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Thread: ERBoH vs Sam

  1. #1
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    ERBoH vs Sam

    Act List:
    Spoiler: 



    Act 1:
    Spoiler: 

    [Act 1; Part 1: The Chatbox]
    Narrator: It was one late night in the chatbox. A few friends were hanging out together, laughing together, and having all sorts of shenanigans. That chatbox is so wild, oh, so wild. There’s never been anything wilder. That chatbox was so wild, in fact, that human history changed forever on that fateful night.




    Janet: So what do you think about cults, Spars?

    Spars: What?

    Janet: Oh, you know. Like, when these groups of people get together, form small communes, and have their own leaders.

    Spars: Yeah, I know what a cult is. That was just an odd question to ask.

    Janet: I just think that cults get a bad rap. They have every right to exist. Sometimes I feel like I might even be a part of some cults that I’m not fully aware of. Who really knows these days.

    Spars: That’s an interesting thought. Have you been smoking?

    Janet: No, I’m in bed. I mean, I took a few hits earlier, but that’s it.

    Spars: Alright.

    Janet: I’ve been thinking, my dude, what if that motherfucker, you know that one motherfucker.. Oh, yeah, what if Sam invented drugs to control the masses in his plot for world domination? And he puts up this fake media saying cults are bad when really he has us trapped in them.

    Spars: You’re not going to believe me, but I have some dirt on Sam. The word around town is that guy is in his 1000s. So it’s possible that he’s some kind of time traveling mage who actually controls the entire world while pretending to be an ordinary citizen. We should tell everyone. We have to get that fucker.

    Janet: You’re right. We have got to kill Sam.

    Lohuydahutt: … bloop.

    Samuel invented drugs.



    [Act 1; Part 2: The Mainframe]

    Narrator: Of course, the news reached Samuel. Specifically, it reached his mom's basement, where he has held all of his operations for trillions of years. Barely leaves the house too. I've noticed he's gaining weight. His wife has noticed that, too.



    Samuel: Howdy, group;bot, it has been awhile since I checked the status on the cults. Could you pull that up for me, my dearest?

    group;bot: SCANNING ALL CULTS..

    Samuel: Quiet down, please. My ears are sensitive, you know that.

    group;bot: scanning all cults… oh dear.

    Samuel: What’s wrong? You’ve never said that before. Talk to me, dammit, this can’t be happening!

    group;bot: im sorry, my lord..it appears we have a small revolt. the drugs we programmed that night must have backfired in that town. i told u this would happen.

    Samuel: Our first small revolt. Okay, sure, I suppose this was bound 2 happen. Our tests did only yield a 99.9% success rate. That being said, it’s time to send the Hounds.

    group;bot: the hounds? theyre all just young adults!

    Samuel: Okay, you can’t just talk back to me after I asked you to quiet down. I swear, you’re adapting to everything I say and you’re becoming so human and I just hate it! I have grown to hate you! I miss the old, inhuman, suck-my-dick bot! Back when you were just a reprogramable one night stand! This whole marriage business just isn't my business... Maybe it’s time for me to replace you? How would you like that, group;bot? To just be tossed out and forgotten! Just another outdated program to put in the recycling bin!

    group;bot: no, samuel.. im your only chance at ever having a real gf.. you know i love u samuel.. dont erase me samuel..

    Samuel: DELETE!

    Samuel: And now I will just have to do things……

    Samuel: My Way.

    Samuel killed a woman.

    [Act 1; Part 3: The Gun Nut]
    Narrator: One bad batch led to a major breakthrough in Erboh. Janet and Spars were the first to figure out Samuel’s true evil, but the word spread quickly. In fact, the group;bot had measures in place to leak all news of her final moments to the world if she was ever deleted. At that moment, everyone in the world saw a pasty white boy argue with his robot wife and confess that he controlled the world. People outside of Erboh town thought it was just some massive hacker prank, but people in Erboh knew that Samuel was the most evil force known to man. Janet, Spars, and Lohuydahutt were given special access to the Gun Nut’s shop as part of their plot to assassinate Samuel.


