Presidential Reviews

[Samos]

Pele Vs. OJ Simpson
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...les-of-History
They were both on the previous list.

Spoiler: 

Pele-Round 1:
Let me start attacking and like all my opponents I'll crush your defense
Probably could've been a better “attack” joke. This is just a mention.
You inspire Jack the ripper, while I inspire talented kids
Doesn't really do it for me since Jack the Ripper was before OJ.
Homer your too yellow you better start Running Back son
Both parts of this line are funny.
Bailing out of this battle is harder than Bailing from prison
This is alright, although I think the joke might've worked better if you did something with the legal term “no chance of parole” instead of this unofficial wording.
Come exploding with raps like the black Pearl Harbor
I bet they call you Orange Juice, cuz your style is so sour
These lines are both really good uses of the nicknames.
Now make like that dick Maradona and go back to your drugs
Kind of a cool way to bring the Maradona-Pele rivalry into it, but not really a clever joke on its own.
While the real football legend is chillin' with 3 world cups
Generic brag.
Score: 8.5/10

OJ Simpson-Round 1:
I know you're scared of being robbed of the title "Best in football history"
With my true football in this battle it'll be easier than a Las Vegas robbery
The wording is weird on this, it makes him seem like he's bragging about a single football. And the Las Vegas robbery line doesn't do it for me since he got caught.
My rhymes are so rich, more expensive than your Buffalo hospital Bills
Nice pun.
If the world cup's so great why did it cause all these protests
This pedo is getting naughtea with some 17 year-old Xuxa
These lines are pretty fact-statey.
You're getting played like you're some sock-covered newspapa'
Insulting and clever.
You ignored your daughter and let her rot dead
I used to tell mine stories and put her to bed
Just fact-stating, nothing too special.
Score: 7.5/10

Pele-Round 2:
Second half, and El Rei still scoring on this lyrical pitch
Self-references can be done well, but this one feels kind of uninspired.
Your rhymes are so foul they deserve a red card, bitch
Probably could've been a better red card reference, although this one definitely isn't bad.
I didn't expect your rapping to be worse than your acting career
This is a pretty basic dis towards his acting career.
I just removed your chances like I removed my right kidney
The wording on “removing your chances” is odd, but the joke is good.
Score: 7.5/10

OJ Simpson-Round 2:
You talked about erections just to get some money
This could've made for a better joke, this is just fact-stating.
My current flows faster than the electric company
I heard this kind of joke before in Edison vs. Tesla, but this works pretty well for this battle.
Headbutt you like Zidane then San(toss) you out
As Babe Ruth would say: like a hunger strike you're out
These references aren't bad, but the jokes feel a bit forced.
Score: 7.5/10

Overall: You picked some really cool pop culture things to reference. The jokes just need a bit more work. Some of them are kind of rap cliches, like “my rhymes are _____ like ______”. Those kinds of jokes only work if you can put a real nice twist on them. Still, with all the references, some of them definitely hit. More references is always better than less, and that's good. 7.5/10

Pele's Best Line: I bet they call you Orange Juice, cuz your style is so sour
Pele's Worst Line: While the real football legend is chillin' with 3 world cups
OJ Simpson's Best Line: My rhymes are so rich, more expensive than Buffalo hospital Bills
OJ Simpson's Worst Line: You talked about erections just to get some money

Final Results:
Pele: 16/20
OJ Simpson: 15/20

Why They Win: The puns in Pele's first verse were strongest. OJ's 2nd was probably a little stronger than Pele's 2nd, but not by a strong enough amount to really make a difference.

Total Score: 38.5/50

[Lohuydahutt]

Review "Teach Me How To Scream" by BrokeNCYDE

[Baldy Jr]

Can you review Deez Nuts?

Spoiler: 

[Samos]

Can you review my Christmas Battle Royale from this thread: http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...533#post399533

Spoiler: 

Idea: Elsa vs. Sub-Zero is a fun suggestion that I've seen a ton of times before, and so it's a pretty good starting match-up for a big royale. The characters picked for the royale are fairly random, but I think that works OK here. Gives the royale more of a crazy personality.

Elsa:
The blood shines bright on the asshole tonight, not a decent verse to be seen
This is a decent line. I like how the verse opens in this way.
A kingdom of sub-par rappers and above them, I'm the queen.
Meh, this line might've been better if she was the last person in the royale.
*beat drops*
My movie broke records, reviews flooded youtube
Generic boast.
I'm a queen at spitting cold raps, while you're just a noob
Generic boast and dis.
I made a frozen castle of my own you couldn't make a snowflake
Doesn't really work since Sub-Zero obviously can make a snowflake.
You can suck Olaf's carrot dick, go get a throat ache!
Dick jokes are fairly risky, either they're clever and they really hit or they just miss. This one misses for me.
I'll painfully end your life, opposite Dr. Kevorkian
I don't see how Dr. Kevorkian has much to do with either of these.
My verses leave a sting, like the ones you got from scorpion!
This is clever.

