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Thread: Something Something Battle Royale

  1. #91
    Moonjik's Avatar Fine Red Wine
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    Oof Flandre goes out with a bang (as does Lusty Tavern Wench)
    But,░in░truth,░I░have░wept░too░much!░Dawns░are░hea rtbreaking.
    Ξvery░moon░is░atrocious░and░every░sun░bitter. (ュ だ  どいロリラ威萎虞う ャイ意営縁ぇヵ)

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    moon you're hurting me in ways you'll never even know. lets do that suicide, buddy.

  2. #92
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    Chapter Five

    Thanos looks around the park. He sees the luscious green grasses cut down and displaced by asphalt. What right do people even have to use this space any way? Bring it back to nature, because that’s the way it should be. He watches as Roger feeds on the grass. Such a peaceful moment. Who would even dream of interrupting it?

    “Yoooooooooooooooo purple man, we’re here to defeat you!” a voice says from behind.

    Thanos turns around to see a large group of not particularly powerful looking dudes. There was the kinda fancy looking guy with a camera, some dude in a blue suit, a quirky black guy, another quirky black guy, a blonde asian guy, a bald beefcake, a paperclip with eyes, a fat guy in an orange jacket, some anime kid, and Stan Lee. Huh. Thanos is clearly outnumbered, but he doesn’t sense much danger from this group.

    “OK homies, huddle up!” Danny Brown says.

    The Suicide Squad huddles up and start discussing their battle plan. They are about eighty feet away from Thanos, but Thanos had little trouble hearing them. He wasn’t really paying attention because he wasn’t all that interested.

    “OK, what’s the plan?” Phoenix Wright asks.
    “We should line up and fight the purple man one on one. Maybe he’ll get tired after he kills six of us,” Soda Popinski suggests.
    “We should surround Thanos with guns. We need to be sure that we’re all directly across from each other. That way, if Thanos dodges our bullets we shoot each other,” Kanye West suggests.
    “Are you guys trying to lose?!” Phoenix Wright exclaims.
    “It’s what all the minions do in the movies,” Sam Pound says.
    “Ooh I have an idea! I’ll sacrifice my dignity and show a little skin! And then while he’s admiring my beauty you guys can all bumrush him together,” Kakeru Fujii suggests.
    “Damn this kid might be onto something,” Danny Brown comments.
    “I can hit him with my deck!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player interjects.
    “Suck my deck!” Frank West says for no particular reason.
    “Hey man, want to d-d-d-d-“
    “OK so we get someone to distract him and then we come in from behind like BLAM,” Kanye West says.
    “Do you need help distracting Thanos?”
    “Why are you here again?” Frank West replies dismissively.
    “I’m not going to let you weaklings fight me if you can’t beat my good friend Roger first!” Thanos calls out.

    Their huddle breaks and the squad tries to figure out who this Roger guy is. All they see is a buff ass kangaroo staring them down.

    “Is this Roger?” Soda Popinski asks while pointing to the kangaroo.
    “Yes, yes he is,” Thanos says with a smile.
    “Da, this one’s on me,” Soda Popinski says.

    Roger the Kangaroo may seem intimidating to most, but Soda’s no slouch in that department. I won’t say who’s stronger, but Soda’s certainly bigger. They stare each other down for almost a minute. Soda tries to hit Roger with a left hook, which Roger manages to avoid. Roger responds with a powerful kick that sends the glorified male stripper flying.

    Soda Popinski is now sporting a giant bruise on his well toned abs. Such a blow would kill any normal human with ease, but for Soda it was merely the first KO. Soda Popinski pulls out a soda bottle from… somewhere, and takes a small sip. Soda quickly gets up again, somehow seeming more energetic than before. The bruise also seems to be shrinking already for some inexplicable reason. Soda stares down Roger once more, and then unleashes a flurry of uppercuts. Soda attacked with 6 uppercuts in all, but he really only needed one to knock Roger out. The rest were just overkill. It was quite the depressing sight really, this poor kangaroo’s head was little more than a bloody mess.

    Spoiler: 
    TENTH DEATH
    Roger the Kangaroo-Janet


    Soda Popinski stares down at his defeated opponent, and then takes a drink to his memory.

    “Haha! I haven’t fought anything that tough since I knocked out a bear in Siberia! A drink to your health comrade!” Soda Popinski says excitedly.

    Soda found it strange that no one was cheering him on. It was like he joined a band of PETA members and he didn’t even realize it. But even then they’d probably say something about it. PETA tends to voice their grievances quite clearly. The reason for his squad’s silence becomes obvious when Soda turns around. Soda finds himself staring up to the big purple man himself, and he looks absolutely livid.

    “Maybe it was my mistake, MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HAVE PUT ROGER IN HARM’S WAY! But YOU! You needed only to knock poor Roger down. But that just wasn’t enough! I have no faith in humanity, and you just showed why I don’t. What have you done to such a beautiful creature? I shall restore balance to this world by removing you from it!” Thanos says in a rage.

    Before Soda could say anything back Thanos grabs him by the head. He lifts him up like a ragdoll and slams his head into the ground. Over and over and over again.

    “THIS. IS. WHY. WE. CAN’T. HAVE. NICE. THINGS,” Thanos shouts, with each word being perfectly in sync with one headslam.

    At the end Soda Popinski had very little of his head remaining. He was dead after the first one, but Thanos needed to get it out of his system. It was clear that these opponents were more than a ragtag of random assholes. But they didn’t seem to be all that much more than that. But yeah, rip Soda.

    Spoiler: 
    ELEVENTH DEATH
    Soda Popinski-Mike Hat


    After this the silence was deafening. Ultimately, it was the anime kid that broke it.

