Page 17 of 17 FirstFirst ... 7151617
Results 161 to 165 of 165

Thread: Badass Rap Battles

  1. #161
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Maryland, United States
    Posts
    7,125
    Blog Entries
    32

    Teddy Roosevelt vs. Freddy Fazbear
    BEGIN!

    Freddy Fazbear: KNOCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT LIKE THE DEATH OF YOUR WHOLE FAMILY
    SON, YOU’RE IN FOR A ROUGH RIDE IF YOU JUAN TIAGO WITH ME
    THEY NAMED THE TEDDY AFTER YOU CAUSE YOU’RE SOFT AND FULL OF FLUFF
    BUT NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW THE NAME IF YOU HADN’T HORSEBACKED MCKINLEY’S NUTS
    I’M SO NATURAL ON THIS MIC, IT’S FUCKING STUCK INSIDE MY GRIP
    YOU LOVE FORESTRY SO MUCH, YOU LET A BUSH GROW ON YOUR LIP
    WAKE YOU UP PANTING AND CRYING LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD ASTHMA ATTACKS
    CARRYING AROUND THAT BIG STICK IS JUST A COMPENSATION ACT

    Teddy Roosevelt: Are you finished? Whew, no one on Earth has more cause to be thankful
    I should just refer to that mess of bars as The Mangle
    Trust me, I’ve got a knack for busting ghosts and corporate hacks
    So prepare to pay, Poohbear’s Pizza, call this the Piss-Poor-Franchise Tax!
    Phone Guy called, said 1987 wants back their scare tactics
    Flow like the Panama Canal, delivering you the goods AND service
    I wish that I could press the mute button on your real life fans
    You think you’re tough? I got shot a few lines ago and didn’t give a dam!
    Steam-sale with me? Best scream for your furry friends to help steer the wheel
    ‘Cause The Lion against this wannabe mouse just isn’t a Square Deal

    Foxy: NATURALIST? THERE’S NOTHING NATURAL ABOUT YOUR FAMILY TREE
    AND THEY CALL US ANIMATRONICS DYSFUNCTIONAL AND SCREWY

    Bonnie: YOU’RE NATURE’S ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND, YOUR DOMESTIC POLICY IS ABUSE
    THIS ELEPHANT SEEMS TO FORGET THAT ANIMALS ARE PART OF NATURE TOO

    Chica: YOU’RE AN NRA PUPPET, YOUR FOREIGN POLICY SHOULD BE RATED M
    Freddy: CHOKE YOU IN MY SUIT TILL YOU’RE STILLER THAN ROCK, LIKE ROBIN WILLIAMS

    Teddy Roosevelt: Any more uninspired, broken products to look forward to?
    Oh, sorry guys, just talking to Scott, now back to you
    *to Bonnie* I’ve already got a rabbit’s foot, but I’ll de-feet you anyway
    In a year, your game’ll be like that guitar; never played
    *to Chica* At least Tweety here knows how to make kids wet their pants at night
    Let’s Eat? No thanks, your Tumblr pics have spoiled my appetite.
    I inspired the Teddy bear, but you’re the one kids want to sleep with
    *Foxy jumpscares TR* Ah, forgot about you, though I’m not the first to say it
    Open your Springtrap about my family, and I’ll give it a Kickstart
    Your Purple Guy doesn’t scare me, my son has a Purple Heart
    *To All* You can’t kill me, save your energy, next time come later at night
    You’ll have to take in my sleep if you’re not gonna put up a fight




    Reference Guide:
    Spoiler: 
    KNOCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT LIKE THE DEATH OF YOUR WHOLE FAMILY
    -I wanted to have Freddy open up really abruptly and brutally with a really personal dis. I wanted to create a character contrast between the "speak softly and carry a big stick" Teddy and the very bombastic, less subtle, jump-scare-y Freddy Fazbear.
    -Reference to how the lights go out when you lose power in a FNAF game.
    -Teddy Roosevelt's wife and mother died on the same day. This was what he wrote in his diary the day they died. : (

    SON, YOU’RE IN FOR A ROUGH RIDE IF YOU JUAN TIAGO WITH ME
    -Teddy Roosevelt became a national hero when he led his gang of "Rough Riders" to victory in the Spanish-American War, notably in the Battles of San Juan Hill and Santiago.
    THEY NAMED THE TEDDY AFTER YOU CAUSE YOU’RE SOFT AND FULL OF FLUFF
    -The teddy bear was named after Teddy Roosevelt after he refused to kill a bear he caught in a bear trap, a display of softness in what what otherwise seen as the American image of masculinity and toughness.
    -Teddy bears are soft and full of fluff
    -Roosevelt also hated being called Teddy so Freddy's really grinding his gears here

    BUT NO ONE WOULD EVEN KNOW THE NAME IF YOU HADN’T HORSEBACKED MCKINLEY’S NUTS
    -Going off of the last line about the iconic Teddy nickname
    -One of Roosevelt's nicknames was "The Man on Horseback"
    -Roosevelt became president because President McKinley got assassinated. If McKinley had not picked him as VP, he would have never become president and would probably be much less remembered today.

