Dangan Ronpa vB: Forum Edition

[Kubby]

Zadupie, Poland.

"So glad you two could make it." Kubby said to two men who have just left the Uber.

"Well, It'd be embarassing if the admins did not show up to the first community irl meetup. Isn't that right, Juiz?" One of the men replied.

"Damn right, Dion. Wait. Why are we using our forum nicknames again?" The other man said.

"Beats me," said Dion, "there are more important matters to discuss. Kubby, you will be a gracious host, and will be paying for our tickets, yes? You're not gonna be a hoser, eh?"

Kubby was nowhere to be seen.

---

A man was standing a fair distance from everyone else, leaned against a chainlink fence. He observed everything, slowly trying to absorb everything he saw.

"Boo!" Someone shouted from behind

"GODDAMMIT KUBBY!" The man shouted. "Blimey, it's the third time today, you bloody wanker! Bugger off!"

"Will do that eventually, Ranger. Anyway, where's Turtle? I thought you were one person?"

"Last time I say him, he was running an RP for Gunnut and Klonoa."

"Hmmm... Usually, his RP's are a tad bigger, aren't they"

"Well, he's already killed off most of the characters."

---

Four men were walking by a pond

"...All I'm saying is it's bullshit, I shouldn't have died so early, Log." One of them said

"Hey, Turtle is a bit of a killer GM, mang, I've warned you not to take that sacred toilet brush"

"It's just... It's always 'Brad, first eliminated', 'Brad, first to die'. It's tiresome."

"Hey, you suck, get used to it." Said the third man of the four.

"Shut up, Wumbo. At least I don't suck as much as Sam."

The three of them looked at the fourth man.

"Sam," said Log, "you just gonna take that?"

"I'm used to it by that point."

---

"Knock it off, you two" One guy said to other two guys.

"Hey, don't blame us. You gotta admit you're not exactly the person to give hair advice. Not with your condition." One of the two replied.

"Oui, oui, YN is absolutelly correct, mon petit chou-fleur." The other one said. It's Clemi, just in case you did not realise.

"Come on. Look at me. You-can-see-I'm-not-fucking-bald! Where the hell did that 'Spars is bald' meme come from anyway?"

---

"Poland is so beatiful" The only girl of the group said, sitting on a bench by a lake with two dudes.

"What else would you expect to hear from Poles, hmmm?" One of them said.

"She's right though. We wouldn't be sitting here if that wasn't the case, Sane."

"Point taken, Adon."

---

Kubby got into his car. The party was running short on snacks and alcohol too, and as a host, it was his duty to cater to his guests

He pulled out the keys from the pants pocket, put them into ignition and...

---

"Hey, you heard that?" Juiz said to Dion

"Hell yeah I did, let's see what's going on."

And the two ran to the source of the sound, the parking lot.

When they got they, they saw a bunch of all the other forumers gathered around something. They ran up, pushed Gonad away, and then they saw it:

A flaming wreckage of what once was a Skoda Felicia Combi, with various debris strewn around the parking lot. Something here exploded. Exploded very well.

Suddenly, everyone's phones came to like.

"Puhuhuhuhu," A voice could be heard from each phone, "that sure blows, doesn't it. This dude just got wrecked. Man, I'm on fire with those grizzly puns, aren't I?"



Character list:
Kubby - parted out into Monokubbs
Monokuma - Monokuma
Brad - Ultimate Dick
Juiz - Ultimate Parental Figure
Ranger - Ultimate Analyst
Log - Ultimate Seal Expert
Poles - Ultimate Joke Battler
YN - Ultimate Sentai Guru
Gunnut - Ultimate Firearm Collector
Dion - Ultimate Hockey Player
Tom - Ultimate Fascist
Clemi - Ultimate Croissant Baker
Adonis - Ultimate Rapper
Sam - Ultimate Victim
Klonoa - Ultimate OC Creator
Turtle - Ultimate RPG Host
Spars - Ultimate Hairdresser
Sane - Ultimate Extra

[Brad]

if Brad dies first we riot

[Kubby]

Oh, don't worry about that. I can assure you you won't die first. Not at all.
You'll die second, right after me.

