Presidential Reviews

[WardenOfTheNorth]

Here’s my review of The Beginning of WardenoftheNorth’s Unnamed Fantasy Novel. Next is a song.

Spoiler: 

First Part: I was immediately impressed by the first few sentences alone. There’s so much to take in that you would think it’d get confusing, but somehow, it seems pretty easy to keep up with. There’s a lot of detail in the descriptions that really allows you to visualize what’s happening. I don’t really like how the Kelleran backstory breaks the dialogue, and it seems like it could have been given at a different point in the story, but the backstory is still interesting, and the dialogue seems pretty realistic. 17.5/20

Second Part: The debate at the beginning is pretty interesting, and it creates a bit of uncertainty over whether it will become important later on or not. Well-used figurative language and character introductions keep this part interesting, even if some parts kind of drag. 16.5/20

Grammar: Judging this out of only 10 because it’s not that important, but I didn’t notice any errors after double checking. That’s actually pretty rare for stories on this site. 10/10

Total Score: 44/50

Thank you for the review my good man.

[Poles]

Review this pls: http://epicrapbattlesofhistory.wikia...e_now_or_ever)
And not on funny factor.


Audio to go with it: https://soundcloud.com/epicnail/igly...enatzs/s-gecea

[YellowNerd]

Please review The Paradox

[Samos]

Here’s my review of this. Next is Cow vs. Chicken.

Spoiler: 

Singing: This girl is really good. Lots of emotion, she can hit both high and low notes, and even though I couldn’t tell what she was singing before I looked up the lyrics, it was still pretty powerful to me. 9.5/10

Lyrics: From the translation I got, this is pretty nice stuff. The chorus is pretty powerful, but it’s kept short so that it doesn’t get too repetitive when it’s repeated. 8/10

Music: Really, really soothing. I’m probably not too qualified to judge this kind of thing, but I honestly could listen to the sound of that guitar all day. 9.5/10

Total Score: 27/30

[Samos]

Here’s my review of BrineBlade’s Cow vs. Chicken. Next is Indiana Jones vs. Nathan Drake.

Spoiler: 

Cow-Round 1: The first line just sets up the scenario without making any sort of joke or dis. The same could be said for the cooked into beef line, hatch free line, the born out of a cunt line, the stuffed with brown line and the salmonella line. There’s definitely dis material with these things, but they’re just brought up and not joked about. 4/10

Chicken-Round 1: A lot of this verse is awkwardly written and it’s hard to figure out what’s being said a lot of the time. It’s a step up from the cow verse because of some puns, but it suffers from some of the same problems of mentioning things without joking about them. 5/10

Cow-Round 2: The Jamie Oliver line is good, and the PETA line is at least a reference, but most of this verse is jokeless or doesn’t make sense. Maybe I’m missing something with the fake Bart Simpson quote, but I just really don’t see any point to it. 4.5/10

Pig-Round 2: The meat line is a somewhat decent parody of the original line, but there really aren’t any jokes in this verse afterwards. There are also some jokes that don’t make sense, like the cow was only in one time line (as cows have been in many cartoons) and the last line (as farmyards are not infinite). 4/10

Overall: I feel like the problem with this battle is that it focuses too much on being a parody instead of having lines that stand well on their own. As a result, a lot of the lines seem a bit confusing, or referenceless, or jokeless. 4.5/10

Cow’s Best Line: You wanna battle chick? Don’t have beef with me!
Cow’s Worst Line: I was born out of a cunt very easily!
Chicken’s Best Line: You ‘came cocky, stealing my act, and you didn’t even fuck your wife, ohh!
Chicken’s Worst Line: Yes it’s true, what I sometimes do is make people sick and blue
Pig’s Best Line: Why don’t you pick on a meat your own size?
Pig’s Worst Line: Cause I know every cartoon in sight

Final Results:
Cow: 8.5/20
Chicken: 5/10 (equivalent to 10/20)
Pig: 4/10 (equivalent to 8/20)

Total Score: 22/50

[@Dumbledore]

Could you review my Dion vs ERB Crazy rap battle

[Samos]

Here’s my review of Indiana Jones vs. Nathan Drake. Next is zyroda vs. AVGN, Nostalgia Critic, Pewdiepie, Random hobo and Gunnut.

