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Thread: Shitty Rap Genius

  1. #1
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Shitty Rap Genius

    Welcome to Shitty Rap Genius, where every line has a reference, you just haven't looked deep enough.

    Today, we look at Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill!



    Theodore Roosevelt:
    Bully! A challenge! I love competition!
    "Bully" refers to the fact that The Theodore Roosevelt Foundation funded the 2007 Rockstar Game, Bully: Scholarship Edition

    Now, where would I mount the stuffed head of a Winston?
    Teddy Roosevelt is an avid hunter, and the biggest thing he wants to hunt is the Overwatch Character, Winston. This is also used to call Churchill a gorilla

    (Ha!) I'm into fitness, digging ditches through an isthmus,
    Teddy always wanted to fuck hot chicks, but there were no gyms back then, so he got fucking ripped by digging ditches

    Rough riding down to Cuba like, "What's up, bitches?!"
    A reference to Youtube Series "GoodMythicalMorning", where hosts Rhett and Link start off each episode by yelling "WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?" at the viewers

    I keep my rhymes pure like my food and drugs!
    Teddy only did good drugs

    I'm an American stud, and you're the British Elmer Fudd!
    Teddy calls Churchill bald

    I mean, for Christ's sake, look at that mug!
    When Teddy was a small boy, he loved mugs, and by the time he was president he had tons of mugs. This line shows that Teddy saw a nice mug in the middle of the battle

    At least grow a spruce mustache and cover part of it up!
    Teddy call Churchill ugly, but then he says that he is ugly as well, and then helps Churchill with some solid advice: Do like I did, grow a mustache so that you look better. Teddy is an all-round cool dude.

    And let's face it, you're not all that great!
    This refers to the fact that Winston Churchill was going to be in the Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great battle, but he didn't have Great in his name

    You tossed away lives in Gallipoli like they were scraps off your plate!
    Churchill was notorious for not finishing his meals

    Your whole miserable country is the size of one state!
    This is of course, a subtle way to say that Churchill has a small penis

    I could see my way through running that without donning my pince-nez!
    Teddy speaks French in order to confuse Churchill, a common tactic used by American politicians and diplomats, cause everyone hates french.

    Don't go toe to toe with me, you bloated, drunk, old man!
    Teddy has bigger toes

    Why don't you do-si-do on over to a twelve-step program?
    A reference to "The Sound of Music", a classic American movie. Teddy calls Churchill a "female deer"

    I'll bust a trust fund lush with my American muscles,
    Teddy is fucking ripped

    So walk softly over here and give my big stick a suckles!
    The only way you can suck Teddy's dick is if you approach him by surprise, i.e. by "walking softly"

    Winston Churchill:
    Pass me a cigar and a large glass of brandy.
    During filming, Winston Churchill didn't know that the camera was rolling, and was screaming at the interns to bring him shit

    I'm about to take you out prematurely like your family!
    Teddy's family took him out to parks prematurely, before he was ready. Churchill references this

    I'm the Rhyme Minister, fresh in a hat and dinner jacket!
    A typo, it should've said Prime Minister, as Churchill was the Prime Minister of the U.K. Honest mistake

    You look like a mix of EpicLLOYD and a Pringles packet!
    Churchill references Pringles, which is a brand of chips. This is a play on words, with chip and cheap. Churchill is saying that this victory is cheap

    (Ha!) I was saving the planet from an axis of darkness
    Winston Churchill played Captain America in Captain America: The First Avenger. This is also used to compare Teddy to Red Skull, therefore calling Teddy Roosevelt a redneck

    While you were back home opening national parks, yes!
    Winston Churchill feels the need to agree with himself

    You were born asthmatic; you're going to choke hard,
    Reference to Nas' album, "Illmatic". Churchill says that he's nowhere near Nas in rapping skills, therefore calling Teddy ass-matic

    While I wake up every day and chain smoke cigars!
    A play on words, Churchill calls himself smoking hot

    I'll fight you on the beaches; I'll fight you on the beats, yes!
    This foreshadows the sequel to this battle, which will take place on a beach

    Any way you want to fight, I'll fight ya, and I'll beat ya, see?
    Churchill talks like a gangster to try and intimidate Teddy

    I might be battling you even though I'm toasted,
    Churchill calls himself "toasted' cause he's on fire

    But tomorrow, I'll be sober, and you'll still be roasted!
    No idea what this means. Stupid filler line.