    “Wow, you’re really tough mister! I’d love to have a d-d-duel with you!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Kid says excitedly.

    Nobody thought this was a good idea, but nobody liked the kid enough to try to stop him either. As such, it began.

    “For my first move I’ll summon Des Kangaroo in defense mode!” the Yu-Gi-Oh! Player says.

    A buff kangaroo appears on the field, but it’s not quite like Roger. This guy’s fatter, and also he’s green and has boxing gloves and a purple jacket for some reason. It’s like if Hulk and Roger had a baby. The kangaroo takes a defensive posture. Such a summon would have limited use against the big purple man, but the choice of monster is not entirely arbitrary.

    When Thanos looks at Des Kangaroo, he sees Roger’s fully healed face staring back at him. He takes the moment to appreciate such beauty, dyed green as it is. This gives Yu-Gi-Oh! Player more time to his shit before getting rushed down.

    “Next I’ll play my spell card Pot of Greed! … yeah,” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player says before casually drawing two cards.
    “Do you want to die kid?” Thanos asks, suddenly returning from his trance.

    Thanos tries to run at the Yu-Gi-Oh! Player but Des Kangaroo consistently blocks his path at unrealistic speeds.

    “You silly goose! You gotta beat my summons if you want to get to me!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player proclaims confidently.

    Thanos hesitates, he doesn’t want to harm the green kangaroo standing before him. However, he will get nowhere if he chooses not to. Thanos slowly raises his Sock’em Bopper into the sky and prepares to end the kangaroo. This attack is interrupted when he receives a blow to the head from behind.

    Thanos turns around to see a deadly potted plant staring right back at him.

    PIRANHA PLANT JOINS THE BATTLE!

    Piranha Plant runs at Thanos, hits him with a dash attack and then swings its pot forward for a forward aerial. And then it landed another fair… and then air dodged away from an unamused Thanos’ Sock’em swipe. Thanos could easily end the Plant Gang’s career, but there’s that pesky “everyone else” thing getting in his way. Danny Brown is very protective of the plant, and shoots Thanos in the back of the head when he tries to attack the plant. Well, Danny actually shot like 4 times, but one of them actually hit. However, mere bullets do little to phase Thanos. He turns around to go after Danny when Kakeru Fujii jumps in front.

    “SHINING WINKU!” Kakeru Fujii yells as he… winks.

    The sheer beauty of the wink temporarily blinds Thanos. This gives Yu-Gi-Oh! Player the opportunity he needs to summon an Enraged Battle Ox and sock Thanos from behind with it. As the writer tries to come up with some other random ass card for the Yu-Gi-Oh! Player to use with a booster pack generator, Kanye makes his move.

    “Clear out!” Kanye West shouts.

    Everybody backs away as a concert stage falls on Thanos. It was a rather surreal experience, Thanos was there one moment and suddenly a stage took his place.

    “Y’know Thanos, Imma let you finish, but you’re mad dull. What do you even do? Punch stuff? Kill half the universe? Please. Ain’t nobody want to deal with all of that. But if we take you out of the picture I’m sure we can work it out. Hell, we can even call it Kanye’s Workout Plan, haha that’s a reference. Buy my new album it’s coming out-” Kanye says into the mic on the stage before getting cut off.

    A Sock’Em Bopper breaks through the stage, and the rest of Thanos emerges with it. A glare from Thanos is enough to shut him up. Thanos raises his arm towards Kanye and… flicks him.

    Well, that’s normally not deadly but with Thanos’ strength Kanye goes SPLAT against a tree behind him.

    Spoiler: 
    TWELFTH DEATH
    Kanye West-sane


    Once again the atmosphere gets heavy. Yu-Gi-Oh! Player is casually drawing two cards thanks to Pot of Greed, but everyone else seems to be at a loss.

    “You guys look like you’re in a rough spot, maybe I can help!” a metallic voice says from behind.
    “What the hell am I looking at?” Danny Brown asks.
    “Your new friend!” Ttuhadyuhol replies.

    TTUHADYUHOL JOINS THE BATTLE!

    “Oh hey guys I made it!” another voice says from behind.

    YELLOWNERD JOINS THE BATTLE!

    “Oh you’re fighting Thanos? Oh hey Thanos need some help?” YellowNerd says, making the rational decision.
    “Do what you want kid,” Thanos replies indifferently.
    “SHINING DOUBLE WINKU!” Kakeru Fujii shouts.

    Kakeru Fujii’s blinking skills are so on point and so beautifully formed that both Thanos and YellowNerd are temporarily blinded.

    “OBJECTION!” Phoenix Wright exclaims and stuns Thanos further as he hits him with a juicy combo. Why did he wait until now to show his moves? *shrugs*

    Ttuhadyuhol waits for Phoenix Wright’s combo to end and unleashes a stream of fire from its “mouth.” Thanos seems to be unaffected, and if it was me I’d probably give up and run like a bitch. Ttuhadyuhol believes in itself, and its relentless flame atack just kept on going.

    “FUCKYOUSHITHEAD FUCKYOUSHITHEAD FUCKYOUSHITHEAD!”

    YellowNerd no longer has a ban hammer, but he can certainly put a stop to this. He starts stroking it for extra power, and then finally he releases. The abnormally large laser interrupts Ttuhadyuhol’s flamefest and damn near evaporates it.

    Spoiler: 
    THIRTEENTH DEATH
    Ttuhadyuhol-Turtlesauce


    Poor thing never made any friends :c

    YellowNerd then trips over something and falls on his face. A miniature monster truck enters the scene.

