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Thread: Presidential Reviews

  1. #1821
    HipsterSamuel's Avatar Super Moderator
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    I guess I’ll just start where I left off. Here's the first part of my review of Ash Ketchum vs. Charles Darwin. I have no idea what’s next
    Spoiler: 
    Beat:
    Relevance-It's a perfect beat for Ash. A lot of the instruments I here sound exactly like some of the instruments I hear in the original Pokemon theme song. It doesn't totally make me think Charles Darwin, but honestly, revisiting this series now for the first time in a while, it is pretty hard to convert someone like Charles Darwin into a hip hop setting and find a beat for him. It sounds adventurous and kind of nature-y, so it doesn't lose any points here. 2.5/2.5
    Catchiness-I love the instruments, but there isn't much of a distinguishable tune aside from a couple of the guitar riffs. 1.5/2.5
    Intensity-Feels like a real battle. 2.5/2.5
    Variety-Could maybe use a little something else but this isn't a huge glaring flaw. There's enough differentiation. 2/2.5
    Overall: It fits, it sounds pretty good, not an incredible beat but definitely gets the job done. 8.5/10

    Costumes:
    Ash Ketchum-I'm pleasantly surprised they went with the more modern look. It at least gives the impression that they didn't just watch the first season and wing it with trying to portray the character. Full Points
    Charles Darwin-Very impressive. Looks like the real person. Full Points
    Extras-Jesse and James are cute and a nice touch. I'm going to lump the Pokemon animations in here because I think they fit here; I wish they had gone with an animation style that looks more like the anime. The Pokemon look good, don't get me wrong, but if they're going the animation route, they could've probably hired someone better to recreate the animation. Still, I'm very glad they didn't do costumed Pikachu like a bunch of people suggested at the time. -0.5 Points

    Impressions:
    Ash Ketchum-For me, Ash is one of those characters that's been through so many different voices that it makes some sense for ERB to just do their own take on it. He sure as hell doesn't sound 10, but in a way that actually makes sense for this battle. Full Points
    Charles Darwin-I'm glad he sounds kinda British and okay with the fact that he doesn't sound totally British. The voice they gave him fits what he looks like really well for me. Full Points

    Ash Ketchum's First Verse:
    Darwin wants to battle? Doesn't seem like a fight,
    Good way to begin the battle.
    But this should be fun! I've yet to catch the Ghost type!
    Nice reference. Not an amazingly hilarious line but pretty good.
    Got the highest speed stat, drop raps lightning fast,
    Not the most clever puns, but better than a filler line.
    Open my pockets and go (Charizard!) on your ass!
    Same as above.
    'Cause I'm Ash! And that's A to the "shush"!
    Basic pun.
    I don't care how many beetles and butterflies you squoosh!
    Makes a reference without really doing much with it.
    Your earthworms can't beat these magical beasties!
    Nothing noteworthy.
    Your shit-talking mouth is the origin of feces!
    This is the first really solid line of the battle for me. I just really like the pun.
    You got candy raps: Reese's Pieces!
    This line mystified me when the battle first came out and I still don't totally get it. Even if it is a pun of Rhesus, and I don't think it is or they would have written it that way, it's still not really much of an insult.
    In this ecosystem, I'm the dominant species!
    Kind of an obvious joke, but a decent one.
    When it's time to train, I turn to Pikachu, (Pika!)
    But when I need a weak verse, I choose you!
    Eh. Probably could've done something more clever with an "I Choose You" pun.

    Verse Overview: It's fine. Not super strong, needs more of an "ooh" factor. Lower end of 7.5.

    Charles Darwin's First Verse:
    Hello there. Welcome to a world called Earth,
    OH SHIT DAWG I fucking love this opener. Kudos to whoever wrote it. Solid reference and insult.
    Where actual minds do groundbreaking work!
    OK yeah we get it
    If you're looking for the fittest, I'm the natural selection!
    Obvious but it works
    You're so ineffective you couldn't even turn 11!
    C'monnnnn that's what you're gonna do with the "always 10" thing? You can do better.
    What you spit's just not hard-hitting enough!
    ...?
    It's kids stuff! You're soft like a Jigglypuff!
    The rhyming here is okay but there's not much to the line.
    You got no Game, Boy, so you'll get the broom quick!
    I like the Game Boy pun.
    The real Ash packs a much bigger BOOMSTICK!
    It's got a cool factor and not much else going for it.
    I'm a masterful naturalist!
    What I've glimpsed will outclass all the crap on your laughable list!
    Rhyming is really cool.
    My research reversed the first words of the Church!
    Fact statey. Rhymes in this line are the best of the verse though.
    You measure your worth by the sales of your merch!
    Not bad, not great either.

    Verse Overview: As far as great lines, the first one is the only real winner, but I like the way the verse flows and the rhyming is well written for most of it. Lower end of 8.5.

    Ash Ketchum's Second Verse:
    Yo, ummm, real quick?
    This dude spent eight years studying barnacle dick! Kick it!
    It's clear they discovered this fact in research and thought it was so funny that this was the best way to deliver it. I get what they were thinking. Might've been interested in seeing how an actual clever line would have worked but it's funny.
    You think I'm impressed by your boat trip? Please!
    You're the most annoying thing on a Beagle since fleas!
    Funny, not brilliant or anything.
    You're a glitchy old man best left out at sea!
    Very impressive. Good on you ERB, I forgot about the Old Man glitch.
    Set sail and Galápago-suck on these!
    The “Galapagos”-”go” pun is not solid enough to sustain a whole line.

    Verse Overview: Jokes are kinda iffy here, could be a much better verse. I’d go with a 7-7.25.


    That's all it's letting me post for some reason? The rest will be posted later.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  2. #1822
    Bullseye's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    I'm like 90% sure I haven't asked you to review what exists so far in my Injustice 2 Forum Edition fic. Could you review that some time?

    I'm Sorry, Those Quotes Sound Really Hard
    Spoiler: 


  3. #1823
    HipsterSamuel's Avatar Super Moderator
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    I will restart my list with new requests.

    Here's the rest of my Ash vs. Darwin review
    Spoiler: 
    Charles Darwin’s Second Verse:
    Look, Mighty Morphin’ Michael Vick
    Stupid and funny.
    Your animated slave fights make me sick!
    Reference to Darwin’s abolitionism perhaps? Mostly just a piggyback off the last line though, doesn’t really add much.
    When I battle a foe from so simple a beginning,
    Good set up.
    I’m not Charles Sheen, but I am Dar-winning!
    Fun little reference. Nothing brilliant.

    Verse Overview: Definitely better than Ash’s second verse, though there isn’t too much to write home about here. It’s funny without much wit. 8.25-8.5.

    Ash Ketchum’s Third Verse:
    Man if that’s true, then nature is cruel
    Decent set up line.
    ‘Cause the only thing you’re winning is your cousin’s gene pool!
    Would be a little underwhelming if this was the only “Darwin fucked his cus” joke, but it actually sets up for a greater punchline…
    You lost three children while they were still small!
    TB and scarlet fever; gotta catch ‘em all!
    And boom goes the dynamite. Really strong finisher.

    Verse Overview: I mean it’s all pretty much set up for one punchline, but the set-ups aren’t just filler and the punchline is great. 8.5.

    Charles Darwin’s Third Verse:
    It took millions of years for mankind to evolve!
    Now they’re hunched over cell phones playing with your balls!
    Works well with the visual gag. I’m also very partial to the “playing with balls” joke, I made it in my Oak vs Darwin rap battle way back when
    And it was hard losing my daughters and their brother,
    As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother!
    This was the main moment where I realized “ERB really did their research for this one”. They nailed the community inside joke.

    Verse Overview: Two jokes attempted, both successes. 9.

    Ungraded Stuff:
    Idea-I remember I had a LONG history of hating this idea before I finally came around to it. It’s pretty great. Gets the history and the pop culture, connection isn’t airtight (I maintain that “has to do with evolution” is still a bad connection on it’s own) but the “animals” and the “be the very best” themes lead to some pretty solid disses on both sides.
    Presentation: Pretty good. The Pokemon could look better, but they’re not distractingly bad or anything, the artist is clearly talented. The Team Rocket blasting off visual is awesome. Both backgrounds look really nice.

