of rejection and bullying can get to you, you know? Anyway, I'm here for you. Lyra is always there for you. This whole forum is here for you. We're happy to have you here. I may have only known you for some time but you know what? I can suddenly forge a link between us.

    So when the storm clouds come and arrows of lightning cross the sky, know that the storm will pass and the sun will shine again. Rainbows always come after rain, after all.

    Juiz: You can quote me on this: Klonoa is my favorite son.

  7. #7
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    I'm really not sure what to say. Nobody deserves this..
    I'm not the best with words, but I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. If I can't say anything, I'll at least listen.

  8. #8
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyra Heartstrings View Post
    If you ever have any bad feelings, please tell me. If you don't want it public, please PM me. Ultimately I can't do anything more than listen or offer my thoughts, but I at least want to hear from you before anything drastic happens.

    And hopefully it doesn't even come to that. But out of everyone on the forum, you're the one person I want to be happy, or at the very least feel you're accepted and loved. I'm not trying to be sappy or dramatic or anything, what I'm saying are my exact thoughts as they come. This may seem like just another post, or some public attempt to "do the right thing"

    No, this is me talking. And it's as close to the actual thoughts inside my head as I can portray. I don't want this post to seem like some bs that I'm saying only because I think it's what you want to hear. No, it's not. It's me sincerely trying to get through to you. So please, keep me updated. Everyone else here can say this piece, and I'm not saying they're not genuine, I guarantee you they are... but you are the one person I don't want to lose. So please, write, type, whatever. Keep me updated.
    That genuinely means a lot to me Lyra, like seriously. Thank you for this.

    And thank you too, Klo and Polar, I'm glad I've got so many great friends here.
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  9. #9
    Klonoa's Avatar Tao of Blue
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    And you know what? Let's clear it up and say that what happened to you is horrible. Don't let it get to you though! What happened is set in stone. It doesn't matter anymore. It's what you do as a result of what happens that matters. Are you going to let this bother you for the rest of your life or are you going to take charge of your life and win the battle? I know you're strong enough to do the latter.

    Juiz: You can quote me on this: Klonoa is my favorite son.

  10. #10
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    Thank you :3 it means a lot
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

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