    PEAR JOINS THE FIGHT!

    “Oh I come with a friend!” Pear says confidently.

    RANDOM DRAGON JOINS THE FIGHT!

    “AND BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player interjects. He sacrificed that poor old kangaroo and ox for the most basic ass monster I could think of rip.

    BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON JOINS THE FIGHT!

    The two dragons, roughly similar in size seemed to complement each other well. One was primarily black with a touch of red and the other was mostly white with a touch of blue. They flew at Thanos together in perfect unison.

    “Ah yes, perfectly balanced, such beauty!” Thanos says in admiration. He doesn’t even try to stop them when old Blue Eyes picks him up and drags him across the ground. After dragging Thanos around for a while it slams Thanos down and starts breathing fire on him. This is about as effective as the last time that was tried in this chapter, but this time there’s TWO dragons doing it. That’s like, double the fire. Unfortunately for them, Thanos’ special move “punch stuff really hard” is far too powerful for them to handle. Such a powerful blow could knock out both dragon and owner, but…

    “SPIRIT BARRIER!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player shouts. An ethereal barrier surrounds him and blocks the incoming punch.

    Pear decides to take the opportunity to slink off, which Frank West and Clippy decided to do a while ago.

    “Is there anyone else who wants to try me?” Thanos asks confidently, doing that good ole’ ‘come at me’ gesture.

    And that moment was his downfall… in the sense that he falls through a portal any way.

    CHELL JOINS THE BATTLE!

    “Got anything you can toss down there?” Chell says to the crowd.
    “Yeah probably,” says Steve Ditko’s ghost, with an uprooted tree floating next to him.
    “Yeah that would work- wait what the fuck?” Phoenix Wright says. For his part he threw some small card-like projectile in. Why not?

    OH RIGHT STEVE DITKO’S GHOST JOINS THE BATTLE

    Chell realizes that she’s dealing with some useless ass guys. She jumps into the portal soon after they toss everything in, and the portal disappears not too long afterwards. Still, was she the only one who made it through? It kind of looks like someone else made it in, but I hardly remember their name…

    Thanos gets up and assesses his surroundings. Ah yes, one of those “train station” things that these silly humans still use. They should just git gud and ride flying cars already. Ah yes, that’s where you buy tickets, that’s where you go downstairs and head to the platforms, and right over there is a tree!

    Oh wait.

    Thanos soon finds himself coming face to face with an old pal, and also some weird projectile that hurt a lot more than he was expecting them to. It wasn’t as if they hurt a great deal, but they hurt a non-zero amount. Thanos slowly lifts the tree off of his face, and gently lays it down…

    “I’ll find you a better place to sleep later friend, I promise,” Thanos softly whispers to the tree before standing up.

    Before him stood some random women with a future gun looking thing. Not exactly a cause for concern.

    A couple futuristic sound effects later and she was gone. She pops up behind him and attempts to kick him in the head, but Thanos blocks in time. She disappears back into the portal and shows up in front of him again. Thanos tries to punch her through the portal, but AH. AHHHHH she put the other portal under him and he punches himself in the nuts instead OH SHIT!

    Thanos is brought to his knees, but the Sock’Em Boppers prevented him from taking serious damage. Chell is starting to run out of ideas so she tries bashing him over the fucking head with a cash register. The attack is not very effective. Thanos smiles and takes off one of his boppers. He uses some magical energy attackamajig to knock the portal gun out of her hand, and slowly approaches her.

    “You were pretty clever, I will give you that. But ultimately, I am inevitable,” Thanos says.

    Thanos reaches out to Chell, and flicks her in the forehead. Because Chell is pretty much just a normal human and Thanos is this ridiculously OP space dude that’s enough to make her head explode.

    Spoiler: 
    FOURTEENTH DEATH
    Chell-Kubby


    Welp, Thanos is stuck in a train station with nobody to stop him. RIP New Haven.

    But wait.

    “And who might you be?” Thanos asks to the figure that emerged from the darkness.
    “I’m Sam Pound, I’m number one. Apologizing for what I’ve done!”
    “What are you even talking about? Do you realize who you’re talking to?”
    “Want to know what I did?”
    “Not really.”
    “Well, I’ll show you," Sam Pound says with a smile while pulling out Squidward's Clarinet.



    Spoiler: 
    FIFTEENTH DEATH
    Thanos with Sock’Em Boppers-Juiz




    Tune in for chapter six where idk I’ll figure something out
    Last edited by Lohuydahutt; 05-24-2019 at 03:17 AM.

    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  3. #93
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    Chapter Six

    OK so I haven’t worked on this at all in like, 5 months. What the fuck was I even doing with everyone? Why was everyone in New Haven? New Haven fucking sucks. Yeah I just dissed my hometown for no reason whatsoever.

    What was everyone doing? Do I care? Well fuck it, whenever I run out of ideas there’s always one good option to fall back on...




    After ……….. Sam Pound leaves the train station and takes the bloodied clarinet with him. The street outside is depressingly empty. Some parked cars here and there, but no sign of the people who’d actually drive them. But wait… he here’s something in the distance. Suddenly, he could see a black SUV on the horizon. Ah yes, a sign of civilization. He hasn’t seen any people since that bish got murdered in front of his eyes all of 10 minutes ago. Sam Pound wonders if this person will be his friend. He walks to the middle of the road and waves to the SUV. It uh… doesn’t stop.

    Spoiler: 
    SIXTEENTH DEATH
    Sam Pound-Gonad


    A man emerges from the SUV, or… is that a man? It vaguely resembles a man, but it’s mostly just a collection of glossy polygons. This one has a nose covering half its face and upturned eyes where its forehead should be.