---

Anyway. the reactions to Kubby's death were varied. Ranger was at the nearest trashcan, puking his guts out. Some were in shock, some were in denial. Sane stood in the back, trying to hide the fact is crying, while Brad took his phone and...

"Shit, what's the number to the police here," he started saying to himself then he was interrupted by a faint explosion in the distance.

A black an white bear popped up on everyone's screen.

"That, in case you are wondering," he said, "was the cell tower serving this area. Don't try to call for help. Don't try to run either.

Brad tried to do just that. He got a fair distance away, even. And they everyone's heard a shot, and Brad dropped to the ground, seemingly dead.

2nd death - Brad

"This area is surrounded by snipers willing to do everything I tell them." Monokuma said. "Rules are the cornerstone of society and violating them has consequences."

"Fuck! Not Brad!" said someone, but they would not admit it afterwards.

"He's lucky I need you all to sleep anyways" On closer inspection, you could see Brad had a tranquiliser dart sticking out of him. "He got off lucky. Next time they'll be loaded with live ammunition"

Well, let's scratch that 2nd death out, shall we.

Then, on closer inspection, you could see everyone else was getting shot with those darts, one after another.

"Don't worry, the dosage kills 5% of the targets at most..."

---

Juiz opened his eyes, lying in a bed.

"Eugh..." He moaned. "What a dream. Maybe I should host another one of those. How will I get enough players though?"

As the vision got less and less blurry. Juiz noticed a teddy bear sitting on his bed, with a human arm crudely stiched to its body. The bear itself was shorter than the arm, so it looker rather grotesque.

"WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK!" That immediately jolted Juiz awake.

"Oh." The bear said. "It's... It's rather rude."

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Juiz screamed, and then got bitchslapped by the bear. By the human arm to be more precise.

"C-c-c-calm down, calm down. I'm as scared as you are. Here, let me introduce myself, maybe that'll break the ice. I'm Mono-Ramię, one of five Monokuma Kubbies, Monokubbs for short. I'm... I'm the perfect fusion of Monokuma," he said, gesturing at his face, "and Kubby." He waved his human arm wildly.

Shit. Shit. Shit. This was all real. Fuck. Me. Sideways.

"You're... you're the last one to wake up. Everyone else is settled into their new life. But first, check your phone"

Juiz picked up his phone. Noticed he had no reception. And then noticed he had a new app on there.

"Monoapp, huh?" He opened it. He was still shaken, but curiosity got better of him.

The app loaded for a while, until finally it popped up and said the following:

Spoiler: 

WELCOME
JUIZ
ULTIMATE PARENTAL FIGURE

"You...You c-c-c-can't be this shaken, you know. You're the papa of this group, people are relying on you."

"Go away. I need to deal with this myself."

Juiz slowly rose out of his bed.

Noticing he was fully clothed already, he meekly walked up to the door. He hesitated a little, but then he made up his mind, and swung it wide open. Or he would, but he accidently slammed it into someone.

"Oh shit, Don, are you alright?" This was oddly familiar to Juiz. He ran through the list of forumers to see whose name would make a good number when rotated upside-down.

"Be more careful man, you slammed me straight in the head..."

"Oh, sorry, dude. Here, you need help?" Juiz reached his hand towards Adonis

"Shit's all fucked, I can't believe Kubby is dead"

"Yeah, it... it affected every one of us. Being strong is the only thing that can save us. So, they've turned me into the Ultimate Parental Figure. What about you?"

"Well, I've checked this app, I've got no talent at all"

"That sucks."

"But I'll prove I'm as good as you, that's my goal."

"Th-th-that's slander", Mono-Ramię said, apparently leaving the room as well. "We've... We've given out talents to everyone. You're the Ultimate Rapper, if I recall correctly?"