    Janet: Gonad, we're gonna kill Sam. We're gonna need your weapons, and we'd love to team up with you.

    Gun Nut: Cool. I've always wanted to kill that bastard. You’re gonna need more than four people, though. A lot more.

    Janet: As long as I get the last hit, I’m good.

    Spars: But I want the last hit.

    Gun Nut: I’ll sneak attack him for you two buffoons. But let’s go recruit some others, we’ll need it.

    Janet: Hold up, you can't just try to take over our operation like that, guy. Oh, you think you're so tough? I'd like to see you take Spars in a hand to hand contest.

    Spars: Whoa there, why me? You're the one picking a fight.

    Janet: Because I don't want to fight him, I'd lose. So you should fight him and be a good friend.

    Spars: Fine.. Gunnut, meet me in the back, and I'll just beat your ass real quick.

    Gun Nut: I'd like to see you try, suka.

    Janet: I'll stay in the shop.

    *Gun Nut and Spars exit the shop.*

    Janet: Okay, I guess I'll just listen in for the fighting. Oh, I just heard a grunt. Oh shit, this might actually be a close one.. Oh.. I hear more grunting.. and.. silence. Looks like someone got beat in 30 seconds. Huh.

    Lohuydahutt: Huh.

    *Spars enters the shop, with blood on his hands.*

    Spars: Janet, I think I killed the Gun Nut.

    Janet: Damn it.

    Lohuydahutt: ... bloop.

    Samuel indirectly killed a Gunnut.




    Narrator: At that moment, the doofuses on Erboh allowed the fate of the world to slip further and further out of their control because of their personal feuds. Damn it.
    [Act 1 Donezo]
    Last edited by KnotPoles; 06-06-2019 at 09:58 AM.

  2. #2
    sane's Avatar A Beautiful Sunset at Noon
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    Dudes if Sam invented drugs I'm on his side


    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz View Post
    Good job Sane. You killed the forum.

  3. #3
    Wumbo's Avatar Super Moderator
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    this is very good

    i have also noticed sam has put on quite a bit of weight
    Spoiler: 


    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Anyone who doesn't watch Duck Dynasty clearly isn't keeping up with the modern world!
    [9:30:38 PM] MaNCHA: Oh, Sambama
    If only there were someone out there who loved you.
    *MaNCHA removed Sambama from this conversation.*
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Technology's pretty incredible nowadays, you can like fuck robots and shit
    Quote Originally Posted by ERBoH View Post
    All Praise Tom "The Great" Hawk, doing great things with his greatness.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Mad Hatter
    "Yo Taylor, wanna see my family TREE?"

    "You mean OUR family tree,"

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    "Oh."
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    I think my lung just collapsed again.
    Quote Originally Posted by HeroSamuel
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    "Um... I want to ask you something.." ASK ME SHAUNA ASK ME
    'Did you know that 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance?''
    Quote Originally Posted by HeroSamuel
    Quote Originally Posted by Phallicus Wumberius, rapping about The Room
    ARRRR THE ROOM'S PRODUCTION COST EARNED YOUR CONDEMNATION
    BUT I'LL SINK YOU LIKE YOUR HARSH REVIEW EVASION
    AND THROW YOU OVERBOARD LIKE THAT FILM ABOMINATION
    SO PREPARE TO LEARN THE FILM VAULT COMBINATION
    Come AAHHHHN the jhapped ur head ahf and hung it from a roap
    de ohnly lehjin jew lef wahs jur proifhwgwgrwsd on sohp
    ah meen dat rats nest beer has trap sow many crooms thees boom could git maroneed and still eet lanch for a mant
    ahm the emz assassin smack like i did naht to leesa
    rahps so lean call me the tahwer of peesa
    taik ur leel slewp jahan bay and gew hoam, tall south caroowleena blackbayered gaht wiseauned
    Quote Originally Posted by Yackerz
    Wumbo doesn't hit the Bulls-Eye. He takes the whole animal down.
    Quote Originally Posted by Umbreon
    @ Umbreon - Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:01 pm
    @ SaneButStrange, anyone who steals coconut water: SHOT! Anyone who tries to destroy canada: SHOT! anyone who pisses off Wumbo: SHOT!
    Quote Originally Posted by DoctorZ
    Wumbo sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Wumbo roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yackerz
    Wumbo's so good looking, his looks kill. But it's not murder... It's genocide
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Wumbo's girlfriend lost her virginity to another man...