    “So I was supposed to pick up a clarinet for the ride. And also Mr. Samuel Pound… oh, it must be this guy... OH LAWD,” the weird electronic voice says.

    laugh track

    Well, looks like this BR has a new friend.

    ROSS GELLER MII JOINS THE BATTLE!

    Ross Geller Mii looks around to make sure nobody saw him, grabs the clarinet, and drives off.




    The bloody dude that was walking around outside somehow managed to notice Faker staring at him in the window. Phil Swift paused for a moment, and then slowly walked towards the building. This slow walk was very menacing, but it also gave Faker a good amount of time to prepare…

    After a while of walking menacingly towards the facility, he was finally at the entrance. The door was locked, and nobody responded when he rang the bell. So he took out his chainsaw and eviscerated the door. Eventually, he was able to open what was left of it. When he did so, a bucket swiftly flew right into his face. It was annoying, but not deadly. He tosses the bucket aside and enters the building… or enters it after slipping on a bunch of toy cars. He falls on his ass and is starting to get irritated.

    He walks by the door to the stairway, but there’s a sign that reads “Asian kid dis way” while pointing further down the hall.
    “Thanks for the heads up!” Phil Swift says with a smile. He walks further down the hall and… ummm…

    Oh hey a trip wire. Oh hey a shit load of thumbtacks on the ground that he is now falling on top of. Oh hey an Asian kid coming from behind wielding a big ass PC from the year 2004 and dropping it right on Phil Swift’s fucking head. This did a lot of damage, and Phil Swift’s face was more or less a bloody mess. Even so, he slowly rises to his feet.

    “To show you the amazing sealing power of flex seal, we will replace this random Asian kid with a dead Asian kid!” Phil Swift says to the camera.

    He pulls out Flex Seal® and sprays it all over his body. At least externally, he is more Flex Seal® than man. Phil Swift, now looking like some shit out of Silent Hill chases after Faker, who dipped a while ago. Faker, being the UNKILLABLE DEMON KING, runs upstairs instead of outside mostly because he already has some traps waiting. Also there’s multiple ways to go back downstairs so y’know… Phil Swift powers through electrocution, weirdly powerful water hoses, and more buckets to the face. He perseveres through it all, and finally catches up to Faker, who is unfortunately not known for his athleticism.

    “What were the developers thinking?” Faker mutters before Phil Swift tackles him.

    Phil Swift plugs Faker’s nose, compelling him to open his mouth. Phil Swift then fills his throat with Flex Seal®. Phil Swift stands over Faker as he watches him slowly suffocate. Faker reaches into his pocket and presses the button. He somehow prepared a bomb to blow the entire fucking building up within the 4 minutes it took Phil Swift to get into the damn building because he’s JUST THAT SMART.

    Spoiler: 
    SEVENTEENTH DEATH
    Phil Swift-Rocket


    Spoiler: 
    EIGHTEENTH DEATH
    Faker-YellowNerd


    “Aw crap, this is my 4th grade science experiment all over again!” says a weird distorted electronic voice.

    laugh track

    A black SUV arrived to the scene right before the explosion took place. The figure that emerged from it did not look like any human that ever existed, but also looked quite a bit like one. This man is the Chandler Bing Mii. Chandler Bing correctly assumes that the person he’s supposed to give a ride is dead. Given his limited information that’s not necessarily a safe assumption, but he doesn’t feel like dealing with this shit. Chandler Bing Mii gets right back into the SUV and drives off to his destination.




    Richard Spencer is walking down the street when he sees a Black SUV approaching. A generic white dude in a suit emerges from the vehicle.

    “Richard Spencer is it?” the man says.
    “Yeah, what’s it to you?” Richard Spencer responds.
    “Get in the car.”
    “Why tho?”

    The generic dude in a suit pulled out a gun and Richard Spencer quickly complied. They drove off.




    In a similar scenario, every other character was coerced into entering a black SUV. Where were they going? Nobody knew. The drive itself was pretty uneventful with one notable exception.




    The drive was getting rather scenic. For some reason the car was driving through a cliffside, which made some contestants nervous but also had quite the view. Are there cliff sides to drive through anywhere near New Haven? Not that I know of, but fuck you.

    Pukin, Sonia, and their new servant Childhood Obesity were stuck in the backseat together. Honestly they could’ve gotten to their destination faster on their own two feet, but they had no choice. Pukin is looking outside the window with disinterest while Sonia is fighting the urge to murder Childhood Obesity on the spot.

    “But if you REALLY want something that’ll clog those arteries right up, Sonic’s the way to go. And not the fast kind either,” Childhood Obesity says as part of his elongated speech, presumably to Pukin but mostly to himself.
    “Can I-“ Sonia Bean tries to speak up.
    “No.” Pukin cuts her off.
    “So, where are you ladies from?” the spry old man driving the car says. Did he just erase Childhood Obesity? Yep.
    “If you want to die I can tell you,” Pukin replies with a smile.
    “Whoa now,” the spry old man replies.
    “In fact, I could kill you in an instant if you don’t tell me where we’re going.”
    “Look, follow this road for two more miles and you’ll see for yourself.”
    “I will not permit anyone to talk back to me like that.”
    “Well, fine you can just get there yourself.”

    Stan Lee suddenly disappears from the car, which is still moving. Conveniently the road had a steep turn coming right up. With nobody at the wheel to make that turn. Well…

    “Sonia, get us out of here!” Pukin yells.

    Sonia touches the roof and it quickly corrodes to the point where they could jump through it. Sonia Bean leaps out with ease. Pukin is about to do the same, but something’s weighing her down.