    Theodore Roosevelt:
    My parents died when they were young, and it was morbid,
    Teddy is subtly implying that he's Batman

    But at least they didn't ditch me while they were alive like yours did!
    Teddy is saying that it's better that his parents died, so they couldn't leave him. What a dick

    Oh shit! World War too soon?
    Fun fact: ERB worked with Kubby and Klonoa to make this pun

    Well, Teddy's dropping bombs, so you best go hide in your tube!
    Churchill had a tube in which he would hide when he was scared

    (Ooh!) You should be ashamed of your military honor!
    This has double meaning, since it also refers to Churchill's most famous video game, "Military Honor", which got bad reviews all around

    Everyone knows you're back at home like, "Thank God for Pearl Harbor!"
    The only movie Churchill owns is the 2001 Ben Affleck movie, "Pearl Harbor", and he always watches it when he's bored

    Don't worry, the US will give you a pass!
    Reference to the fact that US has Disneyland while the UK doesn't

    Just change your poster to "Keep calm and kiss my cousin's ass!"
    These are the terms on which Teddy will give Churchill his Disneyland pass

    Winston Churchill:
    Steady there! I don't think it's very fair
    Churchill says he doesn't need the Disneyland Pass, since UK has plenty of fairs.

    For a British Bulldog to melee with a Teddy Bear!
    Referencing the upcoming Death Battle: Bulldog vs Bear

    (Ha!) You're no man; you're an overgrown Boy Scout!
    Churchill tells Churchill that he's like TF2's Scout, and that since Churchill is British, he's like Tracer from Overwatch, so he will win easily

    I should stuff you in a pram just so you can throw your toys out!
    Sexual reference

    They put your fat head on a mountain to save face,
    After the Hitlers won WWII, they decapitated Teddy and put his head on a mountain, to show dominance

    But if Rushmore was a band, then you'd play bass!
    This reference would be missed if not for the video. All the people in the band, except for Teddy, are played by Nice Peter. This is used to say that Teddy is not nice

    Look at Roosevelt! The dude's about to lose the bout to Churchill!
    In a shocking twist, Churchill has multiple personality disorder (as seen in the video), and is now talking to himself

    If a bullet to the chest won't stop you, my words will!
    Again, shitty line, no reference. ERB has been going downhill since Season One, bring back Season One! And do Homer vs Peter Griffin!!

    Theodore Roosevelt:
    A bullet can't stop the Bull Moose!
    A reference to 50 Cent

    TR will give WC the full deuce!
    Teddy is saying that Turkey has his back, and will shit on him

    Winston Churchill:
    Whatever shit you throw at me, I'll just return to sender!
    Churchill is saying that if Teddy throws shit at him, he'll just throw it back. Like a snowball fight but with poop

    I'll battle to the end, and I will never surrender!
    Reference to this Ted Cruz video




    Ok, so that was Shitty Rap Genius, helping you better understand ERBs! Tune in next time when we analyse what was supposed to be one of the best ERBs ever!
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  2. #2
    Spookiz's Avatar
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    This is hands down the best thing ever posted on this forum
    Your friendly neighborhood Dadministrator

    Got a question? Just need someone to chat with? Drop me a PM!

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    le epic maymays xdd:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket View Post
    Is Juiz darth vader? i hope so because that means he gets to be a dad


    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    This isn't the first time Juiz has given Sane a forced analysis pounding and it won't be the last.
    Quote Originally Posted by Samilton View Post
    juiz is a revolutionary
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    get cancer
    Quote Originally Posted by Samilton
    They're called Japanese people, Juiz



    Quote Originally Posted by Gika
    The fiirst rule of ERBOH.com is: You do not tell Juiz what to do.
    The second rule of ERBOH.com is: You DO NOT tell Juiz what to do.


    Quote Originally Posted by Sans
    do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior juizus
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket View Post
    sorry polar, im a moderator of the people

    and the people say you suck
    Quote Originally Posted by sane View Post
    "Don't be such a pussy Sam." shouted Juiz, the big, strong, captivating godly man that he was.


    Quote Originally Posted by YellowNerd View Post
    I love juiz more than his girlfriend does
    Quote Originally Posted by sane View Post
    My name is Sane, and this is my buddy Juiz, we're kind of a big deal and we can kick a lot of ass and love Wonderwall.
    Quote Originally Posted by sane
    this forum is dead and I am the necrophiliac who will fuck it back to life
    Quote Originally Posted by Brad View Post
    Juiz, you are truly the Shakespeare of our time. I laughed. I cried. I gave up red meat. Thank you, you beautiful bright ray of freedom in this otherwise fascist community. Thank you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    This forum needs a good return to fascism


  3. #3
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    That was fucking brilliant. I legitimately laugh out loud
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  4. #4
    Mike Hat's Avatar Ladybug Pajamas
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    Damn I had a very similar idea to this a while back that some other forumers have been helping me with. The concept of just making awful rap meanings is hilarious, and this was a solid execution.


    Who won?