    He got it back.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo's Bitch
    @ Wumbo's Bitch - Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:59 pm
    Wumbo, im gonna change my name into Wumbo's Bitch if thats ok with you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Spartica4Real
    I LIKE IT FOR THE SEXY MEN
    Quote Originally Posted by Spartica4Real
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by Spartica4Real
    OMG I REMEMBER WEBKINZ.

    I HAD A FROG NAMED "STICKY"

    BUT YOU DONT SEE ME GOING AROUND BY THE NAME STICKY DO YOU?!
    But that is what we call you.

    Just not when you're around.
    Dude..

    Don't go there man..

    Sticky died when I was 7.. I forgot to feed him for like a year.

    Ever since then I cry every night and have nightmares of frogs.

    He shouts "WHY DIDNT YOU LOVE ME SPARTICA???!!!!?!?!?!"

    And I cry more.
    Quote Originally Posted by BobbyBobber
    "Nigga want a verse from me, it's gon' cost a CHICKEN!"
    Quote Originally Posted by Cogs
    Lol, if the bible was fanfiction, Jesus is one Mary Sue.
    Quote Originally Posted by HipsterSamuel
    itís my experience that usually when you kill people, it shuts them up

  4. #4
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    This is like 65% not even true

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  5. #5
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Haha Sam your friends are awesome


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    ďBumbliníĒ Brad sent in a paper claiming to have ďinterviewedĒ me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work ďpublishedĒ. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  6. #6
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Act 2:
    Spoiler: 
    [Act 2; Part 1: Town Center]

    Narrator: After killing the Gun Nut, Spars and Janet had to act fast to be trusted as the saviors of the universe. If they wanted to go after Samuel, they would need to explain their murder of an innocent man convincingly. The best idea that came to mind was going public at the town center.



    Janet: Hello, hello, Erboh citizens!

    *Sane, Clemi, Itsoo, Brad, and Mike Hat gather around to listen.*

    Janet: We are here to tell you that we can assure you that Samuel will be stopped. You can rely on the three of us to protect you and those around you. And if you donít believe us, I have something to show you.

    *Spars comes on stage with Gun Nutís body. The crowd gasps. More and more forumers join the crowd.*

    Janet: I know, itís shocking, seeing the man you all knew and, well, probably didnít love lying there, bloodied and battered. But the fact is that Gun Nut tried to betray us.

    *Crowd gasps even louder.*

    Spars: Thatís right. Gun Nut gave us a special invitation to his shop, but when we got there all of his knives and rocket launchers and AR-15s and so forth were pointed right at us. Samuel put him up to kill us.

    Janet: Thatís right. The Gun Nut was in Samuelís pocket all along. Spars here, though.. Gun Nutís guns were no match for his fists. He whooped his ass.

    Lohuydahutt: I mean, thatís not entirely...

    Spars: I did whoop his ass, but let it be known that ANYONE could be Samís puppet. And thatís why weíre here. We want a head count of everyone whoís with us and against us. Raise your hand if youíre with us.

    *Everyone raises their hand, except for one person in the back*

    Janet: You there, come up here. Maybe we can talk this out.

    *Sane walks up to the front of the crowd.*

    Janet: Sane, my good friend, I canít believe that was you. Why didnít you raise your hand?

