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Thread: ERBoH vs Sam

  1. #11
    Poles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Previous act, which I just posted:

    Act 4 (Final Act):

    [Act 4: The Back]

    Samuel: Alright, Juiz. Is this what you've chosen? To die in the back of a McDonald's drive-through?

    Juiz: I like my odds.

    Samuel: You're gonna.. LOOK odd after I rearrange that FACE. With these fists of fury. That’s right, kid, you’re done here. This is it for you. You will die a lonely death at the hands of a pasty white teenager. Or at least that’s how I appear. Did you know I can shapeshift? I won’t show you, but trust me. Are you even listening to me? Listen. I’m going to batter you to pieces. When the cops come and find you, your body will be left unidentified. Nobody will ever find out it was you who died here because that’s just how bad I’ll rip you apart. I know kung fu, dude. Did you know I knew kung fu? Not many people know that I know kung fu, but I can give a mean karate chop. A mean karate chop to the skull to crack it open and spill blood everywhere. Yes, I can just see it in my head, and you’ll see it for yourself when I’m done with this monologue. I can also do roundhouse kicks and-

    Juiz: Oh shit, dude, look behind you. There’s a car coming.

    Samuel: You think you can get an easy one on me, huh? You naughty little rapscallion, I am Samuel, your god emperor, I will not fall for such silly trickery. Especially at the likes of you, you mere messy mediocre miserable menace mo-

    *A minivan crashes into Samuel. Polar, Sparts, Sane, Lohuydahutt, Brad, and Wumbo get out of the car.*

    Janet: Oh fuck, Spars, we said to get near him, not to crash into him! What if he's dead? You might've just stole my kill!

    Spars: Your kill?

    Juiz: Your kill? I was about to whoop that guy's ass to death. Not cool.

    Brad: Hey, wait, why are you here already?

    Juiz: I went off on my own to kidnap him to torture him in my basement. I convinced him I was trying to save him. After spending some time with him in the car, though, I decided I could not handle another moment near him. That's why I was about to beat him to death in the back of a McDonald's. Before you guys interrupted, anyway.

    *Samuel crawls out from under the van, covered in blood, with countless bone fractures*

    Samuel: You can't.. kill me.. Motherfuckers…

    Lohuydahutt: Welp.

    Wumbo: One shot in the head and he's out of his misery.

    Brad: The problem is figuring out who gets to do it.

    Juiz: Alright, I was here first, so I should do it.

    Janet: Bitch, while you were over here trying to do your own special operation for some reason, we were organizing a dream team in the town center. So you go ahead and let one of us do it.

    Juiz: If Sam didn't have such a big mouth, he'd be dead at my hands by now. But he decided to go all “evil villain monologue” on me before our fight.

    Samuel: Shut up! Shut up.. Oh fuck this hurts.

    *Samuel tries to stand up, but stumbles back down on his ass*

    Samuel: Fine.. I’ve been beaten. I concede defeat! Now it's just up to you losers to decide who gets to kill me. To end what originally seemed to be an eternity of suffering. If you don't kill each other first, anyway..

    Brad: Alright guys, hear me out. I have no problems with Samuel. We've never really had beef or anything. So maybe it would be the most fair if I were the one to kill him.

    Wumbo: How is that fair? This guy is my least favorite person to ever live, of all time. If anyone should be killing him, it should be me, since my hatred for him runs deeper than anyone else’s. Come on, think about it. Brad has no real issues with Sam, Sane didn’t until today, Lohuydahutt wants nothing to do with this, Spars just ran the fucker over, Juiz got him here, and Janet put this all in motion so it’s kind of her kill no matter what. I deserve to kill him because I hate the bastard and I haven’t done anything to him yet.

    Sane: Yeah, Sam sucks. I wouldn't mind killing him, but I'm cool with someone else doing it too. Let's just get this done with so I can go trip balls for hours.

    Spars: I ran him over with the car to prevent this exact argument. I should be the one to finish him off. To finish what I started.

    Samuel: Look at you fools! *coughs* Bickering like a bunch of spoiled children. “Me, me, me, me, me!” You see your master on the floor, lying in pain, and don't stop to think about what you really should be doing. You should be getting me to a hospital, helping to explain that this was all a huge mistake to the FBI, and helping me get back to my duties as the undisputed ruler of the world. Lohuydahutt, screw these assholes, help me up!

    Lohuydahutt: Shut up, bish.

    Wumbo: Hell yeah, Lo. You have some bite in you.

    Lohuydahutt: Well, thanks, I guess.

    Brad: Hold on, Lo, you don’t want to kill him at all, right?

    *Lo nods his head*

    Brad: Okay, so that leaves 6 of us who want to kill Sam. Let's assign numbers to each person and roll a die. It's the most fair way to do this.

    Juiz: Hm. Well, I guess fairness is only fair.

    Spars: I agree.

    Wumbo: That seems like the best way to do this.

    Sane: I'm up for that.

    Janet: But... I wanna kill Sam... ugh fine.

    *Brad takes out a die, assigns a number to each person, and rolls it. It lands on the number 3, which was his own number.*

    Brad: I swear that wasn't rigged or anything, I assigned the numbers at random. I guess it's my time to kill him.

    Wumbo: That sucks ass, but I respect it.

    Janet: This just sucks ass. Dammit.

    *Brad takes out his gat, turns towards Sam, but just sees a mangled carcass. He looks up to see Adonis standing over him with a bloodied chair-leg.*

    Brad: Oh come on, you stole my kill, man. And you weren't even invited!

    Adonis: I had to do what I had to do. I tracked you here because I knew this would happen. I knew that you wouldn't be able to decide on your own. I knew your team sucked. I knew you were just a bunch of casuals who wanted a free kill on the world’s most hated man. Meanwhile, I was driven to this point by my thirst for Sam's blood after he roasted me for dropping out in that one TDFE challenge. And plus he got rid of all of my stones before I even got to use them. Not cool.

    Janet: You know.. that's fair. Sorry for not giving you a shot. Let's go home.

    Lohuydahutt: ... bloop.

    Sam is dead.
    Last edited by Poles; 06-06-2019 at 11:02 AM.

  2. #12
    Juiz's Avatar

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    Fantastic ending to a fantastic story.
    Your friendly neighborhood Dadministrator

    Got a question? Just need someone to chat with? Drop me a PM!

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    le epic maymays xdd:
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket View Post
    Is Juiz darth vader? i hope so because that means he gets to be a dad

    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    This isn't the first time Juiz has given Sane a forced analysis pounding and it won't be the last.
    Quote Originally Posted by Samilton View Post
    juiz is a revolutionary
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    get cancer
    Quote Originally Posted by Samilton
    They're called Japanese people, Juiz

    Quote Originally Posted by Gika
    The fiirst rule of is: You do not tell Juiz what to do.
    The second rule of is: You DO NOT tell Juiz what to do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sans
    do you have a moment to hear about our lord and savior juizus
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket View Post
    sorry polar, im a moderator of the people

    and the people say you suck
    Quote Originally Posted by sane View Post
    "Don't be such a pussy Sam." shouted Juiz, the big, strong, captivating godly man that he was.

    Quote Originally Posted by YellowNerd View Post
    I love juiz more than his girlfriend does
    Quote Originally Posted by sane View Post
    My name is Sane, and this is my buddy Juiz, we're kind of a big deal and we can kick a lot of ass and love Wonderwall.
    Quote Originally Posted by sane
    this forum is dead and I am the necrophiliac who will fuck it back to life
    Quote Originally Posted by Brad View Post
    Juiz, you are truly the Shakespeare of our time. I laughed. I cried. I gave up red meat. Thank you, you beautiful bright ray of freedom in this otherwise fascist community. Thank you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    This forum needs a good return to fascism

  3. #13
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Can't believe Adonis stole my kill

    Woah Mama:


    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Ludwig
    Brad I swear to god I'll Fortnite dance on your grave
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    “Bumblin’” Brad sent in a paper claiming to have “interviewed” me! Wrong! I have done no such thing, and Liddle Bradley had to sit in his room by himself and make up quotes in order to get his work “published”. Despite the negative forum covfefe, the Fake News Media controlled by Globalist Sam Bama is whipping itself into a frenzy trying to make up lies about your favorite forumer (Me!)

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