"Yeah, screw you! I thought I'd be done with spitting fire
Now I'm compelled to rhyme, now I can't really retire..."

[Brad]

Hahahahaha you guys are still stuck with me

[Kubby]

Prologue Part 2:

Juiz left Adonis with some words of parental encouragement, and explored further ahead. People's rooms were already vacant, with an exception of one of the rooms. Juiz knocked on the door.

"A-ha-ha!" A boisterous laugh answered him. "Come inside, traveller!"

Juiz went inside, and saw quite a collection of characters.

Standing on a chair was Turtle, currently striking a heroic pose and pointing into a distance. Seated around him were two people. One of them was Jenny, staring at Turtle.

"so, can I leap to the next rooftop?" she asked

Turtle took a break from his heroic pose and replied, "you can try".

Next to Jenny was...

"Oh my god, Spars, what happened? What happened to your hair?" Juiz asked, eyes wide open.

Spars' head and face was completely devoid of any hair. Not even eyebrows. His scalp was very shiny though, so he had that going for him.

"It went over here," said Spars, unzipping his shirt.

Spars' chest and belly were covered in a thick rug of hair. And it wasn't just growing willy-nilly, there were some fades, and some of the chest hair was formed into dreads.

"Impressive, isn't it, Juiz? They don't call me the Ultimate Hairdresser for nothing."

"You did that to yourself...? Huh. Well. Good luck in your career path, I guess."

Turtle then cleared his throat.

"Traveller! You shall not distract this party of adventurers with your off-topic talk. It is unbecoming of you to interrupt the quest... to save the world."

"Turts, can you perhaps... take a break with your game thing?"

"There are no brakes on the Ultimate RPG Host's games," said a Monokubb, who apparently was observing the game. It did not look like it borrowed any of Kubby's parts, "I thought your girlfriend would know about there being no breaks, Juiz." He pronounced it 'Who-eez.' Why.

"Well said, Mono-Serce. Juiz. Shall you join us on the adventure?" Turtle then switched from the very boisterous and slightly hammy tone, to a quieter, more professional one. "I'll walk you through character creation and through playing the game if you go for it. Here, I'll even give you your own set of dice."

"I don't want to interrupt your fun. Maybe later." And so, Juiz turned around and began to leave when...

"Hold up!" Jenny shouted at him, "You didn't ask me about my talent!"

"Alright. So what ultimate something are you?"

Jenny was silent for a moment.

"Why should I tell you?"

"Huh?... I guess you don't have to tell me."

"But I will anyway. I'm PolarBore, the Ultimate Joke Battler!"

---

Juiz left the room, last thing he heard being "How do you want to do this?" from Turtle.

Meeting no one else in the sleeping room area, he stepped outside, and at the campfire, he saw... two interesting people, observed by another Monokubb, this one with a third eye on its forehead. A human eye. It had a nametag attached to its torso, saying "Mono-Oko".

First of the two people was Clemi. Somehow, he looked even more French than usual, wearing a marinière (that striped sweater the French people stereotypically wear) and a beret. He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth, an Eiffel Tower pendant hanging off his neck, a bottle of wine in one hand and a baguette in another. Actually, scratch that last part. Having him hold a baguette would be too stereotypically French even for this over-the-top depiction.

...

...

He held an oversized croissant.

"Juiz. Nice to see you." However, he lost the accent. Interesting.

"You've... changed, Clemi."

"Don't mention it. I've tried to take it off, but then that creep over there," he replied, pointing at Mono-Oko, "Said something about this being my outfit for the rest of the game. As if being the Ultimate Croissant Baker wasn't enough..."

"What can I say... People will always perceive you their way. Sometimes, 'their way' stands for 'stereotypes'. On the flip side, if we survive this, you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"Survive this? What do you mean?"

"Uh. Uh... You'll see."