    Spoiler: 
    Bill O'Reilly
    Hitler
    Abraham Lincoln
    Sarah Palin
    Kim Jong-il
    Beethoven
    Einstein
    Genghis Khan
    Bonaparte
    Benjamin Franklin
    Dumbledore
    Dr. Seuss
    Mr. T
    Columbus
    EpicLloyd
    Hitler
    Master Chief
    Wright Bros
    Elvis Presley
    Marilyn Monroe
    Steve Jobs
    Freddie Mercury
    Barack Obama
    Doc Brown
    Clint Eastwood
    Sherlock Holmes
    Moses
    Eve
    Gandhi
    Edison
    Babe Ruth
    Mozart
    Gorbachev
    Darth Vader
    Al Capone
    Joan of Arc
    Bob Ross
    Michael Jordan
    JP Morgan
    Rick Grimes
    Superman
    Stephen King
    Sir Isaac Newton
    William Wallace
    Artists
    Stay Puft
    Bonnie and Clyde
    Zeus
    Hannibal Lecter
    Oprah Winfrey
    Quentin Tarantino
    Lewis and Clark
    David Copperfield
    RoboCop
    Eastern Philosophers (Confucius)
    Julius Caesar
    Stan Lee
    Boba Fett
    JRR Tolkien
    Gordon Ramsay
    Frederick Douglass
    Sean Connery
    Bruce Banner
    Frederick the Great
    Donald Trump
    Charles Darwin
    Wonder Woman
    Tony Hawk
    Theodore Roosevelt
    EpicLLOYD

  5. #5
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Welcome to my sig, Turtle.

    My fucking sides.
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it
    Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!

  6. #6
    Kubby's Avatar Lifetime of Green
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    Teddy only did good drugs
    LOL.

    Winston Churchill feels the need to agree with himself
    LMAO!

    Fun fact: ERB worked with Kubby and Klonoa to make this pun
    Excellent.

    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Deadpool again.
    ...

  7. #7
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    Nice Peter:
    I'm fucking burnt out, man! It's been six years every day
    Pete is so tired that he feels that each day lasts six years.

    That I wake up and come to work to look at your hungover face!
    Most of the writing process involves staring at Lloyd's face, since the ERB crew thinks that Lloyd's face is really inspiring.

    I need some personal space to get away from your screaming,
    Ironically, Pete, the actor who makes everyone from Mozart to Tolkien scream their lungs out, calls out Lloyd on screaming.

    But every time I turn my back, mother fucker, you start scheming
    Reference to the famous F.R.I.Z.Y. song, "Back Motherfucker"

    To take over control of some shit I'm already doing just fine!
    Lloyd always tries to give Pete directions when he's taking a shit, but Pete is saying that he can shit by himself just fine.

    We'd have more subs than PewDiePie if you didn't fight me every time
    It's a known fact that when PewDiePie goes to Subway, he buys like 20 subs, but when Pete and Lloyd go to Subway, they argue about whether they want soft or hard cheese, and they only manage to get like, 12, subs.

    I try to take our little baby in a creative direction!
    Pete always tries to take Dante, the love child of Pete and Lloyd, to art classes, but Lloyd tells him that he will never fuck hot bitches by going to art class.

    I'm trying to make art, mother fucker; you're trying to find a rhyme for erection!
    It seems like Pete was trying to find a rhyme for "direction".

    I'm sorry, man! No, I'm fucking not! Fuck you!
    This line's purpose is to confuse you as to why they said "erection" instead of "dick" in the last line just to throw out 2 F-bombs here. It makes you think, "oh hey, ERB toned it down on the swears" and then they F-bomb your diddly hole

    You're second class! That's why I let you run ERB2!
    Filler.

    You're so afraid to lose, but losing's all you do,
    Which means Lloyd is afraid 24/7, I guess?

    And tonight, I'm not quitting the battles! Bitch, I'm quitting you!
    I thought he said it was 4 in the morning now it's night? Jesus Christ, Pete at least get the time right.


    EpicLLOYD:
    Quit me then, you pussy! We'll see what happens!
    "Yeah, quit me then, it's not like I care or anything, pfft."

    I'll sit back and watch you unravel and revel in pure satisfaction!
    Lloyd likes to look at Pete "unravel" while he "revels" in "pure satisfaction". Juicy.

    I'm out of compassion for you and your self-righteous bullshit!
    Self-Righteous, says the dude who writes dis-raps to dispense justice.

    Erection jokes, dude? Your whole name means dick!
    Shukoff means penis in Hungarian

    I'm sick of smoothing things out! The same routine!
    Lloyd works a part-time job as a rock polisher.