    “M’LADY DON’T LEAVE ME!” Childhood Obesity yells desperately while holding her tight.

    Pukin tries to kick him away but he practically has a chokehold on her at this point.

    The car plunges into the sea with great force, knocking both unconscious from the impact. Childhood Obesity loosens his grip and his fat ass floats to the surface quickly. Fortunately for him, he ended up surfacing face up.

    Sonia Bean, safely on land, dives back in to save her mast- I mean partner. She runs down the side of the cliff until she’s low enough to safely jump in. She sees Childhood Obesity floating on the surface, but Pukin is nowhere to be found. Her anger towards Childhood Obesity will have to wait. She holds her breath and goes under. The water is much deeper than she expected, and the visibility is terrible. She desperately searched, but after a certain point it’s no use. Pukin must have gotten snagged on something. Do magical girls need to breathe? Honestly don’t remember but screw you do they do now and/or she detransformed somehow.

    Spoiler: 
    NINETEENTH DEATH
    Pukin-Faker


    Sonia Bean surfaces and runs right back up the cliff. Once she was on the road again, she figured she might as well head to her destination. Maybe there’s something she could take her rage out on there. She could have killed Childhood Obesity, but someone scooped him up already. Also my general policy of avoiding wiping out all 3 of someone’s characters until the second half remains in place for now.




    Ultimately, the entirety of the cast arrived to their destination one way or another. They could just brawl it out now that they’re all in one place, but something told them that they should wait a bit. Still, the smell was absolutely dreadful. This is mostly because of the presence of a giant pulsating pile of mystery meat and broken dreams that recently joined the cast because I felt like allowing it.

    THE APPETIZER JOINS THE BATTLE!

    Oh well.

    They appeared to be at a port of some sorts, but there weren’t any boats around. Wait no, nevermind. A massive cruise ship appears on the horizon, and it parks itself by the docks soon enough. A massive hologram of a… baby harp seal shows up above the ship.

    “Greetings and congratulations… or whatever. Good job not dying and stuff. You are the remaining 30 contestants,” Log says in a disinterested tone.

    Everyone looks around, as this is the first time they get to see everyone they’re up against. Additionally, the ones that bothered counting are kind of confused because there’s clearly less than 30 people here.

    “Well, you’re probably wondering why we’re all here. Well, I was getting tired of New Haven, so we’re going to a random ass tropical island now. Why? Fuck you that’s why. I wanted to have a sexy beach episode while we’re there, but one of the cute animoo grills died in transit. Oh well. If you want to make a sexy beach episode happen any way, be my guest. Before that, I have a big ass cruise ship that my mom paid for here. No murdering each other until everyone’s aboard alright?” Log says.

    Nobody particularly wanted to follow along, but nobody had anything better to do either. As such, everyone gets on the cruise.

    TUNE IN FOR CHAPTER SEVEN WHERE EVERYONE GETS TO RIDE A BOAT MOTHERFUCKERS

    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  4. #94
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    This is my favorite all-time BR, also classic ross from friends mii


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  5. #95
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    [My joke character got killed by a joke character

    Circle of life I guess.]
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it
    Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!

  6. #96
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    Chapter Seven

    OH SHIT! I FORGOT HOW THE INTRO TO THIS SONG WENT PRECISELY, WHICH I COULD FIX EASILY BY GOOGLING IT! BUT I WON’T DO THAT! WE GOT A WHOLE ASS CREW, AND THEY’RE GONNA MURDER EACH OTHER AND SHIT. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY…

    WE’RE ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKER! TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK-

    Well, this is in writing so there’s no way to see it. Imagine what a cruise ship looks like. Eh, close enough.

    Some folks were out and about, and some uh, weren’t. Let’s check in on them shall we?




    Danny Brown locked the door and slept in his cabin. Power move.




    Calendar Man also locked himself in a room complete with his preparations. It’s only a matter of time now…




    “Yes master,” Brett Kavanaugh says to a mysterious second entity.

    Neither of them are leaving the room any time soon.




    Lusty Tavern Wench and Bard had sexual relations in the cabin.




    YellowNerd decides to hole himself up in his cabin as well, but he has an unwanted guest.

    “Yo what the fuck is going on?” YN exclaims as all the drawers of his dresser opened and closed repeatedly.

    “Oh sorry about that,” the ghost of Steve Ditko apologizes.
    “... Yo what the fuck is going on?”
    “They didn’t offer any rooms for ghosts so I had to take someone else’s. No way I’m going out there.”
    “Um, ok.”

    They look at each other in awkward silence, but eventually accept each other’s company.




    Childhood Obesity is devastated by the lack of room service and wanders into the hall. Not a living soul in sight, it’s kind of depressing really. Good thing there’s a soulless paper clip with eyes to keep him company.

    “It looks like you’re looking for human connection. Would you like help?”

    The weird overweight gnome thing shrugs and says, “Nah mang I’m just looking for some food.”

    Before Clippy could object, Childhood Obesity grabs… him… her? It…? And uh, puts Clippy in his mouth.

    This did not result in a death. Move along folks there’s nothing to see here.




    One of the more popular parts of this cruise is the bar. It’s a pretty big one too. Furthermore, the drinks are free.

    “You look like you’ve been through a lot buddy,” the elderly bartender says to Frank West.
    “Nah, just helped fight the guy who snapped half the universe out of existence. That’s nothing, I covered wars you know,” Frank West replies.
    “Hey Thanos KILLED LIBTARDS he’s a great guy!” an ever so slightly drunk Richard Spencer interjects.