Its time to see your pathetic defeat
Bow down to the girl, bow down to me
Referenceless.
Let it go! You fucking wimp try to take me in a fight
This line is really generic.
I'll spit lyrical blizzards at you all night!
I've heard this kind of line a lot before.
I spit in a league of pros, you belong with the cons
Seems referenceless.
Trying to take the OG Queen in a battle? You've fallen into the wrong Hannes!
Aside from the misspelling of Hans, decent pun.

Score: 7/10

Sub Zero:
You pussied out at a party leaving your shitty town unattended
Let a whacked out prince dictate and leave your only sister offended
You went and focused on the drama, you dirty whore
These are all fact statey, no real jokes.
You almost killed your sister now you almost killed Rule 34
This is a good joke.
I fought for my family and ended up taking spines
You turned your back on yours so now I drop verbal mines!
The comparison here could've made for a good joke, but this is just fact stating.
That sister of yours would've made a queen for a better history
but now- Scorpion Wins! Flawless Victory!
Both of these lines are references that didn't really make any real jokes.

Actually it was your sister who got married in a day
The wording is confusing and I don't see much of a joke here.
Quality audiences went to see Big Hero 6 anyways
Definitely could've been a better Big Hero 6 joke. This is just a quick mention.
It was ice to meet you but now this must stop
This pun's been done before.
People in the future will call your movie a big flop
You got hunted down you cuntish clown, now are you pissed off?
Simple insults without references.
Cause battling me, you've got worse luck than Christoph
Not bad, but Kristoff's not really known for bad luck so it doesn't get a big laugh.
Score: 6/10

Santa Claus:
Santa has come here to solve things my own way
A dumb video game character and a frozen slut represent my holiday?
Hardly references.
I'm the ringleader of being jolly, you both are just clowns
The ringleader clown thing is kinda clever, but I don't really get what the circus has to do with anyone here.
I'm going Christmas Ham, Santa Claus is going to town!
This is probably my favorite line in the battle. Nice twists on Christmas cliches.
Anything you can do, every dis will miss
Two modern culture losers can't beat the icon of Christmas!
Not references.
Score: 6.5/10

Jack Frost:
Shut up fatass, I replaced you in no time
I spit sick flows but you got no rhymes
Bland and referenceless.
You need to take a chill pill before I chill you
Nice. Not really a specific reference, but Jack Frost is kind of just a symbol of all of winter so I'll take the joke.
No one wants old and ugly compared to hot and new
Referenceless and jokeless.
You done Jacked up St. Nick, the end is near*
This line is OK. The pun isn't brilliant but it's alright.
And your sack is so big because you only come once a year!
I think I've heard this one before, but not enough for it to feel like a cliché here. So I like it.
Score: 8/10

[B}Coke Polar Bear[/B]:
I can't bear your rhymes, I'll do better ones if you let me
Cheesy but I like it.
Cause you all blow more than the taste of pepsi
Decent way to reference the Coke-Pepsi feud in.
I warm hearts with my ads, you do nothing but rake in cash
I'll take a break from witty schemes to come and kick your ass
No references or jokes.
After I maul you all it will be a silent night
I like this reference a lot, despite being slightly vague.
You're the epitome of shitty, I'm the epitome of marketing done right
Generic dis and boast.
Score: 8.5/10

Father Frost:
I russian to the battle to see that you all made a scary fail
Heard this one a lot before. It works as an opening line OK I guess.
You're all modern garbage, I'm a classic fairy tale.
Super generic.
Elsa, Jack animate yourselves a life.
Not brilliant but funny.
Santa Cock stop getting mounted by children and go to your wife!
I've heard way better jokes about this subject.
Mr. Bear, in my country we would kill you in a minute
Cool little way to connect the characters.
OG Father Frost joined in because he knew that he would win it!
Disappointing finishing line, no reference.
Score: 8/10

Overall: Definitely a mixed bag, with some legitimate laughs and some eyerolls. Remember to put a reference or dis into every line, each one should feel like something that people would enjoy even out of a rap battle context. 7/10

Elsa's Best Line: The blood shines bright on the asshole tonight, not a decent verse to be seen
Elsa's Worst Line: Let it go! You fucking wimp try to take me in a fight
Sub Zero's Best Line: You almost killed your sister now you almost killed Rule 34
Sub Zero's Worst Line: People in the future will call your movie a big flop
Santa Claus' Best Line: I'm going Christmas Ham, Santa Claus is going to town!
Santa Claus' Worst Line: Anything you can do, every dis will miss
Jack Frost's Best Line: You need to take a chill pill before I chill you
Jack Frost's Worst Line: I spit sick flows but you got no rhymes
Coke Polar Bear's Best Line: After I maul you all it will be a silent night
Coke Polar Bear's Worst Line: I'll take a break from witty schemes to come and kick your ass
Father Frost's Best Line: Elsa, Jack animate yourselves a life.
Father Frost's Worst Line: OG Father Frost joined in because he knew that he would win it!

Final Results:
Elsa: 7/10
Sub Zero: 6/10
Santa Claus: 6.5/10
Jack Frost: 8/10
Coke Polar Bear: 8.5/10
Father Frost: 8/10

Why They Win: Basically the most references and jokes of the other verses. It was a fairly close call between the last 3 though.

Total Score: 51/70

[echo]

me vs mench pls ty

[Katz]

So I probably shouldn't have picked the winter battle because I got pretty lazy while writing it, I really spend time on them now (I've been working on this new one I'm about to drop for like a month)

So I want you to review the only one I'm really proud of.

Spongebob vs. Mordecai (same thread as the Christmas battle)

[Samos]

Review "Teach Me How To Scream" by BrokeNCYDE

Spoiler: 

Beat: It's fitting, that's for sure. It sounds like someone screaming. But under no circumstances would I listen to this for fun, even if it didn't have the disgusting sounding vocals to go with it. It sounds so robotic and so repetitive that it's just ugh.

Vocals: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaOK I don't think I need to explain why I think this is horrible. It's not talent at all, everyone knows how to yell, and above all it just sounds so unappealing. Some musicians can sound kind of yelly and it'll work OK because you can hear emotion in their voice. But it's hard to convey human emotions when so much of it sounds like machinery. Plus, they're not even trying to sound emotional, they're just yelling.

Now scream my name while I spit the flow
Why? What would that accomplish?
Big tits in the air at every show
He's clearly trying to be edgy and masculine here. It comes off as trying way too hard.
I got two bad bitches from Tokyo
And they ride my dick like a rodeo
Maybe he could've done something clever with a Tokyo pun or something. But no. The rodeo. That is not a Japanese tradition.
I get crunk all night girl don't ya know?!
At the club all day we smokin' dro.
Read what I said above about being edgy.
I got two bad bitches from Tokyo.
And they ride my dick like a rodeo!
You just said that. Very recently.

Ohh! now rock the bitch!
Completely pointless.
I smoke like a motherfuckin' pack of ciggs
We get it. You smoke.
I don't play games I rock the bed
Got your girl backstage and we smashin' skins
”Smashing skins” is an amusing way to talk about sex. But this doesn't rhyme.

Girls scream my name, like it's bout' to get wild!
I don't know what screaming names has to do with “it” getting wild.
Girls scream my name, like it's going out of style!
Is this a reference to that famous line “That's my name don't wear it out”? OK, not terrible if it is. But it's not really that clear.

(Haha)
I like to think he's laughing at himself here.
Now touch ya toes!
Kind of a funny way of telling a girl to bend over.
Get loose lil mommy get on the floor!
...Lil mommy?
I know girls all 'cross the globe, and they know me by the pinocchio!
This is not a clever penis joke.
Woo! Did I stutter man
Well, none of the lyric sites I'm looking up can agree on what the fuck you're saying, so you might as well have.
I got real big rims on the hummer man!
Is tire size bragging really a thing? I don't get why it is.
Yeah! and it's a the summer jam
So clap those hands like you know you can!
This does not mean anything.

But I'm so superb,
Scream my sounds and go bezerk!
I go berzerk, but not a good kind. This isn't a cool line at all.
You don't even have to know the words!
Just shake that ass and melt the sun
EDGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Wa wa wa walk up to your microphone an an and let it all out
This is just boring.

Scream, scream, scream, scream, scream, scream, scream
This is not entertainment.

Yeah all you crunk ass wild fuckers in the club (in the club!)
And I'll give liners to the fuckin bitches in the club! (in the club)
Go fuck yourself.

You fuckin haters, you can go to fucking hell!
Oh, cry me a river, asshole. This “fuck the haters” thing is so cliché in music, and honestly, does this guy really not get why he has haters?
I'm gonna teach these bitches how to yell!!
Please don't.

Overall: This song's lyrics are extremely cliché and meaningless. Couple that with extraordinarily awful vocals and this is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. I'm sorry if some of my insights on some of these lines aren't extremely detailed. It's just that some of these do not require an explanation. 1/10

[Samos]

Can you review Deez Nuts?

Spoiler: 

Spoiler: 

Unfortunately, the man's nuts are not seen in this video. Therefore, I am incapable of reviewing them. NA/10

[Lancer]

Please review https://soundcloud.com/mancha-4/45gvc

EDIT: Video's out now, link is the Godzilla vs Cthulhu banner in my sig.

[Clemi]

Hey Sam
Can you review our latest free style battle, new version please ?
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post404806
Thanks :^)