Spoiler: 

Nathan Drake-Round 1: The first line is kind of confusing, the second line is a pretty obvious joke and the third line is a pretty generic insult. From the Uncharted line onward, the verse gets a lot better, with some pretty good references and puns, even if one or two are a bit obvious. 8.5/10

Indiana Jones-Round 1: The Sly reference isn’t too great, as racoons are kind of known for being good thieves, but the whip line is pretty nice. The Arkade line isn’t too much of a dis, and the Michael Bay line is pretty generic. The Sullivan line, again, isn’t much of a dis, and the next line is OK. I’ve never heard “fish” being used to mean penis, so that line was a bit of a miss for me, and the last line doesn’t really work because backstabbed implies betrayal, and Indiana Jones was never on Drake’s side, so there’s no real backstabbing here. 7/10

Nathan Drake-Round 2: The first line isn’t much of a reference, aside from the fact that Drake rhymes with snake, but it still manages to be pretty clever. I feel like this isn’t the best Dora the Explorer joke you could make, and the Himalayas line doesn’t have that clever a punch line. The last line’s alright though. 8/10

Indiana Jones-Round 2: I’ve heard “worst nightmare” jokes a lot before in rap battles, but this is one of the more clever ones I’ve heard. The second line is also amusing, but the third line is a bit obvious and the last line is a bit vague, as raps making people flee isn’t NECESSARILY a bad thing. 8.5/10

Overall: I can really see the effort here, and pretty much every line seems to be at least trying, which is great. The ones that miss are mainly just because the disses aren’t too clear, or at least not clear enough to get a good “ooooh” reaction. Still, good effort. Just a bit more work and you could be one of the best. 8/10

Nathan Drake’s Best Line: Knock you of my map, leave you in Uncharted territories.
Nathan Drake’s Worst Line: I’ll make you a bigger fool here than you were in your 4 movies.
Indiana Jones’ Best Line: You were drunk in the desert and started seeing devils, still I’m your worst nightmare.
Indiana Jones’ Worst Line: You’re series is a terrible rip off of Michael Bay.

Final Results:
Nathan Drake: 16.5/20
Indiana Jones: 15.5/20

Total Score: 40/50

[laithXRLD555]

Thanks for the review they are major in improving my rap battles.

[Lancer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqEzp_oMTFM

Please review babe

[Samos]

Here’s my review of zyroda vs. AVGN, Nostalgia Critic, Pewdiepie, Random hobo and Gunnut. Next is ERBOH.com: Old West Edition.

Spoiler: 

Random hobo, Gunnut and Pewdiepie-Round 1: Random hobo’s first line is pretty funny, albeit in a kind of dumb way, while the second line doesn’t seem to have much to it. The third line isn’t really a dis, he’s just saying that he hates the 1%, but the trash line is awesome. Gunnut’s second two lines are a bit complicated, but pretty good, and the last two lines are nice too, so I think that’s the best verse on this team. Pewdie’s first line is pretty obvious, and the second line doesn’t reference anything to my knowledge, but the last two lines are pretty good. 8.5/10

zyroda-Round 1: The first line doesn’t put much of twist on the meme, but it’s still a good line because of how perfect it seems coming out of zyroda’s mouth. The second and third lines are delightfully stupid, while the Tupac line isn’t quite as funny. The Gunnut and Pewdie lines are OK, but the last two lines are great. 9/10

AVGN and Nostalgia Critic-Round 2: The AVGN personality is nailed, but the lines aren’t anything too special. At least the “I’d rather” joke is a lot better than it could have been. The only real reference in the Nostalgia Critic verse is the dog line, and it’s really just stated and not joked about. 7/10

zyroda-Round 2: The first line’s moderately funny, but the second line is a lot funnier, the gay line is kind of expected, but the joysticks thing makes it a bit more clever. The punchline line is decent, and the candy apple line is pretty obvious but still pretty awesome. The last two lines are pretty good references too. 8.5/10

Overall: This was a ton of fun to read. It’s not the most brilliantly written battle on the forum, and a few of the lines are kind of obvious, but it has a nice balance of laughs and clever jokes, even if at times it leans a bit closer to the former. 8/10

Random hobo’s Best Line: Well if you wanna talk trash I got that shit all over the place!
Random hobo’s Worst Line: 'Cause I'm gonna show this unfinchable bitch who's REALLY fly
Gunnut’s Best Line: I won't just stik to ****, karma's a bitch, time to shoot ya, dawg
Gunnut’s Worst Line: Now, think about this, it's like we've split the word "rapper"
Pewdiepie’s Best Line: Stephano, Piggeh, Chair and Jennifer, You're way outmatched
Pewdiepie’s Worst Line: My face will be the last thing you'll see before you die
zyroda’s Best Line: bunch of bitches tryna fight me but i'll pull you all down like a trigger
zyroda’s Worst Line: goin tupac on your asses like nigga nigga nigga
AVGN’s Best Line: I'd rather play Cheetamen and then Jekyll and Hyde,
AVGN’s Worst Line: The f**k, are you kidding me? We gotta do this?
Nostalgia Critic’s Best Line: What, he shot the dog of his girlfriend?
Nostalgia Critic’s Worst Line: And I'll make sure that you've got no balls by the end of this race!

Final Results:
Random hobo, Gunnut, Pewdiepie, AVGN and Nostalgia Critic: 15.5/20
zyroda: 17.5/20

Total Score: 41/50