    They did not realize that Thanos’ killer’s killer is in their midst.

    “I was just being friendly, but she didn’t even respond!” Ross Geller Mii cried while downing another glass of a nondescript alcoholic beverage.
    “There there buddy, maybe she was just shy. She didn’t know you after all,” Chandler Bing Mii comforts Ross while shaking his head to the camera.

    laugh track

    The sausage fest turns silent when a girl dressed up like a doll that’s been sitting in Grandma’s attic for 85 years enters.

    Stan Lee, the bartender, sighs while the other four men stare each other down. Ross Mii makes the first move.

    “Hey girl that’s an interesting outfit-”

    Sonia Bean gives Ross Geller the good ole’ death glare and shuts him right up.

    Ross leaves the room crying and Chandler follows after him.

    Sonia Bean ignores the two polygon men and heads straight to the counter.

    “Wine,” Sonia says succinctly. She does not need to eat or drink in her magical girl state, but she wasn’t in the best of moods.
    “Alrighty then,” Stan Lee says and gives her what she asked for.
    “You!”

    Sonia Bean shoots up from her seat and stares Stan Lee down, even though he was slightly taller than her. Stan Lee sighs and then disappears once more.

    Frank West was looking for an appropriate time to dip, but Richard Spencer was not nearly as good at reading the mood.

    “Hey settle down girl, here, let me buy you a drink- oh wait,” Richard Spencer begins his courtship attempt.

    Sonia Bean stares at Richard Spencer blankly, not even bothering to respond. Frank West casually dips before things escalate. Richard Spencer is unfazed by the cold response and continues his offensive.

    “You know what I really admire? That beautiful blonde hair of yours and that pearly white skin. You are truly a shining example of the master race.”

    Sonia Bean shifts around in her seat uncomfortably.

    “You know, it would be a dream come true if our great but damaged nation were cleansed and filled with beauties like you!”

    Richard Spencer leans towards Sonia a little bit, so close that she could smell the beer in his breath. Sonia is not especially accustomed to such situations, and decides to handle it the only way she knows how. She suddenly touches Richard Spencer’s cheek, which was intimate for a split second before his face started melting off. Yeah… rip that guy.

    Spoiler: 
    TWENTIETH DEATH
    Richard Spencer-Moongic





    Pear aimlessly wanders around the deck… somehow. Eventually he comes across a rather large flower pot.

    “Hey, how’s it going?” Pear says amorously. (Note: I did not remember what this meant, but then I googled it and… decided to leave it in)

    Piranha Plant tilts its head inquisitively.

    THUS THE PLANT GANG IS BORN!




    “Hey wanna d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DUEL?”

    And I’m not the kind that likes to tell you
    Just what you want me to


    “Ummmmm… ALRIGHT THEN I SUMMON CLOCK RESONATOR IN DEFENSE MODE!” Yu-Gi-Oh! Player exclaims.

    A creepy little thingamatwig with a tattered robe, red glowing eyes, a big toothy smile, and a tuning fork appears in a defensive position.

    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you


    The Boombox shoots missiles at the thingamatwig. The thingamatwig is enveloped by explosions, and it looked like it was surely a goner. But… no, it’s still there.

    “Haha, once per turn a Clock Resonator in defense position cannot be destroyed! You already used up your attack loser!”

    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you
    I’ve lost you I’ve lost you


    The boombox sends another volley of missiles at the Clock Resonator, this time destroying it.

    “... Oh. WELL I’M GOING TO USE MY POT OF GREED!”

    A giant green pot with a creepy ass smile on its face appears and then disappears immediately. The Yu-Gi-Oh player silently draws two cards.

    “Now I’ll summon uh… Mushroom Man!”

    A vaguely anthropomorphic mushroom appears from… somewhere. It gets immediately destroyed by missiles.

    “Sorry, but your reckless attack just activated my trap card, Byroad Sacrifice! Prepare to get rekt by a CYBER OGRE!”

    A robot humanoid reptile thing with horns that doesn’t really look like an ogre emerges next to the boombox.

    I’ve lost you-

    “ATTACK!”

    The ogre stomps on the Boombox, crushing it. The Boombox soon explodes, but the Yu-Gi-Oh Player was too far away from the blast to be harmed by it.

    Spoiler: 
    TWENTY-FIRST DEATH!
    Boombox That Only Plays Age of Consent by New Order and Also Shoots Missiles-Polar


    “That was a fabulous performance!” a voice says from behind the Yu-Gi-Oh! Player.
    “Who are you? Want to d-d-d-d-”
    “Kakeru Fujii’s the name, I’ve got the most gorgeous hair in the game. I propose an alliance of sorts!”
    “... OK!”

    Thus, Kakeru Fujii increased his chance of survival by hitching himself onto a player much more powerful than himself.




    Cassie Cage and Phoenix Wright were eating together at a fine restaurant. They were hitting it off surprisingly well.

    “We thought the killer was a big guy with a trench coat, so they apprehended the first one they found. But the killer was 3 kids standing on top of each other wearing a trench coat all along!” Phoenix Wright says to an amused Cassie Cage.
    “Those shorties wanted to be a thug all right!” Cassie Cage comments.
    “Totally. By the way, when the hell is that waiter coming back? You’d think they’d have our appetizers by now.”
    “Maybe the waiter- oh lawd what the hell is that?”

    They got their Appetizer alright. A giant ass pile of mystery meat and a face that is.

    “I AM THE APPETIZER!”
    “Is it really that hard to ask for my meals to shut the fuck up if I’m going to eat them?” Cassie Cage responds exasperatedly.