    I’M SO NATURAL ON THIS MIC, IT’S FUCKING STUCK INSIDE MY GRIP
    -References TR's love of nature
    -Freddy Fazbear usually has a mic wired into his hand

    YOU LOVE FORESTRY SO MUCH, YOU LET A BUSH GROW ON YOUR LIP
    -TR's iconic mustache
    WAKE YOU UP PANTING AND CRYING LIKE YOUR CHILDHOOD ASTHMA ATTACKS
    -TR had very bad asthma attacks as a child.
    -Panting is an element of FNAF 3.
    -FNAF has a theme of nightmares and dead children

    CARRYING AROUND THAT BIG STICK IS JUST A COMPENSATION ACT
    -References TR's famous "Speak softly and carry a big stick" quote. Also is commonly used to describe his interventionist foreign policy.
    -Part of TR's "Square Deal" was the Federal Workers Compensation Act.
    -"Compensating", for the 2 of you that don't know, is a term people use to describe someone who owns big things to make up for the fact that they have a tiny penis.
    -The double meaning, aside from that a "big stick" is slang for penis, is that TR's interventionist, interfering foreign policy is a sort of Napoleonic Complex for having a tiny penis.


    Are you finished? Whew, no one on Earth has more cause to be thankful
    -Thought it'd be cool to have TR reference the first line of his Inaugural Address in his first line of the battle. "MY fellow-citizens, no people on earth have more cause to be thankful than ours."
    -Basically saying that verse sucked and he's thankful it's over.

    I should just refer to that mess of bars as The Mangle
    "Now, he's just a mess of parts. I think the employees refer to him as just... 'The Mangle.'"-Phone Guy from FNAF2
    -The Mangle in FNAF is made up of metal bars

    Trust me, I’ve got a knack for busting ghosts and corporate hacks
    -Teddy Roosevelt got the nickname "Trustbuster" due to his antitrust legislation to prevent corporations from growing too powerful.
    -Ghostbusters
    -The FNAF characters are supposedly controlled by the ghosts of dead children.
    -FNAF is basically centered around a greedy corporation, which TR was known for being hard on.

    So prepare to pay, Poohbear’s Pizza, call this the Piss-Poor-Franchise Tax!
    -Lots of "p" alliteration.
    -Winnie the Pooh reference since Freddy is a bear
    -Freddy Fazbear's Pizza is the name of the corporation Freddy is from.
    -TR passed the Ford Franchise Act through Congress, which rhymes with poor.
    -Piss and Pooh
    -They're "paying" a tax
    -FNAF is a franchise

    Phone Guy called, said 1987 wants back their scare tactics
    -Reference to that common "Hello? It's for you, _________ wants their __________ back" joke.
    -Phone Guy's phone calls are a big part of the FNAF games.
    -Reference to the Bite of 87 from FNAF
    -FNAF has been criticized for using too many jumpscares, which have been popular in the horror genre for a while now.

    Flow like the Panama Canal, delivering you the goods AND service
    -Teddy Roosevelt oversaw the building of the Panama Canal.
    -Flow, like water, like a canal
    -Canals are intended to transport goods and services.

    I wish that I could press the mute button on your real life fans
    -There's a noisy deskfan in several of the FNAF games.
    -FNAF fans are stereotypically really annoying.

    You think you’re tough? I got shot a few lines ago and didn’t give a dam!
    -Reference to a time when Roosevelt got shot in the middle of a speech, opened up his coat, showed the audience his bullet wound, and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose," and then continued to speak for another 90 minutes. I thought it'd be badass if TR got shot in the middle of his verse and just kept rapping as if nothing happened and didn't even reveal it until a few lines later.
    -Also a reference to the Theodore Roosevelt Dam

    Steam-sale with me? Best scream for your furry friends to help steer the wheel
    -TR has experience in sailing.
    -FNAF can be bought on Steam.
    -Reference to Steam sales.
    -All of the FNAF character are programmed with children's screams whenever they kill you in game.

