Presidential Reviews

[Poles]

Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you to review King vs Polar from TDFE. Review that pls.
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post379818
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post379825

[Samos]

Here’s my review of GonadtheNomad’s ERBOH.com: Old West Edition. Next is Paradox.

Spoiler: 

Prologue: It’s good for what it is, but it seems a bit unnecessary. What I mean by that is that most of this stuff could’ve just been described in the actual story through setting descriptions. Not that the prologue is badly written, it’s pretty interesting. But I don’t know if this story needed a prologue. 7.5/10

Chapter: This’ll be out of 20 because it’s longer and therefore more important. I like the coffee conversation because it just feels natural. Nothing too complex or important, just some guys talking. Most of the beginning is nice and peaceful, but still with a lingering feeling of uncertainty and discomfort, which is good. The new character introductions keep the story from dragging, and the characters all seem pretty realistic. The GUEST thing seems a bit out of place. I get that you want comic relief, but the rest of the story is so realistic that this just seems wrong. The cliffhanger is pretty interesting though, makes me want to keep reading what doesn’t exist. 17/20

Total Score: 24.5/30

[GonadTheNomad]

Here’s my review of GonadtheNomad’s ERBOH.com: Old West Edition. Next is Paradox.

Spoiler: 

Prologue: It’s good for what it is, but it seems a bit unnecessary. What I mean by that is that most of this stuff could’ve just been described in the actual story through setting descriptions. Not that the prologue is badly written, it’s pretty interesting. But I don’t know if this story needed a prologue. 7.5/10

Chapter: This’ll be out of 20 because it’s longer and therefore more important. I like the coffee conversation because it just feels natural. Nothing too complex or important, just some guys talking. Most of the beginning is nice and peaceful, but still with a lingering feeling of uncertainty and discomfort, which is good. The new character introductions keep the story from dragging, and the characters all seem pretty realistic. The GUEST thing seems a bit out of place. I get that you want comic relief, but the rest of the story is so realistic that this just seems wrong. The cliffhanger is pretty interesting though, makes me want to keep reading what doesn’t exist. 17/20

Total Score: 24.5/30

thx u

The guest thing was just to avoid making a fictional marriage between two forumers happen. Well, that and to poke fun at a lack of gender on it's part. Probably could've done without all caps, in hindsight.

PolarxGunnut tells me it was a good idea.

[Lohuydahutt]

Also could you review this? :3 http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...684#post381684

[Turtlesauce]

ded.

.

[GonadTheNomad]

Pls

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...395#post384394

[Lohuydahutt]

When this thread comes back from the dead review this eventually xD http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post385255

[GonadTheNomad]

Going to edit another one into here after I post it.

http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...065#post386065
http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...d=1#post386383

EDIT: Done

If you can review the prologue as part of it I'd be happy.

EDIT: http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...015#post387015

[sane]

Please review the Harry Potter and the Lake of Fire chapter previews.

I can even join you in reviewing.

[Samos]

OK, due to computer problems and AP History this has taken a very long time to come out and I apologize for that. No, it did not take me all those months to do this one review, yes, I know it's short. I finished it a long time ago, it was just a matter of finding the time to get my half-dead computer to cooperate for a bit so I could get the file onto my new computer.

Here’s my review of the first chapter of YellowNerd’s Paradox. Next is Eyeless Jack vs. Laughing Jack.

Spoiler: 

Characters: This chapter doesn’t really introduce many characters, so I don’t have too much to go off here. In fact, the only one that’s really shown off is Arcade. He's not as layered or interesting as later characters in the story, but he's a fun character. There’s a nice amount of characterization for such a short amount of time. 8/10

Grammar: There’s a bit of a problem here with run-on sentences. Remember that you don’t capitalize the word after a comma in most instances, just the words after periods that begin sentences. I think the main problem is that commas are a bit overused. It's still totally readable, but the problems are noticeable.6/10

Plot: This chapter definitely isn’t as serious as the later ones, as most of the story-telling is done from Arcade’s perspective, so it definitely doesn’t feel as intense. It definitely really picks up later on when it starts to get more serious. 7/10

Total Score: 21/30