    (The waiter was pretty old, seems like a reasonable mistake… Wait no it isn’t!) Phoenix Wright thinks to himself.

    Phoenix and Cassie glance at each other and nod in agreement. They both decide to leave the restaurant, which works pretty well because The Appetizer is too slow to catch up with them. Besides, a new challenger has appeared.

    “There’s no need to fear, Captain Underpants is here!”
    “I’M THE APPETIZER!”
    “Why thank you for introducing yourself! Now eat my shorts!”

    Captain Underpants pulls out another pair of tighty-whities from… somewhere, and shoots them like a slingshot at the Appetizer.

    “We’ve got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… eh let’s throw the whole month at him!” Captain Underpants says confidently as he shoots a shit load of underpants at the Appetizer.

    Instead of being visibly harmed by the attack it seemed more like the Appetizer was just absorbing them and getting bigger. Soon enough the Appetizer was so big it almost covered the entire room.

    “YOUR UNDERGARMENTS ONLY GIVE ME STRENGTH! I SHALL TAKE OVER THIS BOAT, AND THIS ENTIRE ROYALE TOO! I’LL KILL EVERYONE AND GO TO KALAMAZOO… WAIT IS THAT A REAL PLACE? WHAT? IT IS? IT’S IN SOUTHWESTERN MICHIGAN? UM, OK THEN! I’M GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KALAMAZOO!” the Appetizer rambles.
    “Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru,” Captain Underpants says.
    “NANI?” the Appetizer says before exploding in a blaze of glory, lumps of meat, and a shit load of underwear.

    Captain Underpants is an underwear bender (is he? Fuck you, he is now). As such, once all that underwear was inside the Appetizer he could destroy it from the inside out.

    Spoiler: 
    TWENTY SECOND DEATH
    The Appetizer-Adingus





    Sir Candlelight is standing at the bow of the ship, but turns around when he notices the presence of another.

    “Oh? Is that a fellow hero I see?”




    “I mean, I’ll be up for a few more hours, but it’s like, 12 everyone. Go the fuck to bed,” Log announces to the entire cruise.

    Most contestants oblige, but some admittedly do not. Regardless, there were no other violent incidents during the ride. They would arrive at our destination by morning.

    Oh, it’s a new day already? Tell me, what day is it again?

    Hmmm…

    TUNE IN FOR CHAPTER UM… *checks* EIGHT FOR A BRAND NEW DAY!

    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  7. #97
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Yugioh Guy cannot he stopped


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  8. #98
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    Chapter Eight

    0 Hours Remain

    “Welcome to the island everyone. I hope you enjoy your stay and don’t kill each other too quickly… In the interest of letting you guys spread out, I will allow a two hour grace period where none of you chucklefucks are allowed to kill each other. If you do I’ll uh, kill you I guess. So have fun exploring!” the voice on the loudspeaker says.

    Calendar Man was the first to leave the ship, darting off into the wilderness as fast as he could. What could he be up to? Everybody else followed suit, going their own way.




    “You know, we had a good time together. But I have a feeling I’m supposed to actually do something here, and you’re not that something,” Bard explains apologetically.
    “I get it, you want to do some prim and proper ‘good girl’ to make you feel better about yourself eh? Think you’re too good for me eh? Well fine then, begone with ye!” Lusty Tavern Wench replies while trying to hold back her tears.
    “OK,” Bard says indifferently as he disappears into the brush.
    “Ye didn’t have to agree so easily!” Lusty Tavern Wench shouts after him.

    After Bard leaves Lusty Tavern Wench looks around the area aimlessly. She notices a carefully decorated egg lying on the ground. As she is always down to suck some eggs she decides to hold on to it.




    Chandler Bing and Ross Geller Mii took off their shirts and hit the beach with their sexy vaguely skin colored polygon torsos. They come across a short girl with an interesting hair color. It was the girl that shut Ross down hard earlier, but now they’re both in swimsuits, which clearly changes everything.

    “Sup gorgeous. You just have the most fascinating hair, did you dye it?” Ross Geller says while flexing his cylinder polygon arms.

    Neo rolls her eyes and strolls away.

    Once again, Chandler comforts Ross, equally perplexed by Ross’ sudden lack of success with women.

    They eventually notice a brightly colored egg on the ground. Chandler takes the liberty of picking it up.




    Neo leaves the beach and instantly changes into somewhat less revealing attire. She eventually finds herself in a clearing, where a comparatively normal looking dude is examining a rock.

    “Woah hey, I didn’t see you there. The name’s Frank West, I’ve covered wars you know. What’s yours?”

    Neo does not respond. Instead she pulls out an umbrella.

    “Oh I like the pattern on that. Wanna see mine?” Frank West asks earnestly, not realizing what he’s about to get himself into.

    Upon drawing his basic ass black umbrella, Neo starts rushing at him. He blocks with the umbrella and then jumps back.

    “Oh, OK then.”




    YellowNerd’s aimless wandering around the island eventually results in him running into a guy in a suit hunched over a book. When Brett Kavanaugh hears YN he carefully closes the book, sets it aside, and turns around to stare him down.

    “Ola” says YellowNerd.

    Brett Kavanaugh nods in acknowledgement, and pulls out a beer.

    “Want one?” Brett Kavanaugh asks.
    “Sure,” YellowNerd replies.

    As Kavanaugh hands over the beer, YN notices that the dude has claws. YN retracts his hand and backs away.

    “Well fine then, I’ll just have it myself,” Kavanaugh says before chugging it down.