    ‘Cause The Lion against this wannabe mouse just isn’t a Square Deal
    -Reference to the famous "Lion and the Mouse" Aesop fable, where a mouse strikes a deal with a lion to keep him from eating him, and then the mouse comes back later to save him from a trap by chewing through the wire.
    -TR's a hunter so the story makes sense
    -Another TR nickname was "The Lion". When he died, his son telegraphed the rest of the family "The old lion is dead."
    -Freddy is heavily inspired by Chuck E Cheese, a mouse.
    -TR's Square Deal legislation
    -A "Square Deal" is used nowadays to mean "a fair deal'. Basically TR's saying he's so out of Freddy's league (which is why ERB's probably never doing this) that it's not fair for Freddy, so he needs his furry friends to make the fight more even.


    NATURALIST? THERE’S NOTHING NATURAL ABOUT YOUR FAMILY TREE
    -TR was a naturalist.
    -TR had a very screwy family. His cousins FDR and Eleanor got married and became president, he had a weird relationship with his father, he had a weird relationship with his son, trust me.

    AND THEY CALL US ANIMATRONICS DYSFUNCTIONAL AND SCREWY
    -Animatronics like Freddy, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy are known for being disfunctional and having lots of screws in them.
    -FDR and Eleanor fucked

    Bonnie: YOU’RE NATURE’S ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND F: YOUR DOMESTIC POLICY IS ABUSE
    -A dig at how Teddy is supposed to be this nature-loving guy and yet he hunted a lot and killed a lot of animals.
    -Domestic policy refers to a president's policy regarding his own country (as opposed to foreign policy).
    -Domestic abuse is when someone in a relationship is violent to the other, kinda like TR and nature.

    THIS ELEPHANT SEEMS TO FORGET THAT ANIMALS ARE PART OF NATURE TOO
    -TR was a Republican, whose symbol is the elephant.
    -"An elephant never forgets"
    -Again, TR supposedly loved nature but hunted and killed lots of animals.
    -I was saddened to find out that among the animals he hunted were elephants, and most people agree elephant hunting is a shitty thing to do

    Chica: YOU’RE AN NRA PUPPET, YOUR FOREIGN POLICY SHOULD BE RATED M
    -Reference to the Puppet from the FNAF series.
    -TR had a lifelong National Rifle Association membership. The NRA is known for paying off politicians to prevent them from voting to pass gun restrictive legislation.
    -TR had kind of a violent interventionist foreign policy.
    -FNAF is a horror video game. It doesn't have an ESRB rating, but there's a good chance it'd be M if it did.

    Freddy: CHOKE YOU IN MY SUIT TILL YOU’RE STILLER THAN ROCK, LIKE ROBIN WILLIAMS
    -Freddy Fazbear's whole thing is stuffing people inside a Fazbear suit until they choke to death, which is why I gave Freddy this last line.
    -Reference to TR's rock face on Mount Rushmore.
    -Robin Williams played TR in the Night at the Museum franchise, starring Ben STILLER.
    -Robin Williams died via asphyxiation.


    TR: Any more uninspired, broken products to look forward to?
    -You think he's talking about the "uninspired, broken" animatronics....
    Oh, sorry guys, just talking to Scott, now back to you
    -BUT he's actually talking about the FNAF franchise. Scott Cawthon is the one who made the franchise, and he's known for releasing games pretty quickly. He had to apologize for releasing FNAF World before it was completely finished.
    I’ve already got a rabbit’s foot, but I’ll de-feet you anyway
    -TR hunted with a lucky rabbit's foot.
    -Bonnie is a rabbit.
    -De-feet = to remove someone's foot

    In a year, your game’ll be like that guitar; never played
    -Bonnie has a guitar that he never actually seems to play at any point.
    -FNAF is seen by many as a flash-in-the-pan game.

    At least Tweety here knows how to make kids wet their pants at night
    -Chica looks like Tweety from Looney Tunes.
    -Chica has been sexualized a looooooot by the FNAF fanbase.
    -These animatronics are supposed to be scary, thus making kids pee themselves with fright at night, but TR's saying Chica does it by giving them wet dreams.

    Let’s Eat? No thanks, your Tumblr pics have spoiled my appetite.
    -Reference to Chica's "Let's Eat" bib.
    -yeah don't look too deep on tumblr at chica pics

    I inspired the Teddy bear, but you’re the one kids want to sleep with
    -Kids sleep with Teddy bears
    -as i've established chica rule 34 is pretty common
    -Notice how TR spends more time working on Chica than Bonnie. This is because Chica (at least in the first game) is known for sticking around longer than Bonnie at the doors and requirign more attention.