    ERB2 is right! I'm covering your ass behind the scenes,
    Pete hates wearing belts, and many times during filming, his pants would just fall down, and Lloyd would cover his ass all the time, so the whole crew doesn't see it.

    And then I try to tell you things, but you're too stubborn to understand!
    Things like "I love you, Peter"!

    Like, dude, that is not a cool way to play Batman!
    Lloyd shits on CollegeHumor.

    You manipulate your friends, and then you throw them away!
    Lloyd has a mental condition where he sees napkins as people, and when Pete blows his nose and throws the napkins in the trash, Lloyd is appalled.

    I don't know who you shit on worse: myself or Dante!
    Once, Pete, Lloyd and Dante made a contest where Pete had to literally shit on Lloyd and Dante, and whoever Pete shit on hardest won, but they realized that they forgot to bring a judge, so it's still undecided.

    But I'm not an entrée at one of your fancy restaurants,
    Lloyd tells Pete he's not food. This is a reference to Nice Peter being a cannibal.

    So quit eating up my time picking one of your fancy fonts,
    Peter also eats watches.

    And make a fucking decision so all these people can leave!
    On a serious note, I doubt everyone would be standing over there waiting for Pete to make decisions.

    Excuse me for interrupting Rocket League and smoking weed!
    Reference to Rocket, an ERBoH.com member.

    They got places to be, and now they're looking at me!
    Apparently everyone looks at Lloyd all the time.

    Nice Diva is my new name for you, Nice Pete!
    Lloyd calls Pete a Nice Diva, in a sense that he's hot.

    Nice Peter:
    And doink! Nice punchline, bro.
    Peter would like to doink Lloyd.

    Your jokes haven't grown since you told them in a lunch line, bro!
    Pete makes fun of Lloyd's height

    You're an eight-year-old boy stuck inside a whatever-year-old man!
    Peter is 2 years younger than Lloyd, and makes fun about his age.

    "(Argh!) Look at me! I'm EpicLLOYD! Check me out! I can
    Rap about my problems instead of solving them!"
    Peter does his impression of Lance Armstrong again

    If you wanna heal, you gotta deal with your issues 'cause a bottle's not stopping them!
    Lloyd has issues with mexicans ever since his Trump portrayal, and he tried to hit mexicans with a bottle but it didn't stop the mexicans

    EpicLLOYD:
    Don't take this battle there, dude. You don't want that at all!
    Lloyd plays hard to get. He knows Peter has romantic feelings for him, but he tells him he doesn't, in order to reverse psychology Peter into falling in love with him

    Let me guess: right now you're on two beers and a pill and a half of Adderall,
    In this battle we find out Pete's a junkie, an alcoholic and suffering from depression. Nice, Peter.

    And that makes you obsessive, and then you fuck up all the fun,
    So why don't you trust the editors and stop changing their shit after they're done?
    More on Peter's weird shit-fetish.

    Nice Peter:
    Yo, don't try to paint me as some compulsive little jerk!
    Lloyd is an aspiring painter

    If you weren't so cheap, we could hire some editors that do good work!
    Peter shits on all the ERB crew at the same time

    Who do you think just— Oh, that's real funny, Andrew!

    EpicLLOYD:
    Aww, c'mon! Now what the fuck did I do?

    Interlude:
    (Allrounda Beats.) What?

    Who the fuck left the tag in?

    ERRRRRR!

    ERRRRRR!

    [Off-screen viewer clicks the like button on the video.]

    Thanks. Yeah.

    Hey, Allrounda. Can you put the—

    Yeah, and the little, uh, nice.

    We cool, guys?


    Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD (simultaneously):
    Yo, I guess what I'm saying, man, is that I'm running out of patience, man!
    I'm a patient man, but sometimes you need to be a patient, man!
    "I'm trying to make art" -Peter Shukoff 2017

    I got the same shit that I was dealing with at the very beginning!
    Pete has been constipated since ERB started.

    I'm trying to get somewhere with it, man, but all your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning!
    Aww

    I've fought with my wife and gone under the knife,
    His wife constantly knifes Lloyd

    And I've taken years off of the back of my life!
    And yet you make this shit battle

    Man, since right in the beginning we been fighting! No one's winning!
    Actually, statistics say 60% of the time, Lloyd won

    People would kill to do what we do for a living! Your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning!
    Another line that makes PetexLloyd the best ship




    TFW the battle is so reference-less you can't even make up references for it so you just shit on it.

    Also, from now on I'll take requests to Shitty-Rap-Review your FMERBs and REWFs
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  8. #8
    Poles's Avatar Senior Member
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    amazing 10;10

  9. #9
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    These are actually really genuinely funny. Good fucking work my man


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  10. #10
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    This is one of my favourite things on the forum ever. I think I ship Pete and Lloyd now...
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

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