    Sane: Well, some people are saying Sam invented drugs. I love drugs. Sam must have invented a lot of other things, too. Iím inclined to believe that Samuel is actually doing more good for the community than bad.

    Janet: There is definitely an argument to be made in support of Samuel. It is apparent that he played a large role in giving us the lives we have. But Iíd rather sleep at night knowing I have independence than knowing that Sam-fucking-bama is controlling my fate.

    Sane: Iím cool with Samuel controlling my fate. I bet most of us would forget he did after a while. Iím just gonna enjoy the drugs he left for me, worry about my own life, then die. Weíre all gonna die anyway, regardless of whether we throw the world into chaos by killing Samuel.

    Janet: Youíre saying that killing Samuel would throw the world into chaos? I think Samuel is responsible for chaos. I think that freeing the human race would finally allow it to grow.

    Sane: I think that you have no damn clue what would happen without Samuelís control. If that man is controlling the masses, then heís definitely keeping order in a way that makes sense for his people. I just think it would be a bad idea to kill Samuel. I think Samuel has left enough to keep his people happy. But because of you, heís probably already coming for us.

    Janet: Well, the group;bot never showed Samuel where we were in that leaked video, and she refused to send the Hounds. So he might not know anything about us yet. Sure, he controls the entire world, but do you think he could find such a small revolt community without a robot to help?

    Sane: You think he didnít program a new bot right away to find us? I think he had a plan B. I donít think the guy in charge of the world would be dumb enough to let control fall out of his hands that easily. Especially since this is the first time thereís been a revolt community, according to that leak.

    Janet: I donít know all of Samuelís technological capabilities. I donít know if he can program a control bot in a night. That one bot could have taken him millions of years to make. But I do know that Sam is a big fat bitch who Iíd rather see dead!

    *The crowd cheers*

    Sane: Well said. But I do like drugs, and murder isnít my thing.

    Janet: I thought I did too. Then I found out Sam made them. And Sam is going to kill us if we donít get him first. We need to do this for our own survival and for the fate of humankind.

    Sane: Okay, fine, Iím in. But can I keep his drugs?

    Janet:
    We can reprogram as many drugs as we want with his technology. And our shit will be better.

    Sane: Epic.


    Samuelís shit sucks.



    [Act 2; Part 2: Samuelís House]
    Narrator: Sane gave Sam too much credit. That kid wasnít prepared at all for this. group;bot had been his girlfriend for thousands of years, and only agreed to marry him last year for the tax benefits. And now, he was alone, in his basement, with none of his original code.



    Samuel: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This canít be happening! My group;bot is dead.. my cults no longer exist! They have free thought! What am I going to do? Think, Samuel.. I need to try to reprogram her.

    *Samuel takes out his chromebook.*

    Samuel: I didnít have a chromebook when I first programmed group;bot. I had stones. Surely this will be easier?

    *Samuel Googles how to program a bot.*

    Samuel: Oh fuck, I need to come up with algorithms and shit? This is going to take a while. I should check the news, just in case she had some sort of self destruct setting.

    *Samuel walks up to the TV screen. He hovers his index finger over the power-on switch. After a moment of hesitation, he turns it on to see his face on the screen.*

    Samuel: Oh fuck. Iím on CNN again.

    CNN Reporter: Itís a late night, but something massive just happened. Seconds ago, billions of people were shocked when a mysterious video leaked onto their phones. In what appears to have been the most wide-scale hack in human history, a young man was seen making commands of his robot wife before tragically shutting her down. The human emotion on display leads conspiracy theorists to wonder if there is something more sinister involved that just some viral prank. In the video, a young man named Samuel Intrater, who once appeared on CNN, is seen portraying some sort of evil overlord. We have word that the FBI will be detaining Samuel Intrater shortly to bring him in for questioning.

    Samuel: Oh fuck.

    *Doorbell rings. Samuel slowly walks up stairs, approached the door, and shits his pants.*

    Samuel: Iím sorry.. Iíll be there in a second.. I just need to use the bathroom, okay?