    *Foxy jumpscares TR* Ah, forgot about you, though I’m not the first to say it
    -Foxy is supposed to be easy to forget about to make him harder to combat in the games, but TR is saying he's just a forgettable boring character.
    -The way Foxy enters here is a reference to how if you ignore Foxy, he kills you. He hasn't been dissing Foxy, so here Foxy comes.

    Open your Springtrap about my family, and I’ll give it a Kickstart
    -Foxy has a broken jaw.
    -Springtrap is a character from the FNAF family.
    -Remember Foxy was the one who called TR's family dysfunctional and screwy.
    -FNAF required a Kickstarter at one point.

    Your Purple Guy doesn’t scare me, my son has a Purple Heart
    -Purple Guy is the child killer whose victims supposedly inhabit the animatronics.
    -TR's son received a Purple Heart for his army service and bravery.
    -Retorting Foxy's remarks about TR's family.
    -TR kinda pushed his son into the military so it makes sense he'd be proud of this

    You can’t kill me, save your energy, next time come later at night
    -"Save your energy" is a reference to the importance of saving energy/light in all the FNAF games.
    -"You can't" is a quote associated with Purple Guy's murderous rampage in the FNAF games, going off the last line.

    You’ll have to take in my sleep if you’re not gonna put up a fight
    -These last two lines are a reference to a famous quote by Vice President Thomas Marshall after TR's death; "Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight."
    -Basically he's saying that he just kicked their asses, and that they need to try while he's sleeping if they want to stand a chance against him.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  2. #162
    Janet's Avatar Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Know Your Role Boulevard
    Posts
    6,798
    Blog Entries
    48
    Great job Samy
    I almost forgot you sucked
    really tho very impressive :D

  3. #163
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Romania
    Posts
    5,445
    Blog Entries
    61
    Holy fuck Teddy just went man-mode on them all. What a stomp

    Great battle, Sam
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  4. #164
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Maryland, United States
    Posts
    7,125
    Blog Entries
    32
    Oh man some of my old battles are cringey aaaaaaa

    My newer ones are decent though

    Anyway I might want to write a new one of these once winter break rolls around and I have a shit ton of free time so feel free to suggest shit I'm pretty open-minded to doing anything

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  5. #165
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    That's none of your business!
    Posts
    3,708
    Quote Originally Posted by HipsterSamuel View Post
    Oh man some of my old battles are cringey aaaaaaa

    My newer ones are decent though

    Anyway I might want to write a new one of these once winter break rolls around and I have a shit ton of free time so feel free to suggest shit I'm pretty open-minded to doing anything
    Hmmm.... open-minded to anything, you say? I know I'm a bit late to this one, but I'm still gonna try to have some fun with this...

    Spoiler: 
    1. Sigmund Freud vs. Bill Cipher (This one should be rather self-explanatory)

    2. Henry David Thoreau vs. Captain Planet feat. Al Gore (Battle of the environmentalists)

    3. Timmy Turner vs. Harry Houdini (Alliterating names associated with "magic")

    4. Butch Hartman vs. Alex Hirsch (Battle of the one-hit-wonder animators)

    5. Matt Murdock / Daredevil vs. Evel Kneavel (Battle of the daredevil's, come on)

    6. TheInfiniteSource / Vic Porter vs. Lil Pump (Arguably the two worst rappers out there) [I can help you with this one if you want me to]

    7. Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable vs. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West (No need to explain the "sitch" here )

    8. Captain America vs. Ulysses S. Grant (A Civil War battle in a meta sort-of-sense)

    9. Atticus Finch vs. Phoenix Wright (Battle of the "Ace Attorneys")

    10. Professor Charles Xavier vs. Malcolm X (Civil Rights activists with radically different ideas with names ending with "X")

Similar Threads

  1. 10 Possible Russian Battles (or battles featuring russians)
    By goldfish in forum ERBoH Discussion
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 02-09-2013, 01:26 AM
  2. EPIC CRAP BATTLES OF PISSTORY!!! (audio rap battles)
    By WoodenHornets in forum Fan Made ERBoH's
    Replies: 213
    Last Post: 11-02-2012, 07:15 PM
  3. oatyicks' badass rap battle reviews
    By oatyicks in forum Epic Reviews
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-29-2012, 07:50 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •