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Thread: Presidential Reviews

  1. #1341
    Poles's Avatar Senior Member
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    Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you to review King vs Polar from TDFE. Review that pls.
    http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post379818
    http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post379825

  2. #1342
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    Here’s my review of GonadtheNomad’s ERBOH.com: Old West Edition. Next is Paradox.
    Spoiler: 
    Prologue: It’s good for what it is, but it seems a bit unnecessary. What I mean by that is that most of this stuff could’ve just been described in the actual story through setting descriptions. Not that the prologue is badly written, it’s pretty interesting. But I don’t know if this story needed a prologue. 7.5/10

    Chapter: This’ll be out of 20 because it’s longer and therefore more important. I like the coffee conversation because it just feels natural. Nothing too complex or important, just some guys talking. Most of the beginning is nice and peaceful, but still with a lingering feeling of uncertainty and discomfort, which is good. The new character introductions keep the story from dragging, and the characters all seem pretty realistic. The GUEST thing seems a bit out of place. I get that you want comic relief, but the rest of the story is so realistic that this just seems wrong. The cliffhanger is pretty interesting though, makes me want to keep reading what doesn’t exist. 17/20

    Total Score: 24.5/30

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

  3. #1343
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba View Post
    Here’s my review of GonadtheNomad’s ERBOH.com: Old West Edition. Next is Paradox.
    Spoiler: 
    Prologue: It’s good for what it is, but it seems a bit unnecessary. What I mean by that is that most of this stuff could’ve just been described in the actual story through setting descriptions. Not that the prologue is badly written, it’s pretty interesting. But I don’t know if this story needed a prologue. 7.5/10

    Chapter: This’ll be out of 20 because it’s longer and therefore more important. I like the coffee conversation because it just feels natural. Nothing too complex or important, just some guys talking. Most of the beginning is nice and peaceful, but still with a lingering feeling of uncertainty and discomfort, which is good. The new character introductions keep the story from dragging, and the characters all seem pretty realistic. The GUEST thing seems a bit out of place. I get that you want comic relief, but the rest of the story is so realistic that this just seems wrong. The cliffhanger is pretty interesting though, makes me want to keep reading what doesn’t exist. 17/20

    Total Score: 24.5/30
    thx u

    The guest thing was just to avoid making a fictional marriage between two forumers happen. Well, that and to poke fun at a lack of gender on it's part. Probably could've done without all caps, in hindsight.

    PolarxGunnut tells me it was a good idea.
    Last edited by GonadTheNomad; 08-22-2014 at 05:22 PM.
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it
    Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!

  4. #1344
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  5. #1345
    Turtlesauce's Avatar 2016 Writer of the Year
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    ded.

    .
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion View Post
    I will delete this forum.

  6. #1346
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it
    Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!

  7. #1347
    Lohuydahutt's Avatar Senior Member
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    When this thread comes back from the dead review this eventually xD http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...l=1#post385255

    Spoiler: 
    My life story:
    Spoiler: 


    Spoiler: 

    I am PolarBore's official Assistant Mangager (again)

  8. #1348
    GonadTheNomad's Avatar Bon Vivant of Violet
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    Going to edit another one into here after I post it.

    http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...065#post386065
    http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...d=1#post386383

    EDIT: Done

    If you can review the prologue as part of it I'd be happy.

    EDIT: http://www.erboh.com/forum/showthrea...015#post387015
    Last edited by GonadTheNomad; 09-21-2014 at 12:47 AM.
    Spoiler: 

    Act uqa wa it
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by “Adonis”
    Act
    uqa
    wa
    it
    Gonad has no nads pass it on!!!!11!

  9. #1349
    sane's Avatar A Beautiful Sunset at Noon
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    Please review the Harry Potter and the Lake of Fire chapter previews.

    I can even join you in reviewing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Juiz View Post
    Good job Sane. You killed the forum.

  10. #1350
    Samos's Avatar Super Moderator
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    OK, due to computer problems and AP History this has taken a very long time to come out and I apologize for that. No, it did not take me all those months to do this one review, yes, I know it's short. I finished it a long time ago, it was just a matter of finding the time to get my half-dead computer to cooperate for a bit so I could get the file onto my new computer.

    Here’s my review of the first chapter of YellowNerd’s Paradox. Next is Eyeless Jack vs. Laughing Jack.
    Spoiler: 
    Characters: This chapter doesn’t really introduce many characters, so I don’t have too much to go off here. In fact, the only one that’s really shown off is Arcade. He's not as layered or interesting as later characters in the story, but he's a fun character. There’s a nice amount of characterization for such a short amount of time. 8/10

    Grammar: There’s a bit of a problem here with run-on sentences. Remember that you don’t capitalize the word after a comma in most instances, just the words after periods that begin sentences. I think the main problem is that commas are a bit overused. It's still totally readable, but the problems are noticeable.6/10

    Plot: This chapter definitely isn’t as serious as the later ones, as most of the story-telling is done from Arcade’s perspective, so it definitely doesn’t feel as intense. It definitely really picks up later on when it starts to get more serious. 7/10

    Total Score: 21/30

    If you want me to review something of yours, click me.
    Spoiler: 


    We're all humans, we all make mistakes, but try to always keep the site rules in mind..

    Things on here I found funny:
    Spoiler: 
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambama
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    wumbo write anotherfanfic now
    have nice peter come in
    "it's nice peter bitches"
    ""and i'm going to give you all my NICE PETER"
    and then peter visits the forum
    Quote Originally Posted by Dion
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by zyroda View Post
    there was a girl though once she told me she loved me she used to tell me that all the time
    she had this really adorable dog
    it was a boxer and it used to bark really loudly and throw howls in the night and never shut up and it kept her up and night before the big final exam

    and i just wanted her to do well on her exam so i shot the dog
    and all of a sudden im a bad guy

    and you don't love me anymore

    i'm so sorry i guess i never ever do a damn thing right

    everybody thinks i'm gonna cause problems

    nobody wants me with them cause they think i'm gonna do all this weird stuff that's gonna cause problems
    Quote Originally Posted by TDFE Confessional
    Quote Originally Posted by GonadtheNomad
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Wumbo
    SENT
    lies
    i never lie
    Honest Wumbabe
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperRapz
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocket
    Gogos are not 4 year old toys, they're a choking hazard.
    You Know What Else Is A Choking Hazard? My Penis. So you Better Stop Sucking On it So hard, Four Year Old. Make A New Thread For your Spam, You Stupid Bitch. We Try To have Fun Here. And Don't Jump On me About MLP, You Stupid little Fuck. Like YN Said, Go Get Tested Or Some Shit. I'm Tired Of Putting Up With You. Pie Licking Bitch, Go Shove A Pickle up Your Ass. Better Yet, A Banana.
    Quote Originally Posted by PolarBore
    Quote Originally Posted by Sambaba
    http://aattp.org/conservative-christian-rewrote-harry-potter-so-her-kids-wont-turn-into-witches/
    I'm not reading past the title

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Luther King, Jr.
    Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

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