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Thread: Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones (INCOMPLETE)

  1. #1

    Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones (INCOMPLETE)

    So this is a VERY unfinished draft of my ideal Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones battle. It's mostly a skeleton right now, but I'm open to suggestions to fill in those blank spaces or adjustments to the lines already in there. As you may plainly see, I'm a big fan of the Indiana Jones movies, but I've never bothered playing any of the "Uncharted" games, and the most I've gotten out of the "Tomb Raider" series is making it about two levels into the second game way back in the good ol' PS1 days, and watching each Jolie movie once...Though as with my other fanworks, I can picture the ideal ERB going something like this...


    Epic Rap Battles of History!

    Lara Croft...

    Vs...

    Indiana Jones!

    Begin!


    Lara Croft:

    This will be a short round, as I go for the heart,
    Of this ??? womanizing old fart!
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ??? (Somewhere in these lines, she mocks his daddy issues and calls him Junior)
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ???
    (Something to do with missing), like Young Indiana missed the mark,
    Call me the Tomb Raider of your lost arc!
    (Brags about how rich she is)
    (Brags about how she trains in her mansion)
    You're a dusty antique from a dynasty of dull,
    They should have left you buried, would have saved us a Crystal Skull!


    Indiana Jones:

    Between you and me, toots, I wouldn't talk about movies,
    Your films are bigger wastes of space than your polygonal boobies!
    I'm not an antique, I'm a royal artifact,
    So you best show respect or get that fine ass cracked! (Cracks his whip)
    I bicker with a lot of chicks like you, and I'm lovin' it,
    My raps are so hot, they'll melt your face like the covenant!
    ???
    ???
    Your games belong in a museum, they're so old and dated,
    All they're good for is getting teenage boys titillated!
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ??? (During the last four lines, he enters his teacher persona, ending with “Any questions?”)


    Lara Croft:

    (Responds with a question)
    ???
    ???
    ???


    Indiana Jones:

    ???
    ???
    ???
    ???


    Lara Croft:

    ???
    ???
    This condescending arrogance is more than I can take,
    From a man who wets his knickers at the sight of a snake!

    (She throws a snake at him, and he freaks out before shooting it)


    Indiana Jones:

    Bitch, you try'na kill me!? You got me at the brink!
    You're a pampered rich girl, who gives a DAMN what you think?
    Well this is one expedition that you won't live to tell,
    Prepare to meet Daddy...in Hell!

    (He cuts the bridge they're standing on, and they both hang on for dear life before the scene changes to a train hanging off of a mountain)


    ?????? ?????:

    Hey, mind if I butt in?


    Lara Croft:

    Ugh...Drake...


    Indiana Jones:

    Why did it have to be Drake?


    Nathan Drake:

    Be...cause...I...started from the bottom, now I'm here,
    Number one adventure hero, best game of the year,
    ???
    ???
    ???
    ???
    All my unlocked achievements, don't get me started,
    ???, my legacy is uncharted!


    Lara Croft:

    You're a naughty dog, Nate, ???
    ???


    Nathan Drake:

    ???
    And if I'm a naughty dog, then you're a real square!


    Lara Croft:

    ???
    You just ripped off my games and added (male genitalia)!


    Nathan Drake:

    ???
    ???

    (The two bicker mindlessly, before Indy breaks them up by firing his gun in the air)


    Indiana Jones:

    ???
    ???
    ??? surprise me,
    Any objections? (Beat) You chose wisely!


    Who won?

    Who's next?

    You decide!

    Epic...Rap...Battles of History!

  2. #2
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Looks good so far man!


    Woah Mama:

    Spoiler: 




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