    Overall Battle: It’s a good battle. Not one of my favorites in the series, and there’s little that makes it stand out amongst the crowd. It’s just fun, some good disses and respectful representations of two characters that people had been demanding for a very long time. Strongly disagree with the vocal few who think that Pokemon was not well represented in this battle. We’re lucky we got a Pokemon character at all, and they clearly put forth a great effort in making sure they got it right.

    Ash Ketchum’s Best Line: TB and scarlet fever; gotta catch ‘em all!
    Easily the most “ooh shit” line Ash has in this battle. Honorable mentions are Origin of Feces and old man glitch.
    Charles Darwin’s Best Line: As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother!
    Interesting that I thought the best line for both of them was the last line. Again, most “ooh shit” factor. Honorable mention is “welcome to a world called earth”.

    Ash Ketchum Overall Score: 15.75/20
    Charles Darwin Overall Score: 17.5/20

    Winner: Charles Darwin

    Total Score: 51.25/60, 85%, B

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  4. #1824
    Brad's Avatar Super Moderator
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    I literally cannot agree more with the fact that Darwin and Ketchum just seems like the definition of an exactly "B" rap battle


    Spoiler: 

    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz
    when you make a post and brad instantly buries it and you decide that maybe suicide is the answer
    Quote Originally Posted by Sane
    Brad didn't do shit to save the forum it was all NukeL3AR
    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle
    fking brad with his white writing on a white background
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Attention Fortnite Gamers: John Wick needs your help! Here is my ex-wife's phone number, call her and ask her why I can't see the kids anymore
    Quote Originally Posted by Adonis
    brad can i hit ur juul please bro just one hit

  5. #1825
    HipsterSamuel's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad View Post
    I literally cannot agree more with the fact that Darwin and Ketchum just seems like the definition of an exactly "B" rap battle
    Yeah, I think I've tweaked my points system enough now that the ending score actually really reflects how I feel about the battle. I look back at some of my old reviews and some of the formatting decisions I made (grading all verses equally, giving an "overall score" at the end) were in hindsight really arbitrary.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  6. #1826
    YellowNerd's Avatar More Blonde in your Movie
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    Do you do in-depth song reviews? If so please try and review: Winter Aid - The Wisp Sings

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOsJasWO_Jc

    I'm publishing Enden on Wattpad! Click the image to visit <3

  7. #1827
    Klonoa's Avatar Tao of Blue
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    Well look at this. This is the third thread I've visited so far ever since my arrival back. That counts for something, right? Nice to be seeing reviews from you again, Sam. I'm not even going to request anything since I am sure requests will be filling up quickly.

    Juiz: You can quote me on this: Klonoa is my favorite son.

  8. #1828
    BKTurner47's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
    Join Date
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    That's none of your business!
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    Sam, it's been eons since I've talked to you. But, since I've technically finished the entire "Waltmageddon" series [had it in the hard-drives for a while, never bothered to ask you ever since the forum went inactive], so can you review the last two sections? Oh, and keep in mind that these battles were written long before Trump got elected, let alone nominated as the Republican nominee.


  9. #1829
    HipsterSamuel's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Here is my live review of Lift Yourself by Kanye West. I just listened to the song and wrote every thought that came into my head. Next is the Injustice Forum Fic.
    Spoiler: 
    Whoa did the song just start
    It sounded like that lady was already singing
    I like the background vocals actually
    The beat is kind of annoying me so far
    Alright this is getting repetitive
    THERE we go something different
    These instrumentals are getting weird
    Is this just a baby saying “hi” a bunch of times
    I’m starting to question exactly is this song about
    Oh hi Kanye there you are
    Alright he seems pretty excited about this next verse
    Ok yeah I think everyone knows this part
    The best is when he just says “poop, poop”
    And then it’s just over

    I have no idea what Kanye is going for with this. He said that it’s a response to some radio show host who challenged him on his political views. I guess he’s trying to mock him somehow? Either way, if it’s supposed to be a comedy song, it’s effective, I think it’s hilarious. 9/10. If it’s not, then 2/10.

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  10. #1830
    Janet's Avatar Senior Member
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    Lift Yourself was actually made using a beat Kanye promised to Drake. So I think that's the whole point to be like fu

    former co-admin

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