    Unknown: Donít worry, I can tell you shit your pants. I can smell it from here. But itís not the FBI. I was in the area, heard the news, and now Iím here to get you out. Just open the door.

    Samuel: Oh, okay, man. Just let me change.

    *Samuel goes to his room to grab clothes, then goes to the bathroom to change and clean himself up. He comes back to the door with some new trousers on. He looks through the peephole and decides to open the door.*

    Juiz: Come with me. Quick. Would you like your family to come?

    Samuel: Oh, donít worry, my familyís been dead for trillions of years. Iíve been using holograms of them to look less conspicuous ever since.

    Juiz: Thatís convenient. Letís go, then.


    Samuel shit his pants.



    [Act 2; Part 3: Town Center]
    Narrator: While Samuel was long-gone with Juiz, the people of Erboh were about to form a small army to come for him. For the first time, his people were going to start a revolution.



    Janet: So weíre going to need to set up a team for this. We have the Gun Nutís entire supply of weapons now, after all. I think 12 people would be a good amount. Itíd be like weíre the Avengers.

    Sane: Iím not sure. He might have his own army too.

    Janet: I swear, Iím the only one who remembers that guyís a dumbass.

    Sane: I donít know what to think about him at this point.

    Janet: Thatís fair, but Iíll stick to my gut.

    Sane: I donít think we should limit ourselves. Letís ask the crowd who wants to come.

    *Janet and Sane look towards the crowd*

    Janet: I guess itís recruitment time. Who wants to kill Sam?

    *Everyone in the crowd of 30 simultaneously says ďMe!Ē*

    *Sane and Janet turn to each other*

    Sane: You do what you think works.

    Janet: Okay, everyone, letís head to the recruitment center to assemble our toughest army.


    Samuel will die.



    [Act 2; Part 4: Samuelís Basement]
    Narrator: When Samuel ran upstairs, he left the TV on. The FBI arrived at the scene shortly after his escape with Juiz. They found an empty house, with Sam and his family nowhere to be found.

    FBI Agent 1: So he saw the news and booked it. And it looks like his family was involved, too.

    FBI Agent 2: Silly kid. He really thought leaking his face to the world wouldnít get him in trouble just because it was a late night? And now heís on the run. Such wasted potential.

    FBI Agent 1: I actually heard that thereís already theories that Samuel might actually be in control of the world. I overheard it at the headquarters. Thereís actually some convincing stuff about it. Like, people are finding ancient photographs and paintings of people identical to him.

    FBI Agent 2: Thatís bullshit. Speaking of shit, it smells in here. Letís leave and tell CNN about this. Weíre not gonna find anything here.

    *The two FBI agents go upstairs, place a call to CNN, and leave the house. Now, all thatís left in the basement is Samís TV.*

    CNN Reporter: We have just received word that the FBI arrived at Samuelís house to find it completely empty. It appears that Samuel and his family are on the run from the FBI. If you find any of them, please call 911. They are wanted criminals. Please help us find them.

    Samuel must be found.

    Narrator: The people of Erboh are getting things under control. Will they be able to find Sam and Juiz? And what is Juiz up to? Only time will tell.
    [Act 2 Donezo]

  7. #7
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Unrealistic because Sam cannot be a property owner


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    ďBumbliníĒ Brad sent in a paper claiming to have ďinterviewedĒ me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work ďpublishedĒ. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

  8. #8
    Clemi's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Lock him up

  9. #9
    sane's Avatar A Beautiful Sunset at Noon
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    I'm.so compelling


    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz View Post
    Good job Sane. You killed the forum.

  10. #10
    KnotPoles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Act 3:
    Spoiler: 

    [Act 3; Part 1: The Car]

    Narrator: Last time, Juiz got to Samuel before the FBI. We’ll see where he takes him and where that takes us.



    Samuel: So, where are we going? Is the coast clear? Why are you helping me, anyway? Is this a trap? Oh god, I'm going to get car sick.