    Wings sprout from Kavanaugh’s back and he takes to the air. YN tries to snipe him down with his dick lasers but Brett evades all of them. Brett Kavanaugh swoops down claws first to attack YN, but YN uses his high tech Asian martial art skills that clearly every Asian dude has to avoid the attack effortlessly. Kavanaugh aggressively chugs another beer and starts breathing out fire vaguely in YN’s direction. YN avoids this attack as well, but it lights the surrounding trees on fire. As the fire starts spreading the Great Gatsby book on the ground is suddenly in a rather perilous position.

    “Hey shouldn’t you be protecting that book of yours?” YN asks Kavanaugh feigning concern.
    “Oh shit you’re right!” Kavanaugh responds before landing to secure the book.

    YN quickly gets behind Kavanaugh and uh, pulls his pants down.

    “Bruh what did you do that for? If you’re one of those libtards looking for evidence you’re not going to find it down there!” Kavanaugh says with clear agitation.
    “Hey, have you ever seen a dick break?” YN asks earnestly.
    “No?”
    “Cool.”

    YellowNerd swiftly does some ninja moves and Kavanaugh’s dick is now bork. He screams out in agony, incapacitated by the pain. YellowNerd casually snatches the book from his hand, takes a few steps back, and lets his massive laser schlong do the rest of the work.

    Spoiler: 
    TWENTY-THIRD DEATH
    Brett Kavanaugh-Gonad


    Curious about what’s so special about the book, YN opens it up to the first page. It was signed all right. In big messy handwriting it went:

    “Satan wuz here”

    “Oh shit-”




    Sir Candlelight has befriended The Chosen One. Why? Because they can. In their perilous travels they find themselves deep in the jungle, where even boars fear to tread. The brush is dense, the vines are… viney, and the Piranha Plant is trying to eat Candlelight’s face wait wat-

    The Chosen One breathes fire to force the Plant Gang to back off.

    “Oh wow you got quite the friend there,” Pear comments.
    “You’ve got quite the friend too Mr. Talking Pear! No matter, shall we fight valiantly to the death?” Candlelight replies.
    “I guess if we’re here…” the Pear replies, trying to hide his lack of confidence with minimal success.

    Before the heroes could just rush down and murder the Plant Gang immediately Piranha Plant lets out a massive cloud of poison. Neither of the heroes are directly harmed by the poison, but it still obscures their vision. When the cloud clears up, Pear is still there, but Piranha Plant is nowhere to be found.

    “Hoho, I see that you’re trying some trickery in some fashion! No matter!” Candlelight exclaims.
    “Want to know where my friends went?” Pear says coolly.
    “I trust your friend will show up soon enough, but I hope you can handle yourself! HUZZAH!” Candlelight exclaims before charging at Pear.
    “Hey!” a voice says from behind.

    Everyone turns around upon hearing the voice.

    “Who said you could have a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel without me?” Yu-Gi-Oh Player asks confidently.




    I haven’t thought of any humorous ways for Stan Lee to cameo on the island yet, and I don’t know what the fuck I plan on doing with Danny Brown, Kakeru Fuji, and Phoenix Wright on here either. As such, they are having a drink together this chapter. Yeah.




    Childhood Obesity is staring at a coconut tree, lamenting the lack of greasy garbage to stuff his face with on the island.

    “Found you,” a quiet but stern voice says from behind him.
    “Who’s there- oh shit you SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME IT WAS ALL A MISTAKE I KNOW I’M SORRY IT WENT DOWN THAT WAY I’LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU I PROMISE DON’T HURT ME PLS” Childhood Obesity pleads.
    “You’re going to pay, slowly…” Sonia Bean responds with a slight smile.

    Sonia Bean slowly approaches the cowering fat gnome thing. However, a jolly “tralalaaaaaaaa” in the background interrupts her.




    Cassie Cage examines the suspicious egg on the ground. It seems to weigh a bit more than you’d expect an easter egg to weigh.

    “Well, might as well see what’s inside,” Cage comments.

    She cracks the egg open, and sees what appears to be a tracking device inside.

    “Dafuq?”




    This is Easter Sunday, a day of resurrection. On such a holy day some odd things can happen.

    Steve Ditko suddenly feels a lot… heavier. Sensations that he thought he had long lost suddenly return to him. Everything just seems so vivid. The birds, the light breeze, the faint burning smell in the distance… He looks at his hands, fully solid. Steve Ditko has been resurrected. To test his newfound solidity, he attempts to pick up the colorful egg lying on the ground. He succeeds.

    “Do you like the design? I colored all of them myself,” a voice says from behind.
    “Who are you?” Steve Ditko demands as he turns around.

    The man has a flash red outfit with a white cape that appears to be made out of individual papers. Each paper has a number between 1 and 31 on it. Also he’s wearing bunny ears.

    “The name’s Calendar Man!”
    “Get out of here, that’s the lamest name I’ve heard. Let me guess, you’re just one of those throwaway villains Batman beats up when the writers over there start running out of good ideas!”
    “Wow that’s actually kind of hurtful.”

    Calendar Man eventually recovers from the diss and pulls out an orange blade.

    “Happy Easter… dick!” Calendar Man says.
    “Hey wait there buddy I just got here-” Steve Ditko says before getting cut off.

    Calendar Man lunges at Ditko and shoves the carrot colored knife into Ditko’s throat. Happy motherfucking Easter indeed.

    Spoiler: 
    TWENTY-FOURTH DEATH
    Steve Ditko-Sane


    Calendar Man looks at his watch, which displays the location of his other eggs. He notes a few that have clearly moved, and goes on his way.

    Next up is chapter nine because that’s how math works…

    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  9. #99
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Oh god the miis are back and eyy calendar man


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

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