View Poll Results: Who won?

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  • Jacques Cousteau ate him with butter!

    0 0%
  • Steve Irwin blew through him like a didgeridoo!

    10 100.00%
  • I'm conserving my opinion.

    0 0%
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Thread: Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin Discussion

  1. #11
    Youtube link

    Lyrics (or approximately):
    Jacques Cousteau:
    Jacques Cousteau, here to speed flow
    Invented SCUBA, captained the Calypso
    Palme d’Or-winning documenter of the ocean
    Ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!
    You’re chunky and soft, you get on my nerves!
    You're the only manatee I don’t want to conserve!
    My Life Aquatic was adventure and beauty,
    I’m so cool, Bill Murray played me in ze movie
    I have Oscars! You’re in Doctor Dolittle 2!
    So run back home to your daddy’s zoo!
    And just to be clear, ‘cause I’m no veterinarian:
    Were you killed by a fish kids pet at ze aquarium?

    Steve Irwin:
    Holy smokes, what a place to go!
    You’d need a submarine for a blow that low! (Awhh!)
    You'd better run! You’d better take cover!
    'Cause crikey, I’m going from croc to Jacques hunter!
    Have a look at this salty fella:
    His face looks like it’s made of pure leather!
    Look out! He’s got the body of a naked mole rat!
    He’s cranky ‘cause he has to wear a Papa Smurf hat!
    I’m a wild man, you’re a subdued sub dude!
    The only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes
    Crikey! You’re such a boring guy,
    You could make a whole show about the ocean dry!
    But with the sheilas you sure had fun
    Your mistress was as young as your first-born son!
    You never shoulda stepped to the wildlife defender
    Now embrace your French nature and quietly surrender

    Jacques Cousteau:
    Talk about sons, better watch what you say now
    You almost turned yours into Outback Mistake-house!

    Steve Irwin:
    Would you rather talk about your brother? Ooh boy
    Nazi! Nazi! Nazi! Oy! Oy! Oy!

    Jacques Cousteau:
    Enough of your antics and madness!
    Contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus
    You’re a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper
    Go grope a dope rope, Crocodile Humper!
    There’s a type of snail, recently discovered
    And named after you — I’ll eat zem with butter!
    Hey Skippy, the bush-league kangaroo
    Hold the D, I’m Crocodile Dun with you

    Steve Irwin:
    Where ya goin', fella? Hang on a minute
    Like a Joey in a pouch, this ain’t quite finished!
    Take a look how destructive your old films are
    Silent World? More like Silent Worldstar!
    If you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour
    Don’t go throwin’ C-4 on the sea floor!
    I’m the gold medal rhymer on the podium,
    Cleanin’ you up like a Jacques Cousteau-dian (Wooo!)
    I’m Mother Nature’s greatest conservationist
    When I rock the mic, I’m danger! Danger! Dangerous!
    So go back down under with your crew
    I just blew through you like a didgeridoo!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nice Peter
    yo kid... you ever fucked rap pudding?

  2. #12
    think I'm gonna have to do a bit of reading to get the references. but I LOVE the flow in this one
    the accents are done well, they're exaggerated and funny but not too over the top that its distracting
    Last edited by Justinian I; 08-16-2019 at 12:25 PM.

  3. #13
    Spars's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    May 2012
    New Orleans (close enough)
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    Now this is a good battle. Started slow from an insults perspective but got better and better. Best of the season for sure.


    Thanks peeps <3333

  4. #14
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    That's none of your business!
    I agree with Spars on this one, this battle is quite possibly the best one of the season! Irwin definitely took this one for sure!

  5. #15
    I’m Mother Nature’s greatest conservationist
    When I rock the mic, I’m danger! Danger! Dangerous!

    There's nothing super special from a lyrical standpoint - really, it's just filler, but for some reason it hit hard to me. lmao

  6. #16
    Clemi's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Dec 2011
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    Ngl that Cousteau accent reminds me more about What We Do in the Shadows than an actual french accent

  7. #17
    I made "Eye of the Spider"...that's my contribution to the internet. What's yours?

  8. #18
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Jan 2012
    Maryland, United States
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    Good battle. Like many others, Irwin was a childhood hero of mine and it was great to see him done (in my opinion) really well. In fact, this one kind of felt like a stomp to me. Cousteau wasn't bad but even without the bias it seems like Irwin really tore him apart.

    Favorite part was when Irwin was examining Cousteau like an animal.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.

    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  9. #19
    Mike Hat's Avatar Ladybug Pajamas
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    (vague, comedic answer)
    Blog Entries
    This is my favorite battle in a while. Probably since uhhh Hawk vs Gretzky. Cousteau starts off a little slow and expositiony but that makes sense because the target audience probably doesn't really know much about him.

    Disappointed in no Spongebob reference though.

    Who won?

    Bill O'Reilly
    Abraham Lincoln
    Sarah Palin
    Kim Jong-il
    Genghis Khan
    Benjamin Franklin
    Dr. Seuss
    Mr. T
    Master Chief
    Wright Bros
    Elvis Presley
    Marilyn Monroe
    Steve Jobs
    Freddie Mercury
    Barack Obama
    Doc Brown
    Clint Eastwood
    Sherlock Holmes
    Babe Ruth
    Darth Vader
    Al Capone
    Joan of Arc
    Bob Ross
    Michael Jordan
    JP Morgan
    Rick Grimes
    Stephen King
    Sir Isaac Newton
    William Wallace
    Stay Puft
    Bonnie and Clyde
    Hannibal Lecter
    Oprah Winfrey
    Quentin Tarantino
    Lewis and Clark
    David Copperfield
    Eastern Philosophers (Confucius)
    Julius Caesar
    Stan Lee
    Boba Fett
    JRR Tolkien
    Gordon Ramsay
    Frederick Douglass
    Sean Connery
    Bruce Banner
    Frederick the Great
    Donald Trump
    Charles Darwin
    Wonder Woman
    Tony Hawk
    Theodore Roosevelt

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Mike Hat View Post
    Disappointed in no Spongebob reference though.
    Yeah, maybe if I joined the Discord sooner, I could have taken part in writing this and gave him something along the lines of, "I still retain relevance...twenty years later..." complete with the time-card onscreen...

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