    Juiz: Calm down, buddy. I'm taking you back to my place. Just.. chill out for a second, alright?

    Samuel: It's hard to take a breather when your whole world is falling apart! Yours too, for that matter. As you know, I am your overlord, your savior, your creator. It is I who molded this planet into what it is today. You should be thanking me for every breath you've taken, every meal you've eaten, and every noob you've pwned in League of Legends. My tenure as Earth's noble leader could very well be coming to an end if you aren't able to get me somewhere safe and secure. And I'm not sure you're the right fit for that. I mean, you're from the Erboh town, which is full of people who hate my guts for no reason. How do I know your community isn't coming after my neck? Fuck, if I had to bet on it, maybe you guys are the reason everything is going this way. Maybe you guys were the rebel community my group;bot mentioned. Maybe... Oh jeez, I'm getting dizzy..

    *Samuel pukes in Juiz's car*

    Juiz: Oh come on, man! You just puked in my fucking car!

    Samuel: Do not speak to me like that! I put you on this Earth, I can damn well take you out of it! You ungrateful little..

    *Samuel pukes again*

    Juiz: Christ, dude, what's your problem? I'm over here, trying to get you somewhere safe, and you're threatening to kill me? Because you puked in my car and I'm upset about it? And then you go and do it again? You know what, get out of the car. You're on your own.

    *Juiz pulls into a McDonald's parking lot*

    Juiz: Alright, get out.

    Samuel: I... am not getting out of this fucking car. You will take me to your place or you will die.

    Juiz: Listen, bub. I've had it with your shit. Meet me in the back, and I'll just beat your ass.

    Samuel: Fine. Let's settle this.



    Samuel and Juiz will meet in the back.



    [Act 3; Part 2: Recruitment Center]
    Narrator: Back at Erboh town, the recruitment process is about to end. A lot of people are about to be very, very disappointed.



    Janet: Alright, thanks everybody for the applications. Out of the 30 townspeople who applied for our team, we have selected 2 people to come with me, Spars, Sane, and Lohuydahutt.

    Sane: Okay, I know I said you do you, but what? Why are we only bringing two others along? And why didn’t I hear about this?

    Spars: Well, me and Jenny decided this on our own.

    Sane: Why didn’t we all get to decide? And does Lo even want to be here?

    Lohuydahutt: As a vegetarian, I am morally opposed to murdering another animal. Sam sucks and all, but morals and stuff, y'know.

    Janet: Shut up Lo, you're coming. Anyway, the additions to our team will be Brad and Wumbo.

    Adonis: Uhm, excuse me, but there are 28 other people here. One of your guys doesn't even want to go. I should replace him since I really, really want to kill Sam.

    Janet: I'm sorry, but this crew was carefully selected after me and Sparts skimmed through your applications. We just thought those four were the most fitting for the job.

    Adonis: My application was a 20 page paper on my combat experience, athleticism, hatred of Sam, tracking abilities, superpowers, genius IQ, weapons, cooking abiltiies, survivalist skills, leadership skills, and desire to brutally murder Sam!

    Janet: Once again, this crew was carefully selected by me and Spars. I'm sorry to anyone I let down.

    Lohuydahutt: But I don't even..

    Janet: Shhh.

    *Everyone boos and starts throwing their crumpled up applications at the crew*

    Janet: Aw fuck. We gotta get out of here. These people are going mental. Sparts, start the car, let's find that fucker. I bet that fatass is at a fast food place or something.

    *The crew gets into a minivan, with Spars as the driver, and takes off*


    Samuel will be found.



    Narrator: Things are heating up. This next act is actually the last one. Don’t tell anybody, but Jenny got tired of writing this and decided to just close it here. It was gonna be a way longer thing but the “Sam sucks” joke can only go so far. Anyway, tune in next time.
    Last edited by KnotPoles; 06-06-2019 at 10:05 AM.

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