please don't take these seriously
I'm gonna take erb matchups but make them really polite!
Epic Rap Settlements
Rasputin
vs.
Stalin!
Begin!
Rasputin:
I like your mustache, a lot actually.
It reminds me of the character Wario, who I enjoy thoroughly.
I respectfully disagree with your political tactics,
But I'm sure they're not as strong as your physical attack is!
Your people sure didn't appreciate what you did to them,
But if I was there, I'd appreciate the effort you used on them!
You're from Georgia, sweet Georgia,
And history books unfold ya!
Possibly in a misconceived fashion, I wasn't there to verify.
I wish I could've been there so I was there to verify.
I have a large penis, but I won't compare it to yours as I don't know.
I would never do it to you, but I could sure end a person talking to their wives.
Stalin:
Look into my eyes, you wonderful man!
See the soul of the man who, on Russia, used a wonderful plan!
While misconstrued through the sands of time,
I appreciated my wife and my son was fine!
I'm glad you got off easy, you deserve the upmost respect!
I'd save your life if you were in a trench. The man who put you there?
SHOT!
Anyone who disrespects you aggressively?
SHOT!
The people who've harmed you?
SHOT!
I'll starve them for days while they waste away!
I would crush even crush a motherfucker while laid in state!
A polite man named Lenin aided in taking Trotsky out of the picture!
Man, I respect you so much, like I formerly harbored for Adolf Hitler.
Lenin jumps in.
Lenin:
I have only upmost respect for you, despite your meddling
With my plans for the country! Regardless, glad to see you.
That didn't rhyme, I sure hope you'd forgive me.
Aw man none of these are rhyming, allow me to start over..
This is not flowing well, I will just compliment both of you gentlemen...
Let me start with you there, wonderful man!
Used your sorcery on your wonderful plan.
Aw man, I'm so sorry one of you already used that line.
Oh dear.
Hmm... Finally, trailing back to my comrade Stalin!
I forgive you for stopping the greatest revolution since the birth of Marx.
Gorbachev opens a door.
Gorbachev:
Knock knock knock.
Did somebody say... Birthmarks?
Rasputin:
No sir, this gentleman named Vladmir Lenin just said 'birth of Marx'. All things considered, I can see how you mistook it, giving that you possess a famous birthmark. I appreciate it by the way, it makes you very unique, sir.
Stalin:
What this other gentleman, Rasputin, has just said can be verified by me and probably Vladmir Lenin himself. However, please do come in, company would be appreciated!
Gorbachev:
Okay!
I am a man who possesses a considerable amount of glasnost.
Gentlemen I politely oppose made political blunders and launched the Cold War!
I shook hands with two men under the name Ronald,
Alluding to Ronald Reagan, the US president, and fast food mascot, Ronald McDonald.
If you are a rapper with a name ending -in
I'd appreciate if you stayed in!
I respectfully allowed the dancer under the name of Baryshnikov dance!
And I even tore down the Berlin wall, which was appreciated from Washington to France!
I would recommend yoga classes for the two of you, and maybe more consistent bathing habits for the other!
But I appreciate that you all know how to handle real power!
Vladmir Putin shows up.
Putin:
Did somebody say real power?
Gorbachev:
Yes, sir!
Putin:
Nice.
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!