View Poll Results: Who Won This Battle?

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  • John Wick Saved Those Dogs

    0 0%
  • Rambo Went Rapid Fired

    0 0%
  • John McClaine Defeated Those Terrorists

    3 75.00%
  • They All Did Good

    1 25.00%
  • They All Failed

    0 0%
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: John Wick Vs John Rambo Vs John McClaine

  1. #1

  2. #2
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    This battle was certainly something else, I'll tell you that, but in a good kind of way. I still don't know who won after listening to it like twelve times! McClane had the quick quips, Wick had the fresh flows, and Rambo had some pretty good disses himself. And the "pop up hot behind you like toast" visuals were perfect. Got a sensible chuckle out of that whole scene. All in all, I can tell that the ERB crew had a lot of fun with this one, and it shows.

  3. #3
    this was tons of fun despite me knowing barely any references. top tier visuals, and it was nice to have Zach rapping in a battle again!

    having a 1 vs 1 vs 1 battle was really unique too. I think theres potential for more battles like this, maybe not super often but one per season would be neat


    also the muscle suit for Rambo looked shockingly good, like damn. ERB has come far since the Hulk Hogan battle

  4. #4
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Here are the lyrics to this one in case anyone wants them. Remember, red for Rambo, purple for Wick, and dark yellow for McClane... and dark green for the Trautman cameo.

    Spoiler: 
    Alright, guess Iíll be the one to draw First Blood. Or maybe,
    you can draw an audience to see any of your new movies.
    Come out to the coast, weíll have a few laughs, sounds sweet.
    But no, Iím stuck here with these jerkweeds about to kick their ass with bare feet!

    (Argyle, drop the beat!)
    Iíll set it off like itís the top of Nakatomi.
    Need a fire hose to swing on you, youíre both so below me.
    I havenít stopped killing it since Karlís brother, Tony,
    and I got your detonators right hereÖ blow me! (Oops!)
    Ship your boobie traps home, Rambo,
    Ďcuz youíll never take the W without the P and O.
    Does your lip hang low? Does it wobble to and fro?
    Can you string that shit up on your compound bow?
    And lighten up, Wick, with your brooding saga.
    How about a little hakuna matata, Baba Yaga?
    Youíve got the trousers tapered and the watch, Bucherer.
    But your acting falls flatter than the HansÖ Gruber!
    Leave the underground coin game to Mario Brothers.
    And John, bubbe, what the fuckís with the chest butter?
    That bandolier looks heavy as shit.
    Iím like this prickís ring finger; only need one clip! (Címon!)
    I been sharp as shattered glass since the late Ď80s,
    and like your late pup, Iíll leave you pushing up daisies!
    Less is more, boys, thatís my advice.
    You, less survival knife; you, more survival wife!

    ÖÖOoh.
    Iím gonna need a dinner reservation for two.
    John Wick, Iím efficient and lean.
    A proficient professional killing machine.
    Underworld overachiever looking dapper as Iím bucking.
    Only one of us to go three chapters without sucking.
    Between your elevator and the mine where you were trapped,
    youíre such wieners I should call you both John Shaft.
    I craft rhymes with pencils then jam Ďem in necks.
    So Iím not vexed by vets flexing Ďroid-injected pecks.
    Being excommunicado wasnít more than I could handle,
    so I think I can withstand an excremental ex-commando.
    And this sad, broken, dad-joking popo is no foe,
    for the hurt-you-oh-so-bad virtuoso. Ho ho hoĖ
    to quivers and bows! Iím delivering blows,
    And when they land, it wonít help to make fists with your toes.
    Bitcoin? No. Hitcoin? Certainly!
    Iíll put you two in tombs, call it cryptocurrency!
    Obey your superior like good cops and soldiers.
    Raven, Roy, youíre doneÖ over!

    (slow) Nothing is over! Nothing! You just donít turn it off.
    UnlessÖ itís one of your moviesÖ in which case, I just turn it off! (HUH!)
    (normal) When I rip off my shirt and start swinging my stick swords,
    Iím hotter than the suicide girls on your switchboards.
    My headbandís red but Iíve got no love for commies,
    and no juice was used to produce these armies.
    Your High Table rules donít apply to this conflict.
    Iíll finish you right in the lobby Ė mission accomplished!
    McClane! South is where your marriage went.
    The last tight thing you slid in was an air vent.
    They used to say you were a handsome crusader.
    Too bad your hairline couldnít get saved by Steve Urkelís neighbor. (Oh!)
    I slip into the jungle, disappear like a ghostÖ
    then DING! I hop up hot behind ya like toast!
    I seek peace but Iím packing parabellum.
    I was trained to be the very best soldier boy! Tell Ďem!
    Iíll blast an RPG through NYPDís guts.
    Simon Says you can PSTDeez nuts!

    Jesus Christ, asshole! Whattaya doing?
    This is not some Saturday morning cartoon for you to ruin.

    Only thing getting ruined is McClane family Christmas.
    All your kids still have ďdecent dadĒ on their wishlist.

    Woah! Ramboís dropping bombs in his flows!
    Did your pals in the Taliban help you write those?

    Those were mujahadeen, thereís a difference!
    The Taliban formed in the Ď90s when you fell off with a vengeance.

    Hey! Who the fuck asked you, dog pound?
    Why donít you go lock your mouth in a hole in the ground?

    (Hole! Lock!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!)

    Youíre both a funeral suit away from presentable.
    Iím thinking Iím back, and Iím thinking youíre expendable!

    You wanna Die Hard? Well, todayís a good day.
    Letís go, motherfuckers Ė Yippee-Ki-Yay!

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