Writing new lines for ERB matchups

[Justinian I]

not sure if this is the right forum section for this... but I want to try my hand at writing new lines for each ERB matchup! gonna do a quatrain for each rapper, starting with Vlad vs Drac


Vlad the Impaler:

Rhymes hotter than the sun, slay you like Summers do
Call both Abes to spit on your corpse when I'm through with you!
Put a dhampir on your plans when I disembowel your son
and while I'm still at Castle Drac, penetrate your brides just for fun!

Count Dracula:

Might want to flee, Orlok the door, because I'm thirsting for fresh meat!
No pulse! But my bloody flows are always on beat
Fangs twice as sharp as this stick-wielding dummy
My classic monstrous raps will leave you howling for mummy!

REFERENCE GUIDE:

Spoiler: 

Rhymes hotter than the sun, slay you like Summers do
(a reference to how vampires are said to be killed by the daylight, Vlad says his raps are as hot the sun - and therefore he will defeat Dracula much like the bright sunny weather of the summertime would. "Summers" has a double meaning here, referencing the vampire slayer Buffy Summers.)
Call both Abes to spit on your corpse when I'm through with you
(once he's defeated Dracula, Vlad will invite Abraham van Helsing, the vampire hunter from Bram Stoker's Dracula, and Abraham Lincoln, featured in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, to spit on his body as a sign of disrespect)
Put a dhampir on your plans when I disembowel your son
(Vlad makes a pun on the phrase "put a damper on" using the word "dhampir," which is a half-human half-vampire. Dracula's son is a dhampir in various Dracula media, and Vlad threatens to kill him)
and while I'm still at Castle Drac, penetrate your brides just for fun
(when he's finished killing Dracula's son, he'll impale the three brides of Dracula. "penetrate" is also a sexual innuendo)

Might want to flee, Orlok the door, because I'm thirsting for fresh meat!
(Count Orlok was the name Dracula was known by in the classic film Nosferatu. Dracula makes a pun on "Orlok" by saying Vlad should either run away, "or lock" his door. Dracula can't hurt someone if they don't allow him into their house, which is why he advises Vlad to lock the door. "Thirsting" references Dracula's uncontrollable bloodlust, sometimes known as "the thirst")
No pulse! But my bloody flows are always on beat
(Dracula is undead, so he has no pulse. Despite his lack of pulse, his "bloody flows" are still "on beat," a play on "blood flow" and "heartbeat")
Fangs twice as sharp as this stick-wielding dummy
(Dracula insults Vlad's intelligence, with a play on "sharpness." Vlad impales his victims once with a pike, whereas Dracula leaves two punctures on his victims with his fangs, hence "twice as sharp")
My classic monstrous raps will leave you howling for mummy!
(a reference to Dracula's fellow classic movie monsters, the Wolfman and the Mummy)

dunno how frequently I'll do this but I want to work my way backwards through all of the battles eventually! hope you like it! I'm not an expert at writing rap so I'm happy to get some feedback
and feel free to join in and write some lines yourself!

[Justinian I]

well I've been trying to come up with a Freud verse but I got nothing, so I'm just going to post my Mother Teresa verse idea...

Seems I have a habit of getting atheists hissin
Somehow you're a more pompous phallus than Hitchens!
I aid those with AIDS, give TLC to those with TB
This Psych 101 mascot has been wholeheartedly served by Mother T!


REFERENCE GUIDE:

Spoiler: 

Seems I have a habit of getting atheists hissin
(Freud was an atheist, so Mother Teresa remarks that she has a habit of making atheists mad. "habit" is also a pun referring to the traditional garb worn by nuns. "hissing" is a subtle way of calling Freud a snake, which has Biblical connotations of evil and sinfulness)
Somehow you're a more pompous phallus than Hitchens!
(following up from the previous line, Teresa compares Freud to another famous atheist, Christopher Hitchens, who famously criticized Mother Teresa. Teresa says Freud is just as pompous and arrogant as Hitchens. she calls him a "phallus" which references Freud's infamous theory of psycho-sexual development, which included the "phallic stage." its a somewhat cleaner way for her to call him a dick)
I aid those with AIDS, give TLC to those with TB
(a few puns that illustrate how Mother Teresa helps the needy: she "aids"/helps those with AIDS, and gives TLC - which stands for "tender loving care" - to those with tuberculosis, also known as TB)
This Psych 101 mascot has been wholeheartedly served by Mother T!
(Mother Teresa mocks Freud's legacy be saying he is nothing more than the "mascot" of an introductory level psychology course. "wholeheartedly served" refers to one of Teresa's vows, to provide "wholehearted service" to the poor. in this case, "service" is used in the rap sense of lyrically beating someone)

if anyone wants to try writing a verse for Freud that would be fun

[Batoideus]

You know, I've always thought it would be fun to write full 1v1 battles for the ones that ended up being royales. Or just second verses for Hulk Hogan, Billy Mays, Bill Nye, a less-friendly one for Jim Henson. I don't have the time, but if this gives you some ideas you should go for it!

[Mashit]

Well, here's an extra verse I wrote a while back for BK vs. Ronald: https://erboh.com/forum/showthread.p...ld-Extra-Verse

I also had an idea forever ago of redoing the Lewis and Clark battle where instead of Bill and Ted, they rap against Beavis and Butt-Head (which I know ERB Parodies did) or maybe Cheech and Chong...Same instrumental, and the lines are only altered where necessary (for instance, instead of "These two dickweeds right here are severely endangered!", they'll say "These two butt-munches here" or something like that).

[Justinian I]

Well, here's an extra verse I wrote a while back for BK vs. Ronald: https://erboh.com/forum/showthread.p...ld-Extra-Verse

this is really good!

[Mashit]

this is really good!

Thank you!

[Grubberg]

How about Casper vs Jacob Marley?

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