"DON'T WORRY, CITIZENS!" The second peculiar character shouted. He wore a yellow tight body suit, and a motorcycle helmet that appeared to have been red originally, but was spraypainted yellow. "THE YELLOW NERD IS HERE! RIDER NERDS, ASSEMBLE!" He shouted into the sky.

"YN...? What are you doing?"

"I'M STRIKING INSPIRATION INTO THE HEART OF INNOCENTS! IT IS MY DUTY AS THE LEADER OF RIDER NERDS AND THE ULTIMATE SENTAI GURU!"

"Oh. Good to know. Have... Have fun."

"MY DISTRESS SIGNAL IS NOT REACHING THE REST OF THE NERDS! MUST BE INTERFERENCE FROM THAT DEVIL DUTERTE!" He's shown his phone. It had no reception either. He then noticed Juiz' worried expression. "DON'T WORRY, CITIZEN! I CAN HAVE A GO AT IT ALONE!"

[YellowNerd]

i

AM LITERALLY PERFECT.



Lovign it so far m dude

[Kubby]

Juiz continued on. He had to pay respects to his fallen friend. He went to the parking lot, the wreckage of the Skoda still there. There was someone else in there as well.

Ranger was standing near the tape that now was there and marked off the off-limit area.

"Juiz," he said without turning around.

"Ranger? What's the matter?"

Ranger then turned around and shoved some papers into Juiz' face.

"My Ultimate Analyst abilities allowed to determine where the sniper that shot Brad is." Upon closer inspection, the papers revealed themselves to be the hand-drawn map of the place and notes on Monokuma's security.

"Oh, so you're very analytical." Juiz made a note in the back of his mind to keep an eye on whether Ranger's fashion sense was improving or not.

"Yes, yes I am. Anyway, here's the plan I have, see? Every security detail has flaws. If we follow that route," he said, trailing his finger along a marked route on the map, "we'll be in that sniper's blindspot." He pointed at a crosshair mark on his map.

"Okay, what if there are more snipers than this one?"

"Well, that's why I want to take more people with me. That way, at least *one* of us will be able to reach for help."

"Yeah, no."

"Oh. So... you've decided to vote Remain. Well then, that's disappointing."

---

Juiz then went into the dining hall.

"You're totally dying first."

"Yes, that's probably true."

"You know, with me being the Ultimate Fascist, and you being, you know, you, it's inevitable."

"Wow, i did nazi that one coming. You do know that implied holocaust jokes are not that funny, don't you?"

"Besides, you are the Ultimate Victim. Isn't it obvious you're getting banned first?"

Juiz stepped in on a conversation between Sam and Tom. Tom now had a pair of Shrek ears, apparently surgically attached to his head. He then turned around and noticed a Monokubb. That one's not so bad, he thought, and then the Kubb came over to Juiz, and *smiled*, revealing a grin full of human teeth. They were all attached randomly, with some molars in the front, some incisors in the back, and one tooth attached to the tongue even.

"Hello, I'm Mono-Zęby, I'm soooo pleased to-" It started introducing itself, but Juiz interrupted it.

"Nope. Nope. Nope. I've seen enough." He turned around and left the dining hall. "Creepy as fuck"

"Teeth horror can be disturbing," someone said.

Juiz looked around and spotted Sane, standing near the entrance to the dining hall.

"Whoa, Sane. How did you get here?"

"I was here when you entered the hall, you know?"

"What. How did I not notice you?"

"Well, it happens. I'm the Ultimate Extra after all. I starred in this film, "On Places Thin", and I was one of the Wakandan soldiers in Infinity War."

Juiz looked at Sane's definitely pasty complexion. "Wouldn't you stand out?"

"That's how good of an extra I am."

"Anyway, are you alright? This meetup got very intense."

"Oh, it's nothing. I've covered wars, you know."

[YellowNerd]

Well my guesses were wrong

[Kubby]

Here's the end of the prologue. Might edit that into a post when the